Chapter 4

Andrea's small apartment was cluttered, but gave off the sense that everything was where it should have be. The walls were a pale peach and framed paintings were everywhere on the walls. Some were replicas of famous works, while others bore unrecongnizable signatures. The furniture was eclectic, but the overall impression was that they had been chosen for comfort, rather than style.

The colours were all warm, muted tones of orange, yellow and brown, with a spashes of cherry red here and there and some cool blue on the rug. Quilts and pillows covered the large, squishy looking couch and in the corner was a small round table covered with a crocheted table cloth that had a half-dozen picture frames set upon it. Instead of a computer desk; a laptop, modem and speakers were set out on the coffee table, which had several pinkish rings on it, as though countless mugs of tea had been set down upon it. Overall, the whole apartment had a lived-in feel that seemed wholly unlike his penthouse above Dublin's harbour, with its dark wood paneling and neo-modern black furniture.

Despite himself, Artemis found that he liked the odd, warm feeling the place gave him the minute Andrea had opened her door. After flippantly apologizing for the mess, she ushered them into the living room and insisted they sit down before she bustled into the kitchen and set about making tea.

Two mugs of fruity tea were pushed in their hands moments later and Artemis took a sip. He found it far too sweet for his liking, but the aroma of strawberries and vanilla wafting up from the large mug was remarkably pleasant and seemed to complete the room's aura.

Andrea settled herself on a plushy green, four legged stool.

"Smart boys you are," she said in a deceptively mild tone that made it seem almost as if she wasn't boring holes in his skull with her hazel eyes. "I should've remembered the phone book."

"Oh, I doubt it would have occured to many, Miss Black," he replied calmly, meeting her gaze squarely. "So worry not. You are the same as most of the population."

"Look, just because you're smarter than me doesn't give you the right to insult me," snapped Andrea, tossing her head irritably.

"Well said," came Holly's voice from somewhere around Andrea. "You should listen to her, Mud-boy."

Artemis felt himself start slightly and a cold knot of dread suddenly began to tie itself in his stomach as Andrea reached into her pocket and pulled out the communicator. Slowly she held it up, the screen facing towards the two of them.

"Should I really?" said Artemis sardonically.

"If you want this communicator thing back, yes," said Andrea darkly. On screen, Holly made a vague shrugging motion that Andrea couldn't see, as if to say It's her call.

Artemis frowned. Now he understood by what Andrea had meant when she had said "Established a rapport". She and Holly had talked, and considering how Andrea kept the screen pointedly facing away from herself was telling - Holly must have tried to mesmerize her. Why Andrea still remembered who he and Butler were was something even he couldn't fathom. He didn't see any mirrored sunglasses lying about.

He needed to talk to Holly alone as soon as possible.

"So, is anyone here actually going to tell me the truth about what's really going on?" said Andrea suddenly, her eyes flashing. "The Mona Lisa is gone and I know you guys are some how involved, even if you didn't take it - I may not be a genius or whatever, but I'm not stupid. I can put two and two together, and right now, I really don't like the 'four' I'm coming up with."

"Can I consult with my associates?" asked Artemis, exchanging nervous glances with Butler and Holly. Andrea scowled.

"Consult them in front of me," snapped Andrea. "I'm not giving you guys time to make sure your lies all match"

"As you wish," sighed Artemis, rolling his eyes and wishing it wouldn't come to this. "Your thoughts Holly?" he asked in Gnommish.

Andrea's face contorted in outrage as Holly replied; "I think we can trust her. She's one of the few mudmen I've met who didn't lose it when she saw my ears. I don't think she even realized their significance."

"She has a prosthetic. I believe that she's probably used to overlooking what she might call physical deformities - How did she avoid being put under the mesmer?"

Holly shrugged helplessly. "Initially, she fell under the spell easily. Then something changed - she began to fight it - harder than I ever thought possible. I had to stop or she'd have damaged both our minds. Then she managed to throw the communicator across the room. She hasn't looked directly at the screen since."

"I see," said Artemis thoughtfully. Andrea looked ready to spontaniously combust and Butler looked politely puzzled. He had never managed to pick up more than a handfull of gnommish phrases.

"Artemis... I should warn you - Something's hurting her."

"Hurting her?" said Artemis, frowning. Holly grimaced as she tried to find a way to explain. "I saw it in her eyes when she was trying to throw me off - something - something was there... grief... It's what made her fight. Whatever it is Artemis - it's old."

"I see," said Artemis again, glancing at Andrea, who looked quite ready to throw down. Her grip on the communicator was so tight that her fingers had turned white and her expression told him without a doubt, the only reason he wasn't being castrated was because Butler was present. She hardly seemed one to be grieving.

But Artemis was truly a psychologist at heart (After a strategist, of course) and he knew pain could manifest itself in a variety of ways and something about the way Andrea's left leg was twitching made him scootch sideways ever so slightly. She was closer than Butler.

"Done your private chat?" she snarled. "Pray tell, why wasn't Mr. Butler involved?"

"He doesn't speak Estonian," said Artemis smoothly.

Andrea's scowl deepened. "That wasn't Estonian. Estonian doesn't sound like an Italian opera, nor does it sound like Chinese nor does it sound like Punjabi or whatever langauges were mixed in with whatever you were speaking. I don't speak a word of Estonian, but I'm completely positive that it doesn't sound like that -"

"What did it sound like then?" asked Artemis calmly, suppressing the surprise he felt.

"A bit of everything blended together. Call it Esperanto. Call it gibberish. Call it whatever the hell you want but it was not Estonian."

"Very well," said Artemis, "It's not Estonian, it's Gnommish - but the point is Butler has not had the time that I've had to study it."

"Nomish? Isn't that some town in Alaska?"

"You're thinking of Nome, Alaska," replied Artemis patiently.

"Is that where Holly is right now?" asked Andrea. Artemis and Holly exchanged glances. Holly shook her head.

"No," he said, brushing a non-existant piece of lint off his suit jacket. "She's underground."

"Like - you don't know where she is?"

Sensing an oppourtunity to satisfy Andrea's need for information without giving away to much, Artemis nodded. Andrea snorted. "How the hell can you trust someone who won't even tell you their whereabouts?"

"I don't tell him because he doesn't need to know," replied Holly, cottoning on to what Artemis was doing. "When we need to meet, we agree on a place and I make sure I'm there."

"And Holly has saved my life more than once," said Artemis calmly. "My trust in her is absolute."

Onscreen, Holly allowed a small smile to break through her expression of calm detachment. Since the screen was facing away from Andrea, she neglected to notice it. She did notice, however, Artemis faintly returning it.

"What are you smiling about?" she demanded, tapping her foot on the floor in a manner that was intended to convey utmost irritation. "Am I really that amusing?"

Artemis' smile morphed into a smirk. "Yes."

Andrea's eyebrows shot up and for a minute, she appeared to startled to speak. Recovering quickly, she quipped. "I wasn't aware that you were capable of such trivialties as humor."

Artemis' smirk took on a distinctly sinister quality. "You'd be surprised of what I'm capable of,"

Standing up suddenly, Andrea tossed down the fairy communicator and fled to the kitchen. The sound of several cupboards being thrown open and searched met Artemis' ears. Puzzled, he exchanged glances with Butler, whos hand began to drift towards his gun holster. Seconds later, Andrea reappeared with a small mesh bag of garlic in her hand. Without a word, she wound back and threw it at him with all her might. True to his training and well honed instincts, Butler dove across the coffee table and caught the offending bag before it could hit Artemis with one hand, his other instantly producing his Sig Sauer.

"Bloody hell..." whispered Andrea, staring crossed-eyed at the barrel of the gun levelled at her face. Her face had become as pale as Artemis' own.

Plucking the mesh bag from Butler's hand, Artemis eyed it with a distinctly unimpressed air. "Garlic, Miss Black?"

Andrea didn't reply. She looked far too preoccupied by the large handgun that was aimed at her.

"Butler," said Artemis quietly. Butler reluctantly holstered the Sig Sauer. The minute it was gone, Andrea sprung forwards and grabbed the communicator off the floor, where it had been flung when Butler had prevented the small bag of garlic from impacting with Artemis' head.

Straightening, Andrea glowered at the two of them. "What the hell was that!"

"I might ask you the same thing Miss Black," said Artemis, holding up the garlic.

"Never mind that, Garlic's nothing compared to an effing gun!"

"Yet you saw fit to throw it at me,"

"I was testing a theory," retorted Andrea. "No one could look that evil and not have some ties to something supernatural!"

"You thought I was a vampire?" chuckled Artemis, smirking even more. Butler glanced at his employer, startled by his overt display of emotion. Andrea, on the other hand, flushed and suddenly became very occupied with her feet. "Maybe," she mumbled.

"She's not too far off Artemis," said Holly suddenly, making Andrea jump and look at the communicator's screen. Just as quickly, she looked away.

"Is that so?" said Artemis archly, pointedly examining a perfectly manicured hand to convey his disinterest. Andrea suddenly stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jeans. She chewed on her nails far to often for them to be seen in public.

"About the supernatural thing, at least," said Holly with a wink. "Even I've wondered about it, Mud-boy."

"Why do you call him that?" asked Andrea suddenly. Artemis looked as though he had walked off an Armani catwalk. Impeccably dressed and coifed, if it wasn't for the almost unnatural pallor to his face and the fact that he didn't sport the suave latin looks of most male Armani models, she'd have probably mistaken him for one. He was cute. In an odd sort of way. Still, the nickname 'Mud-boy' didn't suit him at all.

"It's a moniker that's stuck from our younger years," replied Artemis coolly, in a tone that told her that the subject was not open for probing.

"Ok," said Andrea, raising an eyebrow. "So what are we going to do about the Mona Lisa?"

"Foaly's done a trace on the message we received and he's just sent me the data," answered Holly, consulting something off screen. "While it was encrypted in gnommish, it originated -" her eyebrows shot up "oh my -"

"Where, Holly?" demanded Artemis, standing up and beginning to pace the length of Andrea's apartment. Both Butler and Holly could recognize that he was beginning to bring the full thinking abilities of his powerful mind to the forefront.

"Fowl Manor," replied Holly in a very small, disbelieving voice. Artemis stopped in mid-step and spun around to face Andrea, who was still holding the communicator.

"I beg your pardon?" he said quietly, his blue eyes narrowing.

"Foaly says the message came from the vicinity of Fowl Manor. Not in it, but from nearby. Someone hacked your Wifi network and sent the message remotely via one of the manor's computers. Whoever this is tried to frame you Artemis."

Artemis was silent for several minutes, thinking hard.

"They probably knew I no longer lived there," he said at last. "Otherwise I'd have noticed the intrusion."

"I don't know Artemis…According to Foaly, it was extremely well hidden for a human. Nothing for him, he insists - but you know Foaly."

"It worried him," said Artemis, frowning. Holly nodded. They were silent for awhile, obviously absorbed by their own thoughts. Andrea shifted nervously, while Butler remained as still as a statue of a meditating Buddha. She didn't doubt that the giant of the man understood the exchange, for his expression was grave.

Unable to stand the tense silence anymore, Andrea spoke up. "So… um… What are you going to do about this?"

"We have to return to the Manor," replied Artemis succinctly. "Butler, book three tickets on the next flight to Dublin,"

"Who's the third ticket for?" asked Andrea blankly.

"You, Miss Black. I was under the impression you'd want to 'latch onto my ass like a bulldog does a mailman…'?"

Andrea's eyes went wide and she sprung to her feet. "I have to pack!" she yelped and disappeared down the hallway. The sound of drawers and closet doors violently being thrown open soon met Artemis' ears.

Fifteen minutes later, she reappeared with a monstrous suitcase in one hand and a coat thrown over the other, along with a purse. Between her lips, she gingerly held several pieces of paper and what looked like her passport.

"The manor is well equipped for guests," said Artemis coolly. "You need not bring so much,"

Andrea dropped her suitcase. "Well… I guess I can leave my towels and stuff behind," she mumbled around the documents in her mouth.

Dropping to her knees, she opened the suitcase and began to rummage through it. Nothing in it had been folded, giving the suitcases a stuffed look. Within a minute, Andrea had tossed several of her things into the hallway and zipped the suitcase shut.

"I'll clean that stuff up when I get back," she said, standing and tucking some things into her purse.

"Very well," said Artemis. "Butler has called for a taxi. It should be waiting for us outside. Do you still have the communicator?"

Andrea nodded and patted a lump in the pocket of her jeans. "Holly said she had to go, but she'd contact us when we got to Fowl Manor."

"Very well," said Artemis again as he pulled open her door. "Let's go."

Andrea picked up her suitcase once more; stumbled, glanced down at it, then at her leg with a distasteful expression, then up at Butler, who had been standing beside Artemis, silent as an Easter Island statue and just about as big.

"Erhm…. Mr. Butler… could you please help me with this?" she asked tentatively, looking ready to take back her request in an instant. The big man glanced at Artemis, who inclined his head fractionally as he walked out of the apartment and down the stairs to the waiting taxi.

"Yes, Ms. Black." Picking up the case, he waved the young woman ahead of him out the door. Pausing only to allow her to lock the apartment door, they went downstairs, only to find Artemis already waiting in the taxi. Butler used putting the suitcase in the boot as an excuse to conduct his usual bomb check.

Within minutes, they were off.


Andrea's face was glued to the window of the Bentley as the gates of Fowl Manor swung opened. She mercifully said little but the window had begun to fog up from the moisture in her breath. She was obviously in awe.

"You would do well to close your mouth Miss Black," said Artemis, smirking. Most of the debutants never gawped this openly. They were far too well trained.

"You should have warned me about how big your house was," retorted Andrea, drawing away from the window. "Last time I was in a house that size was when I took a tour of Buckingham palace! How many people live here anyways?"

"My mother and father, and Juliet stays in the cottage when she returns from the States."

"Juliet?" asked Andrea, puzzled.

"My sister," rumbled Butler from the front seat. "She is due back tomorrow…"

Artemis smirked. Juliet had acquired a fiancée during her tour as the Jade Princess - a journalist by the name of Miles Lorne. He was of Irish stock, but his family had lived in the United States for three generations. Either way, Artemis didn't doubt that Butler couldn't wait to meet the man and for some vague reason, Artemis pitied him.

As the Bentley pulled up to the main entrance, Artemis was mildly surprised to see his mother coming down the front steps, looking resplendent in a grey shawl and a blue dress.

He was going to wait patiently until Butler came around and opened the car door, but evidently Andrea had different ideas. Pushing open the car door, she stepped out to the pavement, staring up the foreboding face of Fowl Manor with a wondering expression.

Angeline Fowl, who obviously had not been expecting a young woman to appear out of the Bentley, stopped short, her hand flying to her breast. "Artemis…?" she said in a puzzled voice, her tone sharp and her question clear. Who is this girl?

Startled out of her architecture-induced reverie, Andrea smiled and replied before Artemis could say anything.

"You must be Mrs. Fowl," she said cheerfully as she extended a hand, which Angeline shook delicately. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Andrea Black."

Looking as though she didn't know quite what to make of Andrea, his ever-gracious mother smiled back anyways. "Angeline Fowl… Artemis didn't tell me that he was bringing a guest."

Andrea ducked her head sheepishly. "You could say I was uninvited and a last minute addition."

"Uninvited…?"

Artemis sighed. "I was hired to use my consulting skills to help find the Mona Lisa Mother. Miss Black is Henri Sauniere's assistant - She insisted on supervising me, as I work outside the DCJP's investigation."

"I see," said Angeline Fowl in a soft voice, relaxing slightly. Artemis grimaced inwardly. She had obviously thought that Andrea was a girlfriend that he had neglected to tell her of, but now that the perceived threat of impending in-law-ness to a girl who looked neither wealthy, nor of high-class had been lifted in Angeline's mind, the two women chatted amiably as they mounted the front steps of the Manor, leaving Artemis and Butler behind.

"This is going to be one of the most trying investigations I've ever done," sighed Artemis. Butler said nothing, but Artemis could tell the man agreed.


Thanks to Evilchibiwolf, TAL, K , Ladyknight86, DarkShur'tugal (Thanks… that's probably one of the best compliments I've ever gotten!) and Crazy Pineapple lady for reviewing.