A/N: Not sure if I'm suffering an anxiety attack… or I'm simply having difficulties in breathing while my heart is pumping so fast…
Help?
And, yes, very sorry for this late one. Midterms and college life are pulling me away from my Gelphie feels… which sucked pretty badly.
Just had a recent inspiration to do it because my friend is back from camp :))
Yeah… this is slightly long… Who am I kidding—It is long.
XXX
Chapter Four: Memory Lane
"Really? That's what you've come up with?"
"Oh come on, Elphaba, you know I can't mix a potion to save my life. Might as well poison myself if we're going to resolve to that solution."
Galinda was sprawled across her bed, facing the ceiling and holding a book high above her in arms' length. Elphaba was sitting on her own bed, her arms crossed as usual. Her presence barely caused a disturbance on the dreary, gray sheets.
The window showed them that night has come. On Galinda's bedside table, abandoned empty wrappers of sandwiches littered the surface along with minuscule breadcrumbs and crumpled papers, which contained several hastily scrawled notes.
"Are you sure you can't remember a single damn thing on what happened to you?" Galinda grumbled again, rolling over and propping herself on her elbows, looking expectantly at Elphaba, "It would save a lot of trouble."
Elphaba raised an eyebrow. "Funny, do you ever remember what the hell happened to you?" she answered in a form of another question.
"Please, let's not go through this routine again," Galinda groaned, rolling her eyes. She knew that if she retorted to that statement (which she was dying to do), they would probably spend the night bickering to each other in an endless word fight.
"Oh fine," Elphaba said, standing up, "But will it work?"
"It's self-hypnosis," Galinda said, sitting straight on her heels, "It can help me go through my memories while being conscious. It worked for other people before... well, that's what it says in this book anyway. How bad could it be?"
"What if you got stuck in a trance forever?" Elphaba inquired, "What makes you so sure that you can control everything that's going to happen?"
"It's my head, Elphaba," Galinda said, smiling confidently as she positioned herself to sit cross-legged on her bed, "I'm sure I can do it."
"I can't believe I'm saying this," Elphaba said, slowly pacing before the blonde's bed, "But I trust you on this one."
"Aww, that's so sweet," Galinda said, smirking, "You're worried about me."
"Oh keep believing that," Elphaba said with a small smile.
Within minutes, after hastily going through the general instructions, Galinda conjured a makeshift hypnotic devise out of two pencils, strings, and a coin. The pencils served as poles, connected by a string, in which the coin was hung in between like a pendulum of a clock. The two of them silently stared at the handicraft for a while.
The blonde wasn't altogether confident with the idea herself. Elphaba was right. There was no guaranteeing that it might go as expected. But the both of them were depending on her missing memories, and that encouragement was all the push she needed.
"Well, I'm ready as I'll ever be," Galinda said, looking over at Elphaba, who was standing beside her bed, "Let's get started then."
"I'll be right here," Elphaba assured her, sounding unnaturally gentle, "I'm not going anywhere."
"I know you won't," Galinda said wholeheartedly.
Their eyes clashed for split second.
Galinda cleared her throat, looking down at the mediocre contraption before her. She failed, yet again, to distinguish any emotion from those empty, brown eyes.
Taking in a deep breath, she pushed the dangling coin.
She stared at it as it lazily swung from side to side. She determinedly attempted to empty her mind. It was the first step. Total concentration…
But as the minutes progressed, she already gave the coin a push at least three times, and she was still completely conscious. No flashback or vision. No anything.
"You're doing it wrong," Elphaba observed.
"I'm trying, all right?" Galinda snapped, her frustration building up in her chest. She recognized the familiar feeling of mounting anger and she exhaled heavily. "Sorry…"
"No harm done," Elphaba replied readily, sounding as though she wasn't affected by Galinda's outburst, "Try to clear your mind."
"I told you, I'm trying!" Galinda said exasperatedly. Her head was starting to feel heavy from all the useless concentration she had been doing. Her breathe heaved in anger.
Elphaba stared at her for a while, watching her breathe out like a wounded animal before her. "You know what? Just pretend you're in class," she said gently.
Galinda glared up at her, still annoyed that she couldn't do a simple task such as clearing one's mind. "How would that help in anything?!" she snapped.
To her surprise, Elphaba gently smiled down at her. Strangely, Galinda found herself calming down little by little. "You can ease yourself out of boredom, remember?" she said calmly, "You can completely shut yourself out of the lesson. Your mind wanders to something else."
Galinda felt her frown slowly transform into a bewildered expression. "That…" she maundered, "That is… That is correct…" Now that she thought of it, she did tune out of lectures, whether by choice or by chance. And sometimes, her brain did lapse into a blank state. "How did you know that?"
Elphaba only stared back at her. "I don't know," she deadpans.
Galinda tried not feel dispirited. For one fleeting moment, she thought that Elphaba's "ghost" had finally gained access to their lost pasts.
Looks like it's up to me now, Galinda thought as she gave the pendulum a blank stare. There's no point pushing a mountain. If neither of their memories would function properly, then they have to devise another way to reclaim them.
"Right. Of course you don't," the blonde muttered, more to herself than to her rigid companion.
Taking a deep breath, Galinda prodded the coin again, and it swayed in its monotonous motion.
So she stared at it, trying so hard to feel as though she was in the dreariest class in Shiz. She imagined that there was a wide board before her, full of white squiggles from the chalk. She tried to remember the sensation of the heat of the sun pouring from the high windows, the glowing light of the afternoon filling the four corners of the classroom.
At the same time, she kept her eyes glued on the swinging coin. Though it was right before her, she could barely perceive it.
Somewhere, distantly, she heard the dull and steady beating of the clock from her dorm room. It started faint and almost nonexistent, but by and by, it grew louder, echoing in her ears.
And then she felt herself lose weight. Her vision dims. Everything darkens, and along with it came a stabbing headache.
And the steady ticking of the clock stopped.
The first thing Galinda noted when she opened her eyes was that her head felt as though it was clobbered.
Second, she was back in their dorm room, lying spread-eagle on the bed. It was daytime, and according to the wall clock, it was around seven in the morning.
And third, Elphaba was nowhere to be seen.
Groaning at the inconvenience of the pain, Galinda forced herself to sit up. Everything was the way she left it… except that the shabby hypnosis device was gone.
"Oh great…" she muttered, clutching her head, digging her nails through her golden hair, "I fell asleep… So much for hypnosis…"
She unsteadily got to her wobbly feet. She made a mental note to tell Elphaba (when she decides to show herself, for a start, she thought) that she might try potion making as a final resort. All she needed right now was something to drink or eat for the menacing migraine.
As she made her way to the door, the bathroom door swung open.
Galinda felt her heart stop for three whole seconds. Her eyes widened, and her breath had disappeared from her body.
The person who just came out of the bathroom was Galinda. The exact same figure.
She can't believe it worked! The scene she was seeing was somewhere in the past, somewhere in her memories. The Galinda who had just gone out of the bathroom made her way to the closet, humming a bright tune to herself as she dried her hair with a towel.
The Galinda who transported herself to her past stood rooted on the spot. She immediately understood that the girl in the memory could not see her.
Great. Now I'm the ghost, she thought, feeling excited. She could freely explore her memories like a person interacting on a play in a theater. She could watch and observe everything without being noticed.
As the past Galinda was getting ready, the other one paced about in the room, trying out her new ability in controlling her exploration.
She learned that she was tied to her past self. The farther she was, the more blurry everything gets, like the way a person sees the world without the help of glasses to help them read or perceive things better. It was a memory, after all. Clearly, whatever she will learn in this adventure depended entirely on her past manifestation.
So she hung about and waited for the past Galinda to get moving. She wished that she could control the speed of her memory. She didn't want to bother watching herself to try and perfect those curls in front of a vanity mirror.
Just then, the door opened, and the two Galindas turned to see who it was.
Elphaba came marching into the room, balancing an unreasonable stack of books in her thin arms. Her glasses were askew on her sharp nose that it seemed a miracle that it was still on her face. Breathing out a deep sigh of relief, the green girl tipped everything in her arms onto her own bed. She took time to catch her breath, secure her glasses, and stretch her strained arms.
The present Galinda slowly came over the green girl, feeling a strange sense of sadness.
The Elphaba she was observing now was alive. Lungs circulating air, veins filled with rushing blood, and a heart throbbing somewhere in her chest.
And her eyes. Her eyes were full of light, full of life…
"Good Oz, are you going to read all that?" the past Galinda asked with a reproving frown.
"And what does it matter to you?" Elphaba replied, not bothering to look at her as she went over to her own desk with a couple of thick tomes. Her manner of talking alone suggested that she didn't want to talk to her roommate at all. She retaliated by saying, "Are you going to curl your hair all day?"
The past Galinda rolled her eyes irritatedly. "You say it like it's all I'm doing everyday," she muttered indignantly.
"I think it's all you're doing everyday of your life, yes," Elphaba said nonchalantly, sitting down on her chair and flicking through pages, "Seems to me that all you do is make yourself look like a human-sized doll."
The present Galinda furrowed her brows at the remark. Okay… I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that, she told herself, feeling highly offended.
The past Galinda huffed and stood up abruptly. "What is with you?" she snapped, putting her hands on her waist, glaring at her.
Elphaba groaned and turned on her seat. Clearly, she wasn't going to get any study time with her roommate squeaking behind her. "What are you on about this time?" she asked in an impatient tone, crossing her arms.
"We've been sharing this room for a month-!"
"A month and a half," Elphaba corrected.
"Exactly!" the past Galinda said, "I swear I'm trying to get in good terms with you, but you're making it impossible!"
Elphaba snorted. "You? Become friends with me? Please, Galinda, don't make me laugh," she said with contempt.
"I didn't mention the word friends," the past Galinda said, tapping her foot in annoyance, "I only wanted to at least demonstrate a civil relationship with you—"
"This is civil to me," Elphaba said simply, "This is the way things should be. That's how your system works, and it will stay that way. You stick with your air-headed friends, and I'll stick to my studies. It makes life easier."
"I can't believe you," the past Galinda groaned, "You're insufferable, Elphaba Thropp. You and your pride."
"This is not pride," Elphaba said, "It's maintaining balance. I'll never be part of your world anyway. Let's keep everything as it is, shall we, Miss Upland?"
Without waiting for response, Elphaba turned to her desk and didn't utter another sound again.
The Galinda from the past opened her mouth, as if to say something, and then decided against it. Snatching her bag from underneath her bed, she swung it unceremoniously over her shoulder and strode hurriedly out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
The whole vision swirls, and Galinda found herself feeling light as a feather once more.
And then darkness dominated the world entirely.
What. Just. Happened?
Galinda wasn't expecting that entire scene at all. The memory she had seen so far had nothing whatsoever to do with Elphaba's demise, nor did it provided any information regarding the life she had forgotten over the past weeks that had followed her roommate's death.
It only diminished the small feeling of friendship she had for Elphaba. There was a heavy cold feeling weighing down at her chest, and it was extremely unpleasant. Maybe they weren't meant to be friends after all…
She opened her eyes and found herself standing in the middle of a noisy and crowded cafeteria.
A rowdy group of girls carrying their trays made their way past her. Galinda tried to sidestep them even though she knew she wasn't seen. One of the girls collided with her anyway. She just past right through her like air.
"That was disturbing…" Galinda said to herself, fervently feeling herself to assert her wholeness.
Next to her was a full table. She immediately distinguished herself among the group of people, next to Fiyero. Curious and wanting to get her mind off of Elphaba, she moved closer.
Avaric was present, the noisiest one of all. Next to him was ShenShen, laughing hysterically at Avaric's latest statement (Galinda frowned disapprovingly when she saw that ShenShen's wide open mouth was full of unconsumed mash potatoes). Pfanee sat across of him. Though she was laughing, she too shot ShenShen disgusted glances. Next to her sat Milla, and next to Milla was Boq. Next to ShenShen was Galinda, and finally, Fiyero.
The present Galinda knew herself so well that she was a hundred percent sure that something was off in her past self's smile. It looked fake enough, and Galinda knew that it had something to do with her morning argument with Elphaba earlier.
Speaking of Elphaba, Galinda saw her making her way to a lonely table in a corner, carrying a tray in her arms.
Galinda saw a group of boys whispering among themselves, furtively pointing at the green girl. And then two of them stood up, casually walking towards the direction of Elphaba.
Galinda's stomach twisted uncomfortably.
Sure enough, one of the boys let out a leg, tripping the green girl. There was a crash as her bowl smashed, strewing her soup all over the floor while her apple rolled away from her. Some contents of the soup soaked her clothes as well. Elphaba remained on the floor, and one of the boys seized the chance to snatch her glasses, which also fell, from her side.
Avaric and group stood up, craning their necks to see the commotion. The past Galinda, however, remained seated with a pained look on her face.
The whole cafeteria watched. They were buzzing among themselves, and others were even laughing. Nessarose, who was seated near the door with her group of friends, rolled out of the hall.
"My, what a klutz!" One of the girls sitting near Elphaba said aloud.
"Clean up that mess, you freak!" another yelled from the other side of the hall.
The present Galinda felt her heart sink at the sight. Her roommate didn't deserve such humiliation.
Elphaba, trembling all over, swiftly gathered the shattered remains of her bowl on her tray. She then stood up and quickly made her way to the disposal area.
"Hey, green bean!" a girl yelled after her, "You forgot your fruit!"
She then threw the apple, and it had hit Elphaba squarely at the back of her head.
The hall erupted into raucous laughter. The boys stomped their feet and hammered the tables with their fists as they howled in delight, and the girls doubled over, shrieking with giggles.
Elphaba then rushed out of the hall, her face set, looking greener than usual.
"That was the best lunch ever!" Avaric jovially announced to their small group, "Great show!"
Everyone except the two Galindas were laughing.
"What's wrong, Miss Galinda?" Boq asked when he'd managed to calm himself down.
"Oh, um, nothing, nothing!" the past Galinda said, giving them all a forced smile.
"That takes care of that," Pfanee said, "Serves her right for berating on you last week when you were just trying to be nice to her!"
The present Galinda then realized that a week had passed since the previous memory sequence.
"She doesn't deserve to get humiliated on public, though," the past Galinda said in a small voice, looking down on her sandwich.
"Oh Galinda, you are just too good!" ShenShen interjected.
And then the scene swirls once again.
Galinda was back in her dark dorm room. It was night time.
Her past self had just entered through the door and was on the act of closing it.
Elphaba sat cramped on her own bed, pressing her forehead against her knees, which were drawn to her chest. The green girl didn't look up as she heard the door open and close.
The present Galinda approached the trapped girl, feeling incredibly sorry for her.
Even in the dark, she could see that Elphaba's hands were still red from all the dried blood she had drawn in her attempt to hastily clean up her smashed bowl at the cafeteria hours ago.
"Elphaba…?" the past Galinda asked hesitantly, lighting the lamp on her bedside table, shedding a faint orange gleam in their room.
The green girl didn't answer.
The two Galindas sat down on their bed, wearing the same expression of pity as they stared at their silent roommate.
"You… You didn't attend on all your classes today…" the past Galinda started, "Doctor Dillamond was looking for you, you know? … And, also, I copied notes for you…"
Galinda watched incredulously as her past self dug out a notebook from her bag, and cautiously handed it out to Elphaba. She didn't even know she could be so empathetic to the green girl to go through such lengths. She hates jotting down notes. She couldn't imagine what she could've written in there.
Elphaba raised her forehead an inch, and without warning, she violently swatted the notebook from Galinda's hand that it surprised the two blondes. The notebook landed with a soft thump on the wooden floor. She then returned to her sulk.
"Your hands…" said the past Galinda, seeing the crimson stain at last, "You should've cleaned them—"
"Leave me alone," Elphaba muttered in a dull tone, her thick voice muffled through her clothing.
Galinda felt her heart clench tightly in her chest; Elphaba sounded so broken.
Galinda watched her past self stand and walk to the bathroom. She later came back with a bowl of water and a towel.
Her eyes flew open when the girl sat on Elphaba's bed.
"Get away from me," Elphaba muttered when she felt the additional weight on her bed.
"Please, let me—"
"I said get away from me!" Elphaba shouted with intense ferocity, dropping her knees and glaring at the persistent blonde.
Her verdant face was flushed. Tear stains trailed all the way to her jaw line, and her eyes were slightly red from all the crying she had been doing. Her hair, though tied in its usual braid, was disheveled, and several raven black strands were out of place.
The past Galinda stayed where she was with the same look of pity on her features.
"Here to make fun of me too?" Elphaba spat bitterly, the tears brimming at her lids gleaming in the candlelight, "Am I not humiliated enough?"
"Why would I make fun of you?" the blonde on her bed asked gently.
She gently took one of the green girl's hands on her own. Strangely, Elphaba didn't protest. She then submerged the towel on the bowl before gently wiping all over her roommate's bloody fingers.
They remained in that steady silence for quite a while as the past Galinda cleaned both hands.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Elphaba finally asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I told you," the past Galinda replied simply, "I want to get civil with you. In fact, I want to… be your friend…"
Elphaba stared back at her. "I don't want a friend," she muttered stubbornly, staring down at the towel, which had turned crimson in color.
"I know you don't," said the other girl, "But you need one."
Elphaba's eyes snapped to hers.
"This isn't a trick, is it?" the green girl asked, looking at her suspiciously.
"Oh Elphie, why do you think everyone is out to get you?"
"Elphie?"
Elphaba raised a disapproving eyebrow at her new name.
"Oh come on, you're my friend now!" said the blonde, happily bouncing on her seat, "Friends have nicknames for each other!"
"I didn't agree on this—"
"Even if you don't, that's the way I see things now," said the blonde with a tone of finality.
Elphaba sighed. "Call me Elphie in the hallway, and I swear…"
"Oh don't worry," said the past Galinda, "It's our indoor thing. We can continue ignoring each other to our hearts' content, but when we're in our room, we're the best of friends."
"You're really serious with this, are you?" Elphaba asked, taking time to examine her clean hands.
"Yes, Elphie, I'm serious," said the blonde, "As a heart attack."
And there was an amiable short lapse of silence. Galinda watched herself and her roommate locked eyes in a silent communication.
"Come on, let's get you cleaned up," said her past self, tugging on the green girl's arm, "You don't want to sleep looking like you've been to a funeral."
The image Galinda saw was Elphaba getting out of bed, before the scene once more fades to black.
"Ow… ow, ow, ow!"
Galinda lay gasping on her bed, staring up at the ceiling of her dorm.
Her head felt as though it was ran over by ten trains. Her vision was swimming, and her brain felt incredibly heavy and battered.
She turned her head to one side and saw Elphaba looking down on her with a blank stare.
"Welcome back," she said.
Galinda looked up at her eyes, her "point of basis".
Yup, she thought, seeing the familiar emptiness, It's dead Elphie.
She was back in her present timeline.
"How long have I been out…?" she groaned.
"Couple of hours, at least," said her companion monotonously, "So. How did it go?"
"Well it—Ow… my head!—Still no clue on how you died, and still no damn memory of what happened to me in these past weeks… Wait, I'm sorry, my head…"
"Get some rest," Elphaba suggested in the same emotionless voice.
"Yeah… Yeah, I should," Galinda muttered, positioning herself to her desired angle.
The memory of seeing Elphaba alive had been oddly painful. She witnessed the crucial moment of the two of them building their friendship, oblivious that they have so little time to be with each other.
There was a soft crash, and Galinda groaned. "What was that?"
"Your hypnosis device," Elphaba reported.
"Oh never mind that crap…" Galinda muttered, burying her face on her pillow, trying to numb the pain, "I'll talk to you more in the morning…"
"Until then, I'll be here," Elphaba said, sitting down beside her.
Galinda smiled a little. "Goodnight, Elphie…" she murmured, drifting off to sleep.
"What did you call me?" Elphaba asked, but the blonde was already unconscious.
Smiling slightly, Elphaba looked out of the window, watching the crowds drift lazily across the star flecked sky.
A/N: … So, in a failed attempt to ease my mind off the impending midterms, I came up with this.
Now, with this done, time to go back to panicking.
I should really back down on the coffee intake. I'm going to get sick because of all those doses. I think I'm developing a caffeine-dependent thing… Not good…
WARNING: PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DO SELF-HYPNOSIS, PLEASE. Being a Psychology student, I should tell you that self-hypnosis is extremely dangerous. Hypnosis, for the matter, in any form, can implant false memories. It does NOT retrieve past memories at all, but for the sake of this story, let's make it a so-so event.
Please, I am not liable should any of you dare to try it, so please don't, ever. T_T
