Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Teenage Dirtbag or Nutella. However, I do own a jar of said delicious chocolaty substance.
Warning: Well, it's not really that big of a deal, but there are some MelloXMatt shenanigans early on. Nothing graphic, just what's heard from behind closed doors. But then again, if you're not a fan of yaoi, you wouldn't be reading this, would you?
AN: Thanks for the reviews/favourites/alerts. I'm sorry, but I'm on a roll with this one so I'm going to have to neglect Riches to Rags for a bit. No one cares, huh?
Teenage Dirtbag
Chapter 4: Reputation
''I'd love to have a re-match, baby. Come with me tomorrow; don't say maybe. I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby like you.'
"You're back late, you get mugged?"
Why did I know that was the conclusion he would come to?
"No."
Beyond was standing in the kitchen doorway, holding a jar of jam. "So where have you been, then?"
I sighed. "You know very well where I've been, B, it was Prom night tonight."
"You mean last night."
I glanced up at the clock on the wall and gasped slightly when I found that it was nearly one o'clock in the morning. "Oh."
"Come on, spill, you never get back later than eleven."
Well actually I was having a conversation with the most popular and attractive guy in school, and then I went to the park and stared into the lake wondering what the hell happened to my life and I must have lost track of time… "Well… I…"
"AHHHH!" An erotic cry from upstairs interrupted my explanation.
"Oh, fuck, not again. I keep telling them to keep it down up there, but what can you do with two teenage boys in love, eh?"
"Drown them? Then at least we'll have time to leave the country before the bodies are discovered…" I thought of the lake I had just been staring into. If we tie rocks to their feet, it would take a while for them to reach the surface again…
B rolled his eyes while I tried to keep the image of what Mello and Matt were doing in their room out of my head.
Which was rather difficult, as they weren't doing a very good job of keeping it private.
"M-MATT! AHH!"
It's always when Mello's uke… he's so damn loud!
"Ok, this is just needlessly awkward, I'll explain later." I made my way for the stairs, hesitating as I grabbed the handrail. I didn't particularly want to approach the loud thumping and excited screams, but alas, my bedroom was further down the hall than theirs, so I would have to go past it.
As I made my way towards the last door on the left where I could seek my refuge and drown out all evidence of Mello and Matt's activities with Iron Maiden blasting through my headphones, I hit their door with my fist. "Shut up, you two!"
I doubted that they would hear me, or care if they could.
Suddenly Mello's scream of pleasure ripped through the air and my mind was overcome with images of a certain Light Yagami.
My field of vision was taken up by his magnificent torso, which I had inconspicuously caught a glimpse of during gym class in the changing room. He was usually quite private when getting changed, and didn't seem to comfortable exposed in public, but he couldn't help but be seen in class, and I may have taken numerous opportunities that arose to get a clear view of his tanned body.
Which refused to remove itself from my mind.
I ran to my room, trying my best to block out the sounds from behind me, but failing miserably, and only managing to substitute Mello's voice for Light's and imagine his body squirming underneath me. I reached my bed and dived on, fully clothed. Burying my face in the crumpled duvet, I slammed the door shut behind me with my foot.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
The picture in my head was flipped and swiftly I was underneath the seventeen year old Adonis. His eyes held a devious sparkle and I felt the pressure of his body on top of mine, though I knew it was only where I was pressed against the mattress.
"L…"
"Shut up!"
"L…"
"Shut up!"
"L…" He lowered his chest onto mine and I could feel his breath on my lips. Damn realistic fantasy! I felt my pants go tight and whispered Iron Maiden lyrics uselessly into my duvet.
Go away, go away, go away…
I must have fallen asleep at that point because when I awoke, there was a oppressing beam of light flooding through my window and I could feel a rather damp patch beneath my crotch area.
Shit. B only just washed these. He's going to kill me…
"Mello?"
"What is it, you cloud-headed freak of nature?" At the breakfast table, Mello and Near were having yet another staring competition, and from the way Mello's eye was twitching, I could tell that Near was going to win. Again.
Despite this, they were both quite adept at eating their breakfasts without the use of sight. Mello managed to navigate the slice of Nutella-laden toast – I say laden, because that quantity of chocolate cannot be considered as 'spread' – into his mouth without so much as a flicker of movement in his eye sockets. Likewise, Near gracefully manoeuvred the glass of milk up to his lips, took a few tiny sips, and placed it back on the table uneventfully.
Matt, however, could not be said to have been eating anything but gluttonously. He shovelled his cornflakes down his throat as if he hadn't been fed in a week. Which I knew wasn't true, because Matt couldn't go without food for more than three hours, usually topping up on crisps throughout the day.
My family is known for our questionable eating habits. Neither myself, nor B uphold any normality either. At first glance, Beyond would seem quite natural, eating toast and jam, but if anyone were to examine him further, they would notice that most of the time, he left out the toast. As for me, well, one has only to take one look at my breakfast to see why I get funny looks in the cafeteria.
What can I say? I like cake. And ice cream. And sugar cubes – don't ask… And 'Hello Panda'. And anmitsu. And ohagi. And pocky. Kami bless Japan!
While I thought of all the deliciously sweet treats that this beautiful country had to offer, Near continued speaking.
"Have you taken my manga?" Near reads manga?
"You read manga?" B voiced my thoughts. He has a habit of doing that. Freaky brother mind-reading creep.
"Indeed I do. Shocking, I know, but I do need some time to relax my brain every now and again." The little albino spoke without blinking once, much to his rival's annoyance. "So, Mello, have you taken it?"
"Of course not! Why would I want to read manga? Stupid baby-girly shit, only elementary school-ers read manga. And crazy paedophiles for kicks. I mean, they're comic books!" he paused. "Wait – what was it called?"
"Kowarekake no Omacha."
Mello rolled his eyes back in thought. "Nope, not that one."
"Oh, so elementary school pupils, paedophiles and Mello." I decided to add my contribution to the conversation, feeling somewhat left out. And trying to hide the fact that it was me who took the-
What. The. Fuck?
It was Near's?
Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Near? You read yaoi manga?"
An awkward silence hung in the air and all eyes were on me.
Then Mello burst out laughing.
"AHAHA! YOU read YAOI manga? BWAHAHAHAHA!" The next thing I knew, he was on the floor and Near's face had turned a rather striking shade of red. Contrasted with his white skin, he looked remarkably like a very cute candy cane.
Mm… candy canes…
"L?" The candy cane spoke, hiding his eyes beneath his bangs. "How exactly do you know the genre of the manga."
Mello went quiet as suddenly as he had started. However, this silence lasted only a few seconds, as B joined Mello on the floor and they recommenced their laughing fit.
This time it was my face that had reddened.
Between scoffs, B blurted out – to add to my embarrassment – "So that's why you soiled your sheets. Wow, I'm going to have to read it if it's that good."
Matt couldn't help but giggle, and Near breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn't centre of attention any longer.
I looked down to find refuge with the sugary matter that was proving to be my only friend, only to find that I had finished the cake, and all that was left was a rather lonely looking empty plate.
I can't even find comfort in cake.
Feeling dejected, I decided to retire to my room, but not without one last stab at them.
"I'm going upstairs. And by the way," B and Mello had recovered enough to be sat back at the table, but they were still grinning like idiots, "I'm going out with Light Yagami later, so you don't need to make me lunch."
I left them with the ambiguity of the words 'going out' as I turned away, pretending not to notice the line of 'WTF did you just say?' faces.
Later followed by Mello voicing that exact statement.
I searched for at least half an hour for suitable clothes. What does someone normal wear when going out with a friend?
I decided to stay safe and wear my usual no-nonsense white t-shirt and baggy jeans for the lunch part, but I could not find a clean pair of shorts or polo shirt for the tennis match.
Damn, that'll teach me to do my own laundry…
"B!"
No reply.
"B!"
Still no reply.
"Beyond Birthday, where the hell are you?"
I chose to grab him in person and ran to his room, glancing at the clock which to my horror read quarter past nine.
I didn't bother knocking; he couldn't have been doing anything worse than I've already walked in on him doing before. Or that he'd walked in on me doing, either, for that matter.
"B, where the hell is my clean gym kit?"
I froze.
"What the hell is that?"
"I believe, little brother, that it is the yaoi manga that Near was asking about and that you took from him."
"It was on the table, I did actually ask whose it was."
"Whatever. I can see why people like this so much."
"Right…" I drew my eyes away from the tent in his pants and reminded myself that I didn't have time to make fun of him. "Anyway, where's my clean gym kit?"
"How the hell should I know?"
"You are the one who washes it."
"Whatever. I don't know."
"Stop saying 'whatever' like an idiot."
"There's nothing wrong with saying 'whatever'."
"You sound like you have an IQ of twelve."
"Whatever." He smirked. "So, why do you want your gym kit?"
"Light-kun and I are going to play tennis. Speaking of which, I have about ten minutes until he arrives, so I need to find something quickly."
B's mouth gaped open. "So, you really are going out with Light Yagami."
"In the non-romantic sense of the word, yes."
He raised his eyebrows. "Sure."
He put the manga down and stood up; I tried very hard not to let my eyes fall onto the bulge between his legs.
He eyed me up and down and I was becoming increasingly concerned.
"You should have told me sooner. I really need more time to make you look at least presentable, but alas, ten minutes will have to do."
The events that followed I wished never to recall.
Before I knew it, I was dressed in one of B's black shirts with the top three buttons undone and a pair of dark grey skinny jeans, which felt extremely uncomfortable. "How do you wear these, B? They're so frikkin' tight!"
"Grin and bear it, honey, it's the price you pay for looking good."
The next thing I felt was yet more pain, but this time on my head. I cried out in agony as my sadistic brother dragged a hairbrush through the mass of black frizz on my head.
"Did you wash your hair this morning?" He questioned.
"Of course I did, I do every morning."
"You're going to have to start using conditioner. This is useless."
With a few sprays of what I guessed was dry conditioner and some more tugs, he stood back, mildly pleased with what he had achieved. Then he grabbed a bottle of greenish liquid from his side table and sprayed my chest with a hideous smelling mist that I presumed was some form of male perfume.
"Hey! I don't want to smell as awful as you!" I waved my arms in an attempt to rid myself of the disgusting odour.
"Trust me; it's a hell of a lot better than what you normally smell like."
I scrunched my nose up to tell him that I wasn't convinced.
"Seriously, Yagami-san will appreciate it."
I was resigned to believe him; he did know a lot more than I did about this kind of thing.
"Look."
He pointed towards the long mirror on his wardrobe door and I moved hesitantly towards it.
I closed my eyes as I approached, not ready for what awaited me.
"Come on, look!" B's excited voice did not help me in any way.
I managed to force myself to look at the abhorred monster I suspected I had become and was surprised to find B staring blankly back at me from the other side of the mirror.
However, when I reached up to touch the straight, shiny locks of black hair that fell in front of my eyes, the Beyond on the other side did the same and I was forced to accept that this mildly attractive young man in the mirror was me. Because he was mildly attractive. Probably not in the conventional sense of the world, but my pale skin contrasted with the black shirt quite nicely, and my neck almost glowed an ethereal white.
Although I stood in my signature hunched position, I looked completely different.
I lifted my finger to my lips and was still surprised when the image before me did the same.
"Not bad, if I do say so myself." Beyond appeared behind me and patted me on the shoulder.
"I look…"
"Stunning? Gorgeous? Handsome? Breath-taking? Divine? Fabulous..."
"Gay."
The look on his face was priceless. It was a cross between hurt, confusion and something else.
"But you are, aren't you?"
Of course, I was a Wammy, so I had to be gay.
But I did like Light…
Oh hell, I've never thought of it like that…
"Well, yeah, I suppose, but…"
"Then what's the problem?"
… "I guess… I just look too gay. Like… it's really obvious."
It was the skinny jeans. It had to be.
I was about to remove them when there was a knock on the front door.
"Well, you're going to have to deal with it."
B ran down the stairs and I almost screamed. "Beyond, no! I'll get the door! Don't open the door!"
Dressed like a flaming homosexual or not, I would rather face Light Yagami like this than let Beyond Birthday greet him. He would probably have a heart attack. Why do I feel a strange sense of irony...?
I dived down the stairs and managed to push my brother through the open living room door to the right, sending him to the ground, laughing.
"Alright, alright, I won't scare your boyfriend."
I could feel my cheeks flush and I cursed him for making me blush before I opened the door to Light Yagami.
"And don't forget your gym kit."
Damn!
B saw the look on my face and threw a black sports bag at me. "It's in there, don't worry, I packed some of my stuff."
I prayed to anyone up there that he hadn't packed skimpy lingerie for a joke, but there was no time to check as Light knocked on the door again.
"Coming!"
"You will be later." B winked and I put my middle finger up at him. He could have such a dirty mind sometimes.
Regaining my composure and taking a deep breath, I opened the door to my destiny.
Hell that sounded cheesy.
AN: If you're wondering what the title's about, I was really at a loss with this one, it took me ages to think of it and I'm still not happy with it. Oh well, anyway, it's referring to the Wammy's reputation for having bad eating habits and being gay. Stupid, I know.
Anyway, bad title choice aside, I'm sorry that this chapter wasn't as long as the last one, but I didn't want to add any more to it. Again, reviews are gratefully accepted, and they make me update faster. And if you don't review, I shall send Matty and Mells to hunt you down, and you wouldn't like them when they're angry.
