You Belong With Me
By: emerald(e)grl
Chapter Four : Weak
A week went by with the addition to six more kisses. Each one better than the last. And every new kiss added more questions and more avoidance. Well, not the kind of avoidance where Edward didn't show up to bed (I'm not sure I could handle that again), but the avoidance of talking about the kiss. Excuse me, kisses.
So far, we'd kissed on his patio, under the bleachers, in his car, in my car, in E hall, in my kitchen, and in his living room. Never horizontal and never in public. Of course, because then we might actually have to talk about it.
I'm not quite sure what stopped him from broaching the subject, especially after the first one, when he'd tried to talk about it, but I could only call myself a coward as an excuse. Besides, what was so wrong with kissing? People kissed all the time without having any significant meaning to it? Didn't they?
It's like we've become bi-polar or something. There was normal best friend behavior, where we teased and fought and did everything we'd been doing for the last ten years. And then there was kissing behavior, where suddenly Edward would decide it was time to kiss without any questions.
I wasn't quite sure where one began and the other ended, so I let him decide when it was time to switch from one mode to the other. It was weird, to say the least. I always waited for a few moments after one of our kissing modes to let him have the opportunity to talk about it, but he had become just as good as deflecting as I had.
I think it was kind of surprising that no one noticed the difference. And I mean, I guess it would be hard when even I was having trouble keeping up with this new progress, but seriously, not even Alice seemed to know what was going on when Edward and I were alone. I think I liked that she didn't know. Don't ask me why.
And really, when I thought about it, like I am now, everything was kind of working out perfectly for me. I got best friend Edward where nothing had changed and then I got kissing Edward where there was no talking only experiencing.
I wondered how far this would take me. So far he'd only put his hand under my shirt from the back. The thought alone made me dizzy; his touch still sent fire along me spine, especially so now that he was actually touching my spine. I'd yet to touch his bare skin yet.
Suddenly, right in the backseat of Edward's car, I decided tonight would be the night I would feel Edward's chest. Or maybe his back. Shoulder blades are sexy as hell, and I'm sure Edward's wouldn't be any different. Besides, isn't it my turn to get to decide when kissing mode starts? Exactly, it is.
"Bella, are you even listening?" Jacob's voice was near my ear, sounding annoyed. We were currently in the backseat of Edward's Volvo, and in my need to tune out Tanya's incessant chatter from the front seat, I'd also tuned out Jacob. "You daydream all the time."
I shrugged lightly until I noticed Edward's smirk directed at me in the rearview mirror. Wait; was that best friend Edward or kissing Edward? I really should get nametags.
"Sorry, Jacob," I finally apologized, trying to convey I was, even though I really wasn't. Neither of us wanted to be here. Movie night used to be something I looked forward to, back before Edward found Tanya. It used to be the whole gang: Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Edward, and me. It was kind of a triple-date sort of thing, except Edward and I technically weren't a couple.
When Tanya joined our little movie night, it had pushed me to seventh wheel status, but the group wouldn't let me just not go. Hence, my father's best friend's kid has become my go-to date. Jacob wasn't all bad I guess, at least he never tried anything because of his pining for this girl named Leah who kicked him in the balls two years ago when she moved here. He's been in love ever since. Yeah, I don't get it either.
"What can you be thinking about all the time anyways?" Maybe that I'd like to shove you out of the moving car. Okay, okay, I don't mean that. This whole forced movie date night was putting a strain on Jacob and mine's friendship. I'd still pick him over Mike and the rest of the goobers at my school though, so I really should try and be nicer.
"Lots of things, sorry," I couldn't help apologizing again, but then that bright grin was back on Jacob's face and I instantly felt better. It was weird the way that happened and yet… and yet it wasn't the crooked smile I loved so much. Nothing would ever compare to the way Edward's smile made me feel. Man, this is so not a good way to start the night.
"Hey, Edward, are we there yet?" Jacob asked, taking a glance out into the dark night whizzing by. Of course, there wasn't a movie theater in Forks, which meant we had to drive all the way to Port Angeles to see a new flick. Edward made some kind of sound in agreement, but I couldn't really be too focused on his response, because now I also was taking a glance out my window.
"Edward, slow down!" He always drove like a maniac (even in his dad car of a Volvo), but it was always worse on the mostly empty road to Port Angeles. As you can probably tell, this was routine for the two of us. Sometimes I feel like he only speeds up because he knew I'd yell at him for it – he's funny like that. Hardy har.
Sure enough, there he was laughing. "Bella, I'm only ten over and there hasn't been a car for a while now." I crossed my arms and sat back in my seat, knowing me arguing with him was only going to make him laugh harder. And hello- only ten over? I am the Chief of Police's daughter.
"I like it fast," Oh great, now Tanya was all but purring, putting her claws all over Edward's arm. As if I didn't have enough of a reason already to throw up, let's add Tanya's 'demure' ways. Just as I was starting to think Edward's speeding might be a good idea (the faster we get there, the better), I felt the car slow down slightly.
I looked sullenly towards the rearview mirror to see Edward shooting me that perfectly imperfect crooked smile. I rolled my eyes at him, but that did nothing to lessen the lightness in his emerald eyes. Stupid, striking, gorgeous eyes.
"Did I tell you that I got Leah to ride with me on my motorcycle, Bella?" Jacob asked suddenly, his eyes excited as his train of thought went back to Leah. That stupid motorcycle was the reason Jacob and I had to carpool with Edward and Tanya. My truck couldn't make the trip (according to Charlie and Edward) and I wasn't allowed on Jacob's bike (according to Charlie and Edward). They certainly were a pair, those two.
It has got to be no surprise when I tell you I was extremely grateful when we reached the movie theater. Edward had parked and was rushing to both Tanya and my door, but I threw mine open before he could do his gentlemanly routine. He hated when I tried to spoil his fun. I consider it payback for his behavior behind the wheel.
Besides, as I climbed out of the car I remembered my little underwear predicament. It seems sometime this morning while I had been showering either Rosalie or Alice had replaced my underwear drawer entirely with lacy thongs. Probably the little pixie, seeing as she can get into my room without question from Charlie. My two best girl friends called it 'helping', I called it a pain in my ass.
Literally right now, considering it felt like I needed to pick a wedgie. And although lace may be sexy or whatever, it was so not comfortable – kind of scratchy actually.
"You okay there, Bells?" Jacob was coming up behind me, as all of our group made our way to the entrance to buy tickets. I hastily wiped my frown from my face, definitely not wanting to get into a panty discussion with any of the members in our happy little foursome.
"Sure, sure," I seriously was going to murder Alice. This was almost as bad as the time as Rosalie replaced all my shoes with heels – have I mentioned I have trouble navigating myself safely over flat surfaces?
"The other four have already gone in and saved us seats; we're running kind of late," Edward said as we stood in line. I looked at Tanya seeing if she was going to say anything, but she only smiled lazily up at Edward and squeezed his arm. It was her fault we were late, we waited for freaking ever for her to come out. It seemed she couldn't find her favorite lip gloss – what a tragedy.
Edward paid for his and Tanya's, but Jacob and I had decided a while ago we would each pay for our own ticket. I hated when people bought me things anyways. It was a fast walk to the theater door, then to our number 13 (was that supposed to be some kind of sign?), and then Edward was ushering us in as he held open the door.
"I'll get you some of those Mike & Ike things you like, babe," Edward said Tanya, and she was positively beaming as she disappeared into the dark. First of all, that was the worst candy in the world. And second of all, babe, really? I hated the kind of guys who called the girlfriend babe. Well, except Emmett, who kind of made even pig-like things endearing and –
Edward's hand grabbed my arm, effectively stopping my thoughts and my following of Jacob into the movie. He pulled me away from the door without a word, making me only have time to try and follow without tripping over my own feet.
"That Josh boy keeps looking down your shirt!" Edward hissed at me when we were away from the crowds. I looked down at V of my shirt, only to see that I kind of was bearing more than usual. Well, which is kind of an easy feat considering I usually only bare my neck. But I liked this shirt, it was my favorite color of blue and was silky.
I looked back up at Edward only to see he also had looked down when I had. My face flushed as Edward tried to cover his smile and stay angry. "Edward, you know his name is Jacob, this is like the fifth time he has come to movie night; and you know he is absolutely in love with Leah from La Push High."
"Just because he likes some other girl, does not mean he is blind, Bella! I am telling you, he keeps checking out your cleavage!" I couldn't much be bothered by Jacob's supposed gaze, because I was trying not to feel flattered over Edward's sort-of compliment. The first part of his statement – not the last sentence.
"It's whatever, Edward," I shrugged, and I think that might not have been the best idea because Edward looked indecisive between staring back down at the V of my ruffled shirt and yelling at me some more. I suddenly tried not to giggle at my best friend, he seemed to be constantly trying to pick between being a boy and being protective.
"Isabella," I think he was going with yelling at me some more, because his voice came out stern, but then his eyes darkened. Oh, hell yes, hello kissing Edward! Sure enough, Edward pulled me by the same arm he still had his hand on towards him, and his other hand went to cradle the back of my head so my lips were tilted toward his.
I melted into him, liking the urgency of his kiss. It was over far too soon, and I couldn't help but pout. His responding chuckle was low and sexy, and then he tugged lightly on my ear as he disappeared toward he concession stands.
I blew out the breath I didn't know I had been holding and headed back into the movie, this time without a hand to halt me. Yes, I think it is definitely time for me to start becoming the instigator of this little arrangement, it is so not fair that Edward has all the power.
"Hey Bella, you look guilty as sin, where were you?" Alice whispered to me as I took my place between her and Jacob. She was giving me a sly look, and wiggling her eyebrows. At least she was nice enough not to talk aloud, usually she liked to yell these type of things out.
"Bathroom," I am an awful liar, please protect me dark theater. Alice only raised her eyebrows and smirked at me. Before she could open her mouth again, I decided I would go a different route. "And by the way, thanks for the updates to my underwear stash, I love having lace up my ass."
Alice laughed out loud, grinning mischievously. Thank god, situation effectively deterred. "Don't worry, I was nice this time and didn't throw them out, I'll give them back tomorrow. I just thought you might appreciate looking sexy in your undergarments for once. And if not you, then at least my brother will appreciate them."
"Alice!" My mouth dropped open, as if Edward would be getting to see me in this stupid contraption. "Your brother's girlfriend is only five people down the aisle!" Alice only gave me a look as if to say 'Yes, and your point is?'. "Besides I was going to change in the bathroom tonight."
Alice knew about the whole sleeping situation between Edward and I, she knew Edward and I had been close for a long time. "Well, your loss then I guess. You can ask Rosalie if you want, but it's common knowledge no one can resist a hot girl in sexy lingerie." She suddenly gave me a look. "Bella, please tell me your bra matches your thong."
I blushed and couldn't help but to peek over at Jacob to make sure he hadn't heard a word of our conversation. Nope, he was glued to the big screen watching the previews. "Actually yes," I left it at that as I turned to watch the previews in irritated silence.
The good thing about going to a movie is you're not obligated to talk. In fact, it's kind of required that you don't talk. Watching a movie in the theater was easy. Especially when you had your friend on one side, giving you the armrest as she leaned toward her boyfriend, and an off-limits guy on the other side.
It was two simple hours of entertainment where awkward talk didn't ruin the night, where you try desperately to sound witty and interesting, where you have to listen to a bunch of babble about hobbies that you had to pretend to be engrossed in as much as the speaker was. Movie night might suck, but movies were okay.
This one was a Christmas movie, long story short, a couple having to spend the holidays with their family members. Typical, but funny enough to make me laugh. Aside from the first few minutes, there wasn't any awkward scenes where I felt the need to keep my gaze trained absolutely forward. Watching sex scenes next to a boy I could barely focus on was not my cup of tea.
Go figure.
As the credits rolled and the lights came on, I looked over to see Jacob sleeping, his head thrown completely back. I laughed as I shook his shoulder, thinking to myself that I was glad he didn't snore. He blinked sleepily at me as the rest of our group laughed momentarily at him, and then we were on our way.
Rosalie and Emmett disappeared fast, and I knew this wasn't because they were rude or anything, but simply because they were trying to save alone time before Rosalie's curfew stole it. Next to Charlie, Rosalie's dad seems like a Nazi.
I didn't want to suffer any more embarrassment from Alice and her crude comments, so I pulled Jacob along, hinting to the group that it was time to go without the chat. Alice smirked at me, instantly understanding my need to escape. "Well, bye Bella Bells! Tell me tomorrow how that new thong works out for you!"
Of course she yelled it. Of course everyone within the ten-foot radius snapped their curious attention to me. Of course Alice merrily laughed the whole way to Jasper's car. Of course Tanya shot me a look of disdain. Of course Jacob looked instantly guilty as he felt he had looked at my ass for too long (as if he could see it, the idiot). Of course Edward's twisted mouth was sexy and mortifying all at once.
I think my glare sufficiently told the remaining three of our little pow wow gang not a word of my undergarment choice was to be made. We were back in the car and on the road in no time at all, and Tanya had started running her mouth off again, probably trying to get her robbed spotlight back.
The ride seemed to be much faster going home so we arrived at Jacob's house a little too soon for my liking. Especially since now this meant I'd have to sit backseat to watch the Edward and Tanya romance unfold before me. Jacob kissed me on the cheek quickly and I couldn't be sure if this was because Leah could be lurking around any corner or if he had finally noticed Edward's rigid gaze.
And then there were three.
This majorly blew, in the words of Cher – the Clueless Cher, not the megastar Cher. I let my thoughts fill the quietness of the car and cover the endless prattle of Tanya. How you could have both I guess only she managed.
All of my friends were paired up, happy, and completely void of the need of me. I always felt like this after a night with all of us together, and there was nothing any of them could say to make me feel differently. I hated the pity I got from them when they didn't think I was looking, but I also couldn't hate them either of course.
I really was quite excited for all of them, it was just the Edward situation that spoiled things for me. If I hadn't been so absolutely in love with him, I'd just be slightly lonely when the night ended. But this made me lonely and a little heartbroken too. He'd picked Tanya, not me.
When my feelings for my best friend first started surfacing, I'd tried everything to push them away. To rationalize them into figments of the closeness of our friendship, to deny, deny, deny. That worked for about as long as a week. Then, it was a series of embarrassment, shame, and regret. I'd stupidly gone and fallen in love with my best friend.
It was like the stupidest joke in the book.
La Push whizzed by, and we headed towards Tanya's home, and their conversation broke through my thoughts. "Edward, why am I always taken home before Bella? Doesn't she live in the poorer part of Forks – not like where we live." Um, hello? Right here. And even though she's right, it doesn't mean she has to assume anything; you know what they say about assuming.
"Tanya, I tell you every time, Bella's dad likes to have a chat with me after I bring her home, and I don't want you to have to wait in the car for that." What Edward said is true, but it is more of a choice than a demand. Charlie loves talking to him, but Edward's not expected to come in and have a chat with him like he's making it sounds.
Then again, I guess this is a better answer than saying this route makes more sense because my house is actually the end of the line. Yes, probably a much better answer for your girlfriend.
"Well, will you at least walk me to my door?" Tanya asked with a pout, and I suddenly understood why that lip gloss she'd wasted time looking for was so important. It made her lips look awesome and even I couldn't be mad at Edward's weakness when he obliged. Okay, so maybe I was a little miffed.
Edward didn't say anything to me as he got out (opening Tanya's door in his custom manner), and I couldn't be sure if I liked or disliked that fact. What could he say that would make me feel better? It wasn't his fault I'd fallen for him. Actually, it kind of was, considering everything he had done and still does makes me feel this way.
I told myself not to watch, even as I could clearly see their figures on her lit up porch, but still I did. I watched as she put her hand on his chest, and as he pulled her in for a hug, and as her hand curled around the hair at the nape of his neck. I even watched as I knew their goodnight kiss was coming.
Except it didn't, because he'd turned at the last minute, chastely kissed her cheek, and hugged her again. I registered vaguely the sound of her front door slamming, but I had my thoughts preoccupied to figure out what this new development meant.
Edward had already buckled his seat belt, by the time I realized I was still in the backseat. I hastily switched seats, and focused on trying not to stare at Edward. "You totally should've gone for it, Edward, now you'll have to deal with her upset tomorrow." I didn't want to say that.
"Her dad was just inside," He said, and I really wished he hadn't said anything. I wished I hadn't said anything. "Besides, I can deal with Tanya."
This was so not how I wanted to spend my time with Edward. I hated moping and feeling bad and making Edward feel bad in turn about my feeling bad. I should be a better best friend. Have I mentioned I hate movie night? "Edward," I really shouldn't. "How far have Tanya and you gotten?"
Out of my peripheral vision, I saw Edward glance at me, probably trying to gage my expression, but I was dutifully trying to keep the thing blank. Oh look, a tree passed the window. And another. And another. "Bella, I don't know if –"
"Edward, we promised," Now I was looking at him, and I was a little angrier than I had intended to be. I never wanted him to feel like he couldn't tell me something. No matter how small or how I felt about it, I wanted him to always be able to tell me. "Wouldn't you want to know if it were me?"
His face twisted into an expression I had trouble deciphering, before a sigh escaped him. "Yeah, I guess I would want to know." He glanced at me again, and I tried to look encouraging, though I'm not quite sure I managed it. "We've actually only made out, though she has offered to give me a blow job."
I bit my lip, slightly unsure how to proceed. "How does one go about… doing that when you haven't taken off any clothes?"
He stared at me for moment, before I backtracked and understood why he was looking at me so weirdly. "Oh dang, I mean offering – not actually doing. I meant how did she ask to give you a blow job?" My face was bright red as he laughed at me. If I waited a little longer, I wonder if he would've tried to describe how one gives head. Awwwkward.
"She just outright said, Edward, can I give you a blowjob now?" Oh my god! I didn't know whether to hide my laughter at her or feel awe at her obvious confidence. Edward seemed to realize my predicament, but picked the best option, and said nothing.
"Well, that was very… nice. And you said no?" That was hard to believe even from my perfect gentlemanly prude Edward. Also, this news made me feel slightly better that my sleeping next to him in bed every night was not the only time he'd turned a girl down.
"No, I said no thank you," Edward and I both laughed this time. "Seriously though, that was when I asked Tanya about her past relationships, and then we got into the whole discussion about her virginity, and something like that doesn't really put a guy in the mood, you know?"
"Well, I don't exactly know, but I do understand," I smirked at him easily, throwing open my door as soon as he was stopped in front of my house, just like he hated. "Race you to the door!" I of course ran as hard as I could before I realized Edward was taking his sweet time. He's such a jerk.
So I unlocked the front door and slammed it before he could even get to the porch, and laughed as I heard it open again on my way up the stairs. "Bella," I heard his voice yell as he tried to sound like he was warning me. Hah. He reached my room shortly, before he said quieter. "Where's Charlie?"
"Fishing weekend," I said nonchalantly, sticking my tongue at him. Being so close with Edward for so long, made us often revert back to our childlike selves. At least, that's my excuse. His excuse is that he's male. "But it's late, so be quiet; I want to go to sleep,"
I needed to change without Edward's notice. And was I supposed to go commando to bed, because there was no way I was getting shut eye with something up my butt. You know, that sounds a little… nevermind.
Edward shrugged and quickly shed his pants as he worked at the buttons of his shirt. I started edging toward the door and knew I'd made a mistake, Edward was now paused in his motions to stare at me. "I'm just, um, going to change in the bathroom." You might be asking why I didn't lie and say something simple like I needed to pee, but then I would have to remind you I'm a terrible liar.
He looked puzzled for a minute, before his eyes brightened and his lips twisted into that rakish smirk of his. "Alice wasn't joking about that thong, was she?" He was entirely too smart for his own good. Or, technically, too smart for my own good.
"Yeah, no," I tried to escape my room again at that, but Edward was next to me in a flash, and holding the door closed.
"Let's see it then," Psh, yeah right, buddy. "Come on, Bella, I've never seen you in a thong." Yes, for good reason, Edward; because a smart girl wouldn't wear something that gave you a constant wedgie. "If you show me, I'll show you my tattoo,"
"I still think you're lying about that thing," I said shakily, because the way Edward was looking at me was the exact same way kissing Edward looked at me. Obviously he wasn't going to let me escape to the bathroom and changed like I had hoped. "Fine, but you better have that apple tattoo you keep saying you have."
I shed my jeans before I could think about it for too long, and stood in front of Edward in my lacy crimson and black thong and my blue silk shirt. I crossed my arms to try and give off the resemblance of our normal easy banter. Instead of melting to the floor in embarrassment.
"Damn, Bella," his voice had gotten lower, huskier, and it was twisting my insides. I think I might faint. No wait, that's just all the blood rushing to my head, or more precisely, my face. "Okay, look," And then my eyes were glued to him as he moved aside one of the flaps of his unbuttoned shirt with one hand and started to pull down his boxers from his pelvic bone with the other.
As soon as his hand couldn't really go any lower without revealing more to me, his hand stilled, and I stared at the expanse of flesh he'd exposed. The lightly tanned, toned, lovely, sinfully delicious flesh. Oh, what the fuck, the bare flesh. "Edward, I knew you were lying!"
His boxers snapped back into place and he laughed at my red face. "You really thought I would get a tattoo of an apple, Bella?" Oh, laugh it up. Laugh. It. Up.
"You are a bastard, Edward." I said, not meaning it, but still embarrassed to have been tricked, and flushed at the sight of scantily-clothed skin.
"Oh, Bella, I love it when you talk dirty," he laughed some more at that, even as he clearly could see my eye roll. Besides, he was given me whiplash with his constant shifting between kissing and best friend Edward. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry; here, let me help you,"
Then his hand reached out and untied the bow just below the V of my shirt. Ack! "I wasn't going to untie that! I can never tie them back as perfectly as they come!" Before really thinking about it, I tackled him to the ground.
And then I was straddling him in a lacy thong and a shirt that was now so indecent you could clearly see my black bra peeking through over a bare-chested Edward in his boxers. My anger and his amusement were nowhere to be found when I kissed him and he responded eagerly. And yes, I kissed him!
That was about all the control I could claim though, because then Edward was rolling us over so that I was on top of him and his delicious weight was pressing into me. As well as a certain other thing. Oh my god, I had this kind of effect on Edward?
It was too much and not enough, as most things seemed to be when Edward was concerned.
It wasn't so much me remembering my earlier vow, but pure desire that led my hands down from his neck to over his chest and around to his shoulder blades. His shirt was still on by the arms, and I feel of it against the back of my hands. But not nearly as much as I liked the feel of Edward under my palms.
I had definitely made the right choice – shoulder blades are sexy as hell. That thought kind of got fuzzy as I felt Edward's hand on the outside of my thigh, kneading the flesh in a way that made my knee involuntarily bend and allow him to settle more easily into me.
Not to mention our mouths were working so perfectly together it was like they had minds of their own. Like they belonged together or something. And really, who was I to separate them? Okay, I might be getting kind of delusional.
I just felt so weak. And I liked it. And that made me feel even more weak, because who liked feeling weak? It was this disreputable cycle that couldn't be altered. And I was perfectly content with that. Me; stubborn, headstrong, adamant, opinionated Bella.
I pushed him away not too long later, knowing since I'd been responsible for starting it, it was my responsibility to stop it also. It was a damn shame, but it had to be done. We were on the floor, for Christ's sake. And I didn't really know all the rules for this little… thing, anyways.
We finished changing (I'd gone to the bathroom and now was going commando in my shorts) and as I came back into the room, Edward lightly poked my ass. I glared at him as he said, "You know, you really should tone up that thing if you're going to be wearing more thongs."
"Yeah, yeah, you're the one that always gets flabby after football season ends." Oh, and note-to-self: buy nametags.
Author's Note - I just want to say the reviews I've gotten have been great and I really do appreciate the support! Thanks a bunch!
