A/N: I am soooooooo sorry! I kept meaning to type this and never got round to it! You have no idea how bad I feel! I've been neglecting my Beta work as well on The Founders by Moon_banana_cat. So three chapters of that should be uploaded tonight as well! Btw I absolutely hate writing dissertations _ Advanced Higher English... Such fun.
Anyways on with the show. ( This happens to be my favourite chapter!"
Disclaimer: No children, squirrels, bowling pins, Mickey Mice, trees, pillars, ducks or water beds were harmed in the making of this fic, but the dignity of the characters involved remains to be seen.
There is a line similar to one which was in a tv programme several years ago. I do not own it. Points to anyone that recognises it though.
The Spa Scene
"Luci! Hurry up! Sev and Remus are already gone!"
"..."
"LUCI!"
"SIRIUS! Will you shut up please? I'm trying to take my lenses out."
"..."
"What Sirius? Why is your hand in the air?"
"..."
"Well?"
"..."
"Sirius, what is it?"
"You told me not to speak."
"You listened? Why was your hand in the air?"
"I wanted to speak."
"In general or did you have something specific to say?" Lucius said with just a hint of sarcasm. This was meant to be relaxing, Remus had said. He obviously forgot what happened whenever Sirius was around.
One word. Chaos.
"You can't see without your lenses Lucius."
"I know."
"So why are you taking them out?"
"They will dry up in the spa Sirius. I told you that earlier."
"Oh."
Lucius finally managed to get his contacts out, took a deep breath and prayed to Merlin that he didn't regret his next words.
"Sirius, I'm ready now. We can go in."
"Okay." Sirius wandered off.
"SIRIUS!"
"What?"
"I need you to... help me get to Severus. I can't see!"
Sirius started laughing.
"What?" Lucius pouted.
"You hate asking for help. Maybe I should leave you?" Sirius turned away again.
"SIRIUS!"
"What?" Sirius asked as innocently as he could.
"If you don't help me, I will take all your sweets and chocolate away for the next month." Lucius glared.
Sirius whimpered.
"Take me to Sev."
Deciding against his better judgement Lucius pit his arm through Sirius' and started to walk. His pace appeared too slow for Sirius, who proved once again why his animagus form was a dog by skipping off as fast as he could, dragging poor Lucius along behind him.
Severus heard Sirius approaching before he could see him and smirked slightly at Lucius' predicament.
When Sirius stopped suddenly directly in front of Severus, Lucius almost toppled over. His proud upbringing made him right himself quickly and take the few steps over to the blur he assumed was Severus.
"Where would you like to go Lucius?"
"Anywhere Sev, I can not see. Just take me where you want to go."
"I like this room, it's nice and relaxing and lemony..."
"Did Severus Snape just say lemony?" Lucius asked, amusement colouring his tone.
"I'll give you back to your mutt."
"I'll shut up."
At the door to the "lemony" room:
"Linoleum, Plutonium..." Severus attempted to work out the name of the room they were about to enter.
"PLUTONIUM! That can't be good for you!" Lucius replied squinting at what he assumed was the name plate.
Elsewhere:
"Too warm!"
"Too cold!"
"Eeew! This room smells!"
"AND WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS TINKLY MUSIC CRAP!"
Near the lemony room:
"Lucius, I think your mutt is causing trouble again."
Severus and Lucius had left the lemony room to see Sirius or in Lucius' case, a Sirius shaped blob, running headfirst toward some water beds.
"Wooo! Heehee! Luci! Can we get one of these? Pleeeeeeease?"
Lucius shook his head and groaned. The entire spa had come to a standstill with Sirius' antics.
"Where on earth is Remus?" Severus asked, noticing his other half had been silent through the entire ordeal. After a quick look around for Remus and not seeing him, Severus decided to take a walk.
"Sevvie! Don't leave me!" Lucius whined.
"Lucius. Do. Not. Call. Me. That. Ridiculous. Name,"
"Severus!"
"Lucius, don't whine, it's unbecoming. Stay here, I'll be back in a minute, I'm looking for Remus."
"Okay."
Severus turned his back on Lucius and began to search for Remus.
"SMACK!" Lucius walked into a pillar.
Severus stopped.
"Lucius, do you understand the concept of stay here?"
"Ouch, crap, bugger, bollocks, knickers..."
"Knickers? Merlin you're English!"
"..."
"Well come along then, we don't have all night."
Five minutes later the pair found the werewolf in question sitting peacefully with a calm, serene expression on his face and his feet in one of the foot baths.
"Remus?"
"Yes, Sev dear?"
"have you been here the entire time?"
"Yes, dear."
"Oh."
"Is there anything else I can help you with dear?"
"Yes dear don't call me dear."
"Okay love. Oh and Lucius? You should try and train your pup."
"I've tried. Believe me I've tried." Lucius muttered.
Severus shook his head, "Shall we try the Japanese Salt Bath room, Lucius?"
"If you want Sev. I can't see remember?"
Japanese Salt Bath room:
"I like this room. It smells good and it's relaxing.
"Lucius, you are picking up bad habits from Sirius."
"What?"
Severus rolled his eyes. "You are rambling."
"Oh."
"Very eloquent." Severus said dryly.
"The pungent odour of this vessel is assaulting my senses." Lucius sniffed.
"That was just childish."
"Come along Severus. I don't believe we have been in this direction yet."
"How can you tell. You're blind?"
"There is a red blob in the middle of the cream."
Severus looked at his long time friend. At the minute he looked as haughty as he possibly could, showing everything his aristocratic upbringing had drilled into him. Head held high, straight back, shoulders back, nose in the air, look down the nose. The only thing that gave Lucius away was the fact that his eyes, that should have been cold and unfeeling were unfocused and a little anxious. Lucius hated not being in control.
"Alright Lucius, we'll go that way. The red blob is a painting by the way. The red blob is a painting by the way."
"Any good?"
"Absolutely rotten."
In the area of the red blob:
"Hmm, I think that room may be a little too warm."
"THE HUMIDITY LEVEL IS HOW HIGH!"
"I wonder what is in here... It's some sort of shower, I think. You press one of those buttons on the wall here."
"What is that large thing that I think is a bucket for? Oh. My. God. I think it dumps water on you!"
"Relax Lucius, you're being over-dramatic. It wont dump water on you."
"How do you know?"
"I just do"
"You can go first then. I'm going to wait over there..." (points toward a wall)
Severus rolled his eyes but complied nonetheless.
A minute later spluttering and squaking came from "the shower thingy." A second later a dripping Severus emerged.
"SEE! I TOLD YOU IT WOULD DUMP WATER ON YOU!"
"Lucius, I believe you have just lost whatever dignity you had left."
"But, but, but..."
"It doesn't dump water on you unless you press the third button. Come on it's your turn. Don't press the third button."
"No, no, no, no..." Lucius started backing away from the "evil shower thingy." He noted with a hint of amusement his mind had upgraded the rating on the shower.
"Lucius, come on. Quit being a ponce."
"I'm not being a ponce!" Lucius cried with a hint of indignation.
"You..."
"Severus? Where are you love? It's time to go." Remus' sleepy voice called out.
"Over here. And don't call me love." Severus replied through gritted teeth.
"What is going on here?" Remus had arrived to see Lucius still backing away from the shower and Severus. Panicked eyes going between the direction of the shower and his lover.
"Nothin, Lucius is just being a ponce."
"I'm not a ponce!"
"LUCI'S A PONCE! A PONCE! A PONCE!" Sirius came running towards them, not a care in the world for the other users of the spa or the angry glares they sent his way.
"Sirius fell asleep for 45 minutes in a room meant for five minute use. It appears to have made him more hyper than usual." Remus said by way of explanation.
"Let's leave." Lucius replied hurriedly.
Outside the spa:
Lucius finally had his glasses back on. He let out a quick 'Yippee!' in his mind. He could see again! Just as Lucius' mind began a happy dance, Remus, ever the voice of reason, broke in, startling him back to reality.
"Shall we head back to the lodge?"
End Scene
A/N 2:
1575 words! Wow!
Some of this chapter is based on personal experience. I am almost blind without glasses or contacts and managed to walk into a pillar in a spa. Other parts that are based on personal experience are the attempted figuring out of the name of the "lemony" room and the red blob on the wall. Oh and the shower :P Hope you enjoyed this chapter. A review would make my day. Please?
