Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thank you to the lovelies mcc101180 & evelyn-shaye from PTB for their beta skills!

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EPOV

I am completely fucked.

Trying to stay away from Bella the night before had failed miserably. Something was going on with her, but she wouldn't tell me. And why would she? It wasn't like I had been honest with her at all. I knew I was crossing into dangerous territory as I continued to approach her. Yet somehow I had ended up walking Bella home and almost kissing her. And I wanted to, so badly. I didn't know how I managed not to. I couldn't think of anything I wanted more than my lips on Bella's, or maybe I could, but I wouldn't go there.

What the hell I am doing?

Why can't I just stay away from her?

I am married, for fuck's sake.

It was true that Tanya and I had been growing apart for a long time. I couldn't even remember when the last time was that we did anything together. Tanya had always resented me for the crappy life that we had. And I wasn't naive— this was nothing close to the life I'd hoped to have either. I would be going to school and close to playing soccer professionally. I could see myself in that world; it would be so easy to be with Bella then. But of course, that wasn't my world. Bella wasn't for me. And I wouldn't have Mandy if I didn't have Tanya. I should be embarrassed to even be having these thoughts.

It was with deep hatred for myself that I arrived at the field in Renton Park, where we were playing today. I warmed up reluctantly and tried to get Bella out of my head to focus on my game. As usual, I scanned the bleachers in case any recruiters were there. It was highly unlikely that recruiters would come to a small game like this, but hey, a guy could dream.

There were no recruiters in sight; however, sitting a couple rows up, wearing tight skinny jeans and a purple hoodie, her hair in its usual messy bun, was Bella. I never thought she would come to my game, not after what happened the night before. It was clear by now: Bella would never cease to amaze me.

The ball, which I was clearly not paying attention to, hit me on the thigh with a smack.

"Dude, who is it?" Ian came jogging to me, probably thinking I had spotted a recruiter. He glanced in the direction I was looking. "Isn't that the girl that comes to the bar all the time?"

My eyes were still on Bella when Ian turned to look at me. "You are just wasting your time. She's way out of your league, plus she's with that big guy all the time," Ian said, patting me on the back.

Ian didn't only play defender on my team; he also bartended at Earl's. I kept looking at Bella, noticing that her huge friend was there with her. I had to admit it bothered me, more than it should have. I side-eyed Ian and faked a smile.

"You don't even know." I sighed, withdrawing my eyes from Bella. I needed to focus on the game. I thought what happened the previous night had been the end of everything with her. Part of me was glad that it wasn't over; a greater part of me was scared shitless.

Just before the kickoff, I glanced up at Bella. Her eyes met mine, and she gave me a smile and a tiny little wave hello that made my stomach tight with emotion. The referee started the game with a whistle, effectively tearing my eyes from Bella, and I focused on kicking these guys' asses.

The match was pretty even, and the first half ended zero to zero. As I jogged to my team's bench, my eyes, without my permission, wandered to where Bella was sitting, or had been sitting. Her friend had left, and she was now sitting closer to my bench, on the first row. On an impulse again, my body shifted in her direction, and I was no longer running toward my bench.

I grabbed a water bottle from the grass next to the bench. "Bella, you came," I said, sounding like a moron as I stated the obvious. I ran a hand through my hair, which was damp with sweat and sticking to my forehead.

"Oh my gosh, Edward!" she cheered with a smile, looking happy and excited, and, well, beautiful. "You were so good!"

"Thanks," I said with a chuckle, drinking from the bottle. The water was refreshing against my dry throat. Bella was staring at me, and I was a little self-conscious of my appearance at the moment. I knew I was sweaty and muddy from the game, but I didn't know if she would find that disgusting or not. I cleaned my mouth with the back of my hand, and Bella bit her lip and blushed.

Holy shit, that's hot.

"So, you like soccer, huh?" I said, trying to keep my hands to myself and stop my finger from pulling her lip from her teeth.

"Yes! Of course! I used to watch soccer games with my dad when I was little."

Must she be so adorable all the time?

"That's nice, um… I got to go back to the bench. It's great you came after all," I said, staring at my feet. "You know, after what happened last night." My voice came as a mumble at the end.

"It's all right. Don't worry about it," Bella said casually. I glanced up at her, surprised by her offhand attitude, trying to figure out if it was real or not. "Good luck on the second half!" She smiled broadly at me and gave me two thumbs up.

The corner of my mouth turned up involuntarily at her dorkiness. "You leaving?" I asked, unable to hide the disappointment in my voice.

"No, I'm going back to my seat." Bella turned around and walked back to her seat. Her jeans hugged her ass in such a lovely way, that it took me a couple of seconds to answer.

"O-Okay." It was probably too late for her to hear me anyways. I took a deep breath and went back to the bench, where my team was waiting.

The second half started, and we were still dominating. After a foul in our favor, I made the free kick, and it turned out to be a great cross, which my teammate headed into the goal. We still had about fifteen minutes left, and I was pushing our line forward for another goal. I was advancing through the right when a member of the other team tackled me from behind to try to get the ball from me.

Fucker…

I felt my knee pop as I fell down, and I couldn't stand back up. I could hear my team mates yelling to the guy, but I stayed on the ground, grabbing my right knee, writhing in pain.

Shit, shit, shit!

Someone sprayed some numbing gel on the back of my knee, which helped only marginally. As Ian helped me get up, my leg was hurting like a mother. I probably should have gone out, but as I stood up straight and limped around a bit, I signaled to the coach to let me stay a bit longer. "I'm okay," I mouthed to him. There were only fifteen minutes left on the clock anyway, so I tried to keep playing. My knee buckled a couple times, and I knew I wasn't running as much as I could. After a sprint to try to score, I couldn't help but limp back. Coach took me out.

Shit…

I was closer to the bench on the other side of the field, so I limped that way and sat there alone. I was worried the other team might take advantage as the game kept going.

"Hey, are you okay?" Bella came closer, holding a water bottle on her hands. I was grabbing my knee with one hand, trying not to be a pussy, but I was in pain. The ache was growing stronger as I cooled off. I looked up to her, and she handed me the water. I drank, trying to limit myself to a wince.

"Thanks," I said, still panting. She sat next to me.

"What happened?"

"It's my knee. I think it popped out. It happened one time before and feels the same."

"Popped out?" Her eyes widened.

"Yes." I smiled. Bella was worried about me. The thought of Bella caring for me had me all warm inside. "It's okay. I know how to fix it." I took a deep breath. "I'm waiting for the pain to lessen so we can do it."

"We?"

"Yeah, you just need to pull it and—"

"Pull what? Oh no, let's call that guy. Is that spray the only medicine he has?" she asked nervously, standing up.

"Listen, Bella, I'm sorry. It's all very amateur here," I explained with a smile. "I trust you better than him." I turned my attention back to the game; the other team had the ball and was moving forward.

"But, I mean, can you walk? Why don't we go to the doctor or something?"

"Oh great! Just great!" There was going to be a penalty kick against my team. "I knew it!" I yelled, standing up. The other team scored the penalty kick, and the game ended one to one. "Damn it!" I smashed the bottle of water on the ground.

"Hey, calm down." Bella grabbed my hand. Her touch did weird things to my body. It scared me how much it calmed me. I sat down next to her and grabbed my throbbing knee. I couldn't help but groan and close my eyes. She caressed my hair with her other hand. "Edward?" she asked, and I glanced at her. My eyes were getting watery.

What a pussy! Here she is comforting me, and I'm crying like a baby.

"Why do you like me?" I blurted out without thinking. Her hand dropped from my hair, and she stared at me with wide eyes. I let go of her other hand. "I'm— I'm sorry," I stammered, standing up and limping away.

I heard her getting up and walking closer to me. "No, wait. Listen, I do like you. What's not to like about you?" Her words knocked the air out of me, and it took me a minute to start breathing again and turn to face her. She looked straight into my eyes. She had beautiful deep brown eyes.

Why is she doing this to me? Doesn't she know I can't…

My eyes found hers, and my body just gravitated toward her. My hand listened to no sense and I caressed her cheek. I was so close to her; my nose was almost touching hers. My breath was coming hard through my nose. Half an inch closer and my lips would be on hers.

No! Of course she doesn't know I can't… because I haven't told her why I can't…

I pulled back, again, with a groan. "Damn it! Bella, I'm sorry. I… I— I can't do this!" I said, covering my face with my hands. I heard her sigh. "There's a lot about me that you don't know." I tried to sit down, but when I bent my knee, a shock of pain coursed through me, and this time I moaned loudly.

"Okay, stop. Let's just stop doing this, please? This is not why I came here today. I just want to be your friend, so don't worry about it. It's fine." Bella grabbed my hand as I rubbed my knee with the other one. "Let's just figure out what we are going to do about your knee. Let's, um, find a cab and go to the hospital, yes?"

"No. Listen," I started, taking deeper breaths. I was glad she was giving me a way out of this, at least for now. I extended my leg over the bench with a wince but focused on my breathing. "I'll grab my thigh, and you need to pull my foot very hard and fast until you hear a pop," I explained.

"Wouldn't that hurt?"

Yes, like a mother. "It's the only way. Don't worry. Just pull it hard, and I'll be fine," I tried to convince her.

"Um, okay. I guess… I don't know, Edward!" Her voice quavered, and she stared biting her bottom lip.

"C'mon," I said through my teeth, grabbing her hand and looking straight at her. "I trust you."

Her eyes were uncertain as she held my gaze. I grabbed my thigh with both hands and tried again to control my breathing. She nodded once in determination, stood up and walked around the bench to grab my foot. She wrapped my ankle with both hands and glanced at me for further instruction. I took a long and deep breath, preparing myself for the pain. "Go," I instructed, closing my eyes and holding my breath.

Bella pulled at my foot with as much strength as she could muster. My whole leg was screaming in pain. I grabbed the bench with one of my hands and tightened my grip. She let go of my foot too soon, before my knee popped back in. I lay down on the bench and covered my eyes with my arm, breathing hard.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Bella cried, getting closer to me. She kneeled next to the bench and put a hand on my shoulder.

"You need to pull it harder than that," I hissed, trying to keep my voice even.

"I'm sorry, I can't. I feel like I'm hurting you. Please, let's go to an emergency room. Please?" She was weeping when I turned to face her.

Bella was worried, to the point of tears, about me. I wanted to reach for her cheek with my hand and wipe her tears away. I took another long breath and sat down. I didn't want to go to the hospital, but I knew she was not going to be able to do it. Last time I got injured this way, two guys needed to pull my foot until my knee popped back in. So I gave up and stood up.

"Okay, let's go." I decided, limping toward her. She helped me walk while she called a cab on her cell phone.

We had been at the county hospital for at least three hours. I couldn't remember exactly what time they had put me in the bed, but it was already four o'clock. I insisted Bella go home, but she refused and stayed with me. The male nurses and the attending doctor had tried twice to get my knee back into place, but it just wasn't working. I refused the pain medication for obvious reasons, but they would not try again until I took the meds. They just needed to fucking try again already; I didn't know how much longer I could endure it.

I had my eyes closed, trying to control my breathing, when I heard the door open and close. I braced myself to try one more time to refuse the medication.

"Hey…" Bella's sweet voice surprised me. She was still here. Her hand caressed my clammy forehead, and I opened my eyes. "How are you?" she asked with a sad face.

Her eyes were still teary as she assessed me, and her voice sounded troubled. I needed Bella to help me, so I tried to convince her. "Bella, listen, I'm not going to take those pain killers. You have to help me convince them." She looked at me.

"But, why won't you take the medicine? It would make you feel better, and then they could work on your knee easily."

I can't take the meds. I can't. I can't…

"I know, Bella. I know." I grabbed her hand and tried again. "There's nothing that I would want more than to stop this, but I can't take those pain killers. Please, you have to trust me on this. They either do it without the medication, or we leave." I looked at Bella beseechingly as I attempted to get up. Her hand on my chest kept me from sitting.

"Edward, please! They said you were screaming so loud you were making the other patients nervous. Please, just take the medicine." It was Bella's turn to plead now as tears streamed from her eyes.

Baby, don't do this to me…

I had no idea where that came from.

So the screaming was the problem. I knew what I had to do. "I can't. Listen," I said, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. "Tell them to try one more time. I won't scream. I won't even make a noise. I promise. Please, Bella, I need you to back me up on this one, please." I hated sounding so desperate, but I was.

Bella sighed and caressed my hair. "Let me see what they say."

When I opened my eyes, she had left the room and was talking to the nurse outside. The nurse, the attending doctor, and two male nurses came back in the room followed by Bella. As they set up around the bed, Bella came closer to me. "They're going to try one more time," Bella whispered softly, running a finger over my forearm. "Try to relax, okay? I'll wait outside."

"No. Stay. Please." I held her hand and she smiled. I closed my eyes and started to control my breathing. The nurse and the doctor were holding me with a sheet around my waist, and the two male nurses grabbed my foot.

"One… two… three," the attending doctor counted. As soon as they started, I let go of Bella's hand and covered my eyes in pain.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

I bit the side of my hand trying not to scream, and with my other hand, I held on to the bed. I felt Bella's fingers lying tentatively on my arm. After what seemed like hours, my knee finally popped back in, and I breathed again in relief. It was still hurting a bit, but nothing compared to before.

The doctor went on and on about swelling or something and a cast, but I didn't hear anything. I was out of it. Everyone except Bella left the room. She was cleaning the sweat from my forehead with a towel.

"Is it better?" Bella asked, standing next to my bed. I opened my eyes and glanced at her. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes still had some remaining tears. There were a couple of strands that had come out of the messy bun that she had her hair in. My hands ached to get those strands behind her ears, and maybe while I was at it, release whatever was holding her hair up so it could flow down her shoulders.

"Yes, thank you," I said wholeheartedly.

"Oh, don't thank me. Thank them."

"You stayed."

"Yeah, well…" She trailed off, looking down.

"Listen, we got to go," I said, sitting up on the bed.

"What? They are coming back to put you in that cast thingy."

"I have one of those boots at home from my last injury." I tried to bend my knee, but it still hurt. It was easier to stand up than to sit down, so I stood up on my good leg.

"Hey! Wait, what's going on?" Bella moved around me as I gathered my things. "Wait just a minute! At least let's tell the doctor."

"Bella, listen," I said and grabbed her by her elbow, "I— I don't have insurance."

"Oh…"

"See? Let's go." I limped to the door as Bella trailed behind me.

"No, but, wait. I think I could help."

I turned around to face her. "Oh no, no way." No way in hell!

"Relax. I'm not going to pay for it. My dad works in this hospital, not in the ER but in surgery. I'm sure he could work something out."

"Bella, stop it. Let's go." I turned back around, opened the door and limped out. I heard her following me.

"Why won't you let me help you?" she called behind me. I just kept going. Too much on my mind; I just needed to get out of this place.

This amazing girl walking behind me not only went to my game, she also brought me to the hospital, stayed with me the whole time, and even held my hand as a cried like a baby! I got in the elevator and lay against the wall panting. Bella got in the elevator and stood beside me looking down. I couldn't find it in me to hold it in anymore.

"You've done plenty so far," I whispered, getting closer to her and cornering her against the elevator wall. "I'm fine. I'll be fine." Both of my arms were on each side of her shoulders. She was looking at me with those deep brown eyes, and I lost it. My breathing was coming hard through my nose as my lips touched hers. Her reaction took me by surprise; she clutched her hand on the back of my neck and pressed herself to me. My lips were frantic against hers as my tongue invaded her mouth. The ding of the elevator was loud and unsettling. I released her mouth, panting, our noses and foreheads still touching. Bella was breathing hard too as I grabbed her hand and continued to limp out of the building.

Once we were outside, I let go of her hand and reached for my pocket.

Jesus Christ, I am fucked up…

"A smoke, right? What else?" Bella said angrily.

"I'm sorry… I—"

"Yeah, yeah. You really need this one. I know," she interrupted, mocking me. I lit the smoke and smiled. She was right; I really needed this one. I sighed in relief, blowing the smoke through my nose. "So you want to tell me what happened in there? Why did you refuse to take the medication?"

"Bella," I started, blowing smoke away from her beautiful face. "You don't want to know. Trust me."

"Oh please, stop that! You said you trusted me. Why won't you tell me anything about your life?"

"Because you are not going to like it."

"Try me," Bella challenged, crossing her arms over her chest. We were still standing outside. Well, she was standing, and I was balancing on one foot.

"If you insist." I really needed to just tell her and get it over with. She would see what a fucked up asshole I was, and she would stay the fuck away from me. I could do it. If she rejected me, I could stay away from her. It would be hard, but I could do it. But not when she was so fucking nice to me all the time, when she looked at me with those eyes, when she was always looking so pretty. Staying away from her when she wanted to be with me was impossible. "The thing is that, um… last time I got injured like this, I was playing the best I'd ever played. I was really close to get everything I ever wanted, Bella, regarding soccer at least." I stopped and smoked. Here it goes. "I didn't want to lose practices or anything, so… I abused the medication to go back and train sooner."

"Abused?" she asked, her lovely eyes widening slightly.

"Well, I never went to the doctor, and some guys just pulled my foot until we thought it was back into place. But it probably wasn't, because it kept hurting, so I just started to take more and more pain killers and became addicted. I started using other drugs too, Bella, and I got kicked off of the team."

I stared at the ground while I confessed, puffing out smoke. It was a short version of the story, but it should suffice. She stayed quiet for a couple of seconds.

"What kinds of drugs?" Bella asked timidly.

"Morphine and, um, heroin. Which are basically the same thing." I let her digest what I was saying for a couple of seconds more, maybe minutes. But after a while, I couldn't take the silence anymore. "I joined a rehab clinic for a few months. I've been clean for three years now."

"Wow," she said, and I turned to look at her.

Wow?

"I told you, you didn't want to know that."

This is it. This is where she'll realize I am a fucking loser, and finally walk out on me.

"Oh, no… I mean…" She trailed off and seemed to be collecting her thoughts. "I mean, that's part of your past. It makes you what you are today. I bet it made you a lot stronger, to recover from that, I mean. That must have been pretty rough," Bella said, seemingly honest. "You should give yourself some credit for that."

I finished my cigarette, my eyes glued to hers, trying to figure out how she was even real and wishing I would have met her five years before.

This girl is going to be the death of me.

"You are amazing," I said, the corner of my mouth turning up involuntarily. "Really, you amaze me."

"No, you amaze me. I'm…so… proud. Most people find staying clean very hard."

"I never said it was easy. It is still not easy." I sighed. The pressure building in my chest, and I rubbed at it with my fist fruitlessly.

"Of course. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I just, I don't like to think or talk about it too much."

"I understand." She smiled and sighed. "We should go. You must be tired."

I looked around and saw that it was already getting dark. Bella was right: I was tired, exhaustingly so. I was still wearing my soccer uniform and my cleats for fuck's sake. I felt like I smelled: disgusting.

"Are you really going to be okay?" she asked as we waited for her bus.

"Yes." I smiled again at her. She was looking up at me through her lashes, and it was taking everything I had not to kiss her again.

"I could go with you, to your house, just in case you need anything, and then go home," she offered.

"That won't be necessary. I'll be fine." Her offer to come home with me hurt me like a million punches in the gut. That was another truth I'd have to give her soon.

No, Bella. You shouldn't come home with me. I don't think my wife and daughter would like that, I thought sarcastically.

Her bus arrived soon after, and I kissed her on the cheek before she left. I couldn't deny it felt good to have Bella know more about me, to have one less thing to keep from her. I was still a little shocked by the way she reacted without judging me. She even said she was proud of me. No one has ever said that to me before, no one. I surely did not deserve it, but hearing her say that had filled me with such joy, it almost made me forget what a scummy man I was.

A/N: OK. So I guess I should say I do not condone infidelity of any kind, BUT I can understand when it happens. Does that make sense?

Thanks for reading! :)