A/N: A lot of this part (and the next couple) are going to be blatantly built off of "The Zeppo", with dialogue lifts and the like. If it's not here, but was in the episode, you can generally assume that it played out as in canon (with the obvious exception of scenes removed to fit this story). Obviously, I'm starting to really tip my hand with this part.
"What do you mean I'm not helping?"
Despite himself, Giles had told Buffy exactly what the demons were, and what they had planned. The short version: they were part of the Sisterhood of Jhe, and they intended to open the Hellmouth. "Buffy, you and Xander were extremely lucky last night. You both could have been seriously hurt, if not killed, and I absolutely will not allow you to face the Sisterhood. If not for her witchcraft, I would be doing the same with Willow."
"I can't believe you!" shouted the ex-Slayer. "Xander and I have faced everything this town has thrown at us so far, and come out ahead! And he never even had any powers!"
"Look," replied Giles, his patience at its limit. "I don't want to do this. You are both immensely valuable to our cause. But the Sisterhood of Jhe is way more serious than anything you've ever faced, even when you were the Slayer. Perhaps if you had more experience fighting without your powers, I'd reconsider, but as it stands, I cannot allow…."
"Fine!" hissed Buffy as she left, desperate to avoid allowing Giles to see her cry.
"…And he was like, 'No, you and Xander cannot take part in stopping this'.' It's like he's gone from treating me as an adult to acting like I'm 15 all over again! And poor Xander, it's like he's a nobody all of a sudden!"
Willow was sympathetic, but ultimately in agreement with Giles. "Maybe he's right. You guys got roughed up pretty bad the other day. I mean, sure, cutting you guys out of research is kinda harsh, but if he thinks this one is that serious, maybe you guys should sit out. I don't know what I'd do-"
Willow's train of thought was interrupted by the honking of a car horn behind them. At the wheel of the car, which was an impeccably preserved '57 Chevy Bel Aire, was Xander. "You girls need a lift?"
Regarding the car skeptically, Buffy asked, "What is that?"
"What do you mean, 'What is it?' It's my thing!"
"Your thing?" asked Willow.
"My thing…."
Buffy instantly wondered if she had been a bit too generous in defending Xander. Cringing, she questioned, "Is this a penis metaphor?"
Undeterred, Xander continued. "My thing that makes me cool! You know, that makes me unique. I'm Car Guy. Guy with a car."
"How could you afford it?" asked Willow.
"Uncle Rory stacking up the DUI's," he explained, "letting me rent this bad boy 'til he's mobile again."
Halfheartedly, Buffy admitted, "Well, it's nice."
"If you could sound less enthused…."
"Sorry," apologized the blonde, "It's just that….."
"Evil," interrupted Willow, cutting to the quick.
"Big?"
"Biggest," declared Buffy. "And Giles says that we're sidelined."
Xander looked as if his puppy had just been kicked, and he didn't even own one. "There's nothing at all that we can do?"
Buffy and Xander looked to Willow, who folded like a deck of cards under the weight of their combined sympathy powers. "Well….."
"Two of the glazed, two cinnamon, couple of crème-filled, and a jelly. Let's round that out to four jellies."
"Can we add an extra one outside of the box?" asked Buffy. Responding to Xander's look, she said, "What? I like jelly donuts."
"OK, and an extra donut for the lady," replied Xander, unable to refuse Buffy her desire.
However, an already aggravating situation for the two deteriorated further as none other than Cordelia Chase approached, still out for Xander's blood. "Ooh, some evil going on? It must be big for them to entrust you with this daredevil mission, Xander. And you even brought ol' gimpy to help."
Buffy fumed. "I might not be the Slayer anymore, but I sure as Hell can beat the snot out of your skanky ass." Xander paid for the donuts, and handed her her prized jelly.
Cordy was as pleased as punch to be getting not only under her ex-boyfriend's skin, but Buffy's as well. "Again, I strike a nerve. I am a surgeon of mean."
"Can you crawl back under that rock of yours?" asked Buffy between bites. "We have things to do."
"Riiiiiiight," agreed Cordelia in full sarcasm mode as she followed Buffy and Xander to the car. "The Slayer and her groupie, on the important mission of 'being expendable'."
Xander cut in. "You think you know everything-"
"I know you."
"Yeah, right," declared Buffy, the donut now gone. "You sort of know how to grope him and hurl insults. Just like every other guy at school who's had a ride."
Queen C was unfazed in her verbal assault. "Oh, what, Xander has a shiny new car and now he's someone new. Like anyone cares about-"
"Is that your car?" asked a strikingly beautiful blonde, which took Buffy and Cordelia aback.
"Why, yes, it is," answered Xander, suddenly feeling full of confidence.
"'57 Chevy Bel Aire, 283 C.I.D solid lifter, fuel injected v8?"
Xander had no clue whatsoever what the blonde girl was asking, but responded anyways. "Uh….very possibly."
"How does she handle?"
Xander knew the answer to this one. "Like a dream about warm sticky things." Forgetting Buffy for a second, he asked, "You wanna go for a little drive?"
"You busy?"
"Actually, he is," interrupted Buffy, to Xander's extreme surprise. Looking at him with her full charm turned on, she said, "You mean you forgot about our date tonight, Xan?"
"Date?" asked Xander and Cordelia simultaneously. However, while Xander was again shocked, Cordy found it deliciously funny.
"Yes," replied Buffy, mostly to Queen C. "I hear you've been having trouble with that since you dumped this fine example of a man." Xander was pretty much putty in the ex-Slayer's hands, and had completely forgotten the other blonde, who was fuming.
"You have fun with that," replied the blonde to Xander before telling Buffy, "You've got jelly donut in the corner of your mouth."
With the blonde departing a huff, Cordelia just walked away, laughing at the now-deflated pair of expendable Scoobies.
The Bronze was lively as ever, but Buffy (now with her makeup in impeccable order after the post-donut humiliation earlier) and Xander were utterly miserable. "And now Cordelia's taking shots at me, Xander. Cordelia. This is massively humiliating."
"Welcome to my life since I got caught fluking with Willow."
"I'm sorry," answered Buffy before hugging him briefly. "I hadn't realized. And I guess I haven't helped, what with me taking Willow's side and everything."
"You should be on Willow's side," admitted Xander with a sigh. "I had my chance, and I blew it."
"If it helps any," offered the blonde, "you'll always have…..Angel!"
Xander was perplexed for a moment as Buffy shot up onto her feet. That is, until he saw Deadboy himself, looking as broody as ever.
"Buffy….what are you doing here?" he asked, before noticing Xander seated behind her.
"I'm here, with Xander."
Ignoring the frankly disturbing possibility, Angel said, "You guys shouldn't be out tonight. The portents are pretty bad this time…."
"We can help! We're all up on our portents, right Xander?" Xander nodded.
"No, you don't understand," interrupted the ensouled vampire. "This is serious, and I think it's going to be sooner than Giles thinks. I need to talk to Willy-"
"And we can help!" begged Buffy in an almost pathetic fashion.
Angel shook his head. "No, I want you to be safe." He started to leave, but just couldn't leave well enough alone. In a low voice, he asked, "Buffy, why are you on a date with Xander? I thought-"
"Well, maybe you thought wrong!" shouted Buffy loudly enough to turn a couple of heads. "At least Xander doesn't try to decide when I can and can't help!"
"Buffy, you're not the Slayer anymore. You've got to realize that I'm trying to-"
"To what? Protect me? Tell me how to live my life? Because if that's the case," announced Buffy for all to hear as she took off her claddagh ring, "You can take this ring back, and go to Hell! Again!" Buffy threw the ring at him, and it clattered to some unknown part of the Bronze, never to be seen again.
"Buffy….."
"Don't 'Buffy' me, Angel!" she shouted. "We're through!"
Angel thought about saying something, but just decided to leave, albeit much broodier than he was when he entered the night club. For her part, Buffy collapsed back into her seat next to Xander, clearly in tears.
Normally, Xander would have been overjoyed, but Buffy needed him. "Is there anything I can do, Buffy?" he asked helpfully.
"Can you just take me home?" she asked. "I don't feel like having fun anymore tonight."
Outside, Buffy was in full-on Bitter Mode as Xander started his car. "It's like everyone thinks I'm completely incapable of protecting myself just because I've lost my powers. Sure, my reflexes aren't that hot right now, but I know what I'm doing."
"Maybe you just need to get on a hardcore training program," offered Xander. "I could help if you need someone to spar with you."
"You'd do that?" she asked, her mood improving exponentially. With a heartfelt hug, Buffy added, "You're such a good friend, Xander. I don't know what I'd do without you right now."
"Think nothing of it, Buff. Once we get to your place, we can-"
All plans stopped as Xander smacked into another car. Leaping out of his car, Buffy and Xander surveyed the damage, which was far, far worse on the other vehicle on account of it being made of far less sturdy materials than the Bel Aire. "Oh my God, oh my God," repeated Xander, "All right, let's stay calm. Little fender bender, it's not-"
Xander paused as the driver of the other car exited. It was Jack O'Toole, all-around thug and bully. Buffy recognized him instantly (after all, Snyder compared her to him constantly at school), but she was unaware that Jack was already upset at Xander. As the bully approached, Xander finished his sentence, albeit with far, far less confidence.
"…..the end of the world."
