The penultimate chapter is at last upon us- when did I start uploading this fic again? Eheh.
Billiam Lakeo'beere's
Raito and Lawliet
Chapter 4
IX. Contact
Being a greater exploration of various detectives' motivations
The first two times Raito and L tried to have a proper date Near and Mello would somehow manage to find them, popping up just in time to order drinks.
So L had said 'bugger it' and the two were simply going to have lunch together at L's place. Their romantic conversations would have to be restricted, especially if Mello was close to knives. Indeed, Mello would try and stab Raito if he was 'corrupting L' and if L showed intimacy towards Raito, Mello would probably attempt to stab herself, and the evidence for this suspicion could be traced to when Near had to try and wrestle a cheese grater away from Mello's face. L told them they were being childish and sent them outside.
The two were in denial about Raito and L and this illusion seemed to be not so slowly driving them insane.
Raito and L refused to let this destroy their chances of being together.
L smiled oddly. "Oh Raito, Raito, wherefore art thou Raito?" he asked. Raito raised an eyebrow.
"Well, to be Raito or not to be Raito, that is the question," he replied.
"Wrong play," said L offhandedly.
"What do you mean, wrong? I'm just quoting a different one."
"Yeah, but- nothing." L laid a hand on Raito's arm and the contact contained many unsaid things. Raito smiled warmly.
The following morning's newspaper had plastered across the top: new enemies to Kira the Ripper announce themselves.
Raito read on:
Two letters have arrived at the office of the police station, stating that legendary genius detectives 'J' and 'B' are 'on the case of Kira the Ripper'. Fellow genius detective Y says 'I have been working hard on this case for a long time, and if I haven't uncovered anything, I highly doubt these amateurs to the world of genius detectiveing can do any better.'
Kira has sent in one of his rare statements, proclaiming 'come on, it's hard enough to stay ahead of four opponents, but seven? I'm going to get rid of both of these guys fast.'
As usual physical evidence from Kira's letter is entirely inconclusive.
Read a more complicated version of this story on page three.
It went on to say:
In an absolutely 100% unrelated matter, genius detective M has sent in a fictional short story, which details '('let's call them,' M says) 'Beyond B.', 'Nate R.' (who is constantly insulted in the introduction) and 'L L.'
"Interesting," L said. "I can't wait to see how the Kira case turns out."
"Hey L, how come you're not helping solve the case?" asked Raito, then muttered, "And for that matter, why haven't Mello or Near done anything whatsoever..."
"Well to tell you the truth, Raito," L said, "I really don't have the time."
Raito watched for two minutes, amused, as L slowly ate a small plate of cookies, often pausing in order to stare into space thoughtfully with the tip of his thumb held in his teeth.
"Mello dear," said L offhandedly, "Would you mind getting me a can of Coke from the milk bar please?" Mello drew a sharp breath, and her eyes filled up with tears.
"Oh crap, what did I say?" asked L in a pained voice.
"Um, you said 'dear'," replied Raito.
"Oh boy..."
True to Kira's word three days later the bodies of Jay Johnston and Bea 'the' Burritobandito were announced.
"Hey L," said Raito offhandedly, "if you were one of those detectives, what would your letter be?"
L did not dignify that with a response. Raito had not expected him to. He was just lucky neither Mello or Near were in the room at the moment.
Near burst out of the pots and pans cupboard and proceeded to laugh loudly at Raito, who just stared.
"Stupid poo-poo," he snickered, "It'd so obviously be 'L', for Lawliet."
Mello kicked her way out of the large box the refrigerator came in and started to laugh at Near.
"You're such an idiot, his first name is L!" shouted Mello. She then continued in a harsh whisper to Near something neither Raito nor L heard. Near looked stricken.
"How could you say that?" he said, horrified, and ran upstairs.
"Evidently she insulted some aspect of Near's personality," Raito noted "and implied that this would not carry favour with you, L."
"Clearly," L added.
After a while L was struck by a sudden idea.
"I'd sure love some lemonade right now!" L called.
"I bet you would!" Raito agreed.
"We both would! I'd be really grateful!" L added loudly. Sitting facing the door, L saw Near fall out of the air, and L surmised he had jumped from his bedroom window, to hit the ground, roll into a crouch and and sprint over to the lemon tree to start collecting lemons. Mello leapt up and started pulling things out of the cupboards. Raito could not fail to notice that in one cupboard were no less than six twenty pound bags of sugar.
In a short amount of time Near and Mello had finished. Near got down on one knee- again, looking suspiciously like he was proposing- and offered a tray with two tall glasses filled with sparkling yellow lemonade with ice cubes floating in it and slices of lemon on the sides of the glasses.
"Thank you both," L said sweetly, and set the tray down. He stared at the two pointedly for a few seconds and they self-consciously scurried away. Raito took a sip and his eyes bulged. Sweetness and sourness collided on his tongue spectacularly, but L sipped his unconcernedly.
"That was fun," he said when his glass was half emptied, "And as a bonus this lemonade tastes quite good." L drained the glass and ate the lemon slice on the side of the glass.
Raito smiled fondly. L's odd eating habits were endearing and never failed to amuse, though Raito reckoned he was probably the only person who thought so.
X. Deletion
In which a masked ball is held and heaps of random characters appear
Teru Mikami was sitting in an Internet café, pressing the 'Delete' key over and over. The computer was at the login screen
"Delete," said Mikami. "Delete. Delete. Delete."
A woman walked over to him. "Sir," she said, "You have used up your hour. Do you wish to pay for another hour?"
Mikami nodded, handing her a ten pound note, eyes never leaving the computer screen.
He then continued pressing the key...
Raito was walking along the street later that day, coming back from the bakery with a bag of broken biscuits which had cost him only one shilling. Suddenly Teru Mikami leapt out at him, stumbled and grabbed the hem of Raito's cloak. He looked upward, eyes wide.
"God?" he asked.
"Yes," replied Raito mildly, "I am God. You must appease me with gifts of money." Teru Mikami seemed to swell like a balloon.
"You're not God!" he screamed. Raito stumbled backward and quickly strode away.
Later he heard that same person went on a drinking binge with Matsuda and when he woke up and found out things weren't as he thought they were he went insane and died incredibly undramatically. Mainly because he was the sort of person who dies. It was a character trait.
ooo
Later, L, Raito, Near and Mello were attending a masked ball in a not-so-subtle homage to Romeo and Juliet.
"Alright," L said, "Masks on, and let's go in." Raito lifted an elegant bird mask in front of his face that he held with a thin wooden pole. L strapped on a weird looking human face mask, Near wore one that looked creepily like L and Mello pulled on a balaclava.
It shocked Raito to admit it, even to himself, but he was becoming fond of Mello and Near. That was it; he needed a drink.
"If you think the L mask is bad," L muttered to Raito as he walked by him to get through the door Raito gallantly held open for him, "You should see these creepy finger puppets I found him with. Yeah, finger puppets..."
God, now I need a drink more than ever, Raito thought, sickened by the information from which one, now Raito came to think of it, could infer what one wished. It occurred to that if it had been anything important, like the climax of an entire plot, deliberate ambiguity would be utter crap.
Luckily the punch was right next to him. He picked up a glass, then glanced at the mask, the glass and then at the spoon in the punch bowl.
"How exactly..." Raito muttered. Near took his mask for him. "Thanks, Near," he said and picked up the spoon. Near looked at L hopefully.
"Um, yes, Near," L added, "Very thoughtful."
Near squirmed in creepy delight.
"Dude..." muttered a stoner as he walked up to Raito. "Hey, dudes. You seen my car keys? I lost my f***in' car keys..."
Raito shook his head.
"Aw damn," the stoner said, "I lost my car keys, you know. I'm Sidoh, by the way. I lost my car keys. Hey, this dude looks like a f***in' rainbow sheep. Hey, sheep-boy, do a flip! Flip for me, bitch!"
Near gave a start and hurried behind Mello, who puffed out her chest, almost knocking Sidoh over. "Leave us alone," she said.
"Hey, you're hot!" slurred Sidoh, "I'd f*** you. F***, I lost my car keys..."
Sidoh stumbled off. Raito stared after him, and shook his head before turning around to see Kiyomi Takada- who had a typical 20th century or perhaps late 19th century English name and who Raito knew from high school.
"Raito Yagami?" she said.
"Oh, hi Takada," Raito greeted her.
"What a coincidence, running into you here. I think it's a sign we should get back together."
'A phase,' Raito mouthed in response to L's raised eyebrow.
"Um, Takada," Raito said gently, "About that... not that I don't think you're a nice person, but I'm actually, um, gay."
"Oh, bugger off," said Takada, unsuprised, "People have been saying that to me all night."
"No really, I am," protested Raito, then sighed. "Okay, here. Ooh look, it's L," he said excitedly, pointing in the opposite direction. Mello and Near instantly swivelled to look, and while they were distracted Raito kissed L soundly on the lips. L responded enthusiastically. They broke apart hurriedly as Near and Mello turned back.
"Oh yeah, L's there, isn't he?" Near said, scratching his head self-consciously. Mello coughed, embarrassed.
"Oh, all right," said Takada, scowling. A sophisticated looking gentleman with a round yet lean and handsome face and large chin sidled up next to Takada. He handed her a rose.
"I am Takuo Shibuimaru," he said in an incredibly smooth voice. Takada outwardly showed signs of melting; her knees buckled ever so slightly and her gaze became vacant. The now helpless Kiyomi Takada and the suave, debonair Takuo Shibimaru left the masked ball. Incidentally, a bus drove straight through Takuo's apartment later. It crushed him and Takada perished in the flames, for they too had personalities suited to dying.
Meanwhile, another very attractive sophisticated man, Hitoshi Demegawa, was chatting up a woman, who looked far beneath him and flattered at his attention.
"That's Halle Linder, or Halle Bullook as the rarely used but standard pronunciation goes," L informed Raito, who nodded interestedly.
In a strange twist of fate, Halle survived the inevitable deletion that seemed to strike many of London's inhabitants. I mean really, even in a series- that is to say society- that was largely about murder, the death rate was outrageous. Truly unbelievable when one really stopped to think about how many people ended up dying.
Separately Near and Mello paid the band all their Christmas money to extend their slow dances with L to half an hour, whereas for L and Raito it was a four minute whirl of colour as they danced the tango and somehow won a massive teddy bear that L reluctantly gave to Near, who squealed in delight and hugged L, tackling him and knocking out his breath and probably at least one of his ribs.
ooo
Back at Raito's house, Adolf, who was in bed reading a book, thoughtfully glanced at his wife.
"Does Raito still live here?" he asked. Sachiko blinked.
"I... think so."
XI. Kindred Spirit
Containing the events that follow Raito's confrontation with Ryuk
Raito flopped down onto his bed, eyes closed. He sat up, and Ryuk hastily flickered out of visibility.
"Alright, this is beginning to bug me," Raito said loudly, "Come on, Shinigami, I need to talk to you."
Ryuk shyly became visible.
"Now what's the deal?" Raito asked "I know you're a Shinigami, a god of death, right?"
"I- huh?" replied Ryuk.
"It's Japanese," said Raito. "Shinigami translates to 'god of death'."
"What? Shinigami may mean 'god of death' in Japanese, but it sure doesn't mean that in the ancient language of the Shinigami. Imagine being told that 'human' meant 'god of delicious purple tacos' in Martian or something."
"What does it mean, then?"
"Well, uh… understand that the term doesn't translate exactly…" Ryuk said awkwardly, scratching his head self-consciously.
"Go on."
"Okay. Well, the term really is quite a bit more respectful. Um… 'Shinigami' kind of translates to 'god of perversion'."
"God… of perversion?"
"It isn't that insulting, of course, but in my species it is custom to spy on a human of your choosing. Watch them when they shower, go to the toilet…"
Raito spluttered.
"It really is the norm," Ryuk protested. "It's just our culture."
Suddenly there was a loud crash, and a horrific screeching tearing sound. Then a large white shape flew straight through the window without physically connecting, however the weather vane it carried did and smashed the glass. The creature flopped onto the bed and raised the weather vane, then plunged it into its breast dramatically. Greyish goo exploded upwards, splattering onto Raito's sheets.
Raito would have snickered but was too appalled and freaked out.
The monster had large lips, pointy dreadlocks that became blue at the tips, a squarish face and its body appeared to be made out of bones. It had a slightly similar skeletal appearance as Ryuk, although white, and despite himself Raito imagined the creature as… feminine.
There was about ten seconds of silence, and then: "I'm not dead, am I?"
Ryuk shook his head. "Nope," he said. The creature on the bed ripped the weather vane out of its chest and hurled it aside, sending a spray of what appeared to be the creature's blood across the carpet. The weather vane smashed through the window again and fell two stories to sink into the earth.
The creature looked with a sickened glance as its wound healed itself.
"Raito," Ryuk said, "This is another Shinigami, a female."
"My name is Rem," she added.
"What the hell is going on?" screamed Raito. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, my human died," said Rem, "And I was in love with her. I tried to pretend I wasn't but come on, I so totally was. Anyway, I figured out that Kira was the murderer, and tracked them down. I fully intended to kill Kira, but it seems I lacked the psychological strength. Denied of my only revenge, I, well, I went on a bender. I got extremely drunk constantly and spent about the past two weeks in a drunken haze stumbling around and flickering in and out of visibility inconsistently. Hell, I started hanging around with a patchwork quilt who I said was jealous because of how beautiful I was.
"I grew to loathe apples, and yet I needed them. I drank an entire bottle of apple juice, and then a cask of apple cider-"
"You did what?" exploded Ryuk.
"- And I woke up this morning, blearily on a church roof, hating myself and all life. I tried to impale myself on the church steeple but I missed and fell onto your roof. I ripped off your weather vane and flew crazily into your room, and then I finally managed to impale myself.
"I forgot I was immortal, though."
"Man, you must have been seriously wasted," noted Ryuk. "I mean, Shinigami get high off of apples, but drinking apple juice? And apple freakin' cider? That's just trying to kill yourself."
"I think, on some level, that was the plan."
"You do realise that by trying to commit suicide, you've broken a level five law."
"Not level three?" whined Rem. "Crap! I wanted oblivion!"
"That's the irony, though. You'd have to do something worse that trying to kill yourself to succeed at it."
"What's this level five and three law?" asked Raito.
"The Shinigami punishment system," Ryuk explained, "The worse your misdeed, the worse your punishment. Three or worse kills you. Incidentally, good luck trying to find out who Kira is, because revealing secrets of a human like that is a level two offence, and also it's impossible to do on purpose unless you already guessed a major secret related to the secret."
"These Shinigami rules of yours are ridiculously complicated, convenient, unlikely and seem almost to exist merely to provide the possibility of a very specific scenario," Raito noted.
"Yes," said Ryuk.
Raito thought, for two whole minutes, and then told Rem Kira's identity. Rem nodded, and whispered information to Raito related to the secret he had just obtained.
"If you want to pay Kira back," Raito said, "Here is what you have to do." And he told her. Rem flew out the window.
The minutes stretched on.
Ryuk turned to Raito. "Do you want me to dig my eyes out and stick them in your head? It will only cost you half your life."
"I'm not the sort of person who would accept that," replied Raito.
"Fine," Ryuk sniffed, "Be that way."
More time passed.
"Just out of interest, Ryuk," said Raito, "Are all Shinigami gay or is it just a coincidence that you and Rem happen to be?" Ryuk grinned wickedly.
"Just out of interest, huh? Personal interest?"
Raito fell silent.
Meanwhile Ryuk was thinking. Even though I'm a Shinigami, he's never been afraid of me or tried to kiss my butt. "Hyuk, hyuk," he chuckled naughtily at the thought of Raito kissing his butt.
About an hour later, Rem flew through the wall.
"Well, I did what you told me to, Raito. It would have been so much simpler if I could just kill Kira, but here we go."
All of a sudden blue light started streaming out of Rem's mouth, and her body heaved and roiled.
"Yes!" shouted Rem. "When Shinigami reveal themselves to humans, it is a Level three violation! Painless death! Oh, this is perfect!"
"Oh yeah," says Ryuk "I forgot about that." Rainbow light poured from every orifice and he and Rem began to rise off the ground, rotating, giving a really weird disco strobe light effect. Rem's head hit the ceiling and she exploded, an intensely bright octarine light seemed to burn the inside of Raito's eyelids. Ryuk too hit the ceiling but he merely exploded into blood and guts.
"Hm," said Raito. "I think a small house fire would be in order." Then he added, "The person who enforces these rules is really incompetent. Ryuk revealed himself to me like four months ago."
The next day, two letters arrived, one addressed to Raito and one to Adolf.
As Raito slid his open, an odd smile crept onto his lips. All the pieces were in place. His plan would come to fruition.
He called his kindred spirit, L, to see if he could get a lift to that final place of confrontation, that theatre of deception and truth.
All would be… neat, and finished, once and for all.
So, who is Kira? I should mention at this point that even though the rest of the fic is pretty much bullcrap, the mystery is actually a genuine one. Any character could conceivably be Kira, but they need to actually have a reason/explanation.
Also, I love that freaking nothing happens in IX. Contact. Seriously, it's just them having a conversation for a whole part.
