FOUR CRAZY BACHELORS

Disclaimer: I don't own the Clone Wars. Also, the rating for this chapter has been increased to T, for alcohol consumption.

Lux Bonteri woke up to the sound of party noisemakers.

He groped for his alarm clock. "Ugh…what's going on here?"

"Rise and shine, Bonteri!" Saw's voice yelled,

Oh…oh no.

Lux forced his eyes open and sat up in bed.

Saw, Hutch, and - was that Captain Rex? - Stood in his bedroom, holding various objects which included the aforementioned noisemaker. But the thing that caught Lux's attention was their T-shirts.

Each one wore a white T-shirt with black block print.

The block print read LUX BONTERI'S BACHELOR PARTY.

"What the heck?"

Rex threw the shirt at Lux's head. "Put this on, stick on some swim trunks and let's go. We're having a bachelor party."

Lux looked at the clock. "But I never planned a bachelor party."

"No, I did!" Saw cackled.

Lux deeply, deeply regretted making Saw his best man. Maybe Hutch would have been a better decision.

"Put it on. We'll be waiting in the car. Don't worry about breakfast!" Saw said, and the other bachelors left.

Grudgingly, Lux got dressed, brushed his teeth, and went out to meet his friends in the car.

….

First stop: a fast food restaurant, for some breakfast.

"Hello, welcome to Galactic Burger! May I take your order?" the chipper cashier asked through the drive-thru speaker.

Saw rolled down his window. "Hi. I'll take one steak, egg, and cheese biscuit…" he looked to Hutch and Lux. "One bacon and egg muffin, a sausage and cheese biscuit…" he turned his head to Rex. "What's your favorite thing from this place?"

"I've never been here," Rex said, scrutinizing the menu.

Saw elected to decide for him. "Make that two steak, egg, and cheese biscuits and hash browns all around." He said.

"Will that be all?"

"Yes,"

"That will be twenty credits."

Saw counted out the credits and pulled up to the window. The cashier handed over one bag filled with greasy food, and Saw handed it to Rex so he could drive.

Rex looked at the bag with distaste, and retrieved his biscuit and hash browns.

"Do civvies really eat this?" he asked, holding up the grease-dripping biscuit.

Lux nodded. "My mom worked there during college, so we don't eat there that much. But some people eat it every day."

"It tastes better than it looks." Hutch coaxed. "Delicious eggs. Actual steak. A warm, fluffy biscuit."

Rex took a bite and began to chew. The others watched him, eyes peeled for any sign of his opinion.

Rex swallowed.

"Can we go through again on our way home?"

After they had finished their breakfast, Saw's car lumbered into the beach parking lot.

In the summertime, Onderon was blisteringly hot. Luckily the planet had been blessed with many large lakes. Over time, someone had gotten the idea to put in beaches for the people to enjoy.

But oh, this particular beach was different.

Emerald Beach, it was called, was famous among University of Onderon students as a hangout. A hangout for partying.

"Saw, what are we doing here?" Lux demanded.

Rex looked back to the groom-to-be. "One word. Girls."

As if on cue, a trio of girls in swimsuits bounced by.

"Oh, man." Saw said dreamily.

"Girls?" Hutch cried. "Bonteri and I are engaged!"

"That's not the only reason," Rex continued. "The other reason is because Whisky told me that the best drinks on Onderon are here."

Hutch shrugged. "Well…that's true.

With a groan, Lux slunk out of the car.

"Cheer up, Brother." Rex said. "I'll buy you a piña colada."

Everything considered, the bachelor party was going pretty well.

Lux, Rex, and Hutch were sunning themselves and drinking piña coladas.

Saw was trying to flirt with a girl at the bar.

"You know," Hutch said "We just might come back here for my bachelor party."

"Can I bring some of my brothers?" Rex asked. "This is nice. We'll bring some drinks."

Hutch raised his glass. "Sounds good to me.

They went back to basking in the sun for a few minutes, content to let their thoughts wander when…

"Hey there,"

Lux turned his head.

Oh Force no.

Lying on the sand next to his beach towel, was a young woman.

"Hello." Lux replied stiffly.

She sipped from her drink. "How are you, hottie?"

Lux nodded so stiffly, he was surprised his neck even moved. "I'm fine, I can't wait to get home to my fiancée."

Take the hint, he prayed. Please, take the hint.

Luckily for him, the woman took the hint. She stood up, dusted the sand off herself…

And strutted about three feet over to Rex.

"Are you engaged?" She asked.

Rex didn't have a fallback like Lux did. He simply said.

"No ma'am, I am not."

He didn't even get to finish his sentence before the woman plopped down on his beach towel.

"Wow, I'm surprised." She purred, reaching to run a hand over Rex's rather prominent biceps.

Rex pulled away. "Ma'am, I'm here with my friends. I am not seeking romantic companionship."

The woman ignored him. "You're really handsome. What's your name, hottie?"

Rex stiffened.

"Ma'am, I am Captain Rex of the Grand Army of the Republic, 501st clone battalion. I have extensive hand-to-hand combat training. If you do not leave my personal space immediately, I will have to remove you by force."

"Oh don't be a party pooper," the woman giggled, pressing a firm, wet kiss to Rex's cheek.

Rex wasted not a nanosecond grabbing her by the arm and using her weight as leverage to judo-throw her five feet from his towel.

The he dipped a napkin into his drink and dabbed his cheek.

"Woah," Hutch breathed.

"Never dishonor a clone captain." Rex muttered and lay down on his towel again.

"How many drinks have we had?" Lux asked when the night was beginning to wind down.

Saw looked at the beer in his hand. "This is my fifth, maybe. Might be my sixth." He hiccupped.

"We'd better call a cab." Hutch admitted. None of them were in shape to drive.

The five men stood on the curb for about five minutes, until they found a cabbie willing to take four guys in LUX BONTERI'S BACHELOR PARTY T-shirts.

After Lux gave his address, the cabbie asked. "So, which one of you is Lux Bonteri?"

"Me!" Lux cheered. The alcohol had definitely gotten to his head. Turned out he was a happy, excited drunk.

"And this is your bachelor party? When are you getting married?"

"In two months! My fiancée's name is Ahsoka! She used to be a Jedi, and she's the nicest person in the universe!"

The entire ride home, Lux spilled his guts to the cabbie.

"So I tried to join Death Watch, but luckily she forgave me for that."

The cabbie put it in park. "We're here."

The men paid and tipped the cabbie, before staggering into Lux's house and falling asleep in various places.

….

"What in the name of..?"

Sierra Bonteri stood in the living room doorway, unable to believe her eyes.

"Why are Saw and Hutch passed out in the living room?"

Suddenly, she heard a noise from the bathroom.

Very, very carefully she tiptoed down the hall, eased the door open, and froze.

Captain Rex was passed out in the bathtub.

"Mom! Dad!" Sierra shrieked, running back toward her parents' room.

(A/N: This was a popular request. This one is for you, StarwarsRulz and starwarshobbitfics. And speaking of you two, thank you for your reviews!

My plan for this story is to have twelve chapters, each one corresponding to a number. I have numbers 5,6,7,8 and 12 planned. If anyone has any ideas relating to the numbers 9, 10, or 11 I would love to hear them!

Please drop a review on your way out. Reviews = happy motivated author = better, longer chapters.

Until next time,

Lux's Sister