Two nights after Leo's funeral Nikki fell into a deep, dreamless sleep brought about by pure exhaustion. She no longer felt she was spiralling out of control. The presence of Sam Ryan had anchored her somewhat. Sam had fallen into her old role with remarkable ease. She and Jack had immediately developed a harmonious relationship. They had an easy banter no doubt due to their shared heritage and he idolised her. Like he had Leo. Nikki later discovered he had kept buying poor Sam drink so she couldn't leave the pub after Leo's funeral so he could pick her brain on old cases he had studied. That's how Jack was coping. Jack was young. He hadn't known Leo very long. He was used to violence. Afghanistan hadn't marred him the way it had Nikki. Having Sam here, someone who had been at one time close to both Leo and Harry soothed her. It was like discovering a long lost relative. Plus the fact she was a woman with a demeanour and mind so like herself made Nikki form an instant bond.

She awoke the following morning feeling happy for a few moments; before the horror of the past week came rushing back to her. Now she felt nothing.. She had always been tough and suffered the invariable slings and arrows down through her life without her faith inhumanity being absolutely destroyed. Nikki Alexander had always seen the goodness. Followed the light through absolute darkness. Alone. It wasn't until she met Harry or rather Harry's sudden exit from her life that she realised how alone she truly was. But she had had Leo.

Why had everyone she had ever cared about disappeared from her life?

Most people, the lucky people had their parents until their elder years. Most people, lucky people met someone they loved, dated them, married them, had children with them and played with grandchildren with them.

She thought of her cynicism at the Christening only three weeks ago. She had scoffed at the 'apparent' happiness of little Molly's parents. All of it at the time had a hollow ring to it, a charade...but what did she know? What did she know of familial happiness. Maybe Molly's parents were doing the very best with what they had. Maybe it was okay to be 'happy enough'.

Wasn't being 'happy enough' better than being completely unhappy? That thought pushed another to the forefront of her mind and an imagine of her and James Embelton downing tequila flashed into her mind. This image then was quickly replaced by another. Her and Harry Cunningham staring into each other's eyes from across her living room. A bottle of wine and bunch of fresh flowers between them.

Tears suddenly ran unbidden down her face. She had thought she was all cried out at this stage. Not so apparently. She swallowed and sat up in the bed, banishing her tears when she acknowledged they were not for Leo but for herself and Nicola Alexander didn't do self pity.

She swung her legs out of the bed and stared at her feet. Something wasn't right...

Usually she would slip her feet straight into her slippers and wrap her dressing gown tightly around her. Nikki felt the cold badly not least in the past few weeks. And months. But she felt warm. In the stillness of the morning she could hear the gas boiler running. She distinctly remembered turning it off at seven last night as she crawled into bed and stuck to her electric blanket.

A bolt of fear struck through her before logic had a chance to pipe up. An intruder?

"Yes Nikki" she scolded herself "An intruder who is lying up on the couch warming himself up, drinking your tea?".

Her heart began pounding. She could sense him. She was already envisioning said intruder doing just that. He had complained to her several times in his emails to her about the tea in America or 'monkey piss' as he referred to it.

Nikki rose slowly, her stomach flipping, her legs suddenly like jelly. She reached for her dressing gown and wrapped it tightly around her. She padded down the hallway, BBC breakfast news could be barely heard from her living room. She smelled the toast and him. Notes of his aftershave echoed in the air of her hall and tears spilled silently again. Suddenly it was seven months ago and they were living together again. Feelings of love and nostalgia were quickly replaced with rage and abandonment. She had actually believed they had been moving towards 'something'. Finally. Something real. His leaving had been effortless.

Nikki stood outside her living room door, trembling.