"Now, we don't want any trouble," said the man, as he slowly closed in on the three teenagers. "Just give us the fairy, and we can all go home safely,"

Hearing the word "Fairy", Yui jumped out of Suguha's pocket.

"I'm a pixie!"

Klein's eyes were as wide as saucers.

"What the…?"

"Yeah, it's a little jarring at first," Suguha remarked. She turned to the newcomer. "Who are you, and what do you want with Yui?"

"I'm Kuradeel. And that fairy is coming with me, no questions asked!"

"Pixie," Yui corrected.

"Oh yeah?" said Rika, grinning at him. "Well, there's four of us, and one of you!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Me, Suguha, Yui, and… wait, where's Klein?"

The three realized that Klein was no longer next to them. He had run away like any sensible teenager in this situation. Suguha didn't notice, but Yui dashed off after him.

"So much for that plan," said Suguha, starting to sweat.

"Okay, there's three of us!" said Rika, ever confident.

"And one of them's a tiny fairy, " Kuradeel pointed out.

"Pixie!" said Yui.

"F-fine, t-two if you want!" said Suguha, her voice trembling. "But we're still gonna win, Kuradeel!"

"I think you need to recount, little girl"

"Why?" said Rika.

Kuradeel looked like he was expecting something to happen. He looked around.

"Uh," he cleared his throat. "I said, you need to recount, little girl!"

Someone spoke from behind a nearby tree

"Oh wait, was that the signal? Sorry, just do it again,"

Rika frowned.

"Kinda losing the spook factor here!"

"Oh forget it," said Kuradeel. "Just get out here!"

Four people emerged from within the darkness of the forest. One was a woman with a bow, the others were men, one with two scimitars, one with two blue cuboid crystals, and the last one had a scythe.

"Who are these guys?" said Suguha, looking at Yui.

"They're Laughing Coffin, one of Kayaba's mercenary units. Kuradeel's the leader, Lux is the girl, Death Gun has the scythe, Spiegel's the dual wielder, and the last one is Johnny Black"

"Mercenaries?"

"Well, dragons aren't cheap, so Kayaba has to compromise," said Yui, shrugging.

"Hey!" said Kuradeel.

The other four took their battle stances. Kuradeel realized he was distracted and quickly took one too.

"Okay, five on two," said Suguha, trying to keep from shaking. "This shouldn't be too hard!"

"Enough talk!" said Death Gun, the eyes of his skull mask glowing red. "It's showtime!"

"I couldn't agree more!" said Rika. She took out her hook. "I've always wanted to take on four men and one woman all at the same time!"

"What?" said Lux, tilting her head.

"Link start!"

You've seen the transformation sequence before, I don't need to redo it.

"Alright," said Leafa, huddlingwith Lisbeth. "Let's think of a plan before..."

"Shadow Ball!" A sphere of purple energy formed in Kuradeels hand. He then flung it at the girls.

Leafa hopped out of the way, but Lisbeth wasn't so lucky.

"OUCH!" she yelped.

"You'll pay for that!" said Leafa. She dashed towards Kuradeel, holding her sword out. She slashed, but he reacted quickly and parried the blow.

"Oh, you like to play that way?" he said. He grinned as he raised his sword.

As Kuradeel and Leafa battled, the rest of Laughing Coffin turned on Lisbeth.

"Oh, you want a piece of this?" she asked, tilting her head. She giggled. "Well, don't lick it if you can't swallow!" she fired a laser at Lux, but Speidel blocked it. The pink projectile bounced harmlessly off of one of his scimitars

"It'll take more than that!" he said. Lux pulled back an arrow.

"Raven Claw!" she fired a bolt of dark energy at Lisbeth, who narrowly sidestepped it.

"Go! Skeleton Swordsmen!" shouted Johnny Black, throwing his crystals on the ground, Pokemon style. They shattered and shot out two large skeletons with swords and leather armor.

"Uh oh," said Lisbeth, taking off. "Uh, Leafa? I could use some help right now!"

"I'm kinda occupied at the moment!" said Leafa, parrying another attack from Kuradeel.

"Just give up, pathetic hero! What hope could you possibly have against..."

"I don't wanna hear it!"

"Huh?"

"What, you think I didn't watch anime like this when I was younger?" Leafa twirled around him. "I've heard every villain speech in the book. The "You don't stand a chance," the "You're ugly," and even the "Compassion is wrong," You just can't break me, because I will never lose, because I have something you don't!"

"Oh, and what might that be?" said Kuradeel edging her on.

"Flight," said Leafa. She giggled and took off, her green wings sparkling.

"You think that makes a difference? Stone Tomb!" Kuradeel drew a purple cross symbol in the air with his sword. The ground underneath him shook and grew upwards so that he was face to face with Leafa.

"Nice trick," she said, starting to spin her sword. "My turn! Winds of Fury!"

Kuradeel yelped as the strong gales flew at him like a huge mass of flying ribbons. He dug his sword into the stone tower until it died down.

Meanwhile

Yui huffed and puffed as she flew as fast as she could to catch up to Klein.

"Klein!" she yelled. "Wait up!"

"Now the fairy is following me?" he said, glancing over his shoulder as he continued running away from the battle. "What is this, Legend of Zelda?"

"First of all, I'm a pixie! Second of all, we need you to help us!"

"Are you crazy? I can't fight the Yakuza!"

"Yakuza? They're not a band," said Yui waving it off. "They're just bad guys with video game powers from SAO! Say, do you play SAO?"

"Of course! Everyone plays SAO! But serious, this day could not get any weirder! I'm running for my life!"

"Well, could you slow down? It's very hard to talk to you like this!" said Yui, her wings starting to ache.

Hearing her pleas, Klein bit his lip and slowed to a jogging pace.

"Better?" he asked, still not looking behind him.

"Much better!" replied Yui. "But if you don't help them, they're gonna get… actually, why am I even trying to negotiate?"

Yui fluttered over to Klein's matchbox.

"Uh, what are you..."

"Link start!"

Nothing happened at first. Then an orange light emanated from within the metal box.

"What the...?" said Klein utterly befuddled.

"Huh, that's new," said Yui.

Klein's curiosity overpowered his fear, and he opened the box. One of the matches inside was glowing bright orange. He slowly took it out.

"What did you just do?"

Yui thought for a moment.

"I think you have to light it,"

Klein looked at her, then the match. Without thinking he quickly struck the end against the rough side of the match box. The wooden stick burned fiercely, the flame growing much stronger than it should have for a match.

"AH!" Klein yelped in surprise and dropped the matchstick. The flame kept growing taller, and hotter, and thinner. The wooden part of the match also grew and turned into a decorative handle. And the raging fire shaped into the end of a sword. Soon, a katana was lying in front of Klein.

"Woah..." said Klein. He cautiously picked it up. As soon as he touched it, the blade burst into flames.

"It's cool, isn't it?" said Yui. She took out her tape recorder. "Observation #5: The method used to turn an enchanted weapon from it's normal form to it's weapon form varies from item to item. For Leafa's sword and Lisbeth's hook, the transformation occurs instantly. But Klein's match must be lit as the phrase is spoken,"

"This means..." said Klein, dumbfounded. "I can save Rika and Suguha!"

"You mean, Lisbeth and Leafa?"

But Klein was already running back to the others, sword literally blazing.

"Hey wait!" said Yui, "You have to say "Username: Klein" first!" But he was already too far away, "Darn it," she looked into his game files. "His nickname is his screen name?"

Back to the others,

Lisbeth tried to grab one of the skeletons in her robot arm, but Lux's arrows kept her from doing so. And Spiegel rendered her lasers ineffective.

"This is so frustrating!"

Meanwhile, Leafa and Kuradeel were having trouble escaping each other's attacks. If one went for a sword slash, the other would parry. If one used magic, the other would counter. It was at this point when Klein showed up, again.

"Hey, guys! I can help you!" he said, flailing his new weapon around like a party balloon.

"Cool! A flaming katana!" said Lisbeth smacking away a skeleton.

Death Gun looked at the new arrival.

"Are you the real deal?" he said.

"What?"

"Rhetorical question!" he dashed at Klein and swung his scythe. Klein yelped and tried to block, but only flimsily dropped his sword.

"Uh oh," he said. He ducked, as Death Gun's scythe narrowly chopped off a hair from his head.

Lisbeth gasped. She paused just for a moment, but it was long enough for Lux to shoot an arrow straight to her chest.

"OW!" she screamed, losing her balance and plummeting to the ground.

"Lisbeth!" said Leafa. Kuradeel also took advantage of her pause and cast a spell.

"Tyrant Dragon!" the markings on Kuradeel's sword glowed purple, and a giant magical dragon-shaped projectile launched straight at Leafa.

"OW!" she screamed, as she fell to the ground alongside Lisbeth.

"Hah! How pathetic!" said Kuradeel. "Now to get that fairy!"

"PIXIE!" exclaimed Yui, who was panting from flying after Klein. She looked at him, as Death Gun backed him up into the side of a shrine building. "Klein! Grab your sword and say "Username: Klein"!"

"How is that gonna help?" he asked.

"Just do it if you want to live!"

"Okay!" Klein fumbled about, until his hands finally wrapped around the handle of his katana. "Username: Klein!"

Instantly, a firey blast knocked away Death Gun, as everything disappeared into a firey background and a chorus of unintelligible chants rang through the air like a tribal ritual.

Firey bursts shot out of Klein's sword and surrounded him. His clothes burned in a magical fire, as they were replaced by red robes and black samurai armor. Two clear red wings appeared on his back.

Klein cackled and swung his sword with perfect finesse. He called out.

"My flames will light up the darkest night! Klein, the Salamander Samurai!"

The light show died down, and Klein was back in his head. He blinked for a second.

"THE HECK?" he said.

"Huh," said Lisbeth, who was already recovering from the arrow wound. "That was a lot less feminine than I thought,"

"Another one?" said Kuradeel. "Bah! We'll beat him all the same!"

"Honestly, I'm just as surprised as you," said Klein looking over his outfit.

"Hey, why does he get armor?" said Lisbeth. "This is sexual stereotyping!"

Death Gun got up again and charged with his scythe. But this time, Klein parried the attack in a half second.

"Uh, since when can I do that?" he said.

"Just go with the program!" said Yui.

"Okay," Klein batted away Death Gun's weapon. He flicked his katana, shooting off a large column of fire in Kuradeel's direction, who had no time to respond as the flames singed his body.

"OUCH!" he screamed. Klein smirked and tilted his sword. The fire he shot imitated the movement like a bob on the end of a fishing rod.

"Uh oh," said Death Gun. The four members of Laughing Coffin tried to dodge, but the fire swung back around and burned them all.

"Wow!" said Leafa. "He has pyrokinesis!"

"I do?" said Klein.

"Hang on, I have an idea!," Leafa hovered 15 feet in the air, close to Klein. "Put as much fire as possible underneath me!"

"But what if it kills you?"

"It won't! I told you, I watch a lot of anime! I know what I'm doing!"

"Okay!" Klein said nervously. He pointed his katana at the area below Leafa. Fire shot out and stopped directly below her, creating a growing ball of firey mass.

Leafa winced as she felt the intense heat growing beneath her, moisture starting to form on her brow. She shook it off and waited until she got what she wanted. Finally, strong winds started to fly at her from the flames.

"What the..." said Kuradeel, unable to process what was going on.

"I paid attention in Fairy Tail!" said Leafa, spinning her sword around in the wind. "The hot air rises and cold air runs in to take its place! The result: an updraft!"

"Okay, but how does this help you?" asked Klein, his grip on his katana growing weaker.

"Like this: WINDS OF FURY!" her sword was now spinning so fast that she couldn't see it. With all her strength, Leafa aimed it at Laughing Coffin.

"Uh oh," said Kuradeel. Winds once again raced into them, ten times stronger than the last time, thanks to Klein's updraft. Unable to keep his feet on the ground, Kuradeel screamed as he and his underlings flew off into the distance.

Klein's fire vanished and Leafa floated down to the ground. Lisbeth got up, as Laughing Coffin was blown off to who-knows-where.

"Uh who's got the Teleport Crystals?" asked Death Gun.

"Kuradeel does," said Lux

"Teleport! Ruby Palace!" said Kuradeel. He vanished.

"Uh oh,"

Meanwhile…

"That was awesome!" said Klein. He looked over Leafa and Lisbeth. "So… is this some kind of gender fluid version of PreCure?"

"Kind of," said Yui. "Except this is more like Tron,"

Yui explained everything to Klein, about Kayaba, users, SAO, all that stuff.

Klein stared off into the distance after she finished.

"My dad always said I was special," he chuckled. "Although, I don't think he meant capable of wielding magical powers,"

"Welcome to the Heroes of the Fairy Dance," said Leafa.

Klein looked at her and smiled.

"Awesome,"

Much Later…

Suguha walked home, happily whistling to herself.

"Your brother is probably asleep now," said Yui.

Leafa giggled.

"He's working on a game, so he stays up pretty late,"

"Oh,"

She unlocked the door and called out.

"I'm home!"

Kazuto stretched his arms and got up from his desk. He walked to the door, before gasping at what he saw.

"What?" said Leafa.

"Uh, hi?" he said, quite stunned.

Leafa gave him a funny look. Then she glanced at herself and her eyes widened.

"AH!"

Quickly, she slammed the door and dashed off, leaving a befuddled Kazuto behind.

"Who was that girl?" he said to himself.

"Why didn't you tell me I was still transformed?!" Leafa yelled at Yui.

"I thought you already knew," Yui innocently replied.

Leafa facepalmed herself.

"Oh relax, I'm sure your brother won't notice," said Yui.

"Why are you so sure?"

"Because he's dense,"

"Oh yeah..." said Leafa. She calmed down and thought for a moment, "Now that you mention it, I don't think I got the same rush of emotions I usually get when I'm around him..."

"Maybe since… Suguha has a crush on him, but Leafa doesn't?"

"That doesn't make any sense,"

"Well, Leafa stares down monsters, and Suguha freaks out from a wasp,"

"You do have a point," Leafa wondered

A little bit later.

Suguha unlocked the door again, this time as herself.

"I'm home!"

Kazuto walked to the door.

"Oh, Suguha, it's you," he rubbed his eyes. "Say, did you happen to see an attractive cosplaying blonde girl with green eyes walk by?"

"I don't recall… wait, did you say attractive?" Suguha leaned forward a bit.

Kazuto blushed slightly.

"Uh… that just slipped out,"

"Okay, but was she attractive?"

"Well..." Kazuto put his finger to his chin. "Yeah, I'd say she was pretty attractive,"

"Like, how attractive?"

"Jeez, since when were you so interested in my love life?"

"You love her?!"

"Well, I only saw her but… Sugu?"

Suguha had run straight to her room and shut the door.

Kazuto blinked.

"Well… better get back to fixing that bug,"

Suguha squirmed about on her bed, hugging a pillow to her chest.

"Oniichanlovesme!Oniichanlovesme!" she squealed.

"Actually, he loves Leafa," said Yui, trying hard not to laugh.

Suguha got up, her face red as a rose.

"Only a minor complication. I'll do whatever it takes,"

Ince Suguha fell asleep, Yui pulled out her recorder.

"Observation #6: Humans seem capable of falling in love with just about anyone, regardless of relations, sex, race, or any other factors. In short: love is blind,"