A/N: Hi all. Here's the next chapter as promised. Once again I'd just like to thank all of you who are reading this. It's a tough one to read, as it is to write, but your great comments are the things that made me decide to keep going with this very dark piece. So, thank you!
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
Chapter 4: Grief:
JJ exited Hotch's building after making sure she had his keys in her pocket. She didn't want to accidentally lock herself out and have Hotch wonder where she went, even though she'd left him a note.
She walked around to the side of the building where the visitor parking was located. There, standing next to a red car, were Will and her favourite person in the whole world.
"Mommy!" Henry exclaimed once his blue eyed gaze landed on her.
He dashed towards her and she knelt down to catch him in a fierce hug. She held onto him tightly, never wanting to let go. She stroked her baby's hair as she locked eyes with Will, sending him a grateful look. Will nodded in answer.
JJ hefted Henry up into her arms and walked over to stand next to her former partner. "Thank you for this," she murmured to Will.
Her ex-boyfriend put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed; a much needed, comforting gesture.
"Mommy," Henry said, leaning back to gaze at her. "Are you sad 'cause Jack had to go with the angels?"
JJ gasped out loud and glanced at Will.
"I had to tell him why we were coming here in the middle of the night. He wanted to see him," Will explained; he didn't have to say who 'him' was, JJ knew. She could see now that Will's eyes were red-rimmed, as well.
"I miss Jack," Henry stated innocently.
A lone tear slipped from JJ's tired eyes. "I know, sweetheart. But Jack is with the nice angels now…"
"And his mommy, too, right? Jack gets to see her, too," Henry said astutely.
The shocked look on Will's face told her that he'd made no mention of Hailey in their brief talk.
"Yes, Henry, he's with his mom, now; she's taking care of him," JJ reassured.
"Good, Jack missed his mommy," Henry confessed. "He's happy now…"
JJ gently urged Henry's head down to her shoulder so as to mask the tears that had started to flow. That Henry and Jack talked about things so heavy with emotion was a wonder to JJ. And it amazed her even more that her baby could connect that with the situation now.
They continued to talk out there for minutes more, JJ steering the conversation to Henry's days without her. He spoke energetically enough that it seemed to rub off on her. She was still beyond sad, but she felt now that she could get through these next few days by Hotch's side, helping him with his grief.
When they'd strapped Henry into his booster seat and she'd kissed him goodbye, she felt loads better.
She stood next to Will on the driver's side.
"Take care of yourself, Jay," Will said affectionately, giving her a friendly kiss on the cheek.
"I'll try…"
Hotch awoke sometime in the middle of the night, completely disoriented. His brain was an absolute fog. He had no idea of how long he'd slept for or had any memory of even going to bed.
He thought hard. He'd been dreaming. Jack. He'd been dreaming about his son. A smile overtook his face. God, he loved his son.
His son!
Hotch jumped out of his bed and rushed down the hall. He had to make sure Jack was up in time for—
He'd reached Jack's darkened, empty bedroom and it all came rushing back. Jessica's frantic phone call. His trip to the hospital. The doctor's words: he's gone.
Hotch rushed inside, the sobs already escaping his mouth.
"No!" he shouted at the walls. "No, no, no!"
"Aaron," he heard a quiet voice come from behind him.
He whirled around to see JJ's silhouette in the doorway; light spilled from around her, shadowing her appearance.
"This isn't right," he managed to choke out, before collapsing onto Jack's bed.
She rushed to his side, lowering herself to the bed, embracing him instantaneously. He hugged her back, burying his face into the crook of her neck. He was so afraid to let go of her. Would she disappear too?
"Shh…" she murmured; he felt her stroking his hair as if he were a child that needed consoling. It was completely calming. "I'm right here… I'm not leaving…. I'm not going anywhere…"
He pulled back in her embrace to eye her wondrously. Had she read his mind?
"Aaron?" she questioned, as he continued to gaze at her. He was so glad she was here. Being alone now… here… he would have gone mad… He still wasn't so sure he wouldn't.
He sunk back into her embrace and she hugged him tightly, without question. Her fingers returned to running through his hair. He took in a deep breath, exhaling it with a whoosh.
"I dreamed about him," he said slowly, voice rough.
He felt a hitch in JJ's movements, almost imperceptible. "What were they about?" she asked hesitantly.
"Good dreams," he replied, her stroke resumed. "When I woke up, I thought—"
"Oh Aaron," she breathed out, he felt her press her lips right above his ear. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there… I stepped outside…"
She trailed off. He felt like the appropriate thing to do would be to reassure her that she didn't need to be there 24/7. But he couldn't bear to say the words. Too afraid that she'd listen to him.
"I miss him," he said his voice coming out wondrously. "I saw him three days ago and I miss him like—"
He choked on the words. He was going to say: like he hadn't seen him in forever. But they were too close to reality, that he wouldn't see Jack for forever.
JJ pulled back in the embrace this time. Arms were still around him but she was looking at him, now. The blue eyes that shone like the bright sky of a sunny day were clouded with grief and sorrow as she stared into his eyes.
"Rossi called," she started tentatively.
He could see it in her eyes, it was time for him to say goodbye. "I don't think I can do this," he reiterated, his stomach suddenly queasy with even the thought of burying his little boy.
She cupped his face in both hands, wiping his tears away that he hadn't even known he'd been crying. It's going to be hard," she confirmed. "It may be unbearable… but Aaron, Jack deserves a goodbye from his daddy…"
Hotch nodded. She was right. His eyes blurred as he laid his head on her shoulder. By God she was right, but why did right have to feel so wrong?
"Rossi wants to see you, too, so does everyone else," she murmured. "We all want to be there for you. You don't have to be alone. I won't leave you alone…"
Well that's it for this one. If anyone is wondering, I'm keeping the chapters short on purpose. I think with such a hard topic that too much in one chapter may be a bad thing.
Anyways, I would love to hear what you all think of this latest chapter. Thanks!
Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing: whimsical-one-ga; Sarmoti (thank you); jekkah; SkySydfan24; HotchRocks; deeda (sorry); and MegKate (thanks).
I'll try my best to update soon!
