Hello again, here comes chapter 4! Thanks for the reviews and else, and for the answers to my previous question :'D

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the weird plot, so thank the amazing Eiichiro Oda.

Warnings: Some bad words, (mild?) torture, mental illness.

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Flashback

Hope you like, please review - it's you readers who I am writing this after all, so I'd really like to hear what you think! :3


Chapter 4: I don't wanna sleep

I don't wanna sleep. In my dreams, no, in nightmares, there're memories which I don't want to remember, faces I don't recognize, things which once were important and now just full of emptiness. Not to speak about the time awake: the voices are whispering on the bottom of my mind, saying blames like 'failure as a captain' and 'traitor of his friends'. There're flashes of my past, things that make my heart hurt and head get dizzy. I'm filled with fear, fear which I haven't felt before.

And in my dreams come the tears, the drops which stain my face and make me feel dirty. I have no right for tears; I'm the one who made everyone else pay, after all.

So I don't sleep until I have to. I have developed a way which helps me to stay awake at least for three days at once. The secret is pain, pain which clears the fog in my head and keeps me safe from bad things. Although the nightmares come back tenfold when I finally let myself slip, duh.

It's already a night, as I can see from the stars and the moon shining on the sky. I have no idea when I have last time seen those things, living in the half-darkness for years. The odd reindeer doctor –he said his name was Chopper, but I'm not going to call him with my dead nakama's name – claimed that I was on the jail just for two years. I don't believe him; I don't exactly know how long I was there, but it feels like it was a century.

My head still feels weird, the reason being some medicines according to that reindeer. I don't know if I should believe him or not – he haven't hit me or said bad things, but on the other hand I'm sure that everything is just part of some evil plan. I'm not sure if that place is gonna be better or worse than the jail.

Speaking of that, I have no idea where I am. So I stand up in the night's darkness, being alone in the weird room full of medical books and little jars. My legs tremble under me and my head feels heavy. Why in the fuck can't things work as they are supposed to?

"I'm not going to tie you down, since I suppose you don't have energy to even stand up right now", the odd reindeer had said, after I had laid down on the strangely comfortable bed. Oh, how wrong he had been – on the couple last years I had learned how to seem harmless and then attack when nobody knew anything.

I take few first steps carefully, then finally achieving my normal pace. I feel my way through the darkness, opening the door with a small round window in it.

Night breeze wipes my face and black hair as I close the door behind me. For a moment I just stand there, examining my surroundings hid in the dark. Anyone else doesn't seem to be awake, even if I can see a small light coming from crow's nest. My eyes sweep the sky above me, and I feel my heart shrink into a ball. The stars and the crescent moon, all those sky's evil eyes staring and laughing at me. The blackness of the sky feels so suffocating, as if it was trying to pour me to the darkness. To the darkness, which I've been so close to get lost in many times before.

I try to get rid of the observing feeling on my back as I move forward again. I feel movement under me like the floor was swaying – where the hell am I? There're couples of high towers like a masts in my sight, rooms in different levels and elevated edges on the floor. I hear my heart to start beat faster as I move closer to a mentioned edge, a bad feeling knocking inside my head like a woodpecker.

I grab the edge which I now know to be a ship's railing. I feel my face going pale and stomach turn around as I gaze the sight before me – black, cursed water beyond the eye can see, swirling, tossing and turning around on the dark night.

My nails sink on the wooden surface, knuckles going white like a bare bone. The blood is humming in my ears, little black and colorful dots dance before my eyes. I feel like throwing up, but I suspect there's nothing to come out. Hidden memories flash in my messy mind, and I try to keep conscious as I sit down against the railing.

"My friends are coming to save me on any moment now!" I shout, trying to give a hateful glance for the jailor over my shoulder. There're two jailors with me on the room – other one is keeping my hands with the Kairouseki handcuffs, and the other one is out of my sight. I hear some sound like water poured in a container.

"And why haven't they come yet?" the jailor holding me asks, laughter hidden in his voice. I try to yank off from my chains, only to feel the power vanish from me.

"They're planning it out! They're not so stupid that they would run straight to your trap!" I claim.

"How slow are your friends? It's been half a yearalready," the other jailor with a deeper voice says.

"They're coming! I know it!" I shout, yet feeling a little seed of suspect to drop inside my stomach. What is taking so long from them?

"No, they're not", the jailor holding me laughs. "Because they are-"

"Oi, oi, we're not supposed to tell him yet," the other jailor says, yet I can hear the amusement in his voice.

"-Dead." That is the only word which leaves the other jailor's mouth. I feel the anger rise inside me – how can they make up a sick lie like that?

"You are fucking lying! You think I'm gonna believe you bastards?" The shout leaves my throat, not affecting the jailors at all.

"You are going to believe us, sooner or later," the jailor who isn't holding me sneers. Suddenly he is before me, placing a large platter in front of me. I look at him bored. What stupid thing are they trying on me this time?

"Ready?" the jailor asks. I don't see the other jailor behind my back, but I can guess that he nods.

"Ready. Trust me, you're going to believe," the jailor states before he presses my head under the water.

The water fills my mouth and nose even if I try to hold my breath. My hair swirl around my head, water bubbles down my lungs and I feel like choking. There has been countless time I've been close to drowning before – sometimes dropping off from the ship, sometimes an enemy has tried to drown me – but there has always been someone to save me.

"Where are your friends?" the jailor asks again and again, always the same question as he lifts me up from the water. And my answer is always the same – they're coming, they're coming, they're coming. And once again I'm pushed under the water.

I scream their names, my friends' names under the water, but only the bubbles swim to the surface. Little by little my screams come more silent; little by little my answer to the jailor grows more hesitant.

Third push to the water and the name of the skeleton-guy leaves my mind.

Fifth and sixth push, and there goes the names of the cyborg and the black-haired woman.

Eight push, say goodbye to the name of the reindeer-doctor.

Tenth and eleventh push, and the orange-haired navigator and the man with a black suit don't have names anymore.

Twelfth push, and here goes the name of the man with a sling.

Thirteenth push, and finally the swordsman's name fades into the darkness.

And what is my final answer to the jailor's question as the words leave my mouth?

"My nakama are dead."

I clutch my head with my hands, nails digging in my flesh. I try to breathe but I feel like I'm still underwater, cursed water streaming down my throat like a poison. I rock my body back and forth, trying to keep my head together. There are so many thoughts – why didn't anyone come to my help, why did they went and died without me – swirling in my head, and the stars staring at me from the sky aren't helping.

"Agh!" There's a sudden shout as someone almost walks over me, waking me up from my trance and falling on his face.

"Who's there?" a man who tripped over me asks, a sudden light of matchstick revealing my face. I close my eyes from the brightness, a curly eyebrow and a black suit disappearing from my sight.

"Luffy, Sanji here. What are you doing here? Are you okay?" a worried voice doesn't deceive me. I don't answer to the man, trying to get air in my lungs and keep my thoughts in order. The man resembles my dead comrade, as everyone on this ship. Damn imitators.

"What if we went to the inside?" A dim light shines through my eyelids, and I open my eyes to see that the man has brought an oil lamp in front of me. I shake my head – I don't want to go anywhere, because then I have to see the water. I watch the shadows to dance on the dull light, as the other man sighs and stands up, glancing on the sky.

"Oiiiiiiiiii, Marimo! I know you are here, so stop your damn sulking and come down right now!" he shouts, hands cupped around his mouth. I start rocking fro again, this time from coldness. I haven't noticed how cold here really is, me only wearing bandages and some random shorts.

The blond-haired man gives a glance on me, taking his only shirt off with a sight, wrapping it then around me. I feel the remaining heat of the other and a smell of cigarette and some kind of men's perfume. The man lights up a cigarette just as a green-haired man climbs down from the crow's nest.

"What the hell, Shitty Curly?" the mentioned man asks grumpily, clearly just awoken. "And what are you doing here? Strip dancing in the light of the oil lamp in the middle of night, eh?" he notes as his eyes sees the bare chest of the smoker-man.

"I'm not stripping, Idiot Marimo," the blond hisses and puffs some smoke out of his mouth. "There is something wrong with Luffy, as even you can see." The green-haired man watches at me in surprise with his only eye, then turning his head quickly off as remembering the hit before.

"Fine, let's take him inside," he states, walking beside me. I try to protest as I'm once again lifted up from my hands and dragged forward, but it feels like the scene before has drained out all my energy. Damn it, when I became so weak I can't even fight against anyone?

After that everything goes pretty quickly – or at least it feels like that, me still feeling a little dizzy. The green-haired man goes to get the odd reindeer as we get inside the ship, warmness starting to wrap its fingers around me. The reindeer starts to hover around me when he comes, the two men putting me down on the same bed I left and covering with me a thick blanket.

"It's my fault, I should've know that our captain won't keep calm for a minute!" the reindeer cries, rubbing his eyes.

"Come on, Chopper, anything didn't happen," the man with the blond hair says. I feel my eyes to flicker, but no, I'm not going to sleep. I still have one day left to stay awake.

"I know," the reindeer says as he walks around the room, clearly searching for something, "but think about what could've happen. It's really cold outside and…"

"Let it go, already," the green-haired man hisses from his chair. "I want to sleep."

"Shitty Marimo, always thinking about yourself…"

"What did you say, Damn Curly Brow-"

"Please be quiet, you both! It's still night here, and Luffy has to get sleep too." The two men release each other from the death grips they have took as the reindeer lectures them.

"Now, Luffy," he says as he turns for me, talking like for a little baby. "I'm going to give you medicine which will put you to sleep for a moment, so just be calm and don't resist, okay?" He gives a glance on my face, making sure that I don't have any urges to attack him. I just look him tired, hoping that they all would go away already and leave me alone.

There's a little sting as he pushes the needle on my hand. For a moment there's a flash in my mind – the jail, the guards, a long needle – but soon the medicine takes the picture away.

"I don't wanna sleep," I whisper at panic, my eyes narrowing because of sleepiness. I try to scratch my arms through the bandages to stay awake, but my hands feel like a pair of spaghetti.

"Good boy, just sleep for now," the reindeer hums, ignoring my complaints.

I feel the nightmares' cold fingers to reach for my spine and drag me down with them, as the sleep runs through my veins in a form of a liquid.


Thanks for reading, hope we'll see at Wednesday!^^