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Ch 04—The Legend of Llyra (Part I/II)
-:-:-{ Vol 01— The Knightly Way Thoust Finds an Assembly }-:-:-
Though Aryll had plenty of quirks she preferred not to have circling upon the gossiping lips of her newfound classmates (like her preference to nap in death-defyingly high places like castle rooftops, flagposts, lookout towers, billboards…for some reason people were always too freaked at the thought of rolling over to your death to appreciate the comforting freedoms of the open air) there was just one secret she dared not breathe a word of to anyone so long as she stalked the halls of this school: her relation to a certain big shot figure.
Why was that, exactly?
As Colin had ever so graciously pointed out, THE one and only famous Link was a living legend across Hyrule whose name nary a soul hadn't heard. But while to others, word of his whereabouts was a source of buzzing excitement, for Aryll it prodded a sore subject that caused her ears to wrinkle like charred safflinas. As far as she was concerned, there was no greater curse in her life than her familial relation to his blinding celebrity self.
Following his rise to acclaim, idling about with grandma at home had quickly become unbearable. It took no time at all for her to sicken of the mobs outside her doorstep (their house had apparently become a boisterous tourist destination featured in pamphlets without their permission). Day-in-day-out encounters with the creepers, stalkers, and suckering-up strangers that acted abnormally nice as they claimed to be her forgotten best friends from camps she'd never heard of had transformed her once sunny smile and cheerful self into a snarky, biting, rather unfriendly teenage girl. (One time, a girl had even pretended to be sick and collapsed in front of a nearby shop—Aryll had honestly feared for the girl's life and carried her heavy body all the way home at a trudge (she weighed more than a packed mule after eating a boar for lunch!) to get help from grandma—but the moment she'd scurried out of the living room gasping for backup, the girl had snapped open her eyes, crept into her brother's room and then leapt out the window with his bed pillow (Aryll saw in the paper that the pillow got auctioned off for 48 million rupees later that week). Thanks to many more incidents like that than she cared to remember, Aryll no longer trusted people the way she had once, certainly not friendly strangers, and certain not fans of her brother.
To add to her soured attitude, for all the trouble she and grandma put up with on his behalf, what kind of treatment did they get? Mister oh-so-popular, mister oh-so-important didn't have five minutes in the day for them anymore. Aryll saw the blood moon ten times as often as she saw him come by, and on the rare occasion that he did stop in, it was only to stock up on another helping of grandma's extra special elixir soup. When they were younger, he used to prank her in the middle of the night by doing all sorts of things— drawing a face over her face with a felt marker, coiling a plastic snake around her neck from under her pillow, moving her to the shed so she'd wake up with horse poop in her hair… Then in the morning he'd snap a pictograph of her face in that first moment of delirium after she woke up. He'd kept a collection of those dastardly pictographs in some secret hideout so he could constantly laugh at how dumb she looked. At the time she'd thought those pranks were the worst he could do, but after he basically up and left for good, she realized that all of those pranks combined were nothing compared to the awfulness of him basically ditching them as he did.
Uneventful as her life might have been compared to his, he had become absent of it. When she'd participated in the island build-your-own-boat race using a rickety wagon tied to a couple of logs, fell into a cyclone in the middle of it and still managed to get swept into first place, was he there? No. When she climbed to the top of the Lighthouse for the first time and broke her foot on the second-to-last step up, sending her tumbling back down the five hundred step spire and putting her on crutches for the next two months, did he hear about it? No, too busy interviewing for the Swordsman Newsletters, Hyrule's top publication on heroic feats. How about when she capsized out a ship leaning over the rails too far while squinting at a floating lump in the water, trying to figure out whether it was a dolphin? She'd dunked headfirst into the spine chilling water and nearly drowned, washing ashore on some islet in the middle of nowhere. It took the ship about ten hours to realize she was missing and come back looking for her, at which point she was fighting bokoblins off with a stick for a shoddy piece of meat. Where was he? Living it up at one of many prolific royal awards ceremonies thrown in his honor at Hyrule Castle, where they'd hand him his gentility on a spit-shined trophy and sing praises into his ears while five thousand people cheered and fought for fifteen seconds of his time. No, while he might have been a hero to everyone else in Hyrule, he certainly wasn't one to her. His visits, when he came by, were in and out, and hardly left time to hurl more than an insult at what she was wearing. Hell, she could have Joel dress as her and stand there in her place, or leave a parrot talking in her voice at home and he'd barely notice she wasn't there as he billowed on by back and forth out the door.
Not that his absence bothered her anymore. He could drop off the face of Hyrule for all she cared now. If only his demise could take all the problems he'd left her with to the afterlife, but alas, the worst of the matter was something that couldn't be assuaged by such easy means.
Between all siblings, there exists an unspoken comparison of measure. Those foolish Hylians who thought her relation to him enviable and wondered at why she didn't revel in the attention clearly did not know what it was like to live eclipsed by such an inescapable shadow whose shade never disappeared even in the constant absence of the owner. Her brother's legacy was in its own league, something rubbed in her face (and dangled before her eyes quite literally at times— wallscrolls featuring her brother's silhouette etched with the words How Epic Are You?) day in day out haunting her no matter where she went). It was in the gossip circulating among old ladies and teenagers alike on the streets, it was in the street rhymes the little kids sang as they played hopscotch ( ~ E.l.d.i.n. ~ B.r.i.d.g.e ~ i.s. ~ f.a.l.l.i.n.g. ~ d.o.w.n, ~ w.h.a.t. ~ t.o. ~ d.o. ~ a.s. ~ L.i.n.k. ~ s.a.v.e.s. ~ t.o.w.n. ? ~ ), it was in the merchandise at the store (yes they sold merchandise of her brother— action figures, posters, folders, mugs, rugs, tooth brushes, bedspreads, boxes, wrapping paper for the boxes, bags for the boxes, boxes for the boxes…anything that could rake in rupees, the greedy bastards.)
In the meantime, the height of her own legacy consisted of the time she'd saved the mayor's anniversary cake from being devoured by her neighbor's pet pigs, which she'd accidentally let loose earlier that same morning. (She had an M.U.S. award (that's, Most-Unique-Sneeze) on her wall from junior girl scouts that'd been given to her as a prank when she was eight after her sneeze startled a boar which proceeded to wreck their campsite, did that count for anything?) Her special talents and skills included professional klutz, troublemaker extraordinaire and attractor of bad luck like a moth to the flames—all talents that won her the great awe of her fellow peers.
Excepting her long-time friends like Sue-Belle and Joel, the dwellers on her island back home showed her their awe by referring to her only as 'Link's silly little sis.' She'd tried one time spelling her name slowly enough that even a five year old could remember it, only to slip on dog poop mid-sentence and go tumbling into the brook. She could hear them laughing above her head, and then the inevitable, invariable whispers, 'Is that girl really related to THE great Link? She hardly seems worthy of such an honor…' then she'd splash them with water and they'd scurry away gossiping about how barbaric she was compared to him.
This impression was only made worse during the few extended visits her brother made back home—extended meaning longer than five minutes, where she'd have the honor of being mocked by His Lordliness personally and in public. Somehow, he'd always manage to make those five minutes as miserable for her as possible.
'Hey Link did you hear?' one of her neighbors would call to him as an excuse to strike up a conversation and pretend they were old buds, 'your silly little sis nearly broke the walking bridge again!'
He'd stroke his golden baked sideburns, emitting a low chuckle. 'Oh really? She's totally hopeless, isn't she? She can't even tie her shoelaces without tripping over herself. You know…one time she ate dog biscuits covered in pee because she thought they were cookies dipped in vanilla milk, and then she vomited them up all over the living room…we couldn't get the stains out of the couch for a month and the stench was so bad all of grandma's plants died just from being in the same room…' and he'd proceed to make a social spectacle of her most embarrassing moments as half the neighborhood gathered around for a good laugh.
She knew something needed to change…and then it did.
When her cousin Sue-Belle had applied and been accepted at GAUKH the most prestigious academy for knights in Hyrule, at first Aryll had wanted to set fire to every bush in the neighborhood. That accursed academy for knights that had opened in Central Hyrule only a semester ago in honor of her brother, and yet had already become the most desirable school in the kingdom, just hearing the name of that place set her blood ablaze. Sue was the equivalent of a trusted, reliable older sister to Aryll, and news of her departure to that place was a stab in the back to the same sore spot caused by her brother's departure. Sue was wiser than anyone Aryll knew though, and she left Aryll with some ambiguous food for thought.
Seated opposite Aryll with crossed legs looking cool and collected as a monk who'd mastered the art of meditation, she spoke with a vase balanced upon her head like it always was. 'Ary,' she breathed, 'if a dazzling sunflower grows out of the dead carcass head of a monster, then is the sunflower too a monster, or is it something wonderful all its own?'
Sue's wisdom had a way of sounding like nonsense for about a week, until her words snapped themselves into place like puzzles pieces in Aryll's brain. It dawned on her: Though the Academy was birthed in her brother's name, it had no bearing on what an aspiring student knight could grow to become there. This came with an epiphany—what more deliciously ironic way could there be to prove herself than to become a top knight at the best knight Academia in Hyrule and surpass her brother from right under his nose? It was genius, it was brilliant! She picked up an application for the Academy the next day.
There was just one hitch: her identity. (Okay, two hitches if you included getting into the accursed place. But after applying for two years straight (yeah so what if it took two years!) she'd finally made it in somehow!) The indubitable heart of the matter was, the moment anyone at the Academy knew anything of their relation, it'd spread across school faster than she could set off enough smoke bombs to vanish into thin air (not that she'd ever used a smoke bombs before). Once she were returned to that damning title of 'Link's little sis™' again, it'd be GAME OVER for her.
To avoid this, she needed an Alias. Llyra was what she'd written on her application, AKA her name—Aryll—spelt backwards, in almost a symbolic inversion of herself (twas a rare moment of genius!) Under her new alias, the first thing to go was her sunny blonde hair. (Not that she was afraid strangers would recognize her—they wouldn't. It was more a symbol of change than a precautionary measure after all.) Llyra had obsidian black hair pulled back into a messy whirlpool bun, save for her sideburns which hung loosely beside her ears. Her modest attire consisted of a midnight-blue jacket and well-worn hylian trousers that she'd traded a lump of amber for in town. As the final touch, a giant pair of swirly coke bottle glasses shielded her eyes. The nerdy look was unassuming, she figured, and would make it easier for her to surprise people when she telescope-smashed their expectations of her into the city in the sky.
This humble guise could only be busted by a couple of people, including the vase-balancing Sue-Belle. Sue was sharp as a tac and certainly no fool, but since she was in her junior year, the chance of encountering her was pretty slim at least.
On the other hand, there was the Big Bad Wolf prowling the halls, which was no small issue. The good news was…thanks to some extra precautions on her part (plus his total and utter lack of contact with home), That Guy had absolutely NO idea she was here! The bad news was…in the unlikely event he did find out, she'd be totally damned. If spilling the beans in front of the whole school weren't enough, he'd probably find the worst way to start meddling into her affairs—and he most certainly wasn't welcome to burst in on them now. He'd already gone and stretched the cord between them so thin when he'd left, it was only fair she gave that cord the final snap to sever it for good.
Not that she was much worried, being as the odds of falling on his radar dropped below freezing point anyway (as if he'd even believe she made it into the Academy in the first place!) No doubt the most popular senior boy for miles around was far too busy with his own affairs just the way he always was to notice anyone among the throngs of students vying for his attention. Even if their paths did cross, with her geeky schoolgirl look, he'd walk right passed her without so much as a second glance.
Regardless, there was no dropping her guard on any front. No more mentions of a brother could slip out—from now on, she'd deny any connection to That Guy even with a knife at her throat (not that she expected it to come to that or anything). New friends could be no exception to this rule either. Colin, though he'd managed to climb ten or so ranks in her head in the past half hour from stupid fanboy to somewhat annoying potential friend, was still first and foremost a diehard fanboy of That Guy who couldn't find out about her familial connection, friend or not. It was unfortunate though, since despite his hardcore fanboy side (and her initial impression of him), Colin seemed to be someone worth befriending after all. Nevertheless, there was no room for guilt in her convictions. "Llyra," she told him, "My name is Llyra."
"Okay then, Llyra." Colin beamed across from her, and his smile Llyra noticed, was not half as irritating as it had been earlier. She felt the warmth of it radiate from his hand as he held it out. "Let's start over. Nice to officially meet you. Can we start fresh from here?"
Her mouth tugged into a smile. "Sure, fresh as Lon Lon Milk," she piped, but as she moved to take his hand, he withdrew it at the last second.
"—just one thing." His features grew stern, and Llyra tensed as he stared her squarely in the eye.
"…what?"
"…I need you to promise me one thing. You…" his eyes blazed like the fireplace back home on a winter night. "…lied to me earlier. Don't…don't do that again, don't lie to me anymore. Promise me that much, and I'll trust you."
Llyra froze like someone caught in the gaze of a redead. She could see the weight of his convictions reflected in his eyes, a world away from the dopiness that had dwelt in them before, and she swore to Din under her breath. Of all things, he had to ask that? There'd be no problem with it except for a single thing…she grimaced.
"Promise, Llyra!" he called again.
"Okay, okay!" She fiddled with her sideburns. "I…I won't lie to you anymore, I swear!" Except for just this one lie, sorry Colin, it's nothing personal.
"Pinky swear double dare, bokos in their underwear?"
"Uh…what?"
He grinned. "It's a thing my mom taught me when I was little. Give me your pinky."
Llyra snorted despite herself. "Colin, you're such a dork, you know that?"
"Hey, you finally got my name right!" his smile grew wider, "Anyway C'mon, be a sport!"
"Fine, fine!" She swallowed the lump in her throat as she crossed pinkies with him. Colin had such a serious expression on his face when he recited the dumb line, you'd think it was some kind of last avowal before he kicked the bucket.
Finally, the creases in his face melted in favor of sunny cheeks. "Alright, then we're square!"
Llyra gave him a half-hearted smile like she'd just won a lifetime supply of cake from a ticket she'd picked up after it fell out of someone's pocket. On Llyra's list of net accomplishments for the day, that was plus one for friends, minus one for secrets. She half wished someone would punch her face in to smack the guilt from her cheeks.
Colin stretched his arms as though he'd just woken from a long nap. "Now then…" his face beamed, "…are you ready to walk into the Headmaster's office and convince him you're the kind of legendary knight Hyrule needs around here, Llyra?" His head swung towards her to behold the legendary enthusiasm in her soaked pants, slouching back, awkward grin…he frowned, putting a hand to his chin. "…maybe don't go in looking like that."
Llyra frowned, squeezing her hair like a damp towel. She'd been dreaming of the moment she'd get to waltz in before the Headmaster, twirling swords like batons as she somersaulted her way into his distinguished hall of fame. It was so like the universe to grant her dream with some ironic twist added in that squeezed the joy out of the whole affair—Apologizing for the unfortunate fate of the Weapon Hall whilst looking like a wet mop was not what she'd had in mind (it's too bad her clairvoyant senses hadn't warned her that dressing in waterproof armor might've salvaged some of her dignity as a knight).
"Gee…" she crossed her damp sleeves, "…you wanna lend me that superhero transformation mask you've got hidden in your bag, mister fairy godfather?"
To her surprise, a spark lit itself in his eye. "Llyra, that's…that's it!"
Llyra gasped. "No way…you mean you've for real got—"
"—No of course not!" He waved his hand, shattering her momentary deluded fantasy of powering through the sky in a fancy cape.
She frowned. Of course the universe would never hand her such a convenient opportunity…she wasn't That Guy after all.
Colin was slipping off his bag, and he let it thump lightly to the floor. "I'm saying we should empty our bags and pool our stuff, see what we've got to work with." He shook his head like he'd forgotten his own birthday. "Why didn't I think of this earlier? It might give us new ideas on how to get ourselves un-lost!"
Llyra rolled her eyes, flicking a slick lock of hair behind her ear. "Colin, we're lost in a school, not shipwrecked on some desert island?"
"Doesn't matter," he flicked open the top strap and capsized his bag, dumping its contents to the ceramic tiles. "A knight should be aware of everything in his arsenal before formulating any kind of plan."
Llyra snickered, though she dismounted her piggy bag from her shoulder all the same. "Oh, and where'd you read that..." she unzipped her piggy partner between the ears, "...encyclopedia to dorkhood?"
"Oh please," Colin chuckled. "Try the first line in Knights 101? Basic stuff Llyra, you should know this."
"Yeah, yeah." She unleashed the contents of her bag to the floor beside Colin's and they both crouched in to see what rich assortment of weaponry they had at their disposal. On Colin's side, there was a thick textbook labelled -Knights 101-, a jar of chickaloo treenut butter (why did he have that infernal stuff?!), a fat folder with a picture of Link on it (gee, I wonder what's in there, Llyra thought rolling her eyes) a five-section planner (she probably should've brought one of those herself), the bottle of glue, a couple of rulers (why two?), that infernal map in ancient Hylian, a square color pictograph of Link autographed and framed (not even worth mentioning what she thought of this), and an oversized wooden spoon (she resisted the urge to comment on this). On Llyra's side (more sparse but at least she had less junk), her notebooks, her trusty telescope, a strange blocky stone that Joel had given her last minute (she'd forgotten about it actually), the offending green hat grandma had packed, and an empty jar. It was rather a pathetic set of school weapons, unless you were running for most-likely-to-die-first-in-battle.
"…well?" Colin nudged her elbow. "…any inspiration, Llyra the Legendary? Let's see you put that mind to work."
"Sure…" she droned. "…we've got the perfect ingredients for Hyrule's most dubious pot roast."
He frowned. "C'mon Llyra, be creative! Try to think of more creative ways we could use this stuff."
Llyra rolled her eyes. "Well, if you insist…" She pointed to the map in Ancient Hylian, "This is great toilet paper," then her finger slid to the chickaloo treenut butter, "this is for smearing door handles to attract flies so no one opens the door," then it moved to the glue, "and this is good for fixing rare broken swords—"
"—Llyra!" Colin frowned.
"—and this," went on Llyra anyway, pointing to the fat folder with Link on the cover, "would make a great doormat in a moblin lair. We should think about selling it to a business scrub—"
"These—" Colin snatched the folder off the floor "—are premium grade photos!" He flipped the folder open and leaned in to give her a peek. "You could learn a thing or two from studying these, see? SEE?"
Llyra only had to glimpse His Lordliness being preened beneath the sun, sword touching the heavens for her eyes to roll back in her head.
"Uh-huh," Llyra crossed her arms, "and this helps our current situation…how?"
Colin's face sparkled as though a beam of light had hit his face from the open folder. "Well…don't they just fill you with a positive energy that makes you feel like anything's possible?"
Llyra glowered. "Colin…" she snapped the folder and its beam of light shut, returning it to its place among the populated floor. "…if you want me to have any positive energy left by the time I reach the Headmaster's office, then do me a favor and stop bringing up…"
Colin was unscrewing the cap of his chickaloo treenut butter. "…bringing up what?" He pressed the jar into her hands. "If you're low on energy, you should have some of this. I swear to Ordona, it doubles health!"
Llyra scrunched her nose, staring into the smooth, nutty whirlpool of That Guy's favorite snack. The nauseating, familiar stench of it alone was enough to sap at her strength.
Ordinarily, she was used to the prickles that came from constant reminders as to his lofty station in life, but since her plan to start off on a higher foot as 'Llyra' had been so quick to go south, the obligatory prickles were sharper than usual. It were almost as though an invisible octorok were stalking her, shooting rocks at the back of her head whenever That Guy were brought up.
She glanced over at Colin, rifling through their junk with the nonchalance of someone raiding a cabinet of food on a Sunday afternoon, and a smidgen of envy colored her eye. It must be nice, she thought, not having to measure up to a legacy the size of the moon.
"…hey Llyra," Colin interrupted her reverie. She stirred as he held up the oddly shaped stone that had come courtesy of Joel. "…what's this rock?"
Llyra stared at the rock with a frown. Joel had insisted on giving it to her before she left as some kind of good luck charm. Though the gesture had been nice, the reminder that he thought she was going to be in desperate need of luck was not (though she knew it to be true). Plus, the thing didn't even work. "It's called a Stone of Agony," she droned.
"What?!" Colin screeched, dropping the rock like it were infected. "This isn't some kind of dark magic artifact, is it?"
"Relax." Llyra picked up the stone, "It's about as frightening as your average paperweight. My neighbor gave it to me as a last minute going away gift. He said it was supposed to be some kind of Secret Detector, but the only thing it's detected so far is my stupidity for bringing it along, since all it's been doing is weighing down my backpack."
As her fingers pressured its surface, her eye spied a blue bin at the corner of a glass banister down the hall. Assuming it to be a trashcan, her arm reared itself back and flung the stone that way. Of course, her impeccable aim sent the stone soaring over the bin, such that it hit the opposite wall and landed upon the floor beneath a wide stone slab instead. She could only scowl at her aim.
Colin frowned. "You're throwing it away? Didn't you say it was a gift?"
"Yeah, don't worry…the sender wouldn't care." She shrugged. "He probably won it playing battleship at the carnival, like half his other junk."
She ran a finger through her damp hair and rubbed her shoulders as a shudder struck her spine. It was too bad Joel hadn't sent her off with some of those spicy peppers he loved to burn his mouth on so much—a mouthful of those and all the residual water on her would've evaporated in an instant. She opened her mouth to lament her lack of peppers aloud, when she felt her shudder of cold be overtaken by a tremble that had nothing to do with any chill. Colin across from her was trembling too, and as his frown vibrated, the two of them glanced down at their feet, where the trembling was strongest.
"…why's the floor vibrating?"
Colin shook his already trembling head. "Wait a minute Llyra, it's not the floor that's vibrating…look over there, it's your stone!" He pointed down the length of the hall where, true enough, the stone was buzzing like an electric chu sending vibrations through the floor. Llyra knitted her brows.
"Hey…" Colin eyed the spot where the stone was motoring in place, "…you think it's detecting some secret? I thought you said it was busted!"
"…it is busted. Trust me, there's nothing over there." She glanced towards the end of the hall with a frown. The moment Joel's cheap carnival gift could lead her somewhere worthwhile was the moment pigs could take over the world after all.
Despite her words, Colin leapt to his feet and advanced towards the frenzied call of the stone.
Llyra raised a brow at him. "…you're just gonna leave your stuff out in the middle of the hall?"
He stopped, glancing back at their heap of junk. "Oh…good point." She watched as he strode back, leant down and let his fingers slide carefully beneath the framed pictograph of Link before dusting it off and slipping it under his arm. "Can't leave something this valuable lying around after all."
Llyra snorted. She wondered whether she should bother telling him that That Guy never signed autographs…he claimed it was against his code or whatnot.
She frowned down at her own stuff, trembling lightly like pebblits along the floor. Whether Joel's stone was a chunk of hokum or not, its tantrum needed to be silenced one way or another. She climbed up from the floor with a sigh, but not before her fingers picked themselves up a certain cylindrical gadget. It was the only thing among their junk that mattered to her after all, the only thing she'd never go anywhere without. She slipped it into the damp pocket of her jacket.
When she met Colin at the other end of the hall, she found his eyes glued to the wall. "Llyra…your strange rock detector works after all! Do you see this?!" he breathed.
She picked the buzzing stone off the floor and fixed her eyes on the humble offerings of the wall. It greeted her with an elaborate stone relief two inches thick, wide as the pond behind her house and high as the bulletin board advertising overpriced bombs just outside her town. The relief, though carved with a certain intricacy of detail, was populated with the kind of blocky figures Llyra expected to see in a Funday School picture book. They recurred across its span, drawn in profile with pointy noses, big bobble eyes as wide as their heads, spaghetti hands and stubs for legs. The illustrious story they occupied might've been entertaining, but what little interest Llyra had in it evaporated the moment her eyes landed on the somewhat recognizable figure in the pointy hat, holding his fat sword to the sky while haloed like the sun. Her countenance melted to a scowl as she felt that invisible octorok take another shot at her head.
Brilliant, this was just what she needed to lift her spirits—the difference between That Guy and herself, etched permanently in stone. Maybe Joel had rigged his effervescent present to react to her sources of agony as a joke…that'd explain why he'd called it a Stone of Agony after all. "It's a giant slab that covers half the wall," she droned. "How's that a secret unless your blind?"
Colin was busy bristling like the restless stone in her hands. "Forget that!" His voice had risen to the joyous shriek of a wizzrobe. "Don't you realize what we're getting the honor of looking at here?!"
She squeezed the frenzied rock between her fingers, trying to force it still. "…an ancient carving showing one of santa's elves having hallucinations of grandeur?"
He ignored her remark, patting the relief as though it'd dropped straight out of the sacred realm. "The Battle at Spectacle Rock! THIS, is a depiction of the famous battle that took place at its base!"
"Fascinating," Llyra drawled, the stone still spazzing in her hands. "Can we go now?" She pivoted to exit stage left, but Colin caught her shoulders and rotated them back to appreciate the distinguished showings of the wall.
"Witness the heights of the legendary history we aspire to reach ourselves…you must appreciate it, behold!" He flung his arm at the leftmost end of the relief, where a group of stocky figures clutching fat swords were crawling upon their lanky knees, looking more like dehydrated donkeys than people. Colin cleared his throat, and let it deepen into his imitation of a professional narrator. "The blood moon riseth above the Tower of Hera, bathing the battered battalion in the crimson hue of imminent death…"
Llyra rolled her eyes. "Colin…really?"
Colin's narrating finger continued to the right, where jelly blobs with beady eyes and v-shaped snouts stuffed with jagged triangles (Llyra supposed these were teeth) appeared to be popping out of the ground. "…as the beasts of malice sundered once before rise anew—rise to the laughter of their master, gilded by light of the flaming moon…" He gestured towards the middle of the relief where a giant red circle inset with an enormous eye sat overhead a laughing pig in a cape, centered between two peaks.
Llyra elbowed her narrator. "…Colin, what exactly are you supposed to be quoting here?"
He tapped her shoulder as though dismissing her question, grinning as he resumed his soliloquy. "…the Beast speaketh, 'Doest thou fools not see how thy struggle be in vain? Abandon thy knees and heads to the Earth before thy Lord and Eternal Master.'"
Llyra raised a brow as Colin gestured to a skinny stick figure with fat lips, long stringy hair, a fanged crown and a bell shaped dress, sprawled over a two legged horse whilst holding a bow. "Princess Zelda, collapsed over the stained mane of her beloved steed calleth to Link, the Hero whom resteth upon his blistered sword. 'Oh Link, what shalt we do? The end draws nigh, I fear the goddess of fortune hath cast her gaze from us, in lieu that we may perish beneath yond merciless crimson eye in the sky. Our last breath hath come at the behest of that yonder monster.'"
Llyra pursed her lip. "…why is it I get the distinct feeling this didn't actually happen?"
Colin's conducting hand waved away her words, completing its dramatic journey by landing upon the radiant figure in the blessed triangular hat occupying the other end of the relief. Llyra resisted the urge to drop the buzzing rock on her sprightly narrator's toe as he concluded his cultured narration.
"…The Hero ascendeth despite the plight in his knees, and his sword—though fatigued—still riseth to pierce the moon before Zelda's eye. 'Nay, Zelda. Tis not the end so long as thee lift thy head. Though thy limbs grow weary, thou must not allow the flame to extinguish within, lest thou truly be damned…'"
Llyra scoffed. "Nay Colin, I hate to be the crusher of thine dreams but he does not talk anything like that. At all. Ever."
Colin flung his hand momentarily back to the pig below the giant eye, as though in dramatic refusal of her interruption. "…fear not the flames of destruction which cometh from the ire of yond swine, fear only the doubts and fears which infest thy soul…"
Llyra was trembling, not at his words but because Joel's wondrous present wouldn't cease its rumbling (it had a lot in common with her stomach when she was hungry). She had to wonder whether that kid's judgement was worse than her own at times…as far as she was concerned, there was no secret in this stone relief other than how much she secretly wished to vandalize it by drawing red mustaches and horns on its hallmark figure. If there were some secret vault hidden behind it, it'd probably just be full of funday school portraits featuring That Guy looking like a firework with a face anyway.
"…for they be the final gatekeepers before cometh the dawn." Colin concluded his monologue with a sigh, like he'd descended into Death Mountain's famous hot springs. "The profound words of Four Eyes, what an inspiration!" He clutched his portrait to his chest like it were a pillow of fluffy fuzz. "Oh Farore, I feel so inspired right now, it's like my energy's maxed out! What about you, Llyra?" His enlightened face whirled towards hers, only to find that the spot where she'd been standing had emptied. He frowned, swiveling around in search of where she'd gone. "Llyra? Llyra?" His eyes found her at the other end of the hall, crouched back over their pile of junk.
Llyra was returning her pet rock to her bag after it'd finally ceased its whinnying for attention, and her hands moved to return the rest of her piggy bag's innards to their claustral home as well. Joel's attempt to send her long distance luck had worked about as well as the toilet flusher back home, no surprise there. She wondered why she bothered to keep the blasted gadget…maybe because the damper it'd brought on her mood wasn't much, being that she was literally damp anyway.
As she thought this, Colin squatted down across from her in silence. Llyra glanced up to find his eyes trying to read hers.
"…do you want to talk about it?"
She blinked. "…talk about what?"
His hands moved to join hers in packing away their things. "Whatever it is that's bothering you."
She chewed the inside of her cheek. Talk about what, how a sopping moldorm equipped with the gear in her stuffed pig has the gall to compete against a fierce deity, AKA the story of her life? Naah.
"…I'd rather talk up a kickass plan for our comeback into the knights' hall of fame, wouldn't you?"
He seated himself cross-legged in front of her. "…alright. Well in that case, do you…" She raised a brow. "…mind if I wear this?" His expression cracked into a grin as his finger fell upon the pointy green hat.
Immediately she scowled, and that invisible octorok was z-targetting her head again. Had she really been expecting him to say something profound? "Why, so you can streak around the halls, pretending you're That Guy?"
He shook his head. "No, it's to help us out! It might help me think more like him, then I'll be able to formulate the perfect plan to get us out of here in no time!"
Llyra snorted. If Colin thought more like That Guy, the floor would certainly blow out beneath them before a nondestructive solution came to mind. And Colin wondered where she got her reckless tendencies…please.
She waved her hand dismissively. "Knock yourself out."
He inhaled like a birthday child who'd just been given permission to eat all the ice cream in the freezer. Ever so carefully, he picked up the hat like some fragile glass sculpture worth more than his house, smoothing it between his fingers as though it were the fur of some legendary beast. "This…this fabric! Akkala Cotton, the best kind, embroidered using a herringbone stitch along the sides, exactly like the ones he wears…even the patterns are the same! And the length…nineteen point three inches long with a circumference of twenty three point six and a diameter of eight point one! And the cozy wool padding on the inside…this is a perfect replica!"
Llyra quirked a brow, zipping her piggy bag shut. "It is? How do you know? Wait, don't answer that."
"This is some top quality stuff, Llyra," he slipped his arm through to rub the woolly lining on the interior, "you gotta tell me where you got this!"
She snorted. That Guy probably bought his unfortunate collection of hats off the first thrift merchant he rolled past. Grandma, incidentally, probably got this one from his even more unfortunate closet. "Somewhere smelly and horrible," she droned. No lie there.
She watched with a lazy eye as Colin held the hat over his head like a coronation crown. He hesitated, sucking a breath in and squeezing his eyes shut before his trembling hands finally lowered the esteemed artifact onto his hair.
A splash of rouge shot like a syringe into his cheeks as the hat settled upon his mushroom coiffure, and with it she could almost see as a tremor thundered down his spine. Llyra rolled her eyes. He looked ready to spring through the roof.
"This…this is amazing!" He flexed his hands, as though they'd transformed into dragon claws, though they looked exactly as they had five seconds prior. "I feel…I feel fantastic, like my powers have increased!" He patted his titular helm. "With this on…I'll surely be able to come up with a winning plan of action! Could this be…the secret to his success?!" He began to laugh like a skullkid, and Llyra groaned as the echo of it bled into her ears.
"Congratulations," Llyra's voice dripped with a sarcasm that Colin couldn't quite hear through his new headgear. "Your defense is now up by twenty percent." He beamed her a thumbs up. "…and your dignity, down forty," she added under her breath.
She laid her chin down on the fluffy lump that was her piggy backpack, trying to imagine anyone getting half as excited about wearing any of the quirky hats in her closet. The last time she'd tried to weave a hat, it'd consisted of bird nests and tree sap at camp, and the resulting sweet scent of it had attracted bees into her hair. Least to say it hadn't been such a popular hat when she'd offered to pass it around the campfire.
As Colin smoothed the tail of his new pet between his palms, Llyra pursed her lip. "…okay Lord Link, so what's the plan? Did the hat's telepathic powers help you locate where we are?"
He frowned. "It's supposed to do that?" His fingers adjusted its hem with a slight clockwise rotation. "Maybe I didn't put it on right, or maybe there's a switch…" He trailed off at Llyra's expression.
Colin cleared his throat. "…right as I was saying. The plan." He crossed his arms. "I was thinking, maybe we've been doing this backwards. Following a map didn't work, asking for directions didn't work, so let's forget navigating. Instead of us trying to find them, we need to let them find us."
Llyra lifted a brow. "Oh, so you want to give out some kind of SOS?"
He stroked his chin. "More or less, we need to attract attention here somehow."
Llyra snickered, struck by one of her genius ideas. "…well, we haven't tried screaming at the top of our lungs for help yet."
Colin frowned. "I'd like to keep at least ten percent of my dignity as a knight here, if that's at all possible.…"
She stroked the pink fur on her piggy bag. "…okay, let's think of what they do when someone gets stranded on a desert island. Y'know like, send out a smoke signal…?"
"Llyra I swear, if you're suggesting to start a fire in the middle of the hall…"
She pouted. "…not what I meant! I was thinking more along the lines of a very, very loud noise."
He fixed her an expression as stern as her grandpa's. "No explosions, Llyra!"
She scoffed. "Who said anything about explosions…we just need to make enough of a ruckus! Y'know, like…" she tossed her piggy into the air, and let it tumble back in her arms. "…a dance party!"
Colin chuckled. "You want to start a rock concert in the middle of the hall? I can't sing, and I'm pretty sure we're not gonna find any statues holding guitars around here…"
Llyra beamed. "No problem, I've got just the gadget for this job right here…" She slipped her hand into her damp jacket pocket and withdrew her cherished, always reliable comrade.
Colin raised a brow. "…and that's…what, exactly?"
She chuckled, rolling the copper tube between her fingers like a spindle of gold. "This is the single best piece of equipment in Hyrule. This here…" she held it up as though it were a gift from the goddesses, "…is a treasure with over a thousand uses."
Colin's ears perked up like a dog on the lookout for a frisbee. "Ooh, is it one of those advanced Sheikah tech gizmos? (It doesn't explode, does it? I've heard lots of Sheikah gizmos self destruct if you press the wrong button…)"
Llyra snapped it open, and his eyes fell upon the incredible form of…a telescope? The thrill faded from his face like a whistling tea kettle fizzing out. Llyra's face was beaming like a fluorescent lamp though, and his brows heightened at the satisfaction molding her features.
"You are weird," he said.
"Says the fanboy with a green hat on."
"Yeah, I guess," he grinned. "What are the thousand uses?"
"Not sure, I haven't thought of them all yet."
He chortled. "You carry that around with you all the time?"
Llyra shot him a glare. "Oh is that funny to you? You've got a wooden spoon in your backpack so I'd shut up if I were you." She twirled her metallic sidekick affectionately. "My telescope is always handy. Right now for example, one of its secret uses is as a musical instrument!"
His lips pressed themselves into a taut line. "…I'm, almost afraid to ask but…how exactly does it work as a musical instrument?"
She grinned, raising the telescope over her head. "…like this!" Her arm catapulted down to strike the floor, but Colin precluded the hit by catching her wrist.
"—on second thought…" he stared at her telescope like it were the dormant arm of an Eyegore, "…I think the rock concert might be a bad idea."
Llyra frowned. "…what about making noise?"
He grinned sheepishly. "…upon further deliberation, it's probably best for us to just lay low and wait for someone to come by, don't you think?" He tapped her telescope. "How about for now, you stick to using your telescope the way its actually intended? I mean, just use it to scout around. Classes are starting in an hour, it can't be long now."
Llyra pouted, patting her telescope as though she were comforting a rejected pet. Alas, she was used to this kind of behavior towards her poor, misconstrued partner. Some day soon, she'd show them all just what it was made of.
Colin, after picking himself off the floor with his bag slung over the shoulder, drew his eyes to where a glass banister ran in a wide square around the center of the spacious open hall, thus creating a balcony over the lower floor.
He gestured towards the center with his head. "I'll keep watch down below, you lookout up here."
Llyra scowled, rising off the floor after him. So his fancy hattidness's genius plan was to sit tight and wait? Who knew how long that'd take? She'd bet all those lazy students were still snuggling in their beds right about now…
There was a gossip stone in front of the banister, and Llyra kneed the stone, watching it squash and stretch like a chuchu.
"The time is 7:02." It intoned.
Llyra grumbled. She glanced over at Colin, only to find him admiring his hatted reflection in the glass with a grin goofier than a clown. She groaned, turning away with her telescope raised to her eye. This could be the longest hour of her life (and that was saying something, after the time she'd spent listening to an hour long lecture from a gossip stone at the library…)
"Hey!" Colin interrupted her train of thought. "I think I saw something moving on the lower floor! Someone might be there!"
"Where?!" Llyra whirled her telescope towards him a tad faster than his reflexes could handle, delivering him a slight knock to the head.
"Ow!" he snapped. "Would you watch how you move with that thing? It could knock someone's head off!"
"Where did you see someone?" Llyra lowered her telescope for a broader view at the floor below.
"Uh, it was over there…" He pointed to where a colored beanstalk was growing out of a trough from a deku flower pad, coiling around a column on the opposite side. The beanstalk was as still as the empty benches beside it, without so much as a shifting shadow in its vicinity.
Llyra glanced at Colin as though he'd duped her into believing she'd won a cabana in the mail. "…you sure it wasn't the powers of your hat working their mysterious magic on your eyes just now?"
"Hey!" he bristled, "I swear there was someone down there, or something! I saw the door swing open and—"
"—Colin," Llyra tucked the telescope under one arm. "I think maybe you should take the hat off. It's cutting off the circulation to your brain and causing you to hallucinate." She snatched it off before he could utter a plea to the Naydra statue down the hall.
"Wait—no!" He moaned as though he were a witch whose source of power had just been squandered. "Give it back!" he wailed like a kargarok, trying to grab it back, but Llyra leapt deftly out of the way.
"Forget it!" She stepped again and again from his persistent lunges, like an experimental tap dancer performing a frantic improvisation to the off-beat flailing of his arms, until she was backed against the banister. She leaned over it as far as she could with her arm outstretched, hat in hand.
"Back off or I'll drop the hat!"
"NO Llyra!" he wheezed as though she were threatening the life of an innocent babe. "That's a premium grade Link replica hat, I can't let you jeopardize its mint condition!"
He leaned aggressively over the rail to grab the hat, but as his hand approached, she snatched the telescope from under her other arm and thrust it into the hat so it hung off the end of her telescope like a mech-extension of her arm. There! Now it was really out of his reach (and that was yet another use for her telescope—use number eighteen!)
"Give it up, Colin!" she bellowed. "The hat's gotta go!"
"Never!" he shouted like a valorous soldier in the face of impregnable odds on the battlefield.
To her surprise, he leapt onto the banister like an agile cat and pounced forward in what was sure to be a winning lunge.
"Almighty Farore," Llyra hissed as she saw his arm reaching too far. "It's just a dumb hat Colin! Get down before you fall!"
"Got it!" His fingers seized the hat tip in triumphant midair as though nabbing elusive rare chu jelly right off the ceiling just as his balance disappeared out from under him, and Llyra watched with a shriek stuck in her throat as his body tumbled forth into space—her arms shot out and she caught his leg, clutching it fast over the rails as he dangled upside down like a keese with a torn wing.
"I got the hat!" he shot her an upside down grin with a thumbs up to the floor (as though that were the most important thing in this situation).
"…Colin…stupid!" She had both arms clenched around his knee while his boot kicked at her chin, and her stomach pressed so far into the railing she thought her torso would snap off. What did Colin eat for breakfast, a whale? He weighed more than a yacht packed with elephants!
She managed to lug him up half a foot or so before Colin wrapped his arms around the column head touching his nose, and his swinging foot was able to bend towards his head and plant, albeit awkwardly.
"You can let go of my foot now!" he clamored up, "I can manage to climb back up from here!"
Llyra released his boot in a heave of relief, draping over the banister like a dead washcloth. "…you just had…to…" she huffed between words like an ailing runner after a sprint, "…go after the…stupid hat…" she gasped. "…so…dumb…how could you…" Just as those words left her lips, her telescope slipped from under her arm (as though to challenge her point) and with it she shrieked and lunged in. Her hand closed over the telescope just as she realized she was no longer connected to the railing.
Oops, she thought, as gravity took over.
"Llyra!" Colin gasped as he saw her drop past where he clutched at the column head like a koala. "Grab my foot! Or the column! Anything!" He tried to see below, but his head wouldn't twist down more than thirty degrees.
Llyra had squeezed her eyes shut, telescope cradled to her chest. Was this it, she thought? After all her talk of making something of herself, she was going out splat in the middle of the school hall without even setting foot into her first class. What a pathetic way to die. Maybe she'd win a world record for most pathetic death in the history of Hyrule.
Then she felt a pair of strong arms catch her, and a soft, mature, feminine voice spoke, "Are you alright?" It sounded like the sweet voice of a princess, and Llyra wondered as her heart skipped a beat, who was this female senior knight? It couldn't be…Princess Zelda?!"
"Oh yes," she breathed, "I'm fine thanks to yo—" she opened her eyes to greet the lovely face of her savior.
And then she screamed.
o | O | o
NEXT :: Chapter 05—The Legend of Llyra (Part II/II)
Author's Note:
I realize this not much of an eventful chapter, ironically that's the reason I ended up delaying it. Initially the chapter had been done, then last minute I read it over and decided it needed some drastic change. I rewrote it 4 times after that, didn't like any of the rewrites until I got to this one. On the previous rewrite, there was a 9 page digression where Colin and Aryll/Llyra ended up in a puzzle room which I cut out because it was too self-contained and didn't contribute enough to the plot.
My main issue was trying to modify this chapter without introducing any drastic changes (RE: attempting drastic change without adding drastic change, doesn't work), since there's a chain of events starting in the next chapter on that I didn't want to mess with. At the same time, there are some conversations that needed to take place in this chapter, so fast forwarding wasn't an option either. Basically, my hands felt tied in terms of what could be added before next chapter's events, but I hope the way it turned out is still enjoyable despite being lesser eventful. (Also, I had a split opinion on whether to cut the Stone Relief and the Stone of Agony, but I decided they was entertaining enough to leave in.)
There is however some important backstory and groundwork being laid in this chapter, and you should get a sense of some underlying drama that'll come into play later.
On another note, I was hoping to stick to a pace of publishing a chapter a week, and though I will not always be able to keep that pace, I'll still be aiming for it. Actually, next chapter might be out at the end of this week since I think it's almost done (then again I'd better not jinx myself).
Fair warning that the next chapter is long. It's also a top candidate for funniest chapter though, so I hope you'll look forward to it!
Comments welcome ;)
/~/ Farosie
