I remembered hearing that earlier conversation between the brothers. They were discussing Angels…and Demons… If this vision that was currently standing in front of me was truly an Angel, and I was loathe to argue the point with him, then did that mean that Demons really existed too? My head was spinning with the implications. It must have been obvious because Dean quickly moved from his chair to my side, guiding me to one of the empty chairs at the table.
"OK. I know this is probably freaking you out a bit but.." He seemed at a loss for exactly what he could say to make this seem more normal.
"No… I mean… I guess it should be but… " I looked helplessly from him to the Angel and back again. How could I explain that this didn't seem strange at all? In fact, it was the first thing that had happened to me so far that actually seemed to fit. I was desperate to find some reason for this feeling of rightness that had come over me but every time I tried to put reason to it I came up with another blank wall.
"This is unusual Dean. I told you before that it was rare for a person to be able to see my true visage. " Cas had begun unconsciously pacing the small floor of the kitchenette.
"Does it mean something to you? Can you figure out who I am from that?" My hopes leapt sky high at the thought that someone might finally be able to give me a clue as to my own identity.
"No. I'm sorry. Not from that alone but…" He hesitated and I could feel my hopes drop yet again.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking Cas?" The Angel turned an inquisitive look to Dean.
"Dean. You know I am not aware of what you are thinking. You have requested that I not delve into your mind and I have chosen to honor that request."
Exasperation was evident on Dean's face as he nodded his head.
"That's exactly what I mean Cas. Do you think you can use your mojo to look in her mind and find out who she is?"
I wasn't sure what exactly he meant by mojo but the Angel seemed to understand perfectly as he turned his gaze back to me. I knew I should feel nervous at the thought of someone poking around inside my head but I had no fear whatsoever. I was absolutely positive that this being would not harm me. It would be completely against his nature to do so.
"I can try. If you let me Diana. It will not cause you any damage and the process is painless. I may be able to find out why you are unable to remember things if you allow me." He sounded so calm and reassuring that I found myself agreeing before I had even thought it over.
"Tell me what you need me to do."
"There is nothing you need to do. I will simply place my hand to your forehead and make the connection to your mind. I should know immediately if it works."
I took a deep breath and nodded my consent. I watched as he moved around the table to stand in front of me. He reached out his hand and, as his skin made contact with mine, I felt a slight tingle. I had only a second to think to myself how gentle his touch was before he withdrew his hand, frowning, and stepped back to Dean's side.
"Something is wrong." If it hadn't already been obvious that whatever he had attempted didn't work from the statement, it would have been very obvious from the confused expression on his face.
"What do you mean something is wrong? Didn't you get anything?" I couldn't believe this. Damn it. If an Angel couldn't help me then I was truly royally screwed.
"I'm not sure I can explain."
"Why don't you try Cas." I had almost forgotten that Sam was in the room and I silently thanked him for the encouraging tone as he prompted the Angel to go on.
"It's as if… let me think… the memories are there. I could feel them. But… they are not accessible. It is as if they have been placed in a box and sealed off from the rest of your mind. The box is locked and I do not possess the key. I'm sorry."
"Could this be because of my head injury?" I was hoping that there was some simple explanation that would be fixable. Maybe if the concussion was causing the problem then I would be able to access my memories once it had receded.
"No. An injury to the brain would leave a different…signature. There was purpose behind this manipulation. This box that holds your memories was created by someone. There is no question in my mind that it is not natural."
I was shocked. I had no reason to doubt what the Angel was telling me but I couldn't fathom why someone would want to lock away my memories. Had I done it? Was there something so disturbing in my past that I felt the need to lock it away even from myself?
"Cas, who could have done this? Could a Demon have messed with her head like this?" Again it was Dean who brought me back to reality. I hadn't even thought of the possibility of a Demon. The very thought of a Demon playing around inside my head brought on a new wave of nausea and I felt the room begin to tilt again.
"No Dean. Demons can take possession of a vessel. They can wall off the actual mind of the person they are possessing but they cannot lock away specific pieces of it in this manner. "
"Then who could?" My voice was edged with the panic that was once again beginning to rise and I fought to keep it under control. "Who has the ability to do this and why would someone want to? I mean…you are an Angel right? Aren't you powerful enough to break it?"
There was something unreadable in his expression as he thought about my question. He seemed to be considering his answer carefully. Let me tell you, when an Angel seems hesitant to tell you something… it's not a good feeling. What could be so bad that an Angel would be afraid to tell me?
"I can think of several things that could do this, none of them good. I believe that my brothers could manage it. Archangels have far more power than I do. I am sure my Father could, but I cannot come up with any scenario that would lead to that. "
Dean's face suddenly became calm. Too calm. Something about the look he was giving his brother made a cold chill run through me. Sam, in turn, seemed to have the ability to instantly read his brother's expression and know exactly what he was thinking. The sudden tension that came into his whole frame did nothing to ease my mind.
"He is an Archangel. And it would explain why they were holding her." The fact that they were having a conversation about me that made no sense to me was about to drive me insane. I felt like screaming but couldn't seem to find the breath to do so.
"Who? Who is an Archangel? Sam? What are you talking about?"
The room became very quiet. I could sense the three of them working through the options and trying to decide whether or not I was stable enough to let in on their big secret. My eyes went to Dean. He looked grim, and angry…I wasn't sure which frightened me more.
"Dean? This is my mind we're talking about here. I'm not that fragile, I won't break. Just tell me already!"
But it wasn't Dean who answered. Instead I hear that melodious voice once more and I couldn't believe what it was saying. That name coming from those lips seemed somehow… sacrilegious.
"Lucifer."
