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Chapter Four
Nevermind
The next morning when I became self aware of my conscious form of being, I had to stifle a groan at the pulsations stimulating from my brain. I was reluctant to open my eyes as I longed to forget the pounding thrum in my skull and instead welcome sleep with open arms. I planned on rolling over to slip out of bed and go to the medicine cabinet in my bathroom, but before I gathered the strength to do so, I felt arms tighten around me. Startled, I opened my eyes and saw Edward. He was still sleeping, and my head was resting on his shoulder; he had both of his arms draped around me in a comfortable embrace.
The previous night came flooding back to my consciousness, and I remembered going to the club with the girls, the attack from the guy in the alleyway, Edward saving me, coming back here to stay with him, and his crooked grin before we both fell asleep the previous night. I fought a smile at the memory of it all as I stared at his restful, beautiful face, and I wondered the last time I felt this giddy at six in the morning.
Reluctantly, I left Edward's embrace, careful not to disturb his peaceful slumber. I went to his bathroom, washed my face, and found Advil in a drawer. Swallowing three, I then brushed my teeth and tried to comb through my tangled hair.
Afterwards, I stood in the bathroom wondering who the girl in the mirror was as I looked at the bright face and wildly amused eyes reflecting back at me. And I was attacked with panic over what to do next. Was I supposed to wake him before I left? Did I wait to leave until after he woke up? Did I really want to ruin last night's time with him by some awkward moment of the morning?
I went back to Edward's room to grab my purse and dress. I gave his beautiful sleeping self one last fleeting glance before I slipped through his brown bedroom door into the living room and saw Jasper at the door talking to someone. I walked around behind him slowly and noticed Alice at the other side of the door. She was blushing and shaking her head while Jasper chuckled at her.
"Isabella?" Alice asked, stepping to the side and catching my gaze. I grinned sheepishly, and she ran to me and embraced me.
"Hi Alice," I laughed as she pulled away and gave me a look over.
"Isabella I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried last night after everything…" She frowned. It was unnatural to me to see her frowning.
"I'm fine, Alice. I feel much better this morning." I assured her.
"It's good to hear that." Jasper spoke up. We both turned, remembering that he was there too.
"Thank you."
"Hopefully we can prevent anything like that happening in the future by simply going out together next time. How does that sound Ali?" He winked at Alice, who in turn grew a shade pinker and her smile widened.
"I think that would be loads of fun," I added when Alice didn't reply from her Jasper-induced daydream eyes.
"Yes! We have to all go out together! What about tomorrow night?" Alice finally spoke up.
"Well I can't speak for all of the guys, but I know I'm free. I'll talk to them and see if they're available too. Are you ready to go?" He looked back at Alice.
"Yes I am! Isabella do you need a ride back to the dorm?" Alice asked me. I confirmed that I did, and she insisted on taking me back in her spunky red mini cooper. Jasper went with us, and before we had gotten in her car Alice whispered to me that they were going on a brunch date to a local coffee shop.
Despite feeling like a total third wheel in the backseat as I looked between the two of them, Jasper emanated ease and comfort so it was hard to feel awkward with both of them. He was clever and witty and clearly cared for Alice with his attentiveness and the ease at which he made her laugh, and his corresponding good humor in response to anything she did.
When I left the car, I was looking forward to doing some of my own grilling as payback towards Alice later to see how the date went. I settled on going to Angela and seeing what mischief she had been up to since I had last seen her the previous night.
However, when I got to my dorm room she was nowhere to be found, and I went ahead and showered and got ready for the day. I went to the Whitlock library that was in the middle of campus and studied. While I was studying there, I received a call from the football hostess organization.
"Congratulations Isabella! We'd love for you to come join us. We have a meeting tomorrow and afterwards we'll show you around the athletic complex and have you dip your feet in the water on what it will look like!"
I thanked her and confirmed that I would be there the next day. Afterwards, I twirled my pen around my finger mulling everything over. Thinking about the day ahead of me. Football all day and potentially seeing everyone again that night. Which meant I'd see Edward. And that beautiful crooked smile, and wonderfully expressive emerald eyes. I didn't have his phone number, so I didn't really have any way of contacting him to thank him for the previous night. I was slightly regretting not staying and waiting for him to wake up, but I tried to let it go as I remembered I'd see him again soon and could thank him then and hopefully talk to him. I had a hard time believing that our connection was one sided. The way we connected without even touching sent thrills through my body. And when we did touch… It was both fire and ice to my soul. I had never felt so in tune to someone as I did with Edward. All of our emotions melded together, the pain I saw in his eyes was my pain. His sigh of contentment originated from my completeness when I was wrapped in his arms. I wished I could tell him how much he meant to me even after this little time of knowing him. Despite saving me from my attacker, he was helping to restore my faith and hope in the goodness of humanity.
Eventually I made it back to the dorm after studying all of the day away. Other than my Kinesiology running class, I was taking all science classes. Biology, Chemistry, Physics, and my introduction to Biomedical Science class. I had enrolled as a premed student, and I had come in with the credit for my history and English classes and a couple of math courses as well. Taking four technical oriented science classes would definitely keep me occupied with school, but I was intrigued and interested in everything I had to learn. I liked all of them already even though I had only completed the first week of school, but I especially enjoyed the biomedical class I had on Friday morning.
When I entered the dorm room, Angela was spread out on the couch with a pen and paper. Her hair was in her typical messy bun, and she scribbled away on the white paper.
"Hey Ang," I greeted. She looked up and smiled.
"Hey, how are you doing?" She gave me a sad smile, and I remembered the last time I saw her was the previous night after the attack.
"I'm doing well. I was a little shaken up last night, but today I'm good." I sat down on the couch next to her and tucked my feet underneath me. "What are you writing?"
"I'm writing a letter to a friend in California."
"California?" I eyed her, my interest peaked as curiosity settled in.
"Yeah, one of my friends from back home is going to UCLA."
"Oh, I've heard it's beautiful there." I said quietly, carefully looking at her as she continued writing her letter.
She hummed in agreement.
"How're classes going?" I asked her a couple of moments later.
She told me about some of her classes that she was in and enjoying. Including an Arthurian literature class that she absolutely loved. Her enthusiasm towards literature and English was evident in the way she talked about them.
"Have you thought about teaching?" I asked when she finished.
"I haven't really thought that much about it, I really had no idea what I wanted to do when I got here."
She went back to writing her letter, and then asked me if I'd heard from Alice at all.
"Not since this morning and her date," I grinned.
"She had a date? With Jasper?" Angela's mouth dropped, "That girl moves fast!"
I laughed at her expression. Then I asked her if she wanted anything for dinner, on me, and I went to the kitchen to cook while she finished up her letter.
Not long after I was cooking, there was an upbeat knock on the door and after Angela answered it, Alice came bounding in and wrapped me in a hug, pinning my arms to my sides.
"Isa-belllla!" She trilled. I didn't know if I'd ever fully get used to her enthusiasm but it made me giggle.
"Alice! I'm cooking!" I chided her, and she let go of my arms so I could stir the sauce I was making.
Angela followed behind laughing.
"How was the date, Alice?" I asked her.
"It was wonderful!" She got a dreamy look in her eye. "Jasper is the perfect gentleman. He paid, opened doors, and pulled my chair out for me and everything. And I learned so much about him! I didn't know it before, but his family founded the town and school."
"Really?" Angela inquired.
"Yep, Jasper Whitlock. That's why the town and school are named Whitlock."
"His last name is Whitlock?" Angela and I both said. We laughed, but were both astounded at the coincidence.
After our shock lessened, Alice continued to tell us more about her date, and all of Jasper's idiosyncrasies she had noticed. I finished up dinner for all three of us and we went back to the living room and sat on the couch as we ate and talked.
"Isabella, have you heard back from the football hostess program yet?" Alice asked.
"Actually yeah, they called me while I was studying at the library today. I start tomorrow!"
Alice and Angela both congratulated me, while Alice gave me an "I told you so".
We went on to talk about school and classes and organizations some more before the conversation turned back to boys.
"I could talk about Jasper all night, so enough about him. What about Edward, Isabella?" Alice turned to me.
"Edward's…" I hesitated. Our connection almost seemed too personal to share or talk about. Albeit, I wasn't exactly used to opening up at all, let alone something as deep as the thing with him seemed to go.
"Extremely good looking. We know, go on." Angela teased.
I rolled my eyes, but smiled, because I knew he was even though that wasn't what drew me to him.
"He is, but it's so much more than that. Every time I'm around him, I feel this connection to him. Like he understands. We haven't really talked much," the more I thought about it, I realized we really had hardly said more than several complete sentences to one another, "but I really do like him a lot. I can't believe he was the one who saved me last night. And I'm grateful he let me stay with him. We didn't do anything physical, but him holding me was more than enough to help."
"It's obvious he likes you a lot too." Alice spoke up, "Especially the way he wouldn't let go of you last night."
"And the glare he gave Jake." Angela added and giggled.
I shook my head and blushed, "What about you Angela, anybody of interest to you yet?"
Angela groaned, "No, I'm destined to end up an old maid with seven cats."
We laughed and assured her she was wrong. And the night continued as we all talked and laughed and put on some stupid romantic comedy that we ended up falling asleep to.
The next day, I was nervous, but also excited to go to the hostess meeting. I rode a bus to the athletic complex center and got out as I admired the building. The glass double doors were vast as they stretched two stories tall. The entry hall was not unlike that of a hotel with a check in desk and lounging area off to the side of the room. Everything was pristine and expensive as I noiselessly made my way to the desk, slightly afraid to interrupt the natural order of the place.
The girl at the desk looked up and smiled when she saw me and directed me to wait as someone would come and take me to the conference room.
The girl who came to escort me had long strawberry blonde hair, and electric blue eyes. She was at least 6 feet tall, and the type of natural beauty that so many models tried to embody. It crossed my mind that I should be intimated. That I should envy her for her looks. But I was so immune to those thoughts after everything and where I came from. I had been around models and some of the world's most beautiful people since I was three. This girl was nothing new to me. And looks only went skin deep.
"Hi! I'm Tanya!" She greeted with a meticulous smile.
"I'm Isabella," I greeted her back.
"Well if you'll just follow me, we're going to the conference room where all the girls are, and we're going to introduce you and several other new girls to the group and get all of you situated before we give you a tour of what all we will be doing around here!"
I nodded in understanding and followed her down a hall to an elevator that we rode up to the third floor and walked back down another hall to the conference room. There was a long big table, not unlike an executive business table, and chairs all around it. Most were already occupied, but we sat near one end and the girls around me introduced themselves.
Once everyone had finally arrived, the head girl, whose name was Heidi, introduced herself and everyone went around and gave a spiel about themselves. Heidi then iterated her expectations of us and went over the rules, and we signed some paperwork claiming we understood the rules and expectations from us. We were there to serve the football team and the football team's staff and coaches, and there was a strict confidentiality code that came with that.
Afterwards, we toured the Athletic Complex and they showed us some of the filing rooms and different offices we would be in. They walked us through the guy's training rooms and locker rooms, as well as the indoor field. Most were surprisingly empty of players, and Tanya, who had stayed by my side the whole time, explained the players were on the outdoor field practicing.
"Now that all of you new girls have seen the complex, are there any questions?" Heidi turned around to address the few of us in the group. When no replies came she went on, "Great! Well I need a couple of volunteers from the returning girls to stay and help out with water duty today."
A couple of girls spoke up saying they would stay and help.
As people started to leave, I wondered about Jake and his friends and if I would be able to see them practice some. So I walked over to Heidi.
"Is it okay if I go watch the guys practice for a little bit? A couple of them are friends and I just wanted to watch them…" I rambled and grew quiet towards the end, suddenly unsure of my request's validity.
Heidi smiled nicely and nodded, "Of course. You can watch them anytime, as long as you don't have a job to do."
"Oh alright, thank you." I started walking towards the back of the building to the crystal clear glass doors that led to the outdoor practice fields where I saw the team practicing. When I got to the field, I stood off to the side and found some metal bleachers to sit on. There was a group of trainers and girls talking on the bleachers next to the ones I chose to sit on. They eyed me as I sat down and then went back to talking.
I turned my eyes to the practice field to find Jake and the other players I met the other night as I watched them scrimmage. I couldn't help but notice in my perusal how good the team's running back was. His jersey number was three and he handled the football like it was the easiest, most natural thing in the world. He found holes to run through in the thickest of action like it was as simple as running through a field of nothing. To say the least, as I observed them all practicing, he was the player I couldn't help coming back to watch. I was thoroughly impressed by his performance and instead of searching for the football players I knew, I watched his every move and tried to figure out who he was. I was even about to go ask the people on the bleachers next to mine, to sate my curiosity, when one of the coaches blew a whistle and a water break was called. The guys in turn began taking off their helmets and they ran to the water station.
As hard as I tried not to, my eyes searched to find number three. He reached up to take his helmet off and my breath stopped as messy, sweaty bronze hair was revealed beneath it. He ran his fingers through his hair and jogged towards the water table.
I sat there on the bleachers, staring at Edward in disbelief, until a couple of guys crowded around him. I saw one of the guys from the party where I first met Edward glance at me and say something. Then they were all looking at me and I looked away.
I couldn't believe that all of those guys were on the football team. Edward, Jasper, and Steve were all huddled together. And their friends I had met at their apartment. I was still trying to process it when I heard someone running towards me from the field.
I glanced up and gave a smile when I saw Steve. He was smiling too, but it didn't reach his eyes. He looked worried.
"Hey Isabella," Steve greeted.
"Hey Steve," I smiled.
"What are you doing here?" He asked.
"I'm a hostess. We had a meeting today and I just came outside to watch a little."
"Oh… That's awesome, congratulations." Steve grinned.
"Thank you. Everyone looks really great out there." I complimented him; as a whole the team did look really great, even if Edward had stolen my attention with his skills.
Steve pretended to be abashed and waved off the compliment. I laughed, and he rolled his eyes in a joking manner. I glanced back at the group where Edward was; I was disappointed he didn't come to greet me instead. I had so much I wanted to say to him, and most importantly I wanted to thank him for taking me in the previous night.
"I didn't realize that all of you played football," I told Steve honestly.
"Yeah, we met during this summer as new members of the team, and it was an instant bromance between all of us, so we've been inseparable since," Steve chuckled. He grew serious as he looked behind him. I saw Edward running toward us and my heart skipped as an instant smile crossed my face.
Edward stopped where Steve was, but he looked over at me in shock. His emerald eyes pierced mine at he stared at me in disbelief. I blushed at his stare, but gave him a smile.
"Hey," I greeted. I was still shocked that he was here, playing for the football team. Not to mention he was easily one of the best players on the team as a freshman. I was also incredibly happy to see him. Overwhelmed by his sudden presence, I didn't know what to say to him. But I knew that I had to thank him for last night. I had to thank him for taking care of me and keeping away the demons that came with the night. I had to tell him that it was the best night of my life because of him.
Steve looked at me warily before he turned to Edward, "Hey Edward."
"Hey." Edward smirked at him then looked at me again. I wondered at his smirk, but ignored it as I thought of what to say to him. I remembered the people on the bleachers next to us, and I figured it was better not to have people eavesdropping on the conversation I wanted to have with Edward.
"Looks like you two are having a lot of fun," I raised my eyebrows and smiled again. I really wanted to tell Edward how amazing I thought he was, but I didn't.
"Oh yeah, practice is great. We get to sweat, get hit repeatedly, get yelled at, and get to run forever…" Steve rolled his eyes as he talked. I laughed at him and Edward gave his adorable crooked smile. Which made me instantly smile in return.
"Anyways, we should probably get going before coach gets mad," Steve grabbed Edward's arm as though he was going to pull him away.
I couldn't let Edward leave though, not without telling him what I needed to. I wasn't sure of the next time I'd see him, whether it be tomorrow or a week from now, and I wanted to tell him how much last night had meant to me before I forgot.
I quickly jumped up and off the bleachers as I went to the fence. "Wait, sorry, Edward, can I talk to you for a second?"
Edward looked smug and pulled away from Steve. Steve glanced at me, and the worried look returned to his face as he opened his mouth to say something. Then he glanced at Edward and shook his head as he ran off, leaving Edward and I alone. I wondered at Steve's weird behavior, but decided I needed to talk to Edward first, and I would figure out what was up with Steve later. Or I could just see if Edward knew.
Edward answered, "Sure." He walked closer to me and smirked again as his voice lowered, "You can ask anything you want to know about me."
What? I paused in confusion. I wondered what he meant by that. And why he was acting so differently. After a moment of hesitation, I knew I just needed to say what I needed to him.
"I was just going to say thank you for Friday night, I don't know what I would've done without you, and just thank you for taking me in." I meant every word as I said it and my heart clenched as I looked deep into his emerald eyes that had grown to be the most beautiful things in the world to me.
His eyebrows furrowed together and he looked completely lost.
"I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about?"
I stared at him, in total confusion. I bit my lip, a nervous habit, as I thought… It was Friday night, right? Yes, I knew it was.
Edward continued, his eyebrows still scrunched, as he looked even more confused than I was sure I did, "Have we met before?"
Cold water shot through my veins, and I felt the blood drain from my face. I stopped the intake of air as my eyes grew large. I took a step back away from the fence and him. I knew he was serious. No person in his or her right mind would joke about something like that.
I thought back to the night I met him, at the party on Sunday night last weekend. He was drunk and didn't actually say a word to me. And the following Tuesday night at his apartment, he had alcohol on his breath as we had hugged and the aroma swept along my face. And then Friday night when he saved me from the attacker, he had just come from a bar with Steve and Jasper.
I shook my head back and forth as it dawned on me that he was drunk every single time I had met him.
When I felt like I was able to talk, I asked him in a quiet voice, "You have no idea who I am, do you?"
I waited; he was evaluating me cautiously like he was afraid I was going to faint or attack him or something. The former, I might have.
Finally, he shook his head.
My eyes closed as I processed this.
He had no idea who I was.
Breathe in. He didn't remember holding me close as we danced the first night we met.
Breathe out. What did it matter?
Breathe in. He didn't remember our embrace in his bedroom after Kelli had tried to separate us.
Breathe out. Why does it hurt?
Breathe in. He didn't remember jumping out of his car to come rushing into a dark alley to save me.
Breathe out. Why should I care?
Breathe in. He didn't remember letting me fall asleep in his embrace.
Breathe out. Fuck it.
Breathe in. He didn't remember me.
Breathe out. So never mind.
Thoughts?
Chapter Title Song:
Nevermind- Leonard Cohen (True Detective Season 2 anyone?)
Don't forget to check out EPOV, which will be updated soon, if you haven't. Titled Emerald Green.
Next chapter of Deep Blue will be up in one or two weeks.
Thank you for reading.
Until next time,
Chance33
