No owny bologna. That rhymes but it doesn't look like it does.
4
Everything was different. The weather kept cooling down. Sweaters and scarves were common, adding more color to the dark uniforms of the students. The Great Hall was decorated with pumpkins and leaves for Halloween in a couple weeks. Slytherin lost its next match against Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor was up against Hufflepuff in another week. Jack popped in more often when they were all studying in the library or enjoying the quickly disappearing sunny days on the green grass outside. Most notably what was different was that nothing much was different. Which only made the difference in Merida that much more obvious.
Like how she spilt pumpkin juice in her lap when Jack walked up behind her and Rapunzel. Or how she couldn't make eye contact with him, whether he was standing two feet away or across the Great Hall, yet she kept checking to see if he was looking in her direction. Or how she literally ran away when she heard Jack's laughter coming down the hall, or knocked her inkwell over onto her parchment when she too-energetically dodged out of the way when he patted her head teasingly during class.
Mostly, it just pissed her off. She was annoyed that it was cold outside, she was annoyed that there wasn't enough time to practice quidditch before she faced off with Astrid, and she was annoyed that Jack was basically acting completely normal after he had told her about his secret life and definitely and totally kissed her on top of the owlery while Filch watched.
It had been two days. What the bloody hell, why wasn't he acting different? Shouldn't something be different after something like that? Merida had no idea what or how things should be different, and she wasn't exactly sure what she wanted his reaction to be or if she wanted one at all, but she just knew it was ticking her off that there didn't seem to be any change coming from him.
Why? Were they pretending it hadn't happened? Was there some meaning to that kiss that meant it was platonic or comforting or something that she should be understanding but wasn't? She didn't understand anything. She sucked at this. This was why the boy she had loved for years was now dating someone else, and she was still an awkward idiot in the background, getting kissed and being confused by it.
The worst was that the changes in Merida seemed to be compulsive. She couldn't help panicking when she saw him ahead of her in the hall, couldn't help tensing up when he sat across from her in the library, couldn't help fidgeting with her unruly hair when he was around. She'd barely had control of her life before this, and now she felt like it was quickly slipping out of her grasp for good. Crivens.
It came to a horrifying climax on the third morning, when Merida somehow found herself half awake at Rapunzel's breakfast table, forced into the company of all of her friends. Jack was across from her, next to Hiccup. She tugged on her wrinkled sweater, inwardly swore at herself, then tugged again anyway, listening to the conversation between the others about classes and dragons. The subject turned to Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, keepers and chasers. The topic woke her up completely, and she found herself in the familiar competitive banter she always did with Astrid and the others, until Jack said with a laugh, "What, a wee lass like Merida? Not if those crazy curls and cute freckles have anything to say about it." And he leaned across the table to pull on her hair.
And then it happened. She went so red in the face she was certain there was no blood left anywhere else in her body. And she knew by the look on everyone's faces that it was oh so painfully obvious.
Jack's joking smile froze on his face. Hiccup's eyebrows went up, then his eyes flicked to Jack and back to Merida. Astrid's chewing on a muffin slowed down and Rapunzel's lips parted in a small 'O'.
Hiccup started after a second of silence, "You, uh, ok there, Mer?"
She didn't even wait for him to finish his sentence before standing up abruptly, avoiding the eyes of everyone at the table. "I forgot, there's a thing, I need to…" And she walked away as quickly as she could without drawing even more attention from the students in the Great Hall.
The students and sounds around her were nothing but a blur as she ran from her embarrassment, and it almost drowned out the footsteps running after her as well.
It must be Jack. Of course he'd be running after her, he probably couldn't catch the hint that she would definitely not want to talk to him right now. Squeezing her eyes closed, she prepared herself for him to call out to her, to grab her shoulder, to laugh.
She jumped when the voice was much higher and more feminine. She spun around to see Rapunzel hurrying after her, and in surprise she hesitated, long enough for her friend to catch up. Of course it was Rapunzel. Why had she expected Jack? Dang it, she didn't want to talk to Rapunzel, either, but there would be no shaking Rapunzel off once she was determined to do something, and by the look on her face, that was the case.
"Merida," Rapunzel said, keeping up with Merida's quick pace, "What's going on?"
"What do you mean, what's going on?"
"Don't play dumb, Merida," Rapunzel chided, "You've been acting weird about Jack for weeks, and the last couple days you've been completely on edge when he's around, and awkward and distracted all the rest of the time! I was happy to let it play out because I figured you'd tell me when you were ready, and you were sort of adorable, but really, Merida! What's happened?"
Well, the exact image of "what happened" popped into Merida's mind and made her pink cheeks darken again. There was no way she could put that into actual words out loud to say to Rapunzel. She'd probably die before even getting it all out. No, she refused to die, because if she died then Professor McGonagall would have to show up, and Professor Longbottom, and everyone in the school, and Jack and Hiccup, and they'd all say, "why'd she die?" and then everyone would know and she wasn't letting that happen.
She stopped walking like she had hit an invisible wall, her hair bouncing over her shoulders. Rapunzel went a few steps past before skidding to a halt and turning to look at her.
What had she been thinking about? Well, she'd been thinking about being embarrassed and being angry at Jack for acting like nothing had happened and wondering why she wanted him around when it just made her anxious. She'd only been thinking about herself, and she'd forgotten about the other things that Jack had told her on the owlery that night—his father, his sister, his bloodline, his troubles. The reasons for the serious looks on his face and his trips to the infirmary. He might have kissed her and not said why, but was she the one who was actually being selfish?
"Merida?" Rapunzel said quietly. Merida looked up at her, seeing that her eyebrows had drawn together in concern. "What's wrong?"
Merida shook her head, brushing off the gloom that had settled over her all of a sudden. How did she answer her friend's question? She wanted to tell Rapunzel everything Jack had told her, but those words caught in her throat. They weren't her words to tell. Jack didn't want people to know, and she couldn't tell his secret without him. But with another glance at Rapunzel she knew she couldn't keep everything a secret.
Using every ounce of fight power she had, Merida started, "I, alright, we, the other day after my match, Jack and I talked." Rapunzel nodded, coming back down the hall a ways so they were at a more comfortable distance. Merida continued, "And I was right, I'll have you know. He was hiding something, and I finally got it out of him. He was…having trouble with some things. It's nothing to worry about, so don't ask him about it! He'll tell you if he wants to, so…"
"Oh. Poor Jack," Rapunzel said sympathetically, but then raised an eyebrow. "But that's not all, is it?"
Merida shifted her weight from foot to foot, feeling like Rapunzel's eyes were huge, piercing spotlights directed at her. "Ah, no, we uh, we also, uh, might've, uh, kissed a bit—"
"You WHAT?"
Merida slapped a hand over Rapunzel's gaping mouth, glancing quickly around the hall. There were a couple students wandering through to their morning classes, and one or two of them looked at them strangely as Merida dragged Rapunzel around the corner to a quieter hall and stopped at the bottom of a vacant staircase. She waited for the small heart attack to pass before she begrudgingly removed her hand from Rapunzel's mouth, cringing at the onslaught of exclamations.
"You what, did you say you kissed?" Rapunzel demanded, barely keeping her voice down. "You, you, Merida Dunbroch, you kissed Jack Frost?"
"Well, I mean, he kissed me the first time but I dun—"
"The first time? He kissed you the first time, and then you kissed more times? How long has this been going on? Does Elsa know? Does Hiccup know—"
"No, no one else knows! So keep your voice down—"
Rapunzel gasped loudly, then crossed her arms in a flurry of yellow hair and billowy sleeves. On Rapunzel's shoulder, hidden beneath her hair, Merida spotted Pascal, who seemed to be shaking his head at her as well. "Merida Dunbroch," Rapunzel said in a scolding tone, "I cannot believe you would kiss a boy with a girlfriend, a very nice girlfriend—"
"He doesn't have a girlfriend, alright!" Merida glanced around worriedly, terrified that any second someone would come around the corner and overhear this entire conversation. "He's not dating Elsa, ok?"
"He's not? What happened? Did they break up?"
"No, they were never dating in the first place."
"What? But that doesn't make any sense."
"I know, I thought so, too. They're just friends, or something, apparently."
Rapunzel stopped, and Merida swore she could see the wheels turning in her head. Merida took a seat on one of the bottoms steps, leaning against the stone banister, feeling fidgety and embarrassed and confused and flushed. She wanted to hide in her room and run away all at once. She settled for pulling at a loose thread on her skirt until the tear got worse, every once in a while pressing a fist to her forehead, internally freaking out.
She watched Rapunzel's face slowly brighten. "Jack kissed you."
"Mm-hm."
"Did you kiss him back?"
"Ummmm…"
"Oh my gosh, this is incredible," Rapunzel squeaked, her hands fluttering up to her chin in an adorable display of pleasure. "This explains so much!"
"Ha! Explains what?"
"Well, for one, it explains why you've been acting so weird around him," She flounced down next to Merida, her radiant smile making Merida shrink back. "So, do you like him?"
"What?" Merida blushed again. Geeze, wasn't she red enough already? Why couldn't her face calm down? "I don—I don't like him!"
"Ok, but you don't not like him, right?"
"I don't hate him."
"Oh, come on!"
She spluttered, not sure of anything at the moment. "I mean, I dunno, he's my friend, I haven't—"
"Your friend that you kissed," Rapunzel emphasized. "Oh my gosh, do you think this means he likes you?"
"Ha, I doubt it," Still with the red face, still with the knots in her stomach.
"Why? What if he's always liked you?"
"No."
"What if you've just never noticed because you liked Hiccup?"
"Stop it."
"What if you're, like, special so he never did anything about it?"
"You're getting carried away."
"What if he decides not to hold back anymore and there's a love triangle and Hiccup realizes—"
"Punzie."
Rapunzel checked herself. "Ah, sorry." She settled beside Merida, looking at her friend more seriously. "I didn't mean to say that about Hiccup."
Merida shook her head but didn't say anything. She thought back to a few minutes ago, of Jack and Hiccup sitting next to each other, looking at her from across the table. Hiccup seeing her blush was just as bad as Jack seeing her blush. It was confusing. Her heart hurt a little. But she didn't have the right to be pining over Hiccup right now. Not while her mind was also occupied by kisses from another boy. And it was certainly more occupied than she would like to admit.
"I don't know that he likes me," Merida said offhandedly, "Maybe he's just become a huge flirt recently."
"Recently? You mean like what he said this morning? Jack's always been like that. You've just never really noticed it before."
"What? Can't be. How?"
Rapunzel shrugged. "I don't know. He was your friend, so, unlike the other girls, you just brushed it off. I mean, I do, too, when he says stuff like that to me, but it's obviously been affecting you lately."
Oh, geez. More than ever Merida wished she wasn't such an open book when it came to her emotions. What an idiot she probably looked like with a red face to match her hair and house colors every time he said anything. Soon she'd be able to blend into the Gryffindor common room she'd be so scarlet. No one would be able to find her.
She groaned, putting her face in her hands. "I'm so stupid."
"No, Merida, you're not stupid," Rapunzel cooed, putting an arm around her.
"Yes, I am," Merida said, voice muffled by her hands. "It's not like he's acting any different. It was probably nothing to him; he probably kisses girls all the time. He just needed someone and I happened to be there. And now I'm going around, acting like a complete git every time I see him."
"Say what you will about Jack being a flirt, but he definitely doesn't go around kissing girls for no reason, and you know that. You said he was going through some stuff, right? Maybe he did need someone. Maybe he was glad it was you who was there."
Merida stayed in her hands, her hair falling around her, Rapunzel's comforting arm around her. She wondered if Jack ever received comfort like this when he needed it.
Later that day, she spotted Jack outside under a tree. It was fairly sunny, and there were a few students in hats and sweaters, happily soaking up the decent weather as long as they could. Merida was not one of them. She was pretty annoyed to be standing outside, and hadn't been intending to, so she was unprepared without any better clothes. Still. She couldn't go back now. She'd told herself that the next time she saw Jack she wouldn't run away. She just wished she had seen him inside, somewhere safe from the bitter wind.
She paced back and forth for far too long, trying to psyche herself into walking over to him. It took longer than it probably would have for a normal person, but Merida was reminded by her mother quite often that she wasn't normal. With a final angry grunt that startled a seventh year couple, she stalked across the grass to where Jack lay under a tree.
He was in his dark robe and sweater vest, but didn't have a scarf or hat, yet he lounged like it was any summery day. He opened his eyes when he heard her approaching and she avoided looking at him while she sat on the dry grass nearby. She purposefully looked across the lawn and over the lake, trying not to be uncomfortable with the weight of his stare on her back.
After a second she said stiffly, "Nice weather we're having, isn't it?" He immediately burst out laughing, and she whirled around to glare at him. "What're you laughing at?"
"That's just the last thing I expected you to say, is all," he said with a grin. "Nice weather, seriously?"
"Shut your gammy face. I'm allowed to comment on the weather."
"Sure you are. I just didn't think this was your type of weather. Usually it's something like, 'Ah hate this scaffy sniffing cold, wah yoo dooin ou heer, yoo ideeotic loony'?"
A bit of wind blew by, and Merida tried not to shiver. "I don't hate it."
"Right," Jack said with a smirk and a knowing twinkle in his eye. "What are you really doing out here?"
She shrugged, looking away from him again. "What, I can't come hang out with my friend just because I feel like it?"
"Of course you can. Except that you're mad at me, right?"
She surprised herself when she snapped, "Of course I'm mad at you."
"Uh-huh, I thought so."
She blinked a few times, feeling the irritation inside of her and not being entirely sure where it had come from. Geez, she hadn't even realized how angry she was until this moment, but evidently he'd noticed. She was an open book, as always, and Jack was turning into an avid reader.
She let out a puff of air and threw her hands up before dropping them in her lap. "Fine, yes, I'm mad at you! Sorry! I'm probably supposed to move on and forget about it like you, but I'm not used to being kissed, alright? So ignore my idiotic behavior and leave me to grow up while you go about your Prefect duties like you do." She stopped talking, stubbornly looking out at the lake, having no clue what to do about the uncomfortable squirming in her stomach.
After a second he said incredulously, "What?"
His tone wasn't what she was expecting, and although she didn't want to, she turned to look at him. "What?" she repeated.
"That's why you're mad? I thought it was because—wait, do you think that I'm acting indifferent?"
"Well, yeah. Aren't you?" She jumped when he abruptly sat up, suddenly so much closer to her.
"No, you stupid…I mean, alright, I am acting casual about it, but I was only trying to be considerate. I thought you'd prefer that, rather than me, I dunno, suddenly holding your hand in front of everyone. I mean, you wouldn't want that."
She was blushing now. Fantastic. "Definitely not! But you didn't have to pretend like nothing happened! I was confused enough as it was, and then you're going around like it was all in my head, and I was starting to feel like it was all in my head, like I was the one going mental when you're the one acting daft! But, you stupid idiot, I said I'd be there if you needed me to be, so even if your brain's turning to mush I'm still keeping my word. Not that you deserve it, you kiss-don't-tell fiend." She turned away from him, huffing in an attempt to hide her nervousness. She fidgeted, pulling on the loose string from her skirt again. He was quiet. Now what? Could she run away yet? Geez, this was hard. And it used to be that Jack was someone she was always comfortable with.
Her heart stopped cold in her chest when she felt him lean forward and rest his head against hers, his face in her hair. Her eyes darted around the grass to see if anyone was watching. No one was, as far as she could tell. She swallowed, feeling the heat on her face and being amazed that she could still possibly be blushing. Maybe her face would break at this rate and her blush would be gone forever. Wouldn't that be nice. Then she wouldn't have to panic so much when Jack did stuff like this.
She couldn't take the tense silence for very long, and said in a bad attempt at joking, "Careful, or you'll get stuck in my hair like the other Slytherins."
"Good," he said back, "I want to get so tangled in your hair you'll never be able to get me out."
What. What.
How did she respond to stuff like this? This was beyond his normal, throw-away flirtations. Why did it feel like her heart was pounding directly in her ears when she felt his breath on her neck? Bloody hell, she was going to kill him.
He lifted his head, and he was so close now his nose almost brushed her cheek. The intensity of his blue gaze made her shiver as it drifted down her face to stop at her lips. She had seen it happen a thousand times over the years, but for some reason when his lips turned up in a sly smirk it was like she was seeing it for the first time. He was so incredibly good looking, it hurt a little bit.
"So, what would you do if I don't pretend like nothing happened?" he asked, slowly pushing her hair back from her face, his fingers trailing down her cheek and jaw. "What would you do if I kissed you again?"
Her heartbeat had already spiked, and she felt herself inwardly screaming. Her voice was deceitfully calm. "Is there a chance of that?"
"I'd say there's a very good chance of that."
"Oh. Good."
Then he tilted his chin and kissed her. She forgot to look around the green again to see if anyone was looking, and kissed him back. The warmth on her face mixed with the chilly air in a way that made her feel awake, and another feeling settled over her that she could only think of as relief. She didn't bother delving into her feelings or thoughts on the situation and instead let his fingertips and his lips swallow them up. She was just getting comfortable with the unfamiliar movements, and feeling like she could start contributing more, when he pulled away.
She blinked at him, only to find him looking at the sky. She followed his gaze, seeing a blanket of gray clouds in the distance, slowly inching across the blue sky.
"It's going to snow," he said.
"Snow?" she echoed, not asking how he knew it was snow and not rain. She got the feeling that there were even more things Jack knew that she didn't than she had previously thought. "Great. Hopefully it doesn't stick. It's not even Halloween yet."
His eyes left the sky and fell on the dark trees of the Forbidden Forest. She hadn't noticed during the kiss, but his hand had moved to take hers. "Sorry, Merida. Winter is coming early this year."
The way he said it made her want to hold his hand tighter. A colder wind blew.
Yerp. Review.
