Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider or any other characters.
'What happens when you lose everything?
You just start again.
You start all over again.'
(lyrics by Maximo Park)
"Finally, Ben. Where the hell have you been?" Wolf growled at the spy as he arrived at the hospital room. Ben's face was tired and sad and he only shook his head at the annoyed soldier.
"Leave it Wolf," Snake said softly, "He's awake by the way."
Ben nodded at him and walked into the room. The two soldiers were left to stare at the door as it shut behind him.
"Weird," Wolf commented.
"He obviously knows Cub well," Snake shrugged, "he probably hated having to wait for such a long time until he could see him."
Wolf inclined his head in agreement but thought privately that the young spy in the room they were guarding probably hated it more.
"Alex?" Ben's voice asked softly. Alex didn't open his eyes. He had no desire to face the world, and especially someone who would want to talk about his time with Scorpia.
"Look Alex, I know you're awake," Ben said again, "Please open your eyes."
Alex didn't.
"Fine, then just listen to me," he said, "I'm sorry about not seeing you earlier. I've been at the bank sorting out all the legal paperwork." He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sure Mrs Jones told you that I'm going to be your guardian. I- I volunteered for the job." Ben glanced briefly round the room before focusing back on the young spy.
"I was told how you had no one to look after you, not after your last guardian . . . Well, anyway, I offered to help. It's not right what happened to you, and I will do anything to stop it occurring again. I'm a qualified spy - much like you," Ben added resignedly, "And I can help to protect you, like K-Unit are." He took a deep breath. "And also . . . I care about you. I don't want you left with a stupid MI6 agent who has no idea who you are or anything about you."
Alex's expression was blank, and his eyes still closed. Ben took another breath and continued.
"So yeah, you'll be seeing a lot more of me. I'll be around most of the time and then in a week or so when you're discharged, you can home with me to my flat. I live in the centre of London but you should be able to continue going to the same school if you like – when you're well enough anyway. K-Unit will be around the whole time, though I think they'll take turns staying the night. MI6 are taking no chances with your safety." Not this time, anyway.
"So, it's probably a good idea if I tell you a bit more about me, right?" No answer. "I was born around here and have lived in pretty much the same area my whole life. I have a younger brother," A grimace crossed the man's face, "but we don't get on that well. My mum died when I was tiny, but my dad lives nearby. He's a bit . . . Well, antisocial, I guess you could say, but he'll like you. I haven't told him yet, but you might want to expect a visit at some point." A tiny flicker of emotion crossed Alex's face, too fast for it to be identified. "I studied French and politics at university and then went straight to join the army. I then applied for the SAS and got in – as you know – but didn't enjoy it that much. The brute fighting wasn't really for me. So yeah, I applied for a job with MI6. As much as I hate MI6 for what they did for you, I prefer it to working in the SAS. K-Unit weren't so happy about that though."
By now, ten minutes had passed and Alex still hadn't opened his eyes.
"Alex, are you going to ignore me forever?" Ben asked quietly. "Come on, you've got to face the world at some point." There was no answer. Ben sighed, and sat down with a newspaper. He wouldn't leave.
It was a week after the rescue that Alex's emotionless mask broke. It wasn't dramatic, or loud, or even particularly violent, but it was something. To be honest, it surprised the hell out of Eagle.
The twitches started at some point after midnight. It was Eagle's turn to be on duty overnight, and he was getting tired. Snake would be coming to relieve him in five hours. At first, he hardly noticed them. Hospitals didn't stop at night, and nurses were bustling up and down the corridors outside, meaning that Eagle's attention was constantly being caught by something outside the room. It was only when the movement got more violent that he did.
Eagle swore when he saw Cub out of the corner of his eye. The young spy was shaking and tremors were passing through his body. Sweat was dripping down him and his head was turning continuously back and forth. It was obvious he was caught in a nightmare of some kind.
"Cub!" Eagle said reaching out to touch him. He gently laid a hand on the boy's arm hoping to reassure him, but it only seemed to panic him further. Small whimpering noises were coming out of his throat. Knowing how painful it was going to be when he woke up, Eagle tried to get him to calm down.
"Cub? Cub, come on, you're safe," he tried, "Nothing's hurting you, it's fine, I promise. Listen to my voice, it's Eagle, ok? No one else." The heartbreaking view continued. "Come on kid, it's ok. I promise you, please calm down."
Nothing seemed to help. Cub kept on thrashing and turning, upsetting tubes and disturbing the cast on his arm. Tears were now leaking out of the corners of his eyes and Eagle grew more and more desperate.
"Come on kid, come on. It's safe, I promise. It's safe. No one's hurting you, come on."
After a few more minutes with nothing changing, the soldier tried something more drastic. He gently shook the boy's good shoulder, calling his name the whole time.
"Cub? Cub? Come on, wake up!" He shook him harder. "Cub!" After a particularly harsh shake, Alex awoke with a gasp. Flinging himself across the bed and away from the grabbing hands, he concentrated on steadying his breathing. Tears were still trickling down his face and he wiped angrily at them. Eagle was staring at him in concern.
"Cub? You ok? You're safe here; nothing's going to hurt you."
Alex shook his head in frustration. Of course something was going to hurt him. Something always did. His sobs became more violent, shaking his frame and alarming the soldier.
("Help me, help me, help me")
"Cub? I promise you, nothing's going to hurt you. Not while I'm here," the soldier reassured him.
("Just tell us Rider. It'll all be over if you just tell us.")
"Cub, I'll have to get the doctor if you don't calm down. You're hurting yourself."
("By the time we've finished, you'll do anything just to stop it all. Even kill yourself.")
"Cub, come on. Please, calm down."
("I won't, I won't, I won't.")
Alex finally nodded unsteadily and took deep breaths. It took a few minutes but eventually his breathing calmed. It had been a while since he'd had a nightmare that bad, but he guessed it probably wasn't unexpected. The strong drugs he was on had been keeping them at bay, but with the possibility of being discharged in a few days, the doctor was weaning him off them.
"You ok?" Eagle asked him quietly. He nodded and pulled the blanket over him again.
"Cub, come on, you're still crying," the soldier told him, "You're obviously not ok."
Alex ignored him and shut his eyes. He jerked suddenly when a calloused hand rested on his arm.
"Please Cub, stop shutting us out," he pleaded. Alex did nothing. "We're all worried about you."
Alex didn't open his eyes or turn his head. He simply raised a hand and lifted his middle finger. Eagle sighed.
"Fine."
Ben cursed under his breath as he left the hospital room a couple of days after. Alex was just . . . blank. He didn't want to do anything.
"How is he?" Wolf asked quietly.
"Asleep," Ben said, "Well, I think he is, anyway. He might just be ignoring me."
"Is he still not responding?" Snake questioned.
"No," Ben sighed, "He's just lying there, with his eyes shut. It- It worries me. It's been over a week. The doctor says that he should be able to talk soon. He may already by able to."
"He just won't." Eagle finished.
"Yeah"
"He's been through a lot though," Snake said.
"I know," Ben answered, "But he can't carry on like this."
"Have you considered the idea of him having PTSD?" Eagle asked.
"Of course I have." Ben shut his eyes briefly. "With an experience like that, how can he not have it? I just don't know what to do about it."
"He's still having nightmares," Eagle informed him, "I've had to wake him up several times."
"Same here," Snake confirmed.
"Bad ones?"
"Pretty bad, I'd say," Eagle replied with a hint of sarcasm, "It's been difficult to wake him up. The nurses constantly worry he'll damage himself further with the way he thrashes around."
"God," Wolf sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair.
"He needs a psychiatrist or something," Ben said, "But I'll need to contact MI6 about it. He'll need someone with high enough clearance."
"Well, he's being released later tomorrow. You might want to go soon. It's going to be pretty hard on him."
"I know Snake," Ben said, "I'll go this afternoon."
"Want me to come with you?" Wolf asked.
Ben nodded. "Thanks."
Alex lay with his eyes shut, listening to the conversation outside. He knew he wasn't being fair on them – how could he not? Still, he didn't appreciate being talked about behind his back. And he wasn't exactly ignoring Ben, just, well, not looking at him. And not talking to him. And ok, not responding in any way to him. So yeah, he admitted to himself, ignoring is a reasonable description.
But he did have a reason. His throat still felt like a million knives were stabbing into it every time he tried to talk, especially with his painkillers reduced. The doctor simply told him to keep trying, and that the pain would wear off. Helpful. He knew that with the possibility of being released looming ever closer, he would need to at least make an effort with K-Unit, but God, it hurt. Every little thing reminded him of Jack. Every word made him flashback to Scorpia. And that made it hard to keep up a conversation.
("There'll be no conversation in here, Rider")
He wished he knew what had prompted Scorpia to kidnap him. MI6 had assured him that a deal had been made and he would be left alone – which obviously didn't happen. He was curious as to what Mrs Jones would tell him when he was finally released from hospital, and if the doctors didn't allow that soon, he was definitely breaking out. The deputy head hadn't visited him again and Alex guessed he was grateful for that, no matter how curious he was. His only company was K-Unit and he found himself missing Jack more and more. The soldiers tried hard to make him feel comfortable, and Ben was great, but looking after a teenager wasn't something any of them were used to. There was a reason they joined the SAS, after all.
Jack was just . . . special. While other people would find it difficult to converse with an emotionally damaged and dangerous fifteen year old, Jack did not. She used to bring him food every time he ended up in hospital. "If the food here is anything like what it is in American hospitals, you'll be needing this," she used to say with a laugh. She was vibrant and bright and successfully scared off many a doctor when she was talking to him and didn't want to be disturbed.
"I brought some doughnuts," Jack said when she visited Alex one time after the fateful events in Kenya. "I know you're supposed to get grapes and everything, but honestly, I prefer these." She grinned and passed him one.
Climbing up onto his bed, carefully avoiding the tubes twisting about his body, she kissed him on the forehead and sat crossed-legged on the end of the bed.
"Mrs Mason says hello by the way," she remarked casually. "I told her you had glandular fever." She paused. "Or was it swine flu? Hmmm . . ." Alex laughed at her. "Pfft, she won't remember anyway," Jack said, shrugging her shoulders. "Did I tell you about the plumber coming round-"
"The same one that comes round every month?" Alex cut in.
"Yeah, that one," Jack continued. "Anyway, she stood in her doorway in her dressing gown – that bright pink one that she wears every morning – and refused to let him in." Alex snorted.
"Yeah, exactly. I heard loud voices so thought I ought to check it out and when I went round the poor man was trying to convince her to let him in. I asked what the matter was and she haughtily informed me that she was 'not letting a strange man in her house' when for all she knew, he could be a 'mass murderer'". Jack's impression of Mrs Mason's elderly voice was slightly ruined by the giggles that kept erupting from her mouth, Alex thought privately.
"What did you do?"
"Laughed."
Alex reached across and swatted her gently on the arm. "No, seriously, what happened?" he asked, amused.
"I finally got her to let the man in, but only if I stood next to him the whole time and left the front door open so people would hear if either of us screamed."
"Wouldn't she just get burgled?" Alex said immediately, unable to keep a straight face any longer.
"Don't ask me! The woman's completely illogical!"
Alex laughed.
Ignoring the prickling of his eyes that occurred whenever he thought about Jack, Alex wondered if he would ever be as comfortable around Ben as he had been with Jack. He had more of a chance with Ben than he did with K-Unit though, he thought with a sigh.
"Oh, hey Cub," Snake said. "I didn't realise you were up."
The first thing, Alex mused, would be to get them to use his actual name.
Sorry for the late update, I hope you enjoy this. I understand the plot is moving slowly at the moment, but I just want to concentrate on Alex's recovery at this time.
Please review,
ForeverChasingDreams
