Look, another chapter ! Magical, right ? I hope so, I was in a really fanficcy mood, so I wrote this and chapter five in less than 24 hours o.O but I think I'll wait a little while before I post that :D Unless anyone wants it like...quickly ? XD This chapter and chapter five were both fuelled by Simple Plan, Jeffree Star, After Eights and Lucozade, by the way :) Just sayin' :P 'Kay, I'ma stop ranting now :)
"Mello!"
Matt's greeting to me as I slink miserably into the room is almost a shout, and I flinch instinctively away from him, wondering how much trouble I'd get in if I slapped him. Near might castrate me, so best not.
I nod in apprehensive reply, and he waves enthusiastically at the seat on the other side of his desk, pocketing his DS and beaming like a squirrel on ecstasy. I pause.
"Sit down, sit down!" Matt sings, drumming impatiently on the desk. "We have to get down to business with your cock, remember?"
My face then proceeds to turn a rather fascinating shade of crimson, and I sit down rather harder than I meant to in my anguish. "Er-"
Matt stares at me shrewdly. "You're still feeling awkward about this whole affair, aren't you..?" he asks, leaning forwards alarmingly, his eyes wide and feigning understanding. Well, no shit, Sherlock! Why the fuck would anyone feel embarrassed about such a thing as this?
I decide against answering him, and after a suitably long pause he leans back. "Ahh, you should not be embarrassed about your erectile dysfunction, my friend. It's really quite a common issue, and as your councillor, I will of course be understanding and supportive of you all the way."
That statement was wrong on so many levels. I proceed to have a coughing fit while the dim-witted redhead looks on with eyes like golf balls. Seriously, what was going through his head when he said that, exactly?
He's not even partially right about any of it. I mean, for one thing, he's not my fucking "councillor". I'm not spilling out my woes to him or some shit like what people do with councillors; although... I grimace. If he gets his way, I'll be spilling out the contents of these tight leather pants instead...
Matt is still beaming, for some reason unbeknownst to me. I stare him straight in the eyes for several seconds, then look away as he starts talking. The less eye contact, the less I'll feel inclined to punch him. Hopefully.
"So!"
The resounding sound of an idiot with a plan makes me jump.
"What shall we try first, Mello? Any ideas?"
Grudgingly I meet his eyes again, having serious second thoughts about holding my temper.
"You mean... You don't actually have any ideas about what we're going to try..?" I ask incredulously. Matt pauses, eyebrows receding into his hair.
"...Well, no."
A little voice inside my head is telling me that Matt's a dickweed and needs to be strangled and bludgeoned to death using a large, wet fish. Without my permission, my hands slowly begin to rise from my lap, towards Matt's throat, who completely fails to notice this rather startling new development.
"Well, actually, I suppose that's not quite true -"
My hands drop onto the cluttered desk with an audible bang, and I pull my right hand into my lap with a curse of pain, massaging it furiously. Matt continues to stare over my head, looking even more gormless than usual, apparently racking his brains. Well, that shouldn't take long.
"We could try... Some aphrodisiacs?" he suggests after a moment. I look up in surprise, still rubbing my throbbing fist. Did that genetic throwback just have a decent idea? Fucking hell.
"Aphrodisiacs?" I repeat slowly, staring into his eyes. Irritatingly, they're pretty earnest, and now I'm looking, quite a pretty shade of emerald. I shouldn't have noticed that.
He nods affirmatively, and starts scrabbling around in one of the alarmingly full drawers in his desk. Wait – so he keeps foods that get people horny in drawers in his office? Just randomly? He's more fucked up than I previously thought, clearly. And to be honest, that's pretty fucked up.
He sighs, and begins to take things out of his drawer and place them on the desk. "Sorry...I think they must be quite far down," he explains, piling pointless objects high. I survey the growing collection with a mixture of concern and fear.
There are a great many things sitting in a heap already; to name but a few, a special edition of Monopoly, several Zelda figurines, a whoopee cushion, some old game cartridges, some kind of dirty magazine, and a box of contraceptive pills.
I decide that I'm not going to ask.
After a couple more minutes, Matt resurfaces with a loud cry of "Oh, thank the Deku Tree!", and plants a large box on the desk before me.
It quite clearly used to be a shoebox, but in at attempt at cunningness, he's put wrapping paper all over it and written "SEX FOOD" on it with a permanent marker. So very sly.
I blink at him, and he carefully removes the lid, looking extremely proud of himself. Inside are two avocados, a packet of almonds, and a rather impressive bar of chocolate.
Very impressive, actually... each little chunk is perfectly identical, the surface smooth and unmarred by teeth nor fingerprints, almost shining. A couple of little flakes stick to the front of the packaging, delicate and dainty, just waiting to be lapped away by the first person to have the pleasure of opening it. The bar itself is a perfect, creamy, light brown, pure and constant in its shade. It is perfection.
I stifle a moan.
Matt looks up with a small smile. "Yes, Mello? Do you think this would be a good idea?"
I can't help but give a rapid, jerky nod. That chocolate is actually teasing me.
"Excellent! So, would you care to share a packet of almonds with me?"
I pause. "Er – ok... Almonds..."
Matt looks pleased, opening the packet swiftly and offering it to me, face hopeful. I slowly take an almond and eat it. The taste is rather inadequate, I think disdainfully, but then decide this could be due to my mind being set on the chocolate. Such sexy chocolate...
Matt also takes one, and eats it with his eyes never wavering from mine, looking more than slightly retarded. "How does that almond make you feel?" he asks dramatically after a moment, almost causing me to spray chewed almond all over him in amusement.
"Er – w-well – I – don't really feel any different – um-"
"Are your thoughts towards me any more lustful than they were before the almond?" Matt presses, holding my gaze and slowly popping another almond into his mouth, offering me the pack again.
I pause, feeling my cheeks tingeing pink. "Um. No."
Matt looks nonplussed and shakes the bag at me. "Well, eat a few more, then see how you feel!" he says brightly, smiling broadly yet again. Why is he so happy? I wonder in something like frustration.
A few minutes later, we have in a joint effort finished all the almonds. He looks at me expectantly.
"Now, Mello, I want you to imagine me without a shirt, and then I want you to tell me how it makes you feel. I, in return, will imagine you without that vest, and tell you how it makes me feel. All right?"
Why would I ever be all right with that?
I nod, in total contrast to my opinion, and stare at Matt's stripy chest, steadily growing redder as I attempt feebly to dematerialise his shirt. After a few awkward minutes, Matt sighs and removes his shirt, and indicates that I should do the same. "Imagining is sort of difficult..." he grins, squashing his shirt into a ball and placing on the desk in front of him.
I pause for several seconds, then remember that Near will kill me if he finds out I'm being difficult, and remove my own top reluctantly, the heat in my face almost uncomfortable by now. Matt smiles encouragingly, and I determinedly avoid his eyes, staring instead at his torso, twitching slightly.
Well, he's certainly not fat... Really quite skinny, to be honest. He's certainly not bulging with rippling muscle or anything... But it's – it's quite a nice sort of skinny.
I am suddenly stuck with a bizarre urge to touch him, and frown furiously, angry with myself. That's not supposed to happen..!
"Nice six pack," Matt comments quietly, smiling at my stomach. I flush further, shifting uncomfortably under his gaze. "Um – thank you..."
This unusual experiment concludes about five minutes later, with Matt abruptly pulling his shirt back on. I hurriedly replace my vest, not wishing to sit topless before a stranger for longer than was necessary.
We stare blankly at each other for a moment, then Matt offers his thoughts, totally unabashed. "Well, I'm aroused," he says with a shrug. There is a very long, very awkward pause.
"Um – I'm not particularly excited... But that was just the first step, right? I'll get there at some stage, I'm sure -"
I stop quickly, aware that I'm starting to waffle. Matt looks a little put out, and for some strange reason, I feel slightly bad, but then he smiles again. I wish he'd stop fucking doing that!
"That's right, Mello. It's just the first thing we've tried. Next session, we'll try out the avocados or the chocolate." He crumples up the empty packet and puts it casually in a drawer, still smiling. "And if you're still not ready to explode man-juices everywhere by then, we'll just try something else!"
His bluntness really is utterly cringe worthy.
"Oh, I should perhaps explain that I'm bisexual." He grins at me, and I merely nod in reply. Well... Excellent. So he actually might be attracted to me? That's so fucking reassuring! That's definitely going to make this whole affair much less difficult!
"Anyway, that's all for today. I'll see you – when am I seeing you?" He flicks through a folder and checks his torture schedule. At least he's checking today and not just deciding when he wants to see me, I guess.
"Ah, day after next... See you, then." He smiles and waves, even though I'm still sitting right in front of him. I take this as my cue to leave and wander out of the door, feeling a little more concerned than yesterday.
