Passing Afternoon

Part 4: Gone

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, and the lyrics to "Passing Afternoon" belong to Iron and Wine.

Author's Note: I apologize for Abby's part being shorter than the others, but I really didn't want to beat the dead horse when it came to certain things.


"There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all... winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls."


Even though it's nearly summer, the late Indiana night is ice cold and blustery. Abby tucks her hands under her arms as she sits down hard on the ground in front of her best friend's grave. She crosses her legs and shivers to herself, but she finds herself not caring that it's just above freezing out.

How can she care about anything other than the marble grave in front of her? She reaches out and places her fingertips on the icy surface of the grave, knowing that what's left of Kate is six feet under the ground. She frowns, pursing her lips as she bends her head, trying to hold back the tears that have been threatening to spill out almost every second since Gibbs told her that Kate was gone.

Gone. It was a word generally considered a euphemism for when someone passed on (which in itself was a euphemism) but to her, it hurts much worse than the words dead or killed, or even murdered.

Gone just seems so final, so insistent that there's no turning back from this point, that it is quite simply the end. No arguments. No miracles. Just gone. Gone means gone, and gone lasts forever.

But that's the reality that she's facing in the form of this cold stone, the fact that Kate is never coming back. No more office gossip, lunch breaks to the health food place down the street, weekend retreats and girl time, late night conversations when one of them just couldn't take the silence of their own homes anymore...

Kate isn't coming back. Ever.

Abby leans her forehead against the grave, and for a second she wonders if her head will freeze to the grave. She snuck out of the hotel that her and the rest of NCIS crew that knew Kate had stayed at that night, unable to sleep, unable to do anything... she wants Kate. She wants to see her, talk to her, and the fact that that's impossible makes her want to scream and cry and punch walls.

The person she needs for comfort the most is the only person unavailable to her. This is as close as she can get, and she hates it.

She needs to do something. Sitting in her too-nice hotel room and pretending that life should just go on unaffected by Kate's death made her sick. She's never been one for sleep, anyway. Sleep is when she's vulnerable, when the nightmares can get her, or the 'Bete Noire' as Kate would always call them.

She half wishes she was still seeing the Gothic version of Kate she had imagined while they searched for Ari, but once Gibbs finished off Kate's killer, her friend had permanently disappeared.

She wants to cry, because then the hurt can go somewhere, but over the past week she has cried so much that she has nothing left in her. Her eyes are dry. There is nothing left to do but try to figure out what comes next, and right now, she doesn't have the faintest clue.

She doesn't know what point it happens at, but when she next opens her eyes, the sun is burning at her retinas, and a very concerned Gibbs, McGee, and Tony are hovering over, all of them breathing enormous sighs of relief when they see her.

"Abby, when we couldn't find you in the hotel, we were really worried." McGee says, pursing his lips as he put a hand on his shoulder. Gibbs hand finds the other, and she looks to see Tony kneeling behind Kate's grave, his chin resting on the top so he can look at her.

"We had to track your cell. Really gave us a scare." Gibbs murmurs, squeezing her shoulder as he helps her up. "Come on, Duck's waiting in the car."

"Next time, leave a note, huh?" Tony says, trying to give Abby a smile, but it comes out as more of a grimace. He looks terrible. Dark bags hang under his eyes, which don't even have a ghost of their usual spark.

"I'm sorry." she whispers to the three men gathered around her. "I needed t-to be with her." she doesn't know if that makes any sense, but her friends don't question it. A moment later, she finds herself in a group hug, apparently from the three of them all trying to hug her at the same time.

For the first time since Kate died, she almost feels like things have the smallest possibility of getting better... because Kate is gone, but she will never be forgotten.


"A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone."


A/N: Thanks for reading everyone. I would really, really love a review to hear what you think. :D