A/N - Serious thanks to all those reviewing and alerting and favouriting. It's great.
So another day another chapter. This time, a little bit from Hetty. Also, just a little bit of info. Callen first met Alex, 9 years ago, they were together for almost 3 years. Just so you know.
Disclaimer in Chapter 1.
Chapter 4
From Hetty
Hetty watched as Kensi walked over to her desk and stopped.
"Hetty, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course, Miss Blye," Hetty replied. She noticed the hesitation before Kensi continued.
"Who's Alex?" Kensi finally asked.
That wasn't what Hetty had been expecting.
"Alex?" Hetty repeated.
"Yeah. Callen's called out the name a few times. Sam doesn't know who he is meaning. Just wondering if you do."
Hetty thought for a moment about her answer. She remembered what she had overheard Kensi say to Callen in the hospital. That helped her decide.
"Yes I do," Hetty admitted
"And?" Kensi prodded gently.
Hetty gestured for Kensi to sit down. When Kensi had taken a seat Hetty continued, choosing her words carefully.
"Alex is part of a very dark time in Mr Callen's life. The brightest and the darkest times. Be very careful if you do ask him about her," Hetty warned her young agent. She couldn't remember the last time Callen had spoken Alex's name. It had been years.
"Her?" Kensi asked, as her eyebrows raised at Hetty's response.
"Yes. Her," Hetty confirmed. Kensi looked at Hetty for a moment and Hetty could see the struggle within Kensi at how little she knew. She wanted more. Hetty smiled at Kensi's next statement, which was a barely disguised question.
"You can't tell me."
"No Miss Blye. Alex is someone he will need to tell you about ... if, and when he is ready. Which may never happen." Hetty had hoped Callen would open up one day about Alex to someone, but considering the length of time that had already passed with no sign of it happening, she wouldn't hold her breath. Though perhaps she could encourage the two of them to talk, somehow. She would have to think about that a little more later.
Kensi frowned.
"Thanks Hetty."
Hetty watched as Kensi stood up and walked away. As she sat back in her chair, her mind went back to that dark time in Callen's life.
Hetty had watched the pain in his eyes grow every day, saw the anger blaze at the slightest mention of Alex or those that had killed her. She hadn't been able to convince him to take some time off after her death. There was nothing she could do to hold him back from searching for those responsible. Part of her didn't want to. Callen needed to get this out of his system to be able to heal, both of them did. Callen and Nathan, Alex's partner from the LAPD. She watched in amazement at the co-operation between them, as they searched and followed any lead, no matter how tiny or unlikely. They worked together as if they had been partners for years.
She had turned a blind eye to some of his tactics and methods, but then, that was part of her role anyway. They were there to get things done when others couldn't. LAPD and as such Nathan, had had their hands tied by rules, regulations and laws, though she knew that Alex's entire department were doing everything they could. Callen sidestepped, ignored or just ploughed right through, Nathan right there beside him, not caring if it ruined his career. Neither of them did. It showed just how much they cared about Alex.
When they finally found and brought down those responsible, Nathan stepped back into his role at the LAPD and she had made sure that nothing came back to cause him any further grief, allowing him to move on. Callen had requested this and she had happily obliged, hoping it would be the end of this anger filled Callen. But it hadn't been. He showed no sign that this was over for him. She'd tried talking to him, ordering him to settle down and at least stay close to doing things the right way. He already had his sights set on someone else, though at least there had been a connection to a current case so she had let him go, but the body count had been too high from that mission. He hadn't listened to her at all, which had led to the following conversation.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
"Mr Callen," Hetty called out. Callen turned around and looked at her, not coming closer though.
"What is it Hetty? I have work to do," he said abruptly.
"Not anymore," Hetty replied shaking her head.
"What?" Callen frowned and moved to her desk then. Hetty waited until he stopped before she continued.
"The body count from the last mission, Mr Callen." Another shake of her head. "Too high."
"My report justified the use of lethal force, Hetty," Callen protested. "You've read it."
"The reports," she emphasised the plural, "I have read, yes have justified it, though barely. Your team are covering for you as best they can Mr Callen, without lying."
"It was justified," Callen continued to defend his decision.
"Maybe so, but your behaviour is not anymore," Hetty replied.
"Hetty," Callen warned. Hetty could see his anger start to build, but she had to put a stop to this, had to help him start to heal before they lost him as well.
"No. I allowed quite a range of freedom when you were tracking down Alex's murderers." Hetty saw the anger and pain flare in his eyes, and although she wished she hadn't had to bring up her name, she knew it was the only way. She continued before he could interupt. "Your behaviour is now unacceptable. I do not believe you are capable of doing your job at present."
"I can do my job just fine Hetty. There isn't anything wrong with me." Callen stood up, ready to leave.
"Physically, no, aside from the lack of sleep. Mentally, you are not here with us. You are still set on revenge."
"Wouldn't you be?" Callen snarled.
"Alex wouldn't want this," Hetty replied in a calm but gentle voice. Callen's eyes narrowed at her words.
"You don't know what Alex would want. You didn't know her." That was true. Unfortunately she hadn't had the time to get to know Alex. Callen had only been working for OSP for about four months when Alex had died.
"You did, and you know that I speak the truth," Hetty added.
Callen turned and started to walk away, dismissing the conversation.
"If you don't believe me then maybe you will believe it when you see for yourself that she felt the same," Hetty called out to him before he got more than three steps from her desk.
He turned back around and glared at her. "Yeah? And how is she going to tell me?" he spat out, his voice full of pain that almost brought tears to Hetty's eyes at how much he was suffering right now.
Hetty held out her hand with a letter in it. "It's from her. Take it home, read it. Come back when you are ready to be here," she said gently.
Callen reached for it and started to turn away again, his eyes not leaving the letter as he did.
"Mr Callen."
He turned back reluctantly.
"You are suspended, indefinitely. Until you are cleared for duty … Consider it compassionate leave, for now. The suspension will not go on your record unless you fail to get the help you need."
"I don't need help," Callen denied.
"We all need help Mr Callen. Now go. Read what she has to say. Read what she wants you to know."
Callen left and she took a slow, deep, calming breath. She hoped she had done the right thing. Only time would tell.
