A/N So basically, I'm writing one vampire at a time and their point of view during the day. Did that make sense? To all the people that are in this story, I'm not exactly making fun of you, just exaggerating certain qualities! Ok, good, that's over with! Except for Casey it's all true for her……JK!!
Jasper
Jasper's Pov:
"Alice….I thought you loved me!" I cried after everyone had said the jobs they were giving out.
Alice looked confused. "I do Jasper. That's why I gave you an easy job!"
She could be so dumb sometimes.
"Alice, Therapist? A therapist. That means I have to be around people with extremely messed up emotions! Do you know what that's going to do to me?? I'm going to need serious therapy after this!" I tried to say calmly but failed terribly.
"Well, you're best at knowing how people feel and you always make things better!" She cried sweetly.
Sigh, she could be so sweet to.
She suddenly got very serious.
"Now leave, you're not following the rules."
I shuddered at the tone in her voice. You never say no to Alice. I walked out to the garage and hopped on my moped. I strapped on my helmet and beeped my squeaky horn at Emmett as he almost ran me over backing out, purposely I suppose. I didn't exactly give him the best job in the world. I laughed to myself knowing that everyone was going to have a terrible day just like me. As I sped through the streets on my snazzy green moped (I have actually come to like it.) I had a revelation. Maybe today wouldn't be bad at all.. Maybe I would help so many people with all their problems and everyone would love me and I would solve world hunger, save the rainforests and the whales and create world peace! Yeah, I could see it now: Jasper Hale, Best Therapist in the Universe ……… I continued these incredibly realistic delusions till I pulled up to the facility. The sign read Forks Mental Institute. Now, you would think such a small town wouldn't have its own looney bin, but it did. That just tells you about the people in this town. It was actually very popular, people from all over Washington came. I walked inside and went to the front desk. There sat a woman in her thirties with flaming red hair, horn rimmed glasses and was reading what looked like a self help book.
"Hello Ma'am, my name is Jasper Hale. I'm the new therapist here." I said nervously.
The woman looked up and her mouth fell open making the gum she was smacking fall out. Feelings of lust rolled of her. That's about when I realized this probably wasn't going to be a good day.
"Why hello, doctor" She purred in an incredibly unpleasant way. "I'll show you to your office."
She got up and walked me to a small room with a desk and one of those couch things.
"Kelsey, the secretary, is right outside, she'll tell you when your first patient will arrive." The creepy woman walked away shaking her butt very disturbingly. I shuddered, put my moped helmet on the desk and went out to meet Kelsey. She was sitting at the desk her face buried in a Japanese manga book.
"Hello, Kelsey, I'm Jasper Hale." I said
Kelsey looked up with the biggest blue eyes I've EVER seen. She had that deer-trapped-in-headlights look. It was incredibly adorable and innocent but at the same time pretty darn creepy.
"Hello" she said in a really happy voice. She immediately resumed reading. Well, ok then. I thought. I walked back to the office. About 4 minutes later Kelsey walked in.
"Your first patient is here!" she said in that incredibly cheery high pitched voice of hers. "Her name is Casey, she's a regular!"
"Thanks Kelsey, send her in." This was it, the moment of truth. My chance to prove myself as the world's best therapist! A girl, Casey I assumed walked in. She was wearing purple zebra striped leggings, and had an awesome denim jacket. (Hey, I hang out with Alice too much!) There were intricate designs running up and down her arms in sharpie.
"Hello, Casey. I'm Dr. Hale."
The girl looked up at me and immediately screamed "VAMPIRE!!"
Yeah, this wasn't going to be a good day.
I tried to stay calm and not overreact. She was probably just delusional.
"Excuse me?" I asked calmly.
"You're a vampire!!" She squealed jumping up and down on the therapy couch. I could feel her excitement. Ok, this was REALLY bad. Either she was incredibly psychotic and didn't know what she was talking about or incredibly psychotic for not running away in fear. I decided to use logic.
"Now, Casey, if I was a vampire I wouldn't be able to be around garlic or crucifixes." I pulled out my handy garlic crucifix I carried in my pocket for these occasions. Maybe carrying that around was a little suspicious….Nah.
Casey just laughed.
"Silly, that doesn't kill vampires! Chopping them up into little pieces and setting them on fire does!" She stated simply.
I just stared back in horror. How did she know so much? Do all humans know this!? Great, in one day I got my whole entire family discovered.
"Uhh….Umm..." I stuttered "That's ridiculous!"
Casey tilted her head sideways "Can you sparkle for me!?" she asked casually.
Oh God, oh God! What was I going to do!? I would have to kill her. It was the only option. I guess I started banging my head on the desk with out realizing it because she got up and patted my shoulder.
"Don't worry! Your secrets safe with me!" She leaned in and whispered. "I'm secretly a changeling faery from the Unseelie Court!"
At that moment Kelsey walked in and said: "Oh, I forgot to tell you, she's certifiably insane, so whatever she says isn't true!" Kelsey skipped away.
The room was silent for a second before Casey ran to the door screaming: "I AM NOT CRAZY I TELL YOU!! Faery land, faery land, you promised we'd go to faery land" she repeated while rocking herself back and forth on the floor.
Phew! I let out a sigh of relief, even if she was right about me, everyone else thought she was crazy! Now back to being a therapist.
"Now Casey, how does this make you feel?" I asked in a calm therapist way.
Feelings of extreme hatred came towards me.
"REALLY mad! I KNOW you're a vampire and I'm a faery and I know the Lock Ness monster's real name is PHIL!" She screamed at the end.
Okaaaayyy" I said slowly.
I looked at the clock and shockingly (not that I wasn't relieved) our time was over.
"Well Casey, it was umm interesting to get to know you! I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow." I said.
"Ok" She said hopping up off the floor. "See ya later …."
She turned and looked at me, her hand on the door handle.
"What's your name again?" She said slowly. Her feelings got very tense. That should have been my clue to lie. I've never been very good with clues.
"Jasper Hale." I stated.
Casey turned around, stared at me and then started screaming at the tops of her lungs. I first I thought with fear but extreme joy was hitting me like a tsunami. She ran at me faster than I thought was humanly possible.
"EDWARD!! YOU KNOW EDWARD CULLEN!! I WANT HIM!! ! GIVE HIM TO ME GIVE HIM TO ME!! She screamed which temporarily deafened me with my sensitive hearing. Casey was on my back stabbing me with her sharpie. I hit the emergency button under the desk and a bunch of men in lab coats pulled her off and stabbed her with a sedative. Casey fell to the ground muttering "Edward is mine, mine, mine, faery land, faery land!" The men in white coats took her away. I just sat at the desk for a minute. That was probably one of the worst, scariest, strangest experiences in my life. And wait a minute! How come everyone always wanted Edward, huh!? I was just as hot, you know! And I was sensitive!! I sat at my desk scowling when I really should have been plotting my escape. Kelsey walked in casually, like some psycho girl hadn't just been in here threatening me with a sharpie.
"Your next patient will be here in five minutes." she said.
I did a double take, I thought I had just sensed feelings of extreme evil instead of the usual rainbow/butterfly feeling. But, I must have been mistaken. Kelsey walked out of the room. Ok, the next person couldn't be that bad. They couldn't be worse than that. Oh, I was sooo wrong.
"Your next patient is here, her name is Caroline." Kelsey said leading a girl into my office.
Caroline had straight black hair hanging in her face emoly and glasses. She looked up at me from the top of her glasses with the most evil look I had ever seen. I took a step back before moving forward to shake her hand.
"Hello Caroline, I'm Dr. Hale." I said cautiously.
She plopped herself down on the couch.
"So why are you here Caroline?" I asked.
She shrugged. Hmm, looked like I wasn't going to get anything out of her. I sensed she had a hatred of therapists. I filled the room with comfortable, trusting feelings. That and the feeling of impatience. I didn't have all day, kid.
"Well..." She said taking a deep breath." My family hates me and never loved me, they're having another kid to replace me, and it even gets my sick awesome room! My friends all abuse me verbally and physically and make me do stuff for them because I'm the most passive person in the world and always does whatever anyone tells me to do. I can never make a decision or plans, when asked a question I start hyperventilating and twitching and when given a command I usually spazz out and do the exact opposite. If it wasn't for my friend Eden I would probably wander around the high school hallways talking to myself because I wouldn't be able to handle making decisions. I'm secretly in love with the schools best actor. He is just so dreamy in his skin tight lizard costume…. (A/N yeah, like I wouldn't add Matt in this! Mwahahahaha) The only reason I'm here is because my friend Rachel forced me and since I'm too passive to do anything about it I came. Your secretary Kelsey is secretly evil and blames everything on me, when really she's a psycho evil beast lard that kills possum fetuses! My one redeeming quality in life is my sarcasm and witty remarks/mean streak. I can't help it some people are just way to easy to make fun of… (coughRachelcough). Anyway, yep, that's why I'm here." She finished in one breath.
Thank God for my super vampire speed writing skills. I flipped to a new page on my pad.
"Wow. Ok, hmm were do we start. Just throwing this out there, your friend Rachel sounds like the most awesome person in the world. Let's start with Kelsey, she is the sweetest person in the world, I really doubt……." I was distracted as my pen fell off the table. I bent down to pick it up. When I lifted my head I saw Caroline smacking Kelsey (who had magically appeared in the room) with a textbook.
CAROLINE!" I yelled "What are you doing!!"
She put down the textbook and then pointed to the lump on her head.
"She just ran in here and hit me over the head with a textbook!" she protested.
Kelsey looked up at me with her huge eyes in shock.
"I would NEVER!" she said sweetly before exiting the room.
I looked at Caroline before I said "Has self destructive qualities and blames it on others…." I jotted that down.
"Oh, yeah, because I would hit myself over the head with a textbook, run outside and grab Kelsey and blame it on her all in the five seconds it took you to pick up that pen." She said dryly.
"What kind of therapist are you??" she asked
"Doubts her authorities…" I wrote.
"And stop saying everything you write!" She said angrily.
Her feelings of hatred were really strong, and I was starting to get a bit scared.
"Well, Caroline, why don't you just stand up for yourself then? Huh? If you're so sick of being passive?" Her anger was rubbing off. I tried to calm down the room.
"Uhh, hhuhuhuh, I DON'T KNOW!" she panicked back with a slight twitch.
We sat like that for about 34 seconds before I decided a different approach. I really hated Alice right about now.
"Well, tell me about this acting lizard boy…" I really didn't want to know, but what else was I supposed to do.
"Oh, he is such a mega hottie dream boat!!" She squealed very unCarolineish. "The way he always plays creepy molesters or whiny adolescents, it just suites his charming personality perfectly!"
Alright, I was done with this little segment.
"Alright we're done here….." I said slowly try to make the clock move with my mind. My powers were really useless.
"Good. I probably have like 5 fanfictions to correct in my inbox, because stupid Rachel…" she mumbled to herself.
We still had like ten minutes, but by the time I looked up she was gone.
I couldn't stand another minute of listening to these crazy teenagers and their crazy emotions. So far I was managing, if it was just one person, I could handle it.
"Doctor, you have a couples appointment next." Kelsey said cheerfully.
Ah, wonderful, two crazy people. Kelsey led in an angry looking woman and a really nerdy looking guy. I gulped nervously. Her feelings of anger were thick and his feelings were challenging and jittery.
"Hello, I'm—" I was cut off by the angry girl.
"Yeah, Dr. Hale, we know, we know, can we get started!?" she said frowning.
I felt my arm twitch as I tried to push their emotions away from me.
"Ok" I said calmly. "What's the problem?"
"Well, Ronny is such a annoying baby!" the girl said. "He is always challenging me and trying to win EVERYTHING!! And if he doesn't win he totally flips out and starts whining like the little two year old that he is!" the angry girl growled.
Ronny stood up to defend himself.
"I am NOT competitive!" he said.
"Oh, yeah that's why every time we do anything, even sleeping, you make it a competition!"
I looked at my list, angry girl's name was Amy.
"Listen, doctor." Ronny said walking over to my desk. "She is the most annoying woman on the face of the earth!! She is ALWAYS angry!! Anything I do, say or even think, she flips out!! Do you know what it's like to live with that!? She's abusive to!"
Amy got up and smacked him in the arm rather hard.
"I am not abusive!" she cried.
"Oh yeah? I bet you can't hit me for….3 hours!"
"See!? Another competition! No, Ronny, I will not take your stupid bet!"
"She is like forever PMSing!"
(Amy kicks Ronny in the shins)
"Ha! You lost the bet!"
"UGH!!" Amy cried. Ronny began to talk. " NANANANANA, I'm not listening!" Amy screamed lying on the ground with her head under the chair.
"Oh, yeah?! I bet I couldn't listen longer than you!"
"Wow. Did you realize how stupid you just sounded?"
"I'm not listening."
"AHHHHH!" Amy screamed from under the chair.
I was literally shaking and gasping, though I didn't need to breathe. I couldn't take one more emotion—
"VAMPIRES!!" oh god, no, NO! Casey hopped into the room still wrapped in a white straight jacket. She stumbled to my desk chanting: Edward, mine, mine, faeries, hugs not drugs, PHIL, Edward mine, mine……
I bunch of tired men in white coats came in and pulled Casey off my desk.
Anger, hatred, competitiveness, ignorance, frustration, exhaustion, amusement, crazed hyperness (that was the strongest, thanks Casey) were all churning in my mind. I finally snapped.
"AHHHHhhhhhhhhahahjasjhawldbhcli!!b,sjch,lac!! I shrieked. I jumped up on the desk, shaking.
"I hate ALL OF YOU!! ALL OF YOUUU!! I'm through here, THROUGH people!!" I started laughing maniacally.
I ripped my shirt off and dived out the closed window. I landed in a bush getting leaves and twigs in my hair. I kept laughing psychotically as I galloped off on my hands and knees into the wilderness.
And that was how my first day of work went as Jasper, the Therapist.
