Celty & Shinra's

GROUND RULES FOR IZAYA ORIHARA

1. Upon leaving the residence, inform Celty and I before leaving. State where you are going and when you intend on coming back.

Curfew is at 9:00 pm.

[Edit: Curfew is at 7:00 pm. Sharp.]

Edit: He's not 8 years old, Celty.

[Edit: Don't make me exile you to the couch.]

Edit: Disregard my previous statements. Curfew is at 7:00 pm. Sharp. No escapades are to be had after this time, period.

2. Contact with Shizuo Heiwajima is prohibited unless authorized by Celty or me.

3. Scheming with Erika Karisawa is prohibited.

4. Cookie dough consumption is to be minimal.

5. You are forbidden to get an "I heart Shizu-chan" tattoo.

6. Don't play with my medical instruments!

[Edit:…]

Edit: I mean it Izaya! You can't peel fruit with my scalpels! Those are important tools, not kitchen appliances!

7. Don't touch any of my medical instruments in general.

[Edit: Why don't you just touch nothing? OOH! Better yet, why don't you go play in a microwave?]

Edit: Celty, really, can't you be more hospitable?

8. DON'T USE CELTY'S MOTORCYCLE.

[Edit: If you much as touch shooter, my punch will make your face a moon crater. Do you understand, you sadistic little Eskimo?]

9. You are to take a leave of absence from being an information broker.

[I don't want to see any of your no-good double-crossing clients showing up at our door, you hear?]

10. Don't call my fiancée a 'buxom lass.'

[The jerk said that? Remind me to kill him.]

11. Failure to follow any of the rules above and I will refuse to operate on you. You will be stuck with the manufactured hormones forever.

[Edit: If you step one TOE out of line and you'll wish you had never been born!]