CHAPTER 4

Apparently sleep is a luxury when your mind is trying to process having a terminal illness. At least it is weekend, because she can't face the people at the office without preparing for it mentally and emotionally and to add to that she needs to get her plan in order.

She makes herself a strong cup of coffee. She needs the strength and at least the brown liquid will help get her thoughts organised.

She starts the organising process by setting up diagram headlines on her tablet. The first and most important headline is her treatments. She will have to weigh up all the pro's and cons of the treatments and then make a decision concerning that. This decision will also affect her work and determine for how long she'll be able to participate in the research inside the lab. When it starts to get too much she'll have no choice but to give full control to Curtis.

She types away, her mind flooded with everything and then it dawns on her….her mom….she hasn't phoned her mom yet.

Sadness washes over her as she thinks about the woman who worked her fingers to the bone to keep a roof over their heads and food on their table. Felicity always wanted to repay her mom for everything by giving her a life she deserved, since her low life father was such an enormous coward and left her to fend for herself and her young daughter. At least Felicity had the opportunity of doing that, even if it was only for a few years.

She makes a note to contact her lawyer so they can update her will, to ensure her mother is looked after when she's not there anymore.

She sighs and picks up the phone to make the dreaded call. The phone rings….

"Hi hon!" her mom answers on the other end.

Felicity's whole body starts to shake at the sound of her mother's voice. Her voice is stuck in her throat and it feels like she's choking trying to get words out.

"Felicity? Honey are you there?" Donna asks.

"Ye…yeah I'm here mom." she clears her throat. "Sorry, the signal must be bad." she lies.

"This is an unexpected surprise so early on a Saturday morning. Normally you're still running around with Robin Hood in Never land this time of the morning." Donna teases. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes mom everything's fine. I was just thinking about you and I wondered if you would like to come over for some coffee and chocolate brownies."

"That sounds awesome hon, but uhm, why don't we rather go out to that new little bakery on Sixth Street?"

Felicity laughs hearing the hidden message of that suggestion.

"Don't worry mom, the brownies are bought from Petit Fours so you don't have to worry that you'll get food poisoning and also I'm not feeling so great - not really up for a lot of people today."

"Sure thing hon, I'll be there around say 11:00?"

"Great! Can't wait!"

"Felicity?"

"Yeah mom?"

"Are you sure everything's okay?"

"Except for me feeling a bit under the weather, everything's fine." she tries to keep her voice as natural as possible. She can't tell her mom something like this over the phone.

"Okay hon, see you in a bit."

"Bye mom."

She feels drained and that just after a telephone call. She has no idea how she's going to break the news to her mom in person.

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She falls asleep while watching the latest episode of Big Bang Theory. She needed to get her mind off her situation for a bit and laughing turned out to be the best medicine for falling asleep.

She wakes with a startle when she hears the knock on the door and contemplates if she should get up and answer. She knows all too well who is on the other side and her insides turn realising what's awaiting her when she opens that door.

She sighs and forces herself to get up and face her reality.

"Hi baby girl!" her mother yells and immediately wraps her in a hug while jumping up and down.

Felicity shakes her head at the loud sound echoing between her ear drums. She loves this woman, but oh my soul she's so incredibly loud!

"Hi mom." she tries to get out, but the jumping makes her voice sound robotic.

She lets her mom in and the instant they sit down on her couch, her mother is already examining her. This blonde might be loud, outgoing and sometimes make people wonder about her IQ, but there's no fooling Donna Smoak. If there's anyone who knows Felicity is hiding something it's her mother.

"Out with it Felicity!"

Felicity still tries to play dumb, but the look on her mother's face makes her realise there's no delaying the inevitable. The sooner she tells her, the sooner they can move on with their lives.

"Felicity Megan Smoak, I gave birth to you and I know when something is wrong. Don't you dare lie to me." she says sternly.

"Mom, I don't want to lie to you….it's just….this is really hard for me, so please just don't say anything before I'm done, okay?

"Felicity?" her mom goes pale and she takes both her mother's hands in her own to give comfort to her mother, but draws comfort from her mother at the same time.

"Mom, please just promise me."

"O...okay honey, I promise."

By this time her mother's eyes are filled with worry and the sudden acceleration of her own heartbeat doesn't make this any easier.

"Mom, you know how I haven't been feeling well the last couple of weeks." Her mother just nods, trying her best not to interrupt. "Well, I went to the doctor because at QC they wouldn't allow me back in the research lab until I got a clean bill of health from the Doctor. So they ran some tests because they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me."

It is like she was staring at a wall now. Her mother's whole demeanor changes at the mention of tests.

Felicity tightens the grip on her mother's hands and squeezes.

"Mom….I have cancer."

There's absolute silence. Donna doesn't make a sound, but her eyes well up with tears almost immediately as the words reach her ears.

"I have colon cancer. It's stage 4, which means that the cancer has already spread to other parts of my body." she takes a breath, gathering strength for the last blow. "They gave me six months to a year."

Surprisingly, this time Felicity is calm. She can still feel the pang in her chest, but it's as if she's made peace with the news and she knows she'll have to be there for her mother to come to terms with it as well.

Donna shakes her head no, as unbelief takes over and the tears run freely over her face now.

"No, no, no! This cannot be happening Felicity! My baby girl, you're still so young, you can't be dying Felicity, I cannot allow this!" she yells pulling Felicity closer holding on to her as she cries.

"It's going to be okay mom. It's going to be okay." she tries to soothe her mother.

Suddenly it's as if Donna gets a second wind and lets Felicity go.

"Okay, but there are treatments right? They find cures for these illnesses regularly, so you can go for treatment and they can help you right?"

Felicity knows the answer to this question is even worse than any information provided before.

"Yes, they do have treatments mom….but I….I've decided against it."

The sheer shock and confusion in her mother's eyes makes Felicity's breath hitch.

"Wha?...what do you mean you've decided against it? If it'll help you and possibly cure you, why would you not want to take the treatment Felicity?" Donna asks angrily.

"Because it won't mom! It won't cure me." this is exactly what she was afraid of, everyone questioning her decision.

"Mom, look at me." Donna looks up and the devastation is clearly visible.

"The treatments are there to help slow down the growth of the cancer….because the cancer has already spread so far there's no way….no treatment, no surgery, nothing that will take it away. All the treatments will do is help so it doesn't grow so fast, but that's also a very slim chance mom….it's a huge gamble."

Donna just stares at her in complete silence.

"The Doctor says that I'm going to feel very sick and weak after the treatments and I don't want to feel that way. I have six months to live mom, and as long as I possibly can, I want to enjoy what's left of my life. I want to spend time with you, do my work, do the things I've always been afraid of to do without feeling or even looking like I'm dying. I already know I'm dying, but I need to feel like me for as long as I possibly can."

"Please mom, I realise this is a huge shock and I realise that I'm most probably making this harder on you by deciding this, but please mom, please don't fight me on this."

She can see the exact moment Donna relents and understands her daughter's decision.

"Okay baby. I still ca…." tears stream down her face again as she tries to compose herself. "I can't believe this is happening and I can't believe that I'm going to lose you." her sobs grow louder as she pulls Felicity in to another hug.

"But, I understand. You've always been the smart one you know. My little genius." she rubs Felicity's back still crying. "I understand, just know I'm going to be here every single step of the way, baby. You're not going to do this on your own. Momma's here."

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Felicity takes out her old MIT notebook and looks at the list of things she scribbled down in the front.

Her senior year at MIT turned out to be as tragic as the day her father left them. Cooper, her boyfriend at the time took the fall for a project they were both working on, but Felicity created. They got busted and he took the fall for her. While he was in jail he committed suicide just before sentencing.

Since that day she swore to herself that she would make sure that she lived her life without any regrets. Needless to say after working herself up the corporate ladder, the list scribbled in her notebook was never attempted.

She stares down at the page and decides to start from the top.

1.Do something adventurous

She always wanted to go skiing, but after what happened to an experienced skier like her big boss Mr Robert Queen, that is out of the question.

She turns to her tablet and types in 'Verdant Skydiving Club'. Jumping out of a plane is the next best thing, and however terrifying, she is going to enjoy this….