Well, I'm sure you're all anxious, and I'm sure
some of you are mad at me for taking so long
with this chapter! Long story short, I had some
pretty bad writer's block. But I think it's gone now,
and I hope ya'll like this chapter, because I really do.
Thank you so much for the continued
reviews, as always~!
A Double-Eddged Sword
Chapter Four
Edd stepped out of the car and pushed the door shut behind him before retrieving his things from the backseat. With a soft smile at Eddy, he circled around the hood, face falling as his eyes dropped downward. He predicted that Eddy would not be very happy with what he was about to tell him, but it had to be said.
"Thank you for the ride, Eddy," he offered lightly, stepping up to stand at the front of the car with the shorter male.
"No problem, Sockhead. You, uh, want me to walk you up?" He was off-balance, one hand scratching the back of his neck awkwardly while the other was stuffed deep into the pocket of his jeans. 'Unsure,' Edd recognized with an inward sigh.
"No, I'll be fine, thank you," he answered. A pause followed his words, and he momentarily lost his confidence. 'No, you must say it.'
"How's school been?"
'Small talk.' Edd feigned a smile, thankful for the temporary distraction, nonetheless. "It has certainly been more challenging than high school. But I've been enjoying all of my classes. Chemistry especially."
"That always was your favorite subject," Eddy murmured.
Edd inhaled deeply and spoke quickly before he could change his mind. "Eddy, I realize that you care greatly about me, and I certainly appreciate that, but... I'm afraid I'm not quite ready to elevate our relationship. Not yet."
The shorter teen stared, and Edd could see the flash of panic, then the struggle to keep his face cool. "Oh." Then he shrugged one shoulder, acting as nonchalant as possible. Edd nearly cringed. "Yeah, I get it." Lifting a hand, he lightly punched Edd's bicep, a lopsided smirk forming on his lips. "I'll still be around when ya are ready, though. We should hang out again next weekend."
Edd smiled wistfully. "I would like that."
With a crooked smile, Eddy nodded once. "Yeah, okay. See ya later, Double Dee."
Edd watched his friend get back into the car as he stepped up onto the sidewalk, clutching his duffle bag in one hand. He waved with the other, watching Eddy drive off. He turned then, ignoring the vibration in his pocket as he retreated into the building.
Kevin had relentlessly called and texted him, none of which Edd had responded to. Truthfully, seeing him last night had brought back all those emotions he'd been struggling to rid himself of, and he was afraid to speak with Kevin now. Seeing him had forced Edd to realize that yes, he still missed the athlete dearly and, although he was getting better, he still felt very much lost without Kevin.
With a heavy sigh, he stepped out of the elevator and strode down the hall to knock on his door. It wasn't too late, and Edd didn't think Rave had any rehearsals or such. He waited for a brief moment before the door swung open to reveal the brunet on the other side.
Not fifteen minutes later, Rave had prodded Edd to tell him everything. Now, the two sat at their shared desk, watching Edd's phone vibrating on the wooden surface as Kevin's face lit up the screen for more than the twentieth time today.
"What a dick," Rave scoffed. Edd winced at his language, though he didn't bother to reprimand or complain. "That he would have the fucking balls to harass you like that after breaking it off is just outrageous."
"What do you think he wants?" Edd asked meekly as the screen went black, Kevin's face disappearing as the call ended and went to voicemail.
"He probably regrets it now. Probably wants to feed you a sappy apology and get back together." Rave saw the glint of hope in Edd's expression. "Don't you do it, Eddward. Don't you give in to him. You're better off without him."
With a sigh, Edd nodded, lowering his eyes. Rave was right. After all Kevin had done, how could Edd ever trust him again?
"You know, Double Dee, I always liked you better than Ed and Dumbass. You were never as obnoxious as those two. I mean, you're a pretty decent guy."
Those genuine words, that deep, rough voice vibrating through his chest into Edd's shoulder blades as Kevin spoke from behind him. The movie flashed on the screen in front of them, though Edd couldn't seem to see the picture. It was irrelevant, because his focus was on the male behind him.
"We're into completely different stuff. But opposites attract, right? I guess it was meant to be, then."
Kevin's words haunted him, and he turned back indignantly, inhaling deeply to let Kevin have a piece of his mind. Forest green eyes pierced into his own, freezing him on the spot. Then lips met his, soft and chapped, passionate and desperate as they devoured him, leaving nothing behind for Edd himself to recognize.
"I love you, Edd."
"No, you don't."
"Well, I'll see you around, Double dork."
Edd found himself standing on his doorstep, watching Kevin's soft smirk fade away before he heard the rev of the motorcycle. It was loud – much louder than he remembered; nearly bursting his eardrums–...
Eddward awoke with a jolt, shooting up in bed and hitting his head on the shelf beside his bed. With a soft curse, he rubbed his forehead, chest still heaving as he looked around. Rave was peacefully asleep in his bed against the other wall. His half-open laptop sat on the foot of his bed, a soft blue light cast across the carpet and lighting up the otherwise dark room. 'He fell asleep Skyping with Nathan again, most likely.' Swallowing, Edd quietly removed the sheet from his body and slid down, bare soles of his feet touching the rough carpet. He padded across the room and into the bathroom, unaware of the golden-brown eyes peering at him from the other side of the room.
Shutting the door behind him, Edd turned the cold faucet and splashed some water onto his warm face, sticky with sweat. 'Pull yourself together, Eddward.' It had been three days since he'd seen Kevin at Eddy's house, and he still couldn't force himself to spend more than ten minutes without thinking about the redhead. Breathing a heavy sigh, he wiped his face off on the towel and returned to his bed, preparing for a long half-night without any sleep.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
"You have reached the–"
"Damnit!"
"Please leave a message at the tone."
"... Hey Edd. Uh, if you're around, d'you think we could talk? Please just... gimme a chance to explain, Edd..." A sigh. "Alright, bye."
Kevin pushed the red button on his phone, flopping back on his bed to stare up at the ceiling. Pieces of the white paint were peeling and flaking off, slowly revealing the tan dry-wall beneath it.
It had been four days. Four days of calling him between classes, after practice, before bed. Four days of texting him during lunch, lectures, and while he was trying to do homework. Sending him Skype messages and emails to an account Kevin wasn't even sure Edd looked at anymore. Four days, and every other word out of his mouth had to do with Edd. He was sure Nat was tired of it, but it was like word vomit. He couldn't stop thinking about Edd, about his green eyes, his big words, his dorky clothes and his soft lips. He felt like he was trapped in some damn cheesy romantic comedy.
"Hey Kev, you ready?"
Kevin looked up, focusing on Nat in the doorway of his bedroom. He must have had a blank look on his face, because the teal-haired teen leaned against the frame, shrugging slightly.
"The party? You still wanna go?"
With a sigh, Kevin sat up. "... Yeah, I'll be out in a minute."
Twenty minutes later, Kevin walked through the front door and into the humid, trashed house: Red plastic cups sat on every available surface, couples sat on the couches together, music blared from the stereo in the living room. Nat pushed through the crowd of swaying bodies, shouldering his way into the kitchen where the keg was, and Kevin eagerly filled his cup, gulping it down. 'I'll be damned if I don't forget about him and enjoy myself for just one night.'
But a dozen or so cups later, in a bedroom with a nameless blonde and another couple, Edd was still on his intoxicated, hazy mind. Those green eyes swam before him as the girl attacked his neck, hand sliding down his abdomen, and it wasn't long before he pushed her off.
"I can't do this, man."
The girl crossed her arms and looked to the other guy – his name was Logan – as another girl straddled his lap. He smirked, offering out a hand.
"C'mere, I'll take care of you, babe."
Kevin snuck out of the room as the blonde joined the couple, stumbling down the stairs and out the front door. The night air was crisp, and it sharpened his senses, despite the alcohol.
"Kev! Where're ya going?"
He turned at the voice, eyes falling on Nat's figure standing on the porch. He managed a half-smile.
"Not feeling good, man. I'm gonna go home and get some shuteye."
"... Alright, well, see ya when we get back."
Kevin turned away from his teal-haired friend, thankful for the darkness to hide the tears glistening in his eyes. 'Fuck you, Edd. Fuck you for making me love you so damn much.'
"Class dismissed."
Edd gathered his notes, putting them in the appropriate place in his binder before tucking it into his messenger bag and exiting the classroom. It was unusually sunny for November, and the air was crisp; refreshing. Squinting slightly in the brightness, he stepped out from underneath the building's awning, heading for the cafeteria.
"Morning, sunshine."
Edd stopped short at the sight of burgundy hair and golden-chocolate eyes. "... Good morning, James," he replied, hesitantly lifting a hand to take the coffee offered to him.
"White chocolate mocha. Low-fat milk and extra fucking whipped cream."
A small smile formed on Edd's face as he took a sip. "My favorite. Thank you."
"C'mon. We need to talk."
Eddward followed Rave along the cobblestone path through the green. It was late-morning, yet many students were seated upon the grass, studying or chatting with friends. Rave, with his own latte in hand, sat on a cement-step of the outdoor theatre, gesturing for Edd to sit beside him. Uncertainly, he sank to settle next to the brunet, gazing at him curiously.
"How are you?"
Startled by the question, Edd took a sip of his coffee to buy him a few seconds of time. He swallowed the creamy liquid, gazing down at Rave's buckled boots.
"I've been busy, what with schoolwork and all, but the success is worth it–"
"You know that's not what I mean, Edd."
There was an awkward silence between them, and Edd looked anywhere but at his dormmate. Rave leaned forward slightly, trying to catch Edd's gaze.
"You still love him, don't you."
It was almost more of a statement than a question, as if Rave was very much aware of Edd's feelings, which he didn't doubt. The brunet was quite observant when he was curious about something.
"... I would prefer it if we didn't talk about this," Edd mumbled, looking away still.
"If we don't talk about it now, then you're not gonna get any fucking better, Edd. The only solution is to figure out what you're gonna do."
"There's nothing to do!" Edd lashed out, surprising himself as he clutched his coffee with both hands. "Kevin left, and he wants nothing to do with me. And even if he did, how can I ever confide in him again?! He's betrayed my trust in the most unacceptable ways, James, and you know that."
"I know." Rave's voice was quiet as he gazed at the distressed male beside him. "But you love him, still, even after what he's done. And that says something, doesn't it?"
Edd was silent.
"Edd, if you fucking clam up on me then we aren't gonna get anywhere."
"What do I do, then, James?" Edd's voice was quiet; pleading. Perhaps Rave didn't have all the answers, but Edd didn't know what to do with himself anymore, and he needed advice. He needed a solution.
"Call him."
Emerald eyes turned on him, surprised and wet. "But you told me not to."
"I know what I told you," Rave snapped, adverting his eyes to gaze across the green. "But you're obviously not strong enough to get over him. Either that, or you're just too head-over-heels. So, the only thing to do is to talk to him. See what he has to say."
"And then?"
Rave turned golden eyes onto him. "And then you decide. You either try again, or move on. You can't keep sitting in limbo, Edd, because it's fucking killing you, and I can see it. I can see you getting worse each day, not better. So do something."
Edd lowered his eyes, gazing down at his coffee. Rave was oh-so right, and Edd knew it. He knew he couldn't continue this way, or his mental and physical health would begin to severely suffer, much less his grades. With a sigh, he nodded.
"I'll call him tomorrow, after Astrology."
Edd sat on his bed, disrupting the neatly-made sheets and blanket as he clutched his phone in his hand tightly. It was early evening; just after seven, and Rave was absent from the room, having been invited to dinner with several of his colleagues from theatre. Originally, Edd had thought the opportunity was golden and it would be as good of a time as ever. Now, he sat in silence, hands shaking as he pushed buttons on his phone. He selected Kevin's last voicemail and lifted the phone to his ear to listen.
"... Hey Edd." The voice brought half-unexpected tears to his eyes, and he covered his mouth with his other hand. He struggled to concentrate on the message as his heart leapt into his throat, creating a painful lump there. "Uh, if you're around, d'you think we could talk? Please just... gimme a chance to explain, Edd." A sigh on the other end of the line made the phone crackle. "Alright, bye."
With a shaky exhale, Edd lowered the phone and stared blankly at it. It certainly seemed as though Rave was right, and that Kevin was eager to make nice again. Edd was unsure how to approach this situation. 'Follow your intuition. Logic never makes sense when it comes to love,' he reminded himself. Intuition told him that he needed Kevin in his life; that he couldn't survive properly without him. 'But I will not be made a fool of! I refuse to be used in such a way!' Kevin would have to truly commit this time, and prove that he wanted to be with Edd as well. 'The past year and a half couldn't have been for nothing, yes? We obviously have chemistry, and there is enough left to salvage this. We still have everything.' Stopping himself, Edd dialed Kevin's number and gazed at his picture on the screen. 'You're using too much logic again, Eddward. Intuition. Instinct.' With that thought in mind, Edd pushed the call button on his cellphone and raised it to his ear, listening to the deafening rings as his heart attempted to pound out of his chest.
In mid-ring, the tone suddenly cut off. There was soft crackling, then...
"Edd..."
'Of course he knows it's me; he has my number in his phone,' Edd scolded himself inwardly as he froze at the sound of his name. He could picture Kevin in his bedroom, lying on his bed, red cap turned backward and eyes hopeful.
"Double Dee?"
Edd startled, realizing he must have been silent for ten seconds, perhaps more. Clutching the phone for dear life, he curled his knees up to his chest and leaned back against the wall.
"K-Kevin."
Surely his goal should have been to sound proud and exultant, like he was doing just fine independently and he didn't need Kevin to be happy. But his voice came out quiet and meek; vulnerable.
Both were silent for a few seconds, and Edd willed himself not to cry. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, Kevin finally spoke again.
"Edd, don't hang up, alright? Just lemme try to get this out."
The ravenet nodded, but remembered Kevin couldn't see him. He mustered a soft, "Alright."
Kevin sighed, and Edd pictured him removing his baseball cap and running a hand back through his short, ginger hair as he struggled to voice his emotions. 'He never was all that sound at putting his feelings into words.'
"I... messed up, Edd. I know I did," he began, seemingly tentative. With a shock, Edd realized that Kevin could possibly be just as vulnerable as himself; perhaps even more so. Perhaps he was hurting even more than Edd was, himself. "I just thought... I dunno what I was thinking, really. I missed you like hell, y'know. And I just couldn't deal with not seein' you for so long. I know breaking it off wasn't the answer, but it was all I could think of... And I guess I thought that I was going off to a fresh start. New school, new people, parties and I just..." He trailed off, sounding quite upset himself.
Edd was silent.
"... Edd? You still there?"
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Edd wet his dry lips with the tip of his tongue.
"... Yes."
"Listen, I don't know what I was thinking, but I do know that this is all wrong. I just... I can't quit thinkin' about you, I need you, Edd." Kevin's words were rushed; hurried like he was trying to say it all before his voice failed him.
Finally, Edd broke at those final four words. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he retreated within himself, curled up on the bed in the dark alone. He tried to remain silent; tried not to let Kevin hear him, but it was inevitable.
"Don't cry, Edd."
"I despise you, Kevin," Edd sobbed, his own words reminding him of their first fight in Kevin's home, during dinner. The other male was silent for a long moment before responding.
"I know you do. And I know I don't deserve another chance. But Edd, I promise you – I swear to God that if you do give me another chance, I'll be good to you. You know I–" His voice broke; cracked to a rougher, more strained tone. "– I love you, Edd."
'I love you too, Kevin.'
"I... I need time to think, Kevin."
'No, no, why did you say that?!'
"... Alright. D'you think we could... have lunch, or somethin'? Maybe?"
'Tell him; tell him you love him–... No.' Edd wiped his cheeks on the sleeve of his sweater. 'Be strong. Make him prove his words. Don't give in to him.'
"... I'd like that."
"Are you headin' back to Peach Creek this weekend?"
"Yes..."
"How about Saturday? At the diner? I could give you a ride."
"I can get my own ride."
Kevin was silent for a minute, then he spoke more quietly. "Okay. How about two?"
"Alright," Edd replied, his voice timid.
"Alright," Kevin echoed. The line was quiet for a moment, then: "I really am sorry, Edd."
"... I know."
"We can talk more on Saturday, yeah? I'll see you then."
"Goodbye," Edd murmured, a portion of him reluctant to truly say goodbye, for he was only just getting him back.
"Lo–... Bye Edd."
Click.
