Disclaimer: I don't own. I don't profit.
Special thanks to my beta, Notes from the Classroom. Check out her latest, "The Survivors" in my faves.
And thanks to everyone who reviews!
Uncharted Territory
Jim stared out the window at the dreary gray San Francisco fog. In the background he heard the sonic shower start to hum. It was the morning after T'Pring's encounter with Spock and he was done. Done with grieving for Gaila, done with feeling guilty - for feeling that Gaila might have gone to her death thinking he'd deliberately betrayed her. He was done with second guessing what he might have done, what his other self might have done, to save Vulcan. And he was done with being unhappy.
He wasn't done with being angry at Starfleet's bureaucracy, but he was going to deal with it - because he had to. Some of the brass might think Jim was only a pretty boy PR stunt but he was going to prove them wrong. They might think he would only be doing milk runs for the rest of his career, but he was James Tiberius Kirk, born in a lightning storm. Sooner or later, trouble would find him. And he'd be ready for it.
He was also done with making T'Pring unhappy, or at least not making her happier.
If someone had told him that he could spend a week madly fucking a gorgeous woman into cathartic oblivion he would have said when can I sign up? But...
But T'Pring wasn't just anyone. He really liked her. Or really liked who she used to be. The sweet innocent T'Pring who was quirky and liked physics and found exploring cultural differences "very satisfying." He didn't like just fucking her - and fucking, the crudest description of the deed, was the only way he could describe it. There was no playfulness, no teasing, no happy explorations. She ran a hand over his forehead and they seemed to fall into this crazy lust loop that had one goal only - release. And it worked. And the telepathy thing...well, it made it some of the best sex of his life...and the worst at the same time.
Maybe it was doing the job, maybe it was helping T'Pring cope, but it just felt wrong. He couldn't give her forever, he wasn't her type, he would spend most of his life in space - and that was a life she had no aspirations for. And let's face it, even if she wanted to wait for him, he probably wasn't going to be faithful. He'd promised himself that like his other self, he wasn't going to get involved with any member of his crew...and that was going to be hard enough. Turning down every offer during shore leave...well...
If he couldn't give her forever, couldn't he give her right now? She'd just lost her home and her family, but couldn't he give her something to remember, that if not happiness, was at least more than oblivion?
The sonic shower stopped humming and Jim's comm blinked. Picking it up he pressed a button and saw a message from Bones.
Make sure your "friend" doesn't come to work today.
Jim scowled a little. When Bones had asked T'Pring how she knew Jim, T'Pring had responded, "We are friends." It shouldn't have, but it actually stung a little bit. Jim knew there wasn't a concept in her culture for what they were - and hell, he wasn't even sure what they were, but friends didn't seem quite adequate.
Shaking himself, he read the rest.
She needs a day off. My hover is in the usual place. You're welcome.
Jim blinked. And then he smiled. Today just happened to be his day off, too.
x x x x
Shifting the backpack on his shoulder, Jim waved his other hand over the sensor in front of the off grounds hover storage unit. There was a soft beep. Stepping forward, Jim grabbed the surprisingly low tech handle of the garage door.
As he lifted it up, T'Pring said, "May I ask now where we are going?"
He cast a glance back at her. She stood in the mist, wearing Uhura's dress and one of his coats, her hands thrust in its pockets.
Smiling, he said, "Some place warm and sunny."
Taking her arm, he helped her into the passenger seat of the hover. He was feeling like going all out today.
"Will it be dry?" T'Pring asked, looking out at the fog.
Smiling, Jim said, "No, but there won't be any fog."
"What will we do?" T'Pring asked.
Licking his lips, Jim raised his eyebrows. "We are going surfing down in Santa Cruz."
Pulling her safety harness on, T'Pring said, "Why would we go all the way to Santa Cruz to peruse the subspace nets, James?"
Grinning, Jim took her hand and letting his fingers slide against hers, he said, "Surfing. In water." Let that throw her for a loop.
"Why would we peruse the net in water?" T'Pring said, her confusion prickling his fingers.
Jim laughed, and T'Pring looked down at her hand.
"My T'Pring," he said. "The ultimate straight man!"
Jim swore he heard a slight hum. The gears in her brain must have been turning extra hard with that one.
"That," she said slowly, "is a figure of speech."
"You're so logical," he said, kissing her forehead. Something sparked in his fingers. A bit of brightness that reminded him of long conversations in the Satisfactory Tea Cafe. She looked over at him and he smiled. Releasing her fingers quickly, he threw his bag in the back. And hoped she didn't see his sudden compulsion to have sex in the back of the hover.
Focused. He had to stay focused.
x x x x
"No, really," said Jim, "you're going to like - find it fascinating."
T'Pring was standing stock still in the surf shop, staring at a board hanging on the wall.
Jim saw men and women around the shop staring at her. He heard someone whisper, "Hey, is that a...?"
And someone else whisper, "Shhhhhh..."
Shifting the wetsuits he was holding to one arm he said, "Think of it as active meditation."
T'Pring's eyes shot to him. "Active meditation?"
"Yes. Look, we're going to get some wetsuits and some boards, and we're going to go out and wait in the water for the waves. We're not taking our comms, and the water is choppy enough today we can't take our worries - we have to focus on staying afloat."
Eyeing the wetsuits she said, "The water must be cold - even for a human."
"Yep," said Jim. "Don't worry. I got you a full body one."
He pushed a bikini and the wetsuit into her arms. She stared at them.
"T'Pring," he said. "Look at me."
She raised her eyes.
"You're going to forget everything," he said.
"Everything?" she said.
From behind Jim, a man said, "Totally. It's like a spiritual experience."
Jim turned his head and saw a store employee, maybe a year younger than him. The guy had long hair so blonde it was almost white, his tanned skin made Jim's look unhealthy and pale, and his chiseled features looked like they'd never been on the receiving end of an angry fist - human or other.
Giving him a tight smile, Jim turned back to T'Pring.
"I will try it," she said, looking between the two of them.
"Great," said Jim, ushering her away from the California golden boy and into a changing booth.
Just as he was about to step into his own, "Hey," said the guy. "You look a lot like Jim Kirk."
"Um, yeah," said Jim. "Funny, right?"
"No, you really look like him."
"Right," said Jim. He ducked into the changing room. He blamed that little interlude on the fact that T'Pring got her suit on first and what happened next.
"This fastening device appears to be defective," said T'Pring.
"Oh, yeah," said Golden Boy so slowly Jim was convinced he was high. "Those zippers get stuck. I'll help you."
Without zipping up the chest of his own suit, Jim slid out from behind the curtain and just managed to cut Golden Boy off. Hey, maybe he wasn't going to spend the rest of his life with T'Pring, but she was his girl now, and he wasn't sharing.
"Got it," he said, uncatching the zipper from the fabric. Looking at Golden Retriever Boy, he tried to sound sincere when he said, "Vulcans are touch telepaths. Sometimes when strangers touch them they throw up."
T'Pring looked at Golden Boy, and then looked at Jim.
"It has been known to happen," she said. "But usually a secondary factor must happen concurrently. Perhaps a side effect to medication, or -"
"Here's my credit chip," said Jim.
"Hey, you are Jim Kirk!" said Golden Boy. "I thought I was just stoned."
"He was stoned?" whispered T'Pring. "That is barbaric. Although, he seems to have recovered quite well."
Coughing back a laugh, Jim brushed her hand accidentally.
Looking down at where their hands had touched, T'Pring said, "Fascinating."
x x x x
For a first timer, T'Pring did really well on the waves. After the first time she managed to stand up and not fall immediately back down, Jim said, "It's like flying, right?"
Tilting her head and pulling herself back up onto her board, she said, "Like a dream of flying."
He smiled. He knew that Vulcans didn't dream, so she must have picked that out of his mind - or maybe Spock's. He didn't really care, he was just glad that she was hooked, and he knew that she was enjoying herself.
Not that she said that she was enjoying herself.
But when the sun started to drop lower in the sky and Jim suggested they call it a day, she said, "The sun will not set for 33 more minutes."
She was sitting astride her board, her body silhouetted against the sky, rising and falling as the ocean rolled beneath her. The tips of her ears peeking from beneath the long tendrils of her wet hair were the only thing giving away her heritage.
It was an image he was pretty sure would stay etched in his brain forever. He didn't want to kill the moment, but he said, "T'Pring, at dusk, the sharks come out to feed."
Turning to him she opened her mouth, but Jim cut her off. "Their diet consists of iron and copper blooded organisms."
She blinked.
Tapping his head he said, "I know how my Vulcan's mind works."
She stared at him a moment before lying down on her board and paddling toward the shore.
x x x x
"You were right," said T'Pring, staring out at the darkening water, as they slid into the hover. "I thought of nothing."
"Yep," said Jim. He looked up at the bubble gum red sun slipping down the horizon and blinked. It called to mind something else and now his brain was thinking. "T'Pring, what the fuck is red matter?"
After he cleared up the whole, "the expletive was just for emphasis, and no, I don't actually think that it is an organism that reproduces sexually - although the possibility is fascinating" thing, they had a really decent conversation on how the potential for universe-hopping time travel didn't actually negate Jim's Godel interpretation.
And they even got to eat outside Jim's home. Jim never thought he'd say it, but it was nice to have a break from cold take-out between bouts of frenzied sex.
But by the time they got back to Jim's apartment, he could see the cloud beginning to settle again. And sure enough, as soon as she slipped off her shoes, T'Pring was coming towards him, her hands up. It actually turned him on just looking at her do that - he was well trained, but he caught her wrists in the air.
"You're thinking about all the other Vulcans who didn't get to go surfing, who don't have a place to stay, who don't have someone..." He almost said to fuck them into oblivion but didn't. "...who don't have someone who cares about them."
Looking down, T'Pring said, "You are correct. How -"
The benefits of command track training. Kissing her forehead, Jim said, "It's pretty basic human psychology. And evidently Vulcan, too."
"But it is...not right -"
"Whoa," said Jim, sliding his hands up so their fingers touched. He felt his stomach sink with her despair and that old familiar flare of anger. It was like all Vulcan emotions just turned to rage. He had to cut it off at the pass.
"Be logical about this, T'Pring. You are one of the few Vulcan doctors, you are caring for your people. You need to take a break to keep going." And then to keep it light, as much for himself as for her, he added in his best imitation of a Holowood Zen master, "And now young surfing master, you can teach more Vulcans to surf and bring peace to many." He did a pretty good job actually;, he almost laughed at himself. There was a flicker in his fingertips.
"And don't worry about the resources," he added. "I'm sure there is some surfing society that would feel great about sponsoring some Vulcans."
"Most Vulcans cannot swim," said T'Pring. "However, for the ones that can -" Meeting his eyes, she said, "Your logic is sound...and yet...you were starting to laugh."
"I am very serious," he said, and grinned. "Well, about what I said. It was just the way I said it that was..." he shrugged. "...entertaining."
"When you laugh, or find something...humorous, and we are connected, I experience the most fascinating serotonin response." Flexing her fingers against his she said, "Why did you laugh when I commented on the young man at the surf shop's stoning?"
Jim repressed a very unmanly snicker. "Stoned is another word for intoxicated."
Before Jim could stop her, she slipped her hands to his face, but he did not feel the burn of rage. Just curiosity. "So when we left and I suggested he visit the Starfleet Hospital head trauma unit for correction of any long term brain injuries-"
Jim had to contain a snort. "That," he grinned, "was my second best memory of the day."
T'Pring looked at him, face as blank and unreadable as ever, but she was humming softly. "What, was your first favorite memory of the day?" she asked.
Suddenly getting serious and very warm, Jim said. "When you were sitting astride your surfboard at sunset, rolling with the waves. The sunlight shining orange all around you."
"That is not funny," she said-oddly seeming to hum, even as she spoke. "And yet...I feel the serotonin cascade I felt earlier still in effect."
"Mmmm..." said Jim, half hearing her. "And I thought of you," he kissed her neck, "astride me as my hips rolled beneath you." He kissed her neck again, sucking a little, and ending with a small nip. T'Pring's hum increased in volume. Taking her hand and pressing it to his meld points, he said, "I bet you're salty all over," making sure she saw in her mind exactly what he was thinking about.
T'Pring's fingers flew from his temple. "That does not seem necessary or efficient."
Feeling very mischievous, he slipped his hands against hers and said, "It is necessary. And just try and stop me."
"You do not really want me to stop you," she said, the hum increasing, and comprehension and something else Jim couldn't identify flickering in his fingers . "You are not laughing, but the sensation is the same -"
He reached forward and nipped at her lip the way she always nipped at his. He didn't think she could kiss like a human. The hum continued. Dropping his hands from hers, he found the back of her dress and felt her fingers flick back to his face.
x x x x
Morning light was just filtering in the windows, and Jim could hear the trash collector truck outside running its sorting routine. Pulling his command gold over his head, he leaned down and kissed a sleeping T'Pring on the forehead, lingering to take in her inhuman warmth. After their bout of definitely-not-angry-sex the night before, she'd wandered out to meditate and then had slipped back into bed with him.
Even though his muscles were aching with a day of surfing - and other things, he was feeling relaxed, and at peace with the world.
He was putting on his shoes by the door when T'Pring emerged from the bedroom wearing only his robe. Stepping up to him she said, "It is 1 hour and 32 minutes before your usual departure."
Finishing his second shoe he stood up and said, "Early shuttle up to the Enterprise."
Tilting her head, she said, "James, it has come to my attention that you require much less sleep than I was taught humans require. On average only 4.5 hours."
Ah, the beauty of ADHD. Smiling, he stepped closer to her. "I have a hyperactive brain."
She looked at him a moment, and then he felt one hand slide into his. "I had not realized it was your brain that was hyperactive."
Jim blinked.
He felt something like disappointment that he knew by now wasn't his own.
T'Pring looked pointedly downwards.
Jim's mouth dropped. "T'Pring, you just told a joke!"
"It was not amusing to you."
Jim laughed and T'Pring started to hum again. "No, no, it was funny, I was just shocked."
Stepping closer, he pressed his fingers tighter against hers, and held up his other hand. She placed her palm to his.
"You don't think telling a joke is illogical?" Jim teased.
"I am merely following the customs of my host planet," T'Pring said and Jim could feel a bit of anticipation in his fingers.
Jim chuckled, and heard her hum increase. A Vulcan laugh? Bones was right, Jim was a bad influence on everyone. Feeling in an even better mood, he whispered. "Was that why you endured the less than necessary definitely not efficient activities last night?"
T'Pring hummed - or Vulcan laughed, or whatever it was, a little more.
"I don't have time for any of that now, but how about a Vulcan kiss?" Jim said nuzzling her ear and pushing against palms.
T'Pring didn't respond, but the humming didn't stop. Jim had learned Vulcan fingers really weren't erogenous zones per se, but they were receptive to erotic stimulation, if the humanoid they were touching was so focused.
Jim intended to focus. "When I come home tonight," he whispered, flexing his fingers on hers, "maybe we'll have a repeat of last night's performance." He tilted his head into hers. He was running late. He really didn't have the time to explain in detail all the things he would do to her. He needed something that was, as T'Pring would say, "more efficient."
Licking his lips he said, "Or maybe, if I'm feeling very primal, I may just come home, throw you over a chair and take you. Stake my claim and mark my territory."
T'Pring's head fell to the corner of Jim's neck and shoulder. The edges of his vision went black, and the hum became almost a low purr. "Will you bite me then, James?"
Jim had been around enough to know exactly what to say when a girl said something like that. "How hard, T'Pring?" he whispered.
"Until I bleed," she said.
Feeling much more turned on than he expected, Jim said, "I will bite until my teeth marks are etched in green."
And then everything went black for a second. Jim had a sensation almost like climax that radiated from his shoulder. He blinked and gasped, T'Pring's fingers went to his face, and it was like a meld...but different this time.
He blinked again and stared up to see his own eyes. They were startlingly blue. His hair was bright. And he had this feeling of...happiness, and optimism, and hope.
Despite everything...he blinked again as his very unhappy childhood flashed before his eyes. So many women, too many, but wait, did he think that or...but that was before, and it was alright, would be alright. And there was Nero, Gaila's corpse, his six days of oblivion, and then happiness.
And then he was himself again, on Vulcan, playing chess with T'Pring's Dad. And he was so comfortable, and so happy. And T'Pring was there...but it wasn't Vulcan...there was a darkness surrounding them, closing in on them both, but it wasn't sinister. It was warmth, belonging, and connection. Things that Jim had looked in on and wanted, but never really expected to have.
This could be always be.
Forever. And part of him wanted to stay...but...something else pulled. Duty. That was it, wasn't it?
T'Pring in the meld-dream came over, took his hand. There is no time here. Stay.
The darkness that was warmth and alive and welcoming was getting closer and suddenly he was afraid; he couldn't even say of what.
He tried to pull back and found he couldn't. "I have an early shuttle to catch," he stammered. He had places to go, people to see.
The dream T'Pring blinked. Raised her hand. Forgive me.
Jim stepped back in the dream...and found he'd stepped back in the real world as well. All the warmth and belonging gone. T'Pring's hand was suspended in the air between them.
He shivered and T'Pring said, "James, forgive me."
Shaken a bit, but not exactly sure why, he leaned forward and chastely kissed her cheek. "There is nothing to forgive. I'll see you tonight."
"James," said T'Pring.
Hitting the door open he said, "I'm late. Promised I'd meet Uhura."
As the door slid open, someone walked by in the hallway. T'Pring drew back but said, "James-" and held out her hand.
"I miss you already," he said, surprised how much he did. "But I have to go." Nodding, he left, almost breaking into a run as he went down the hall.
A/N:
To those who wanted M, I'm sorry. Also, this meandered a bit, but it is hard to show happy. I'm not sure if what happened in the last part is clear, but I didn't want it to be too clear because this is Jim's POV and I don't think he has any idea what really happened. It will be clear when I return to T'Pring's POV.
If you're reading this, please review! It really is what keep fanfiction authors going.
