Kingdom Hearts – 101 Ways to Cure Boredom
By whitewingedsoldier
Rated: T
I love you all! Thanks for making 101 Ways the fastest-growing fic I've ever written!
Koshou: And the funness will continue! w00t!
timberfox: Fear him, timber. FEAR HIM. XD
ShadowShapeshifterAndHerCat: Well, thank you! Geez, I dunno what to say...I never got such a compliment before! Gah, the rest of the song...I can't tell what the heck the guy's singing after that, so that's why I didn't put it in. I would've if it was clearer...sorry... --; Anyways, thanks so much! Keep checkin' back!
Tangora: Whew, thanks for reminding me. I guess we'll have to find a different method of cooking...yay, this calls for brainstorming (something Sora cannot do). About your characters, I'll see what I can do. Maybe I can fit one in somewhere along the way...
The more reviews, the more chapters! And longer chapters at that! Enjoy yet another chapter—inspired by all of you!
(Spotlight on Kairi as she sits on the stage, listening to loud headphones)
Sora, running onstage and looking panicked: Kairi!
There is no response...
Sora, stopping: Kairi?
No answer...
Sora, shaking her: Kairi!
Nothing.
Sora, raising voice: Kairi!
Still, she doesn't answer.
Sora, yelling: KAIRI!
(Sora finally takes the headphones off and...Kairi falls to the floor)
Sora, eyes wide: Uhhh...anyways, White doesn't own Kingdom Hearts, Square-Enix, or the characters. Or Oscar Meyer. Or Disney. Or Spongebob. Hey, someone come get a medic in here!
Kairi: Ugh...
Chapter 4 – Don't Play With Fire
Night was beginning to fall on the fourth day of mayhem on Destiny Islands, and at the moment, the crickets were chirping as Sora and Riku wandered along the beach, piles of an unidentifiable substance in their arms. (Big words XD)
"Come on Sora, isn't this enough? I think Kairi's almost got it," Riku pleaded, as Sora bent down to pick something up. "No!" Sora protested, scooping up whatever it was that he had dropped. "We need more!" That night was the night of the annual Destiny Islands weenie roast...and Kairi had sent Sora and Riku to look for more firewood.
"There, got it!" Sora chirped happily as he snatched the last piece of driftwood from the shore. "That's all the wood on the entire beach!" "Finally," Riku muttered under his breath as he turned around to where Kairi sat, in the distance, trying to get the fire lit. Why she had sent them to collect even more firewood when the fire wasn't even started yet was...beyond all logical thinking.
The two boys came to a stop beside the "fire" and Kairi, watching as she rubbed two sticks together in hopes of creating a small flame. Sora relaxed his arms and dropped all his firewood onto the sand (and onto Riku's foot, as he realized when said foot came into contact with his rear end). "So, Kairi," Riku said cheerfully, hiding Sora's whimpering form behind him, "any luck?" "Not even a little spark," Kairi groaned, dropping the sticks in disgust. "I give up, Riku. Maybe you should try." "Well, alright. I'll give it a shot." Riku sat down as Kairi backed away from the pile of sticks and twigs on the ground.
In the meantime, Sora had recovered, and as he watched Riku trying to light the fire, he suddenly realized something very, very important. "RIKU! WE CAN'T LIGHT THE FIRE BECAUSE THIS FIC DOESN'T HAVE ANY FLAMES!" His outburst caused Kairi to trip over the pile of firewood and fall flat on her face, and Riku to jump in surprise, just as he'd gotten one of the sticks to start burning. "Dammit Sora, look what you made me do," Riku scolded as they all watched the flaming stick fly far, far away...
Somewhere far, far away...
In the 100 Acre Wood, Winnie the Pooh was passing by Eeyore's stick house, the way he did every morning to say hello. "Hallo, Eeyore," Pooh exclaimed happily, watching the small gray donkey look up from the stream. "Hallo, Pooh," Eeyore replied gloomily. "Have you come to look at my house?" "No, I was just—" Pooh was cut off as the flaming stick fell from the sky and landed directly on Eeyore's house. Within seconds it had caught on fire and burned down to the ground, leaving only a small pile of ashes.
"I QUIT!" cried a voice in the background as the angry props guy burst out from behind a curtain. "That house keeps getting crushed, or destroyed, or blown away, and now it's burned down! THAT'S IT! I've had it!" He stormed off the set, leaving Pooh and Eeyore very much confused.
Back on Destiny Islands...
"Damn. There goes our campfire," Riku growled again, sighing. "Now how are we going to light this thing?" "You didn't figure it out yet? It's so easy!" Sora exclaimed, sounding as though he'd known it all along. Kairi gaped at him. "Sora can think?" "Yep!" Sora grinned proudly. "Well then, tell us. How do we light the fire?" Riku blinked at Sora, who folded his arms over his chest. "It's very simple, actually."
"And that is..." Riku and Kairi waited for Sora's response. "You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around...that's what it's all about," Sora said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Here, you try it." He placed his hands on Riku's shoulders and began spinning him in circles. Kairi blinked again. "Okay, Sora...you do that."
There was a small distraction as Cid ran across the beach holding a flamethrower and chasing a Shadow. All three teenagers turned to watch in silence as he turned it on, spewing flames across all of Destiny Islands, forcing Sora, Riku, and Kairi to dive into the ocean for cover. Sora emerged first, happily bouncing over to their campfire. "Hey, look! Cid got it started for us!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. Riku and Kairi could only blink...because unbeknownst to Sora, not only was the campfire lit...so was the majority of Destiny Islands.
"All right! Now we can start," Sora said, whipping out a package of Oscar Meyer weiners. "This reminds me of a song..." Riku and Kairi, who had just climbed out of the water, adopted shocked looks. "NO, SORA! NOT THE SONG!" But Sora was deaf to their shouts. He opened his mouth, speared a frank with a pointy stick, and began to sing,
Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner,
That is what I truly want to beeeeee,
'Cause if I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner,
Everyone would be in love with meeeee!
Sora finished his small song and looked up, blinking at Riku and Kairi's twitching forms on the ground. "Hmm, they must be hungry." He tossed them both flaming sticks on which charred hot dogs were speared. "You know, there's another song I know that would be great to sing around a campfire like this one," Sora continued, taking a bite out of his hot dog, not caring that it was searing hot and blackened.
At the word 'song', Kairi shrieked and Riku jumped to his feet, but that might have been due to the fact that the stick with the hot dog on it had caused his hair to light on fire. Riku was forced to dive into the ocean again and Kairi flung the burning hot dogs after him, which were devoured by Tidus, who had been hiding behind a rock.
Riku climbed from the ocean again, soaking wet and dripping, glaring at Sora. "All...right," he hissed through clenched teeth. "You can sing your song." Sora grinned happily. "Thanks!" He took several deep breaths, and then pulled out a guitar from seemingly nowhere, strummed it a few times, and then played along to this tune:
Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song,
Our c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e-s-o-n-g song,
And if you don't think we can sing it faster, then you're wrong,
But it'll help if you just sing along!
Riku and Kairi plopped down onto the ground, listening. Sora actually was quite a good singer when paired with an instrument. Suddenly, Wakka came out of the shadows and said in a low tone, "Bum bum bum," scaring the bananas out of Riku and Kairi, and then Sora picked up the pace.
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song!
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song!
And if you don't think we can sing it faster, then you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along!
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song! Tidus!" Sora pointed to Tidus, whose mouth was full of marshmallows, and he sang the next verse,
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song!
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song!
...spewing bits of marshmallow all over Sora, Riku, Kairi, and Wakka. Sora didn't mind; he kept strumming his guitar to the tune, now covered in small, white-and-black pieces of goo. "Riku!" he cried, pointing to Riku, still playing...but Riku sat there silently. Sora seemed to think that he had been singing, however, and so cried, "Good!"
But it'll help, it'll help,
IF YOU JUST SING ALONG!
Sora jumped from the top of a coconut tree, where he had mysteriously vanished to, and slid in the sand, carrying the last note rather loudly and badly. When he had finished his song, he flung his guitar as hard as he could over the ocean and far, far away...
Somewhere far, far away...
Roxas spat out his oatmeal as a guitar smashed into his back, sending him flying across the table and face-first into Axel's Cheerios. The blonde sputtered and made lots of wild hand gestures, overturning the Cheerios box and the milk, which spilled onto the floor. Axel blinked and peeled Roxas off his cereal, picking up the guitar and raising an eyebrow at it. "Looks like Demyx is mad again..."
Back on Destiny Islands...
"Yay, wasn't that exciting!" Sora clapped enthusiastically along with Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie, who hadn't even contributed to the song. Riku nodded blankly and Kairi fell over twitching once more. Sora blinked at them, shrugged, and then popped a marshmallow into his mouth. It had been a good day for him, at least.
The End – Day Four
(A/N: And it's another fabulous chapter of 101 Ways! TWO whole songs! KH2 cameos! More to come eventually; I haven't worked on this fic since KH2 came out; I've already played through it but conveniently forgot this fic existed. Hehe...yeah. Anyways, thanks to everyone! Look for another chapter with KH2 characters soon! Oh yes...flames will be used to launch burning coconuts at airplanes! MWAHAHAHA!)
