~Chapter 4~

(Mabel's POV)

I had to sneak back to the Mystery Shack. Josh had left a bruise around my neck, and it looked like two hands had strangled me. I couldn't pass it off as an accident. Normally if someone spotted a bruise, I told them I tripped or bumped into something. It was imperative that no one see this bruise. If they did, Josh would... I shuddered. I didn't know what he would do. It would be horrible no doubt, but if someone decided to get curious, I would pay dearly.

As I carefully wrapped a scarf around my neck, I thought of all the possibilities. I could easily imagine him setting me on fire. Drowning me. Stabbing me and letting me bleed to death. Breaking my back and leaving me to die in a ditch. Suffocating me. Cutting my throat. Beating me to death. Chopping my head off. Hiding me and letting me starve to death. Poisoning me. And to think he could find other ways...

"Mabel, why are you wearing a scarf?"

I whirled around, nearly having a heart attack. It was Dipper, and that wasn't a good thing. I didn't want to wear this scarf but I had no choice. Dipper may have his head stuck in his book all day long, but if someone's physical appearance changed, he would notice it and wonder why. In fact, I almost never wore scarves. Soos would notice, Wendy would notice, Gruncle Stan would notice... It was a disaster.

He came toward me and I stiffened. I could feel my heart racing. I...I couldn't let him find out... I couldn't run... If I tried to create a distraction, he would realize what I was doing and know something was up. I could say I was cold, but the heater was on full blast right now and I was wearing a thick sweater. I had to decide here. Which was worse? Dipper finding out? Or Josh doing God-only-knows-what to me? That was the problem though! If Dipper found out, the outcome would be too terrible for words.

It seemed like forever, but he finally reached me and put a hand up to my head.

"You're not running a fever..." he murmured to himself.

"Dipper, it's okay. I'm fine," I said. Don't believe me.

"You aren't acting fine. Why do you keep being all evasive?"

"You know what I think? I think you've been so into that book of yours that you're paranoid about every little thing now." Stop believing all these lies.

"Mabel, come on. I can tell there's been a little tension between you and Josh," he said.

I laughed nervously. "What?" You're finally on the right track.

"It doesn't mean you have to hide anything. I'm sure all relationships have their ups and downs. It's normal."

"Yeah. I guess you're right. I'll just talk things out with Josh." No, please don't make me go back to him!

He held his arms out and smiled warmly. "Awkward sibling hug?"

I hesitated. Under normal circumstances I could hug him. But with the bruises on my back and side, and now on my neck... Why did these things always happen to me? It wasn't that I didn't want to hug my brother, if anything it was something I would kill for. But the bruises were still black, with purple and blue around the edges. It looked like someone had given me an abstract tattoo. I was...I was going to regret this...

I held out my arms and walked up to him. He reached around me. His hands touched my back. It was one of the most painful things anyone could ever experience. I yelped and pushed him away. I couldn't take it. I physically could not bear that kind of pain. It was way too much for me to handle.

"I'll be right back," I said as I dashed out of the room.

I didn't stop once I got downstairs. I kept going, running toward the door. I didn't care if anyone heard it open or close. I didn't care if I slammed it. I didn't care if it sounded like I slammed it. I had to get outside. It was freezing outside. I could use it to my advantage, I could let the cold air cool down my bruise. It would help take away the pain. It would also lessen the soreness. Normally I would fill the bathtub with cold water, but I didn't have time for that. Even the slightest touch had been too intense. I already went through enough with Josh, I relied on the break I got at home. This was definitely not a break.

I hurried to take my shirt and scarf off once I was behind the building. There were no windows. No one would be able to see me. I was safe. The frigid air instantly hit my back. It was soothing. And it would've been comfortable if it wasn't freezing the rest of my body. But my side, back, and neck appreciated it. Right now the weather was my friend. It had this strange calming effect on me. I didn't feel the need to run or hide. I just wanted to sit down and relax.

I pulled my knees close and rested my head on them. I pulled my hair over my shoulder, away from my back. The winds brushed up against my skin. It felt so good... I closed my eyes, basking in the relief of Josh's dominance. I knew I couldn't stay out here much longer, but every second counted. It counted because after today, I was seriously beginning to question how much longer I was going to be around. I would have to write a will soon. I would also have to write a letter to my family and friends explaining what had been going on for the past three years. I would need to tell them how I died.

I sighed. It was almost time to go. My body had been broken and torn, and so had my spirit. I had nothing left in me. It would likely stay that way. But there was a good side to this. The only thing Josh could take away from me was my life. He probably wouldn't kill me until someone found out. That someone would probably be Dipper, since out of all the people I knew, he was the most alert. And in the moments before Josh killed me, in the last moments I could spend with my brother, Dipper would ask me why. He wouldn't ask me why I did something. He wouldn't ask me what I would do now. He would only ask why. Just that one word. And I would never be able to answer it.

I opened my eyes and got up. Time to go. I put my shirt back on and wrapped the scarf around my neck. I wondered where the next bruise would be. Hopefully it would be on my other side, or my stomach. Maybe my chest or shoulder. My arm would also be fine. Anywhere I would be able to hide it would be good.

I turned toward the shack. I was glad no one had seen me. It wasn't like I didn't already know I was a pitiful sight. Josh killed the person I once was, so now I was stuck being...this. I smiled at the irony of that. The day that my life had changed so suddenly happened years ago, yet it still felt like it happened yesterday. It was one of those haunting thoughts that would never leave your mind. I would remember these years for the rest of my life whether I liked it or not.

"Okay, Mabel, what's going on with you?" Dipper asked as I walked through the door.

I shook my head, hardly trusting my voice.

"Mabel..." he coaxed.

I shook my head again. He couldn't know. Nobody could know. But especially not him. I knew how he was. He would confront Josh about it, probably only half aware of what he was capable of. Josh would lie and eventually Dipper would come back to the shack. The next day I would go to Josh's and...I didn't want to think about it. Bottom line, he couldn't know. Ever.

"Mabel, I'm serious. You've been acting really weird. You're quiet, you won't let anyone touch you, and it's like you're depressed all the time. What are you so sad about?" he asked.

I wasn't sad, I was scared to death of my boyfriend. I was quiet because I didn't want anything to accidentally slip out. I wouldn't let anyone touch me because there were too many bruises and it would hurt. I guess I could get a little depressed sometimes, but who wouldn't be? It wasn't like he would understand even if I told him. I was a girl. Biologically, I was weaker. I couldn't defend myself, and I knew that. Dipper was a boy, and he had been stronger than me ever since he hit puberty. He was lucky... Ever since I hit puberty, I've been getting pregnant practically every month. Periods were uncommon now, so unlike all the other girls, I considered one a blessing. It meant one less abortion, one less pregnancy.

"Mabel, if there's something bothering you, you need to tell me. I'm your brother, I can help you," he continued.

He couldn't help me, that was just a known fact. He could end up... My eyes widened. It wasn't just me that could get hurt if someone knew the truth about Josh. Dipper could get himself killed if he went up to Josh, and all because I'd have let the cat out of the bag. I couldn't let that happen! Dipper was right, he was my brother. And it was for that reason that he absolutely could not know about this.

He frowned, an incredible amount of concern evident in his eyes. "Are you okay? You're as pale as a ghost."

I took a deep breath. I had to let him know I was okay and sadly...there was only one way to do that... I held out my arms and tried to brace myself. Mentally, I told myself, I was fully prepared. I knew what was coming to me. I knew when it was coming. I knew how agonizing it would be. But I'd taken countless beatings from Josh. Plus, my back was still cold. Maybe the pain wouldn't be as bad as before...? Trying to fool myself wouldn't help. It would hurt like hell.

And finally...it came. I felt every movement, every twitch and turn. He slid his arms around me. His hands touched together. He pulled me closer. And I couldn't take it.

I cried out and shoved him off me. My back hurt so bad... Some of the scabs still hadn't healed and I felt them reopen. I felt the blood. I felt the edges of the open wounds getting entangled in the threads of my sweater. My sweater pulled at them and it nearly blew my mind. I dropped to all fours in a last-ditch effort to ease the pain. It didn't work and all I could do was rock myself back and forth, merely hoping it would go away or at least dull. Even for a second...even for a second...because it felt like a minute would be too much to ask.

Dipper knelt down on one knee and bent over to place a hand on my back. Did he still not get it?! Did he seriously not get that my back was the source of this horrible agony I was suffering!?

I slapped his hand away at the last moment, right before he could lay a finger on me.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I screamed.

I...I didn't mean to scream at him...I just...

I hung my head. I'm so sorry, Dipper...