Anon reviews reply:

Toolazytologin: Haha, I totally ignored real hedgehogs births for chapter 3 (yes, I researched it because I'm an idiot sometimes... don't even start me on how long it took me to decide on what species of monkey Fon's stupid pet is). But yeah, baby hedgehogs are adorable!

Aww, don't worry, it's a steep hill still to go for Fon and Viper but I already have the entire scenario planned out and it's so FLUFFY O.O

Hmm, maybe you will find out more about their past? Idk right now, but Mukuro's story is certainly something ;) Happy new year!


Written for Hweianime, the third winner of the first omake contest.

Character/Pairing prompts: Xanxus, Tsuna and Reborn

Other prompts: X27 familial friendship, Reborn's jealousy, attempted sabotage and stalking.

Warnings: swearing and sexual implications


Omake 4: The One with the Kitten


Xanxus would never admit that he liked baking. It wasn't that he was ashamed of it (who gave a fuck about other people's opinions?) but he kept it a secret anyway. Squalo would probably be an ass about it and the other trash he spent time with would probably become permanent tenants in his house if they tasted his work. As it was, it was hard enough keeping the fuckers away from his consoles and out of his personal bar and Xanxus was nothing if not lazy as shit.

There were some people who knew of his gift: two of them actually. It was necessary, considering one of them was his teacher and the other his taste-tester. Though they were only distantly related, Nana and Tsuna had always treated him well and the number of times he had stayed with them was innumerable. Then again, they were idiotically nice people with a tendency to pick up strays… How the fuck Iemitsu had managed to screw things up with them was still a mystery to Xanxus.

The familiar steel gate was open (because Nana was naively trusting) and the red door was as inviting as ever. Casting a glance down the street to make sure he wasn't followed (Bel got bored easily), he entered the yard and shut the gate behind him, pulling out his key as he approached the door. The door opened easily and, while entering, rusty words tumbled from his lips: "Tadaima."

There was a squeak, some murmuring and the sound of a chair being hastily shoved backwards. Xanxus paid it no mind, too busy removing his shoes. He noticed a new pair and wondered who his quirky family had 'adopted' now.

"Okaeri, Xanxus!" Tsuna smiled from the doorway to the kitchen.

"Tsuna," Xanxus greeted, his eyes raking over his cousin's form to clue him in on how Tsuna's first year of high school was going. He inwardly sighed when he noticed the lack of visible bruising, though experience had taught him not to judge too early when it came to his cousin's bullies. "I brought cake."

Tsuna's eyes lit up in excitement but before he could rush forward to see Xanxus' creation, a voice echoed from the kitchen, "Oi, Dame-Tsuna! Get your ass back here!"

Rage swirled insipidly through Xanxus' veins at the nickname his cousin had been forced to bear. "Who the fuck was that?" he snarls, his free hand reaching for his BB gun. The bullets may be fake, but they packed a punch and Nana would get mad if he pulled his knife in her kitchen.

"Ah, it's just my tutor! He means it in a good way!" Tsuna said hurriedly, already backing away as if Xanxus' anger was a tangible thing.

"There is nothing good about calling you good for nothing!" Xanxus stalked past his protesting cousin, his airgun out and loaded.

There was a stranger in a goatee and fashionable spectacles, the dark plastic rims highlighting his dark eyes. Xanxus glared at him, carefully placing his cake tin down and then drawing a matching gun in his other hand. "You're a sorry excuse for a tutor," he said bluntly.

The stranger raised one eyebrow. "You've never seen me teach."

"Your beard is as fake as fuck and you called Tsuna 'no good'. Fuck you, you piece of trash."

"Ah, Xanxus, don't say that!" Tsuna waved his arms around, trying to distract his cousin. "He just talks like that but he's been more helpful than all my other tutors combined. Please don't chase him away!"

Xanxus snarled something vicious in response. The tutor began looking pretty pissed.

"Ah, what's that bandage for? Did you get hurt, Xanxus?" Nana asked, entering the room from behind her son.

"EH? You're injured?" Tsuna gasped, eyes widening comically and that's when Xanxus put away the guns. There was no point trying to start a fight when the Sawadas turned their worried-and-slightly-disappointed puppy eyes on you.

"Tch, eat the cake," he said and sat down for their fussing.


The cake was a four layer delicacy bound together with peanut butter mouse and topped with a chocolate cherry glaze. Tsuna and Nana praised it endlessly, and Tsuna – claiming that Xanxus' injured arm shouldn't be used - personally fed Xanxus his slice.

Reborn quietly seethed at the domestic scene unfolding before him. The red-eyed stranger hadn't even introduced himself but it was pretty apparent that he was close to the family. And to Tsuna. Especially to Tsuna.

Tsuna suddenly beamed and leaned into Xanxus' (what kind of shitty name was that?) space, hand outstretched to snap a selfie. Xanxus rolled his eyes but put an arm around Tsuna's waist regardless.

"Ara? Boreen-san, you can go now. Xanxus doesn't come by too often, but when he does, he steals all of Tsuna's attention!" Nana's smile added an extra turn to his already churning gut.

"See you tomorrow," Reborn said, gathering his stuff together and walking towards the door.

He had a feeling that none of them had really noticed his departure.


This was the second day that Tsuna had blown him off, with little warning and no explanation. However, Reborn could read between the lines. 'Hey, have stuff planned today so can we reschedule for Monday?' clearly meant that Xanxus needed to be taught a lesson about leaving Reborn's belongings alone.

After discovering Bermuda's betrayal earlier that day (he was drinking coffee even after Reborn banned it! Worse still: it was a honey latte), Reborn decided to enact his revenge solo this time. His preliminary research had already revealed who Xanxus was, his relation to Tsuna and his current residence (among other less savoury things) but it still took Reborn another hour and several flirtatious phone calls to find him.

Xanxus was in an animal shelter – with Tsuna. He was considering some puppies – with Tsuna. He was also far too close to Tsuna, even ruffling Tsuna's hair on occasion. Tsuna just laughed, not even bothering to fix it or look annoyed as he did whenever Reborn did it.

Oh, it was on.

In the time it took Reborn to change into a suitable outfit, Xanxus and Tsuna were leaving the building with a black kitten.

"You sure this thing has all its shots? I don't want its disease-ridden body fucking my shit up."

"That's why we came here. They really look after the animals, so don't worry about it."

Is Tsuna always so damn chatty?

"Ooh, look, this place is perfect!"

"Hell no," Xanxus snapped. "Flowers are for funerals only. Besides, that's cheesy as fuck."

"I thought you wanted to do this right?"

"There's right and then there's trashy clichés. What else?"

"Cake!"

"What about that shop Nana was talking about?"

"Good idea!"

Reborn slyly walked up to the happy couple as they were nearing the shop entrance and purposefully bumped into Xanxus on his way inside the cake store. As far as petty revenges go, it was a slow start made even slower by Tsuna restraining Xanxus (and his trigger-happy hands, not that those pathetic airguns could touch Reborn) but it was merely the build-up.

By the time Bermuda called to say supper was ready, two tables inside the cake shop was on fire, Tsuna was red-faced, Xanxus was throwing up in a pot plant and the manager was trying to get the kitten off the ceiling fan with minimal success. That was not even counting the fact that half the patrons that were fleeing the establishment were covered in whipped cream or that one window had broken from the force of too many BB bullets.

Reborn was ready to call this mission a success, except Tsuna wouldn't cooperate. The brunette was supposed to be ashamed of his companion, disgusted with Xanxus' actions and leave the place enraged, as he so often did whenever Reborn annoyed him. Instead, Tsuna was rubbing Xanxus' back and soothingly telling him to breathe, as if the older boy was having a panic attack and not the carefully planned food poisoning that Reborn had paid Scorpion so well for.

"We'll go look at another place on Wednesday. And we'll get the cat down and by tomorrow, he will calm enough again."

Xanxus laughed bitterly as he wiped his mouth off. "Whatever. This was a fucking waste of time. Can't even do this shit right with you. How am I supposed to get it when I do it for real?"

Tsuna didn't say anything but picked up a napkin from an abandoned pile of utensils and used it to wipe some of the cream of Xanxus. "Today was just… really bad luck." The brunette looked wearily at his surrounding, thankfully not noticing Reborn who was pretending to be a barista (so much coffee… He may have stolen a cup or four).

"I don't even know why I'm doing this shit. It's not worth it!"

"Don't say that!" Tsuna snapped and yes, finally, the dissolution of the bond had finally come!

Reborn couldn't wait to go home and tell Bermuda to buy him more coffee. Obviously, the miracle drink had helped this time around. It was simple bad timing that had screwed him up last time.

Except Tsuna was for some reason cupping Xanxus' face. What the hell?

"You wouldn't have come to me if you didn't think he was worth it," Tsuna said softly.

"…What if I fuck up what we have? What if I fuck him up?"

"You're worth this, no matter what your relatives say," Tsuna told his cousin firmly. "The Vongola are bastards to the core, but you can be better than that; no, you are better than that. No one is going to get hurt. Just let yourself enjoy something good for once."

The brunette's smile was sweet and Reborn coveted it for himself. Xanxus didn't seem to notice, too busy staring at his lap. Finally, the Midori High student dragged himself to his feet, slightly off-kilter from Scorpion's poison, and took Tsuna's hand.

"C'mon. I feel like staying over by you guys tonight."

"You haven't slept over in forever! I think Mum sent the futons for dry-cleaning though…"

"Since when do you mind sharing a bed?"

Reborn was never drinking coffee again.


Omake


"Trash!"

"Bastard!"

"Whoa, low blow there, Squalo," Bel said, snickering from the couch in Squalo's house he was laying on.

Xanxus growled for him to get out and Bel frowned but left with snide remarks and terrible innuendoes in his wake.

"Stay here," Xanxus ordered his boyfriend, then walked quickly back to the entrance to get his stuff, ignoring Squalo huffing about being ordered around like a dog. "If you act like a bitch, I'll treat you like one," he called over his shoulder.

"VOI, you motherf-!"

"Don't bring my family into this!"

Squalo was still fuming when Xanxus returned to the living room. Taking a deep breath (he was not going to be irrational about this. This was nothing!), he unceremoniously dumped his packages onto the coffee table. "Happy anniversary, trash."

Squalo stared at him for what felt like an age, shock clearly evident on his face. "You remembered?" he eventually asked incredulously.

Xanxus glared at him. "Is that how little you think of me, you ungrateful little-?"

"I'm not ungrateful, voi," Squalo interrupted, shifting on the couch. His gaze became less wide-eyed and more… wondering. Softer. The way Xanxus liked it (although the spitting hellfire version was much sexier). "I just… you told me not to get sentimental." He glanced at the three boxes awaiting him. "If you don't want me to get attached, don't give me gifts. Isn't that how no-strings-attached is supposed to work?"

Xanxus gritted his teeth and looked away, staring at some ugly ass piece of shit furniture that Squalo's dad seemed to be obsessed with. "I don't buy gifts for whores who I just sleep around with."

"Good, because if you called me a whore, I'd rip you a new one," Squalo promised darkly.

"You know what I mean."

"Voi, I don't! Why the hell do you think I'm asking for an explanation like some shoujo manga heroine?"

"What the fuck do you want from me, trash?"

"To know why you're buying me shit for our one year anniversary!"

"Because I've never been with anyone this long!" Xanxus eventually managed to get out, rage coloring his words, which got Squalo to shut up, finally. "Because it's what normal people are supposed to do! Because everyone keeps getting on my fucking case about stupid university and all I know is that I want to go to whatever crappy school you go to!" He slammed his fist on the couch next to Squalo's head, but the silverette stared up at him without so much as a flinch. "Because you can take what I give and give me hell for it! Because I don't want to just fuck around with you anymore! Fuck, why are you such a fucking girl and need me to spell this shit out for you?"

When Squalo replied, his voice was just this side of shaky. "Because you're a complicated dickface." He cleared his throat while Xanxus growled and added, "I wanna go to Tokyo. Start applying for shit already, you procrastinating manwhore."

Xanxus bent closer to Squalo, his breath fanning out some of the shorter strands of silver. "You just made me talk about feelings, trash. You better make it worth my while."

Squalo rolled his eyes. "Drop your pants. And voi, don't you dare pull out any more of my hair!"

"Fucking diva," Xanxus muttered before kissing his lover.


"Xan-kitty!"

"What? Fuck no. No cat I have to live with is getting a trashy name like Xan-kitty."

"Fuck you; it's perfect. I bet you want to give it some retarded name like Brutus instead."

There was a beat of silence.

"I bet you already had that engraved, didn't you?"

Xanxus refused to say anything.

Squalo laughed at his boyfriend's disgruntlement, despite the magic Squalo had worked on him not even half an hour before. Xanxus' current expression perfectly matched the look on the black kitten's face as Squalo petted him.

"He's going to spend half his time by me anyway, so why the fuck do you get to pick the name?"

"You tried to have our club name registered as 'Useless Trash'. You don't get to have an opinion on this. Besides, my gift, my fucking name."

Xanxus glared at 'Xan-kitty' while Squalo opened the second largest box. Inside was a shark-shaped flaked pastry and next to it, a chocolate strawberry shortcake with a heart drawn on red beside it.

"That's seriously fucking cliché," Squalo declared, frowning.

"You're an ungrateful shit. What's got your panties in a twist?"

Squalo said nothing, looking disappointed as he opened the smallest box. Inside was a simple note in Xanxus' scrawl: IOU – One homemade treat after college begins.

Squalo brightened and Xanxus snorted. Yeah, he really knew the kendo champion. And the trash knew Xanxus as well, go figure…

"Why do I have to wait so long just for you to make me something? I know you bake all the time for your cousin and his mother," Squalo whined, clutching the pastry box as he returned to the couch.

Xanxus absently carded his hand through Squalo's soft hair and decided not to ask how his boyfriend knew about that. "First year you get a reason to stick with me." He indicated the black fur ball. "Second year, you get a reason to live with me."

Squalo's answering kiss was as hard as Xanxus's lower body's response, but the silverette's words were much softer. "I have all the right reasons already."


Omgiotto, finally! This chapter took FOREVER because I had no ideas and then no inspiration and do you know how hard it is to find resources on how to sabotage someone's date? Google was no help and I could only take so much teenage TV drama before deciding to skip it out. I hope you like it despite it all, Hweianime, and I hope you don't mind the XS! I just couldn't help myself, even though it wasn't your prompt :(


Anyway, shout-out to everyone who reads, follows and faves this and 'My Sempai is a Creepy Stalker'. Huge thanks to my reviewers from the last chapter, namely Yhaelle-chii, Kazue Tsubasa, Natsu Yuuki, Toolazytologin, Kestrealbird and AiMila!

Happy New Year, everyone! May 2016 be the year of faster updates, better anime and lots of shipping :D I have another 9 awards still to go before I'm caught up, so I hope you're looking forward to it!