Author's note: So yeah, i felt guilty for the long gap between chapter 2 and chapter 3, so i worked all through the night for you guys. Hope it pays off, plus i'm really happy with how this one turned out!
Surprise, i own NCIS: LA... in my dreams obviously... on a regular basis, but in reality i still no owny anything.


Her dad dying when she was fifteen. Jack leaving her on christmas morning and never being heard from again. Callen being shot half a dozen times. Losing Dom. Deeks being shot so they could get to her. Deeks being fired even though it was an undercover op. Mike Renko's death. Deeks being kidnapped by Sidirov. Deeks being tortured. Leaving Deeks when they had just started to act on their 'thing'. Not seeing Deeks everyday.

All those emotions of the sad times in her life were nothing compared to the way she felt now. She wanted the pain to go away. She wanted to feel nothing. She had never been a weak girl but even after a few minutes of the torturous pain consuming her body from the inside, that had been too much. When she found out about her father's death, she don't think she screamed as loud as this.

Death came easily to some people, and sometimes death evaded others to draw out their life and maximise the pain. Never had she wanted death to give her company so bad. She knew Deeks would be disappointed in her for giving up, she knew it would crush him but the pain itself was crushing everything that was her.

The pain itself was something that could not be described. It was as if the inside of her body was giving up and deflating. It felt like she had swallowed a bottle of acid. It felt like she was burning. The pain was so intense that she couldn't even form a single coherent thought, let alone speak a word with perfect clarity. The pain overwhelmed her so much that she wasn't even aware of her self inflicted damage. Clawing at her own skin was a subconscious act, as if she was trying to free the fire from within her.

When Deeks was tortured, he said that the place he went to in his head, was her. Now she was being tortured in a completely different way, but tortured none the less. Only this way, there was nowhere that she could go to get away from the pain. Thoughts of her family back in LA stayed for not even a second. The faces of Eric, Nell, Hetty, Sam and Callen were small flashes, she barely had time to register who's face it was before it was changed. Thoughts of Deeks lasted longer than the others, but trying to picture him in front of her, his blue eyes and ocean smell, were impossible when the pain got worse every minute.

The tears that were dripping down her face only awakened the pathetic girl inside of her. Bad ass Blye never cried, and here she was bawling like a newborn baby. The pain suddenly dulled for a second and she opened her eyes, taking note that she was now on the floor and staring into the camera even though it was still at the far end of the room. She tried for a smile but was pretty sure she didn't pull it off. "I love you guys." She whispered before the pain came back, more intense than before and she couldn't help the plea that escaped her lips. "Oh my gosh kill me now!"

The screams carried on and brought with them, the memories.

She was sitting in the interrogation room, sitting opposite the small man whose top was covered in blood. Leaning back in her chair, she looked at him and sighed. "Six years ago i was engaged to a marine. His name was Jack. He was stationed in Fuluja, his unit was tasked with forcing curfew. Shoot outs, ambushes every night." She took a deep breath. "He came back home and i knew he wasn't the same. He said life over there was like falling through the sky, constant rush of adrenaline, everything felt vivid and real." She couldn't help the way her voice sounded, so full of emotion. "And coming home to me, coming home to me felt like hitting the ground." She licked her lips, trying to regain her composure but it was no use. "And i did everything i could." By now her eyes were full of tears and she had to swipe the few falling ones off her cheeks. "I spoke with his psychiatrists, i helped with his meds, and i listened, i always listened, always." She bowed her head. "It was christmas morning, i woke up and he was gone."

She fired her gun and watched as he dropped to the floor, rolling down the stairs that led to the roof. She burst out, squinting at the sun and looked around for them. There he was. There he was lying in a pool of his blood with Sam pushing to keep his heart going. Callen was standing away, looking at me and shaking his head. We didn't do it. We didn't get to save Dom, our friend, my partner. I felt my heart shatter at losing yet another person in my life and i sat slowly down on the stairs, my head in my hands as i cried silently as i mourned the death of Dominic Vaile.

She was sitting in the bullpen, joking around with her team, waiting for Deeks to turn up when she was interrupted by her small ninja like boss. "Deeks has been shot." There it was. The pain that enveloped her body, the sudden feeling of emptiness inside of her. The smile was wiped from her face in seconds and she felt her knees go weak. "How is he?" She dares to ask but doesn't listen to the response but instead informs Hetty that she wants to be there when he wakes up from surgery. Hetty agrees but it doesn't calm the nerves and sadness enveloping her heart. Her second partner to get shot, and she couldn't be there for the first one, she had to be here for the second. Next thing she remembers, is she's standing in the hospital, subconsciously stroking his badge and his watch with her thumbs, clutching them close to her chest. Waiting.

There were other memories coursing through her mind but those three were the ones that stuck around the most.

What seemed like hours of her screaming, had only been minutes but nevertheless, it had worn her out and she was now curled up in a ball, crying and gasping out in pain occasionally, her voice was also hoarse and she was sure her vocal cords were red as a tomato from her strenuous screaming. A strong wave of pain swept her body, causing her to shudder and cry out loudly. And then it stops. The pain just goes as if it wasn't there in the first place. She almost believed it wasn't if it wasn't for how tired and sore she was. She slowly raised her head and pushed herself up with her arms. "Am i dead?" She whispered to herself, thinking it was the only excuse for the pain to stop. She looked around, noticing the camera was still on and facing her. She noticed that she was alone in the room and sadly there were no weapons. But she could still fight, if she had enough energy before they came back.

She had just pushed herself to her knees when the doors opened and three masked men rushed in, two going for her and one walking slowly behind dangling a needle between his fingers. Due to her weak state, she didn't put up much of a fight when they held her arms and pinned her in the kneeling position.

"Your precious family did nothing to help you darling, i gave them an hour and i gave them a warning. They threw it in the trash as well as their concerns for you my dear, and now we're here to follow up with our threat." He knelt down in front of her and smiled, raising the needle. "I would apologise but to be honest, i was hoping that they never responded." He leant forward, until the point of the needle touched her skin. She should fight, she should come up with a smartass comment before she whooped his ass. That is what she would normally do, but today she has no energy so she doesn't fight him and she chooses to keep her mouth shut.

"WAIT!" Someone shouted, rushing into the little room. "They responded, they owned up to owning her. They even sent it within the hour but our server was being slow and we didn't get it. NCIS. She's an NCIS agent." The small man wasn't masked, but it didn't matter, Kensi didn't recognise him. He stepped forward a bit, resting himself against the wall as he caught his breath back.

The needle was taken away from her neck and she sagged with relief. "Special agent Kensi Blye." The man in front of her murmured. "Bit of an urban legend you are, and it's truly a shame that i can't keep my promises." He stabbed the needle into her neck, emptying its contents again and she started the screaming process all over again. Instead of screaming for a relief of the pain, or a quick death this time, she called for the only thing that kept her going.

"DEEKS!"