Did I mention this one would be moving slowly yet? xD

Disclaimer: Don't Own Naruto

Beta: Shatteredstar21

Lots of talking here...


Out of habit, Akane kept her steps quiet as she made her way through the halls leading to the Hokage's office.

Her current companion had made very little noise this entire trip.

Hidan had to be on his best behavior to have a chance at getting out of that hole. Akane was sure he knew that.

Which explained why he was bothering to cooperate and be silent.

"Business, Nara-san?" An ANBU appeared as she reached the Hokage's door. Door shift was ANBU relief duty after taxing missions.

As such door ANBU tended to be... jumpy.

Akane nodded in greeting, pretending not to notice the signature gleam of red from the ANBU's eyes. "An audience with the Hokage, ANBU-san." Akane answered honestly. "I believe I may finally have a suggestion for something to help end the massacre."

She was very glad she was a kunoichi; otherwise keeping a poker face under the intense gaze of Sharingan would've made her react.

"And the bag, Nara-san?"

"The key to my plans." Akane didn't so much as twitch, keeping her gaze politely on his. This wasn't even a lie. A true kunoichi could lie with the truth if she had need. "Is the Hokage busy? It'll be a drag to walk all the way back."

The former rogue Uchiha stared at her for a few moments. "No, I think both he and Shikamaru-san will want to hear what you've got" Sasuke backed up, before the red faded out of his gaze. He watched her make her way towards the door. " ... Nara-san?"

Akane stopped and sent him a questioning look.

"I hope your idea will work." This Uchiha had seen enough violence to last him several lifetimes. He didn't need another War.

"I hope so too, ANBU-san." Akane nodded before continuing.

Hidan quietly seethed in the damn sack. He didn't know the damn bastard Red had fucking been talking to; but the interference had pissed him off. He wanted out of this damn bag!

At fucking least there was light this damn time and he could almost fucking see the shit that were going on around this Jashin-damned shitty mode of transportation.

Red was apparently fucking polite enough to knock on the damn Hokage's door. She'd never fucking mentioned who it was.

"Come in!"

"More troublesome news?"

Well damn. The fucking Kyuubi brat and the pineapple bastard in one place. Kakuzu would flip his shit about the damn money potential.

"I actually have an idea that may help us in our current dilemma, Hokage-sama. Shikamaru-san." Akane informed.

She watched as the almost forced grin on Naruto's face became a strange expression. Like the Hokage couldn't decide between actually grinning or instantly becoming serious.

Her relative however had no such qualms. Shikamaru's normally bored expression became interested, though he kept his normal drawl "I was wondering when our clan would come through. It's been troublesome to know no one could figure out anything." He lazily strolled over to shut the door, not wanting any potential idea of countering the murders to escape to be thwarted before they began.

In his damn bag, Hidan was wishing they'd just get fucking on with this shit.

"What's your idea, Nara-san?" Naruto's face brightened, the Rokudaime finally decided to grant her a fox-like grin.

"It may prove troublesome" Akane admitted off the bat, "But I'm sure it will work."

"Plans may be a drag, but something is better than this nothing we've been idling at." Shikamaru took a seat, intent on hearing what his clan member had to say.

As a fellow Nara, he knew plans were troublesome.

But when made by a member of their extended family, plans had a tendency to work.

Akane took one last steadying breath. Then she became to tell them of her idea and the deal she'd hashed out with Hidan the day before.

Hidan was merely fucking glad they were finally getting fucking somewhere with this damn shit.

Nara Shikamaru stared at Akane in mild disbelief from the chair next to hers in the office of the Hokage as she expanded upon the idea she had come up with; and wryly thought to himself 'Only a Nara with a name meaning brilliant red would think it a good idea to wake up a blood-loving zealot to go after a powerful mass murderer.'

Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime of Konohagakure was far beyond mild disbelief. The famous and legendary Sannin was openly gaping at her.

Akane finished her recital of the deal. "It would be troublesome, but I was hoping you might be able to do a seal."

"You want... to dig up an Akatsuki..." The esteemed Hokage repeated as if Akane hadn't made that point exceptionally clear.

The guest in her bag thought the Jinchuuriki was a fucking idiot. Even Hidan paid more damn attention than that!

"The one that killed my teacher." Shikamaru added, a note of anger in his voice.

Hidan scowled, trying to remember. Who was that bastard again? The smoking fucker? A grin now. Ah that was a damn fun sacrifice.

"Hai, Hokage-sama, Shikamaru-san." Akane continued levelly "I know it's far beyond normal to suggest something so troublesome."

"It's insane!" Naruto protested.

"Insanity may be needed, Hokage-sama. Everyone that's gone after whoever is doing this has died. And they will continue to kill. To get close to them, we need someone who can't die." Akane reiterated one of her main points..

"And how would we trust him?! An Akatsuki!" Naruto shook his head.

Hidan gave a glare in what he assumed was the Hokage's direction. Had the shit not fucking listened to a damn word?

"The seal, as I've mentioned three times now, sir." Akane sighed.

"I know you said that! But I don't know if it can be done!" Naruto stood going over to a shelf of scrolls.

"You're considering this troublesome idea?" Shikamaru questioned.

The Nara clan head himself was torn between instantly refusing this insane plan... and giving it his honest consideration.

Asuma-sensei's murderer... back loose... that made his blood boil.

But...

If there was even the slightest chance to rid themselves of serial murderer with another murderer's help...

It was more than they'd had previously...

"Ne, I think I've got something. Hold on." Naruto pulled out more and more scrolls, the floor now cluttered with them as the Rokudaime went over various seals. On a blank scroll he was drawing.

One seal. Scratched out. Another seal. Left incomplete. And so on and so forth.

Akane counted about twenty something seals.

When Naruto finished his twenty-seventh one... he nodded in a satisfied manner. "It's not exactly perfect. But it's the closest thing possible on a human." He stood taking it back to his desk and tapping the paper. "Let's pretend I'm giving this insanity my consideration. This-" He tapped the seal he'd drawn. "-would fit the requirements you gave me... Mostly."

"Mostly." Akane echoed.

Hidan gave his best death glare at the walls of the bag. The fuck did mostly mean?

"It would keep him loyal... to one person only. Not the whole of Konoha. For a lack of a better way of explaining this..." Naruto nipped his hand his hand, summoned a small toad the blinked at them before dismissing itself. "It'd be like that."

"A... summoning contract?" The apocalypse had to be near. Naruto had gotten confused looks from not one but two Naras.

"Yes and no. Like a summon is only loyal to someone that's signed the scroll... the Akatsuki would only be loyal to the person who's blood I mixed into the seal. They'd be the only one capable of reigning him in and... if they saw fit... releasing him."

Hidan almost scoffed before he remembered he fucking had to be silent. Guess he better pick damn carefully from that shitty list they gave him.

Or...

Better fucking yet...

He could go with his damn impulse and at least have the fucking guarantee of some damn entertainment.

"Any effects on the person... tied to him?" Shikamaru questioned "This is an immortal madman we're talking about."

"I don't know." The Rokudaime sighed "It's the best I can do though... if we're considering the idea."

Shikamaru took a moment to think to himself.

He did not want to free his sensei's murderer from the prison of rock where he had left him.

But there was still the threat of a much more vicious killer about.

That thing, for there was no way the Akatsuki was human, had murdered his sensei. A man he'd been close to and admired.

But this... idea.

It was the only suggestion the entirety of the Nara clan had come up with.

If he threw this away when would they figure out something else?

Would they ever?

And in the meantime, how many more would die?

How many more mutilated bodies to be discovered?

Then there was the ever present threat of the war.

How much longer could the Nations sit at this stalemate?

Shikamaru sighed.

This was all so troublesome.

And he was trapped between a rock and a hard place.

"Are you positive that thing will work?" He questioned Naruto at last, decision made. "It would be a drag if it didn't."

"It will work or my name isn't Uzumaki Naruto." The Hokage grinned, acting much like the happy self he had been before all of this horror had started to strain even the brightest of souls.

"Then we have a troublesome task ahead of us. We have to figure out how to convince a blood loving Akatsuki to agree to this deal. After we dig him up." Shikamaru sighed. It would be such a drag.

"Actually..."Akane reached for the bag "I know he agrees."

"Huh?" Naruto blinked at her while Shikamaru gave the bag a look. She didn't...

"Sup bitches? Done fucking talking about me?"

She had.

Akane set Hidan's head on the edge of the desk, carefully avoiding any papers.

"That's officially the nastiest thing I've ever had on this desk." Naruto made a face.

"Fuck you, bastard!" Hidan was glad he could finally give the fucking Hokage a death glare the bastard would see.

"Hidan." Akane reminded, voice going into that dangerously sweet tone.

"Right. Damn behaving. I didn't fucking forget, Red" Hidan scowled "So, yeah I agree to this shit."

Cause there was no way in Jashin damn hell he was returning to the fucking rocks.

Shikamaru stared at the head of the man that had killed Asuma. An icy stare that would intimidate lesser men. Hidan merely met his gaze with a glare of his own. The zealot must hold a grudge about being put in the ground.

"We'll come up with a list of people for you then." Naruto spoke, attempting to break off the staring contest before something spontaneously combusted. "Shikamaru will not be on it." he added after a moment.

"Can I make a damn suggestion?" Hidan smirked.

"We may not listen to it." Naruto countered.

"If I have to be leashed like a damn summon, I fucking suggest and want this bitch as my damn 'contractor' or whatever-the-shit you'd fucking call it." Hidan flicked his eyes to Akane. "She and I already fucking get along, don't we Red?"

"Is that what you call this troublesome association we have?" Akane stared at him levelly.

"You fucking know you like me."

"And what made you think this?"

"The lack of some damn denial."

Akane couldn't help her smirk. So, this zealot could play at a game of wits when he wanted to. It was rare for someone to challenge a Nara.

Restraining him would be quite troublesome.

But it was likely she was the only person who would be willing to do so.

"I accept the suggestion of keeping this troublesome nuke-nin in check, if you'd let me, Hokage-sama, Shikamaru-san." She gave the zealot a feral smirk. "I'll be sure to keep him from being a drag."

Hidan wasn't fucking sure if that smirk was damn sexy or fucking terrifying.

Naruto and Shikamaru exchanged glances.

It wasn't like they were going to have volunteers wanting to work with an immortal Akatsuki.

"As Hokage I officially charge you, Nara Akane with the control of the Akatsuki nuke-nin." Naruto nodded, starting to fish out special paint. He poured some of it into a smaller cup. "I'll need some of your blood."

Akane complied, pricking her fingers with a kunai.

"Where are you going to fucking put my new tattoo?" Hidan grinned at them "Better look damn badass."

"Right on the back of your neck, just below your hairline" Naruto moved, making an 'ick' face before turned the severed head and moving Hidan's hair out of the way. Then careful to use a new brush and not drip the paint he drew the seal flawlessly. "Nara-san. Put some of your chakra on it to force it dry. It'll cement the seal."

Akane moved to obey, letting her hand glow with her chakra before placing her hand on the back of his neck.

There was the sense of a lock clicking into pace and a heady feeling like she'd just attempted a jutsu that was almost too much for her.

Fucking Jashin-damned hell! That fucking hurt! He could almost hear a damn click in his mind. He was going fucking nuts.

"Nara Akane." Shikamaru finally spoke, "You are now... 'contracted' to the S-class nuke-nin Hidan."

"If that's what a real summoning feels like, I'm glad I thought them too troublesome." Akane muttered.

"At least you weren't on my fucking end of it! That fucking hurt!"

"We'll... arrange for the rest of him to be dug up and reassembled by Baa-chan." Naruto resisted the urge to sigh. "The fewer people that know we're doing something this crazy the better."

"I'll need some fucking clothes too! My damn Akatsuki stuff is torn to hell." Hidan glared at Shikamaru "And I'm not wearing damn heathen Leaf shit."

"We'll figure out something." The Hokage started making out a message for the previous Hokage. "Shikamaru, have the smallest most trusted group of ANBU you can get to gather the rest of... him. Nara-san, you can go ahead and take him to Baa-chan and wait there." Hope the foul-mouthed head didn't anger granny Tsunade too much.

"Hai, Hokage-sama." Akane picked Hidan up and put him back in the bag before setting out to visit the previous Godaime.

Shikamaru waited until she was gone to let his worry show. They had no idea how this... seal/contract/thing would affect his cousin. And while he and Akane weren't close, they were family and so he worried for her safety.

Especially since she was now bound to that guy.

"Troublesome." He muttered before going to gather the ANBU Naruto wanted.


"It's safe to speak, if you want." Akane informed her troublesome bag hitchhiker glancing at the opening she'd left him again.

"Where are we fucking going now?" Came the instant demand.

"To visit the previous Godaime. Tsunade-sama." Akane clarified "She's got more than enough skill to path you back up."

"Fucking finally! I'm going to get my damn body back!"

"If you don't anger Tsunade-Hime enough that she destroys the rest of you." Akane couldn't help smirking, though she knew her newfound troublesome partner couldn't see it.

"Fucking bitch. More damn behavior." Hidan was fucking eager to be rid of this shitty place. At least he could fucking be his normal damn self around the bitch it seemed.

"Don't be too much of a drag once we're out hunting." Akane warned him with that terrifyingly sweet tone.

He was fucking starting to recognize that as a sign of her damn sadism. "Fucking whatever, Red. We'll be too occupied with the bastard for me to cause too much shit." Biggest damn lie he'd told in a fucking long time.

"You really must think I'm an idiot if you think I'm going to buy that." Akane drawled.

Jashin fucking damn it.

Why had he fucking wanted this bitch again?

Ah.

That was fucking right.

Some damn entertainment. Someone that could fucking dish out the same sadism he fucking did.

Well, it looked like he got his damn wish.

It would be fucking very entertaining to see what it fucking took to both outsmart and unsettle Red.

He knew he couldn't fucking hurt her thanks to the damn seal.

But by the time he was done showing her what he was fucking capable of on others, she'd be begging to take the shitty leash off him.


So, for those confused about the seal, it does the basic things that have been mentioned numerous time like keep Hidan loyal-ish and prevent him from just running off on a killing spree. But as it's a tie to one person it's like the exceedingly warped version of a summoning contract. Akane can't summon him (though that would be hilarious). That's simply the closest thing comparable to it.

Next time –"Allow me to get this straight. I'm putting him back together?"

"Hai Tsunade-sama".

"Fucking right bitch!"

Tsunade cracked her knuckles, hands glowing with menacing chakra.

"... It's troublesome but I feel I should reiterate that the Rokudaime approved of this plan, Tsunade-sama"