A/N: I hope everyone had a nice Holiday.. I did! Here is my latest chapter..I hope you all enjoy! A huge shout out to my betas: PisceanPal23 and CullenandSwan1993. You guys rock! Please review..I really would like to know what you are all thinking..good, bad, indifferent..it does not matter.

Fighting

I could have killed Bella tonight in my misguided attempt in keeping her safe from Jasper. If I had flung her too hard, she could have ended up with injuries similar to those in Arizona or so much worse. I was lucky that the extra blood I caused to be spilt did not cause someone else to try to get to Bella. To be honest, I knew it could have been me that went after her. That thought made my entire being freeze. Suddenly, everything became crystal clear. I was the biggest danger to her and always would be. Bella was no longer safe with me. I wanted to weep at this conclusion.

"Say something," Bella begged, bringing me from my desolate thoughts.

"What do you want me to say?" I had no clue. What do you say to the woman you love when you nearly killed her?

"Tell me you forgive me," she pleaded.

I nearly erupted in sudden anger, my thoughts a tangled web of anger, loathing and disgust.

"Forgive you? For what?" I seethed, unable to say anything more, for fear I would lose my tenuous hold on my sanity. Bella truly looked at everything completely backwards.

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened," she explained.

How could she take this all on her? I was almost at a loss for words. Almost.

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut- that hardly deserves the death penalty." It nearly was the death penalty for her. Her presence in my family's life kept her balanced between life and death. Any innocuous thing could tip her towards death. I could not let that happen, not when I had the power to save her.

"It's still my fault." Her stubbornness was no longer endearing, it was infuriating. I needed her to see reason, to see how close she came to dying.

"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own- without someone throwing you into them- even then, what's the worst?" My words were coming hard and fast, hoping to get through to her thick head the direness of the situation.

"You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up-and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

Leave it to Bella to push the subject beyond reason. "How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?"

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with." My words were sharp and bitter. I hated that boy with every fiber of my being, but I knew that he would give Bella a chance to be human and live a full life. Hell, any human boy would give that to her, while I could not.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," she declared, with honesty and sincerity. A part of my heart leapt at her words. She still loved me. But I knew she was not being reasonable.

"Don't be melodramatic, please." She had no idea what she wanted or what the consequences to her actions meant. But I did and they tortured me.

"Well then, don't be ridiculous," she retorted.

She thought I was being ridiculous? All I was trying to do was love and keep her safe. The fact that she undermined my every attempt with her inability for any self preservation only fueled my anger. Unable to respond to her in a rational, calm manner, I just stared out the windshield. In my mind, I wished that Bella would comprehend the true danger she had been in tonight. Then again, Bella never did things they way she should.

I almost sighed with relief as I pulled up to her house; this night was almost over.

"Will you stay tonight?" She was calm, but I could hear the tone of longing her in her voice. It lessened some of my anger; I did not want to cause her anymore pain.

"I should go home." It was just a feeble excuse. I really needed time to think and untangle my emotions. I wanted to sort things out, see what I could do to salvage everything before it was too late.

"For my birthday," she implored, looking at me with her warm chocolate eyes.

I almost smiled; Bella was not very skilled at manipulating, she was too obvious.

"You can't have it both ways- either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other." I couldn't hold onto to my anger as fiercely when she pleaded like that.

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." I watched as she exited the truck and reached for the silver presents that had sat between us the whole ride to her house. They were a painful reminder of the night's events.

"You don't have to take those." I didn't want her to feel guilty if she no longer wanted them and didn't want to say anything.

"I want them," she replied quickly.

"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you." I was teasing her in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"I'll live." She picked up the presents with her good arm and slammed the truck door with her foot. Maybe she was mad at me after all. However she was feeling it bothered me to see her juggling the gifts. I went to her side in less than a second.

"Let me carry them, at least. I'll be in your room." I took the presents from her.

The smile that greeted me took my breath away. How she could still smile and at me no less, after all that had happened, I had no clue. But for this brief moment, I just enjoyed it.

I decided to push my happiness a little further, "Happy birthday," I sighed. Leaning down, my lips caressed hers softly. My intention was to only to brush my lips against hers. However, like always, Bella had other ideas. She pushed up on her toes to hold her lips to mine a while longer. Her warmth breath grazed my cheek as I finally pulled away.

I smiled the smile I knew she loved and disappeared into the darkness surrounding her house. Scaling the side of the house I waited in her room. The thickness of her scent assaulted me and I felt the burn. The venom began to pool in my mouth and I had to beat the monster back once again. This was my heaven and my hell.

I began to feel ashamed for all I have put Bella through. Her life has been threatened so many times because of who I was, because I needed her to be a part of my life. I was selfish, absolutely and completely selfish. My desire for her company and her presence could have ended in her death.

But how could I protect her? What could I do that would ensure that she would be safe, protected and above all human? My chest ached with the painful ideas that ran wild, for it was becoming clearer there was only one option. My ruminations were interrupted by the sound of her in the bathroom. I idly picked up one of her presents, twirling it around and around. I did not want her to open them; she did not need the reminders.

I heard and smelled her as she walked in. Her face was freshly scrubbed, shiny and clean. She smelled like rain. 'Hi," I intoned, sadness leaking into my voice no matter how hard I tried not to.

She walked to me and pushed the presents away from us and climbed into my lap. She curled herself around my stone chest. Without thinking, my arms closed upon her and held her tight. It was pure ecstasy having her in my arms. Her heat washed over me, such a familiar sensation, one I would never tire of feeling.

"Hi," she replied. "Can I open my presents now?"

Her words rang with sincerity. Instantly curiosity consumed me as to why she wanted them now. I knew her abhorrence at me spending any money on her. She protested anytime it was more than a movie or a simple dinner.

I couldn't help but question her, once again wishing I could just pluck the thoughts from her silent mind. "Where did the enthusiasm come from?'

"You made me curious." She stated simply. I almost laughed at the irony. I made her curious? I was curious about every little smile, pucker and sigh she made. I wondered if I would ever come to understand how she thought.

She picked up the gift from my parents and made a move to begin opening it. I snatched it from her hand, not sure if either of could survive another paper cut. "Allow me." I removed the wrapping in one smooth movement and gave the box back to her.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" I knew she meant to be playful and a bit sarcastic, but I was bound and determined to make sure the rest of her evening went without a hitch. I watched as she tried to process what lay in the flat box. Eventually she pieced it together.

"We're going to Jacksonville?" The excitement in her voice was unmistakable. It made me happy to see her happy. I wished everything could go this smoothly.

"That's the idea."

She continued in a rush of words, "I can't believe it. Renèe is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day." Her excitement was infectious; I cracked a bit of a smile.

"I think I can handle it." I was perturbed that she was taking this so well and I did not hesitate to point it out. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

She threw me a reproachful glare, but she could never stay mad for too long. "Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!" The happiness that colored her words warmed me. Was it possible that she still loved me after all that had happened? If so, it was more proof that I was not worthy of her love.

I concentrated on the thought that she still wanted me in her life, for it was all I was certain of at this moment. The smile that stayed on her face as the thought of us in Florida made me laugh.

"Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable." The reminder that the one unopened present came from me, sparked her interest. She laid the tickets off to the side and grabbed it.

Once again, I removed the paper and handed it back to her. She stared at the CD jewel case for a few seconds before she asked, "What is it?"

Wanting to see her reaction first hand I said nothing. I placed the CD into the player that sat on her bedside table. I pressed play and waited. It was then I realized I was holding my breath in expectation. Suddenly I was worried she wouldn't like it. I almost made a move to take it out when I noticed the look on her face.

Looking closely, I saw the tears that had begun to well in her eyes. I was confused. How could my music make her sad? I listened as the familiar cords of her lullaby filled the room. A soothing, peaceful feeling coursed through my body. Music always had the power to calm me down.

"Does your arm hurt?" I was anxious to understand the source of her tears. I tried in vain to penetrate her mind; I wanted to know why she was crying.

"No, it's not my arm, "she whispered, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it."

She sat in silence, listening to me play my music. Awe and amazement crossed her face, she truly enjoyed my gift. It was humbling having her show such enjoyment in my gift. I poured my every thought and emotion I had that tied me to her in the pieces I played. It was just another way I was showing her how much I loved her.

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here." How often I had wished I could play her to sleep. Humming her lullaby was one thing. But to be able to play all the harmonies and melodies together, to listen as they came together to tell the story of a sleeping Bella, well, it would be magic.

"You're right."

We both sat in silence for a few moments. It was enough for me to forget the awful beginning of this night, to simply hold this amazing person, who found a way to love me. She shifted and I thought I saw a grimace.

"How does your arm feel?"

"Just fine." She answered too fast. I saw the brief flash of discomfort on her face before she schooled her face into indifference. I was sure the numbing medication Carlisle had given her prior to stitching was wearing off. Her arm had to be burning. But leave it to Bella to play the brave one. Never let anyone take care of her. Two could play this game.

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

"I don't need anything." Her protest was weak, which meant she was hurting more than she let on. I slid her off my lap and went towards the door. "Charlie," she hissed.

"He won't catch me." I opened her door and flashed into the bathroom which was across the hall from her room, collected a glass of water and the bottle of pills. I was back before the door had closed completely.

The fact that she did not argue further told me I was correct in my assessment; she was in pain. I would never understand her need for discounting her own needs. She made it seem that letting someone take care of her was a tragedy. Maybe taking care of her mother for so long left her with the bizarre notion she didn't need caretaking.

The stress of the night had finally caught up to Bella. Her eyes were become heavy-lidded and she looked exhausted. As much as I did not want this part of the night to come, it was inevitable.

"It's late." With no room for disagreement, I picked her up carefully, not wanting to jostle her injured arm. Pulling back the covers, I laid her down and tucked the covers over her. Once I felt she was properly tucked in, I lay beside her and curled up next to her. She lay against my shoulder and the smell of strawberries from her hair greeted me. I inhaled deeply, feeling the burn of her blood and the sweet scent of her hair and skin. Even as I burned, a feeling of peace swept over us both, we were content.

"Thanks again," she whispered.

"You're welcome." I replied automatically, even though there was nothing to thank me for. Her entire birthday was a raging disaster. One that was forced upon by me and my unhealthy sense of what I thought was right for Bella. Once again, I proved how wrong I was, how wrong I always would be when it comes to Bella. My love for her was wrong, my being in her life was wrong; having her love me was wrong. How could I ever make things right for her? What is right is that Bella has a long life, free from danger, free to roam in the light not seduced by the night.

"What are you thinking about?" Her whisper broke into my internal struggle. It was a constant struggle between my desire to keep her in my life and the reality of that desire. Could I, or rather would I, be able to do the right thing? I was undecided.

"I was thinking about right and wrong, actually." It was so much more than that, but it was the easiest way to explain without causing her undue stress and anxiety. She did not need to be privy to my tumultuous emotions and thoughts.

"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?" Her tone made me wary. Were my thoughts written across my face? I tried to keep it passive, neutral. I did not want to unduly upset her.

"Yes," I replied, cautious.

'Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again." There was a hope in her voice, like she feared I would not honor her request. How could I deny her? She was finally letting me acknowledge her birthday and spoil her at the same time.

"You're greedy tonight." But I was just as greedy. Craving her presence, but loathing the monster in me who craved it for entirely different reasons.

"Yes, I am- but please, don't do anything you don't want to do." I laughed at her weak attempt at reverse psychology as if there would ever be a time when I didn't want to kiss her.

Sighing, "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do." Reaching for her chin, I pulled her so she was even with my face. Instantly I was lost in her eyes, warm, open and loving. I could spend eternity just looking at her.

I touched our lips as soft as a feather, but her heart instantly began sputtering. My hands traced the contours of her cheek, feeling the blush as it rushed to her skin. Bella's hand ran from the tops of my arms to my shoulder, leaving a blazing trail of heat. Our lips moved in harmony, tasting, savoring the moment.

Deep inside, something in me broke; I did not spend any time thinking about, but I rode the wave of desire and became lost. I fisted my hands in her hair, melding her warm frame to my cold one. We were fire and ice and I burned and melted. Bella responded in kind, pulling me closer to her by my hair. I accepted it, even welcomed it. Our lips moved with more urgency, seeking, memorizing, and searing us together.

As fast as it happened, I stopped it. I pushed her away by mere inches. I have never lost control like that; let my manly desires overwhelm me. Bella collapsed back to her bed, smiling but gasping for air. We listened to the wild pounding of her heart as it started to slowly return to normal.

"Sorry." I was just as breathless. The memory of the kiss left its imprint not only on my heart but on my lips, my entire body. I felt warm and tingly. "That was out of line." Wonderful, but it was wrong for me to kiss her so, I had to be careful.

"I don't mind." She still was breathless and still so flushed. I could taste it in the air; the heat from it was almost palpable. But I minded, and I needed to gain some calm.

"Try to sleep, Bella." I knew it was a worthless effort, but I was desperate to calm the heated desires that still arced from her to me and back again. I was painfully aware of how close she was to me, and the desire to crush her closer threatened to overwhelm once again.

"No, I want you to kiss me again," her pout was almost my undoing.

"You're over estimating my self-control." Which would be a bad thing, to lose control and she made it too easy.

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" Did she really need to know, couldn't she tell?

"It's a tie." I smiled thinking it was not always the case, but it was close to the truth for now. Earlier in the night, when her arm was dripping in her crimson blood, I wanted only that. Just a few minutes ago, I wanted her body, woman to man. I sobered, I was no man. I was just a soul-less monster. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

At last, she listened without an argument or protest. "Fine." Then she snuggled further into her bed. I cradled her in my arms and felt as her body slowly began to relax. I let the music from the CD lull her into a deeper sleep. When the last of the tension left her body, I knew she was completely asleep. I stared into the darkness that was her room and realized I had hours of nothing in front of me. That's when the night's horrible events began to re-play and I couldn't turn them off.

A/N: Ahh poor distraught Edward! Again...I hope you liked it! Please review..very curious to hear what you think!