I AM BACK.

Sorry it took so long, personal life and a lack of interest. Please read and review.

OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK. OLD ENOUGH TO FUCK. OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE. NOT RICH ENOUGH TO OWN NARUTO.


I'm an 'intelligent' sociopath. I don't have problems with drugs, I don't commit crimes, I don't take pleasure in hurting people, and I don't typically have relationship problems. I do have a complete lack of empathy. But I consider that an advantage. Most of the time

M.E. Thomas, Confessions Of A Sociopath


Naruto hated birds. He loved complete silence, and he loved screams, but birds chirping felt so..peaceful to him. He could never understand it, and things that he didn't understand were the things he loathed so much. He had a vacant look on his face as he stared at the knife he held in his hands, he was absently sharpening it.

It was five in the morning, the sun was about to rise soon, the sky had an orange hue. Naruto closed his eyes, bringing his fingers close to the knife and gently making a small cut, blood began trickling down his skin and made a slight, dripping sound as it fell on the ground. He imagined what it must have been like the day he was born, with an abomination attacking the village. His mother was probably dead after giving birth to him, his father was probably trying to contain the fox.

No one knew exactly what happened, except the fact that the honorable and brave fourth Hokage had sacrificed himself for the sake of the village. The ultimate price of being a shinobi, the ultimate sacrifice. Cementing himself in the hearts of people as a hero, someone whose tales will be told years after he was gone.

Naruto suddenly opened his eyes, that night also cemented him as a demon. The younger generation was shielded from his burden, but not the villagers, they never got over the fact that the fox was sealed in him, he stopped being a baby and became a think. It changed him forever, and he was barely a minute old.

He smiled, life can be really unfair sometimes.

-x-

"Naruto, that is not healthy you know"

Naruto turned around, stopping his slurping. If there was something he could not get enough of, it was ramen, it was his life, he ate a bowl every day, much to the chagrin of his sensei, Miko.

"Ah, Miko-sensei, I cannot resist this, this bowl of goodness" he said to her.

She laughed, which was different from the other ROOT agents he had met, they never smiled, but Miko smiled, and she smiled often.

"You speak really strange for a boy your age Naruto" she said to him, walking up to him and ruffling his hair. She proceeded to sit beside him, there were books on Shinobi theory strewn about on the floor. Naruto flinched as Miko put her arm around his shoulder and brought him closer. Close contact still scared him, but as she began ruffling his hair more, he felt calmer, he felt better than he had felt in ages.

"What do you think of all these birds?" she asked him

"They are annoying" he said. Miko smiled.

"You need to cut down your Ramen intake Naruto, you can't have one everyday, you need to reduce it further, if you want to take this seriously, if you never want to feel helpless-"

Naruto froze, he did not want to talk about what happened that night.

"Okay" he said, perhaps hastier than he would have liked. Miko understood though and didn't give it much more thought.

-x-

Today was his Ramen day, every Friday of the week he permitted himself two bowls. It was ironic that destiny was punishing him because it was also the day they had to leave the village.

People missed their homes, and Naruto wondered why, because he was never going to miss his hovel. or even the village, he was actually relishing the prospect of being away for several days, watching a bridge being built. Missing Ramen was worth being away from the village.

"You're five hours early and you are at the wrong location" he said to no one in particular. There was a slight movement in the branches of the tree that was to his right. Twigs snapping and more rustling was heard as Kakashi Hatake jumped out in front of Naruto, landing with a slight poise, like he was a gymnast.

"Those moves, they don't suit you senpai" Naruto said to him.

"Mah" Kakashi said, flicking a single leaf that was stuck in his hair before adjusting his mask as Naruto looked at him, Kakashi never changed, always covering his face. He wondered what Kakashi looked like underneath the mask, but at the moment he was just bothered because he wanted to be left alone.

"Sleeping okay?" Kakashi asked him.

"What makes you think I have a problem with my sleeping?"

"Maybe it was the fact that you slept till five yesterday? And that you are already up at five today?" Kakashi said to him, slightly sarcastic.

"Senpai, my sleeping schedule is something I thought you were aware of. I do not sleep when I can do something else" Naruto said to him, looking at the ground, absently running his hand on the soft, grassy lawn.

"Like cutting yourself and bleeding?" Kakashi asked him.

"It was a slight incision, just for some blood. You know I like the smell of blood" Naruto said to him.

Kakashi looked at him, and despite the mask, his apprehensiveness was clearly visible.

"Naruto, are you ready to work with a team, where anything can set you off. These people are not perfect" Kakashi said to him.

"I know" Naruto said, standing up. "I am ready"

"Fair enough" Kakashi said as he watched Naruto walking away.

"Where are you headed now?" Kakashi asked him as Naruto grew further and further away from him.

"Close encounters" Naruto called out loudly before finally vanishing.

Kakashi stared at the cloud of smoke that was formerly Naruto.

"Lucky bastard"

-x-

Close encounters was an in-joke with the ANBU, it was basically what he was doing just five minutes ago.

"Hot damn" Anko Mitarashi said, hastily covering her naked body with a blanket, her face was gleaming in the early sunrise, it was obvious that she was sweating.

"Get rid of the fucking blanket" Naruto growled. "I like them"

"You like what" Anko asked him, sounding naive, on purpose of course. Everyone knew just how naive she was, and that was zero. Anko was not a naive woman.

"Quit with the fucking jokes" Naruto said as he grasped Anko's hair, causing her to grimace in pain. "Get rid of the fucking blanket or I'll rip it into shreds" he said to her. More sunlight filtered in.

"You son of a bitch" Anko said to him as he finally let go of her hair, and she let go of the blanket covering her, setting free her awe inspiring breasts. "You come to my house" she said, standing up. "Wake me up, and then grab my hair and hurt me?" she asked him.

"How dare you show me such subordination. Genin Uzumaki Naruto?" she asked him.

"Five minutes ago, you weren't complaining" Naruto said to her. "You know the arrangement"

Anko smiled, it was an evil smile, but not the kind of evil Naruto was, a different, much tamer kind of evil.

"Well" she said, slightly smacking her breasts, making them juggle, which caused Naruto to perk up with excitement. "They're open again, what are you going to do now? Hmm?" she asked him.

"I" Naruto said, bringing his hand towards her breasts and grasping them, gently, he let some of his chakra in his hand, which caused Anko a feeling that she would describe as more than pleasant.

"Am" he said standing up and kissing her, his hands still on her breasts, his tongue desperately smacking against her lips, asking them to let it in, and Anko obliged, finally letting his tongue into her mouth.

He looked at her. She was beautiful. No, she was sexy, and he loved fucking her. With Anko, it was adventurous, he felt alive, and she didn't expect anything else in return, just sex, and Naruto liked that.

"I'm going to fuck the shit out of you" he said to her as he threw her onto the bed again, before thrusting into her. She gasped as he entered her.

-x-

"Damn" Anko said to Naruto, it was the first time they had fucked, and she was smiling, her face was red. They had gone a long time. Too long.

"What?" Naruto asked her, his hands on her breasts, he really did love those things.

"Do you know how fucked up it is?" she asked him. "Me, you, this...thing we do?" she asked him.

"It's sex Anko" Naruto said to her. "We do sex, and I do it because it makes me feel alive. Is that a problem?"

"No, not with the way you performed. I mean where did you learn this?" she asked him.

"What? Learn what?"

"That thing with the arms, and the tongues?"

Naruto smiled. "I will remember to do that again" he said to her.

"Hold up" Anko said to him as his mouth moved towards her breasts. "Naruto- stop" she said to him as he began sucking her nipples.

"Naruto" she pleaded, Naruto didn't listen though, he could feel Anko heating up, getting turned on.

"I don't do pillow talk Anko" Naruto said to her as he roughly turned her around. "And sometimes, I don't like looking at the face of the woman I'm fucking. Is that a problem?" he asked her as he began entering her from behind.

"Wait Naruto" Anko said to him. "Please" she sounded more vulnerable than she had hoped to sound and Naruto noticed that, he felt a little bit of regret as he realized what he was doing. He never wanted to do that.

"I am sorry" he said to her, "If you don't want this arrangement to continue, I understand, I will find someone-"

"No, Naruto" Anko said interrupting him. "It's fucked up because you are so young" she said to him.

"I'm old enough to kill, and I'm old enough to fuck" he said to her. Anko looked at him and realized that Naruto wasn't kidding around.

"Pluse" Naruto said. "It makes me feel alive, it makes me forget her" he said to Anko.

"Her?" Anko asked him, curious. "Who is her? An old girlfriend?"

"She wasn't a girlfriend, but she was a girl, and I did love her" Naruto said to her. "She was my life, she brought me back from the depths of insanity, and even then I'm fucked up" he said to her.

Anko just stared at him, the moonlight made her naked body look more beautiful than it was, and Naruto did not complain at the sight.

"I, I feel normal Anko" Naruto said to her, sighing. "This, this makes me feel real, closer to reality, and that is why, I want to keep doing this"

"What happened to her?"

"I killed her"

"Why?"

"She betrayed me" he said to her.

Anko stared at him. Someone had betrayed her too, but she never got to kill him, and she knew what that felt like.

"I don't know why I am doing this, but I want you to know, I do not do girlfriend" she said to him.

"Good" Naruto said, smiling.

"Now, I don't particularly like looking at your child like face either, so let's do that turning around thing okay, and I just want you to know, this will always be a fucked up thing to me"

-x-

"Like I'm some common whore" Anko said to him, she was still naked when she walked into the bathroom holding her clothes, Naruto was missing from her bed. Even if she didn't want to be his girlfriend she couldn't deny the fact that she loved fucking him and holding him close.

The reason for his absence was his presence in the bathroom, he was dressing up hastily.

"I am late, Kakashi-senpai won't be happy with this" he said to her, he sounded in a rush.

"So is that a good excuse for leaving me here like I'm a whore?" she asked him with a playful tone in her voice.

"You suck dick like one" he said to her as Anko playfully flung her clothes at him.

"Ah" Naruto said as he held her orange panties in his hand, the rest had fallen to the floor. He took it close to his nose and smelled it. Anko looked at him strangely before smiling.

"I love how messed up you are, you make me feel normal kid"

"Can I keep these?" he asked her. She nodded as he stuffed it in his pocket.

"I wish you could shove me into your pocket" she said to him, she had a lustful look in her eyes.

"Don't tempt me now Anko, I have to go, but when I get back, we'll do this again" he said to her.

"Good, and this time don't show up at five thirty in the morning, and we will go all night"

"Agreed" he said as he vanished in a puff of smoke.

-x-

"Wow Naruto" Kakashi said to him, he looked impressed. "It seems that your casual encounter was really a difficult and taxing one for you" he said to him. Naruto looked at him and nodded.

"So, did the business conclude successfully?"

They were at the gates, Naruto had shown up a minute late, Kakashi was on time, which was expected as this was not an ordinary D-Rank that Genin did, this was different. Sakura and Sasuke were standing there with bags that Naruto knew were full of shinobi tools that they might not even get to use.

"Naruto?" Sakura piped up. When she wasn't shrieking and trying to molest Sasuke, she was actually very tolerable, Naruto hoped she'd grow out of it soon enough and become someone worth working with.

"Yes Sakura?" Naruto asked her.

"You, er, you don't have a bag, or anything" she said to him.

"Don't worry about it" Naruto said to her, trying to flash her a smile, an idiotic smile. Sakura looked at him and smiled back.

"Hey" another voice called out, it wasn't Sasuke, it was the bridge builder they were escorting. Tazuna, or something like that.

"Enough of this sappy bullshit, stop smiling and give me super protection" Tazuna said to Naruto. "You brat"

Naruto looked at him, his eyes were cold and Tazuna flinched at his gaze.

"Please" Naruto said smiling, as creepy as he could be. Now Naruto was creepy, everyone who knew him knew it, but that was unintentional. Naruto being intentionally creepy was some S-Rank torture bullshit not many people could stand.

"Naruto" Kakashi said harshly stepping in front of them, breaking Naruto's line of sight and easing the tension. "Ease up"

"I was just asking him to be respectful sensei" Naruto said to him, smiling, this time it was slightly sheepish.

"We aren't brats" Sasuke said to Tazuna, Naruto found it odd that of all the people with him, it was Sasuke that defended him first.

"He is right" Kakashi said to Tazuna. "You are paying for protection from a great shinobi village Tazuna-san, and my students are not brats, believe me, they are able protectors, so I ask you to give them a chance, is that understood?" Kakashi asked him.

Tazuna grumbled before nodding.

"Good, now let's move out"

-x-

"Senpai" Naruto asked Kakashi, "Do you think I am manipulating innocent women into having sex with me?" he asked him.

They were in the ANBU training camp, about fifty clicks south of Konoha, they had just emerged from a particularly straining spar session.

"Ah, Casual Encounters, has that encounter with Emiko awakened you my student?"

Naruto looked at him, not knowing what to say. "Um..yes?"

"Well, how many times have you done this?" he asked Naruto.

"Just the once"

"Who was the girl"

"The civilian shopkeeper in the Buro village that is five miles away from here"

Kakashi smiled at him, he recognized who that was.

"We need to go up-top for this" Kakashi said as he kneeled down before extending his arm for a high five. Naruto obliged.

"Are you not going to tell me I'm too young?"

"Why, I was your age when I started" Kakashi said to him casually. "Pack up, we are going back to the village"

-x-

"So" Sasuke asked Naruto. They were moving about at a much slower pace than the ops Naruto and Kakashi generally ran for the village. "What is a casual encounter?"

"Sex" Naruto said to Sasuke. Sasuke looked shocked, but assumed he was making a joke.

"Now Sasuke, whatever a casual encounter is, you are still a little kid, someday you'll understand" Kakashi said to him.

"Is it something that I need to know?"

"I've hear your ambition Sasuke. Believe me, you need to know, but not today, okay? Let's just keep on walking"

Naruto felt his eyes head towards a puddle of water.

"Ahem" Naruto said, coughing loudly. However Kakashi knew what that was, an innocent sounding cough to everyone, Naruto pulled if off like a natural, and no one suspected a thing, but it was actually a call, a call to him.

'Genjutsu' Naruto signed. Kakashi looked at the puddle of water, water during a dry season, interesting. Naruto stopped in front of the water puddle as Kakashi stepped closer to Tazuna. Sasuke and Sakura walked ahead, blissfully unaware.

"You know" Naruto said looking at the puddle of water. "I bet you are stupid enough to let me finish the sentence telling you how I caught you before you realize that this might be the time to attack"

The pool of water materialized faster than Naruto anticipated it would, but he was ready anyway. He dodged the chains just in time before unleashing a giant fireball at the now revealed, mask wearing man who had ambushed them. There was one more Naruto spotted from the corners of his eyes, Kakashi and Sasuke were dealing with the other, Sakura just stood there frozen.

"My teammate is in danger" Naruto said to the man who was obviously a ninja. "I must end this" he said to him, before quickly closing in on the attacker before he could react and ran his knife through the throat.

"One"

The other one needed to be alive, Naruto killed this one because his partner would resent him, and that would make for some great torture. However the remaining attacker had seen his partner die and was enraged, moving towards a frozen Sakura.

"God dammint" Naruto said immediately shunshining in front of her and getting his hand out.

"Go to sleep" Naruto said as a shadow clone emerged from behind the second attacker and knocked him out with one punch.

"Na-Naruto" Sakura said, she was about to crying.

"It happens" Naruto said simply.

"Naruto-kun" Kakashi said, "You have been hurt by the blade, and I'm pretty sure it was poisoned"

"Yes" Naruto said, pulling out his knife again and cutting himself at the spot of the wound and draining the poisoned blood out of his blood stream. He knew the damned fox could heal him, but he didn't want Sasuke and Sakura to know it.

"While that was very brave of you Naruto, you have now made a giant mess, you are bleeding and poor Sakura-chan is feeling dizzy"

"Ah" Naruto said smiling. "My apologies" before pulling out the first thing that came out of his pocket. Anko's panties.

He hastily wiped the blood off his hands, cursing as he had wanted to keep them with him but they were now wasted. It took him a minute to do the whole thing properly before he looked up.

Kakashi looked impressed, Sasuke realized Naruto was right about casual encounters and was tomato red. Sakura had an even redder blush on her face.

"What?" he asked them.


"Gato" said the masked man with a giant blade. "You insult me, I said I am going to get the job done, and I will"

"You better do that Zabuza" the short, bespectacled man called Gato said to him before walking out of the room.


Phew, my arms are dead, but hopefully my regular updates are not. Sorry about the sex scene again, tell me how it was though, I wanna practice writing those.

Thanks for reading and all those guys who sent me a PM asking me if I was alive, and yes, I am alive. Stay strong guys and update.

Read and review.

I need a beta, so if anyone cares enough to correct some minor spelling errors, please contact me.