Personal Demons
Chapter Four
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Dean drove on silently, brow furrowed, lost in his own dark thoughts.
Ruby kept quiet, waiting for him to speak first. The question, when it came, was a surprise.
"Do you remember what it was like to be tortured when you were still human?" He asked quietly.
"When I was human... you mean like, dead?"
"Like that shit doesn't even bother you now, does it?" He gave her a sideways glance and plucked at the knee of his pants absently with one hand, the other still on Baby's wheel, guiding her gently.
Ruby's voice was a little unsure. "It's not something you forget."
"In Hell... I mean you weren't a demon to begin with, right?"
"Of course I wasn't. No-one is."
Dean thought back on his experience and snorted. "Hard to imagine some of those freaks as human."
"If you'd been down there a bit longer, you'd be a demon too."
He didn't answer, but his shoulders tightened defensively under the leather jacket.
"You nearly were." She pointed out.
"Not that nearly."
"Really?" Ruby looked incredulous. "You were torturing souls. That's pretty damn close."
Dean didn't respond, green eyes trained on the road.
"But hey you got out. Lucky you."
"Yeah," he said flatly, "lucky."
She raised an eyebrow with a surprised huff of laughter. "That's not lucky?"
"Well. This life ain't so good. But lucky to be out, yeah. I guess."
Ruby glanced at him with irritation. "Some of us had to wait a while longer to get out."
"Yeah." He glanced sideways at her, his expression unreadable. "I know." There was a very long silence and then in an undertone. "My dad never broke, you know."
"I know." This was unexpected, this sudden openness; it wasn't something she'd ever seen from Dean Winchester, closed off, guarded, mistrustful Dean Winchester. "That bothers you. I can see that." She looked directly at him, her dark eyes honest. "Most people break you know."
"Doesn't bother me." He adjusted the grip on the steering wheel. "Proud of him. My dad was a hero."
Ruby kept her thoughts to herself, smiling in a neutral manner.
Dean caught the look. "He was. Wish I were more like him."
"We are what we are." It was said in a matter of fact tone, maybe even a little resigned.
"Yeah." Dean agreed reluctantly.
It was time to focus on the reason she'd come to Dean in the first place. "Sam needs stopping. He's powerful, but he can't take Lilith yet."
Dean nodded tightly. "We'll stop him."
Ruby noticed that he'd just referred to their temporary partnership as 'we'. It was a step in the right direction.
"Sam's stubborn." Dean continued. "I'm the reasonable one." His perfect lips lifted into a cocky smirk and his eyes took on a wistful look. "Once that kid sets his mind to somethin." He shook his head.
Ruby nodded, waiting to see where this was leading.
"If I ask you nicely to back off him, will you?"
"Back off from stopping Sam?" A puzzled frown creased Ruby's brow.
"No." His tone grew firm. "After this is over. Cool the affair."
"I don't think I can do that. Because it's his call." Her voice was determined.
"He's thinking with his dick." Dean paused. "Never thought I'd say that about Sam."
"Only partly." A little honesty never went amiss. "He wants the power to pull evil out." Ruby's tone was persuasive. "I don't know why that's a bad thing to you."
"Only partly." Dean snorted. "Well that partly is getting him in trouble."
"Dean." She sounded exasperated. "He was already in trouble."
"Really? Cause Sam's always been on the straight and narrow."
"When you died, he fell right off any straight and narrow."
His face grew tight, obviously not liking what he was hearing. "Bullshit."
"He wouldn't be here if I hadn't been there to catch him." That at least was true. "It's not bullshit. He fell apart."
"Fell apart? Can't see the kid fallin' apart too easy. If you hadn't been here he'd have gone to Bobby."
"That's not true. He could still have gone. And why wouldn't he fall apart? You did. You went and sold your soul."
Dean shrugged. "I guess maybe I fall apart easier than Sam."
There was genuine surprise in Ruby's question. "You actually thought he'd be okay, didn't you?"
Dean raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. Why wouldn't he?"
She crossed her arms, settling back further against the seat. "Maybe you don't know him that well after all."
"I know he doesn't need my ass gumming up the works."
"Well, you know…" Ruby stretched luxuriously. "…if I thought you had no influence, I wouldn't have come for you."
"I have influence."
She was very calm, relaxed. "I know you don't believe me, but I actually do care what happens to your brother."
"Yeah. Sure you do. You're just one big bleeding heart." He paused, his posture telegraphing his discomfort with the way the conversation seemed to be turning. "How far out are we?"
"A couple more miles." She sounded disappointed. "I bet that sarcasm earned you extra points in Hell. Doesn't hurt to be nice occasionally."
"I'm not dumb you know. I know you have an endgame and Sam is a pawn."
"You don't know everything." Her voice quiet.
Dean shook his head with a rueful twitch of his lip. "Bitch, I gotta hand it to you. You are good."
Ruby turned, staring at his profile. "Why?" Her big brown eyes were luminous, the full lips soft.
He snorted. "That's why."
She shrugged. "If it makes it easier for you, think that."
Dean didn't reply. His jaw stayed tight.
Ruby straightened suddenly, tilting her chin up almost as though she was picking up some scent out of the air. "It's up here I think."
"Thank God." He swung the car into a ramshackle parking lot, replete with cracked blacktop and weeds.
"Don't swear." She frowned at him briefly and looked away. She was equally tense, her whole being alert for Lilith's presence.
Baby rattled to a halt. "Now what?"
"He's here. I can feel him." Ruby sounded positive.
"Okay...so we got a Sammy dog whistle or something?"
Her eyebrow snaked upwards. Sometimes this Winchester was really dumb. "Try calling perhaps?"
Dean gave her a bitch face worthy of his brother and called Sam on his cell.
After a few rings, Sam answered.
Dean lit in to him immediately. "Why aren't you picking up the damn phone?"
"Dean?" Sam sounded surprised, distracted, even a little irritated. "Why are you calling me?"
"Why aren't you answering your phone?"
There was definite irritation in Sam's tone now, a sort of answering response to Dean's anger. "Well obviously I have. We're talking."
"I'm here with Ruby. Get the fuck outta whatever you're doing and get out here. And cut the smart ass responses."
"Here?" Sam was paying more attention now. This was very bad timing.
"Here." Dean replied. "Yes. Right in the parking lot of weeds."
"Why are you here?" A brief pause. "What have you done to Ruby?" The words were sharp with accusation.
Dean's ire lit further at the worry for the demon. "Get out here before I find you and kick your ass!"
"I'm not a small child, Dean!" The tone was so petulant that Dean could almost see the bitch-face.
"Then stop acting like one... I will break your damn nose. And your legs. Get out here."
"No. You need to leave. I'm expecting someone."
Dean looked at Ruby silently, his annoyance written on every feature of his handsome face.
Ruby snatched the cell phone out of his grasp and put it on speaker. "Sam. You don't have enough power yet. You can't take Lilith alone. So get out here!"
Sam was angry; he didn't need this distraction right now. "Ruby?" This was his chance to finish Lilith once and for all, put a moratorium on the seals breaking, put everything right again. He couldn't let it slip. Not now. Not with so much on the line. "No. You need to go!"
"Sam." Dean bit out. "I swear to god."
"I'm gonna finish this, Dean."
Ruby cut in before Dean could reply, adding her plea. "Sam, please."
Dean leaned forward, whispered into her ear. "Where is he? Keep him talking. Gonna find him."
Ruby played her ace. "If Lilith turns up, she'll kill Dean too. And me."
Dean turned and headed toward the abandoned building, using his instincts to hone in on where Sam was likely to be hiding for an ambush. He didn't have to go far.
Sam stalked into view, jaw tight, chest puffed out, his six foot four stature at full power. "What do you want!"
Dean was unimpressed. "Oh so you listen to her and not me. Nice Sam."
Sam was not in the mood for this; his every sense was focused on the forthcoming battle with Lilith. A distraction could be fatal. "Get over it Dean. Jealousy doesn't suit you."
"I'm not jealous, you Sonofabitch!"
Sam glared at them, finality in his tone. "I'm not going anywhere, for either of you."
Dean held his hand palm up. "Look if me and RUBY are agreeing on something, what does that tell you?"
Sam snorted. "That you're both crazy."
"Try again. It means you're crazy and we're trying to save your ass."
Ruby was twitching with nerves, her big eyes wide and frightened. "Sam, we need to go. I can feel Lillith is close."
"Get in the car."
The unlikely alliance suddenly sunk in. Sam laughed. "You and Ruby drove here… that must've been a barrel of laughs!"
"Yeah. It was great." Dean said dismissively. "Come on."
"No." Sam was not going to be budged on this one. He'd waited too long.
Ruby was almost beside herself with anxiety. She sensed extreme measures may become necessary. Perhaps Dean was about to become worth his weight in gold. She tried a last plea. "Sam. You can't do this yet."
Dean took advantage of the distraction to launch at his brother and try to get him in an armlock. Sam brushed him aside easily, the demon blood throbbing in his veins.
Ruby's voice was sharp. "Sam! Stop!" There was no time for a fight. She inserted herself between the brothers.
Dean tried to dive for Sam again, his anger overriding his judgment. Ruby blocked him, staying between him and Sam. She turned to face Dean fully, keeping her back to Sam so he that couldn't see her face. They were out of time. Lilith was almost upon them. They had to get out of there, right now.
Ruby caught his eye. "Dean!" She allowed her demon face to appear through the mask of humanity. If she could break Dean, if he showed vulnerability, she was as certain as the tide that Sam would crack and choose to save his brother over a battle with Lilith.
Dean took a step back, eyes shot wide at the glimpse into Ruby's true form.
She stepped forwards, crowding him a little, careful to keep her back to Sam.
Dean backed off another step and pushed at her. "Get outta my face Ruby!"
Ruby spoke, her words urgent. "Dean! We need to get Sam out of here!"
She leaned in close to his cheek, her breath sulfur and doom, hissing words at him quietly, mimicking Alistair's voice as accurately as she could.
Sam watched them, a little puzzled at his brother's retreat.
Dean lashed out at her closeness, pushing her again. "Get offa me!" His heart was suddenly hammering so quickly, his pulse was visible in his throat.
"Dean, it's okay." A sweet and reassuring voice came from the demon for the benefit of Sam's ears. Her eyes flashed black at Dean. Ruby's next words were for Dean's ears only. "He's here… going to melt your legs again."
Dean backed off further, almost tripping over his own feet. His boot tread scraping the pavement. His hand was trembling visibly as he held it up in front of his face.
"What's wrong Dean?" Impatience and the beginnings of concern warred on Sam's face. "It's just Ruby!"
Dean turned away, slammed his eyes shut and grabbed his head in pain.
Ruby's whisper was in his ears. "It's not really Sam. He's come to gut you again."
"Shut up!" The hunter snapped furiously.
"Can you feel that rack? Digging in…" She encroached on his space again, her voice too quiet for Sam's ears.
Dean shoved her away yet again. "Get offa me!"
"Those flames..." Ruby's whisper stroked the air between them.
A little whimper escaped the back of his throat.
Lilith was there, Ruby could feel her. In desperation she pushed her demon face at Dean again, hoping it would send him over the edge.
Sam was torn. He was sure Lilith was very close, but his brother seemed to be having some sort of episode; even Ruby was trying to help him.
Dean's breath accelerated into a weakly panting litany of "No. . please."
Ruby threw a comment to Sam over her shoulder. "I shouldn't have brought him here." She turned back to Dean. "Dean, let me help, what's wrong?"
Dean blundered toward the car, trying to escape the onslaught of memories and Alastair's voice whispering to him.
Ruby followed him, gripping at his arms. "Dean!" She looked back over her shoulder again. "Sam, what's wrong with him?"
Concern for his brother won over. Sam moved forwards, fighting against the urge to go back into the building. The fight with Lilith would have to wait.
Dean smacked into the hood, his hands slamming against the metal and went down as his legs started to buckle. He tried to shake Ruby's grip off himself, suddenly terrified. Suddenly somewhere else entirely. "No!" He spat tearfully, calling for who he'd always called for in hell. "Sam! Sammy!"
Ruby got in a last shot, hissing quietly. "It's fake Sam. Be careful. He's going to rip you up again and again."
Dean didn't look at her, changed his cries to "Dad! Daddy!"
So low it was barely a breath. "Daddy doesn't want you. You failed him."
Dean lay on the ground gulping for air like a landed fish. Cuddled in on himself.
Sam slammed to his knees alongside his brother, all thoughts of Lilith driven from his head. "Jesus, Dean! What's wrong?"
Dean pushed his brother back violently. "Don't hurt me!"
Ruby yanked open the Impala's door. "We have to get him away."
Sam nodded tightly, took a firm grip on his brother's arms and hauled him up onto his feet. Dean instinctively fought the intervention. "NO!" His deep voice was panicked. He made himself dead weight, legs unable to support his own bulk.
"What is wrong with you." Sam gave him a little shake for emphasis. "It's me."
"Sammy." Tears streamed down Dean's flushed cheeks, ran into the collar of his shirt.
"It's Sammy." Sam soothed.
"No. No." Dean whispered, not meeting his eyes.
Sam shook him roughly. "Come on, man."
Ruby fired up the engine. "Come on! Get in, you two!"
Dean tightened at the shake, his agitation increasing.
Sam shook him again. "Dean!" He turned to Ruby, upset, confused. "Was he like this before? What's the matter with him?"
Dean struggled against his little brother's grip, eyes unseeing.
Ruby craned her neck to look back at them. "A bit worse actually. I should have turned back."
Dean, still caught in the grips of his waking nightmare, tried to wrench away again. Sam grabbed his jaw firmly and met Dean's eyes. "Hey." He barked. "Calm down."
"No!" Dean began to struggle in earnest. Strong enough that Sam almost had to hurt him to restrain him.
"Sam! She's here!" Ruby yelled in panic.
Sam released Dean and turned to look; his brother buckled, unable to keep his feet.
"Dammit, Dean!" Sam reached out and caught him before he landed on his ass on the black top and shoved him into the car. He landed hard on his side with a whimper and curled in on himself. Sam slid in next to him, he'd barely shut the door before Ruby gunned the engine and peeled out.
Ruby's face showed her relief as she glanced in the rearview at them. "He still freaking out?"
Dean's panting had turned into hyperventilating.
Sam's adrenaline had nowhere to go. "Dean!" he shouted firmly. "Stop."
"Let me out!" Dean responded, trying to crawl over his brother and wrench open the door. He ended up partially across Sam's lap. "Let me go!"
"What the hell are you doing?" Sam shoved him back and pinned his arms at his sides. "Stop! Get a hold of yourself and stop!"
Dean's face crumpled into misery and Sam felt a swell of pity.
"Shit." He wrapped his arms around him, feeling Dean's tremors run under his arms. Sam rocked him a little, his brother's hitched sob against his shoulder.
"S'mmy." Dean's voice was ragged. "Sammy."
Ruby glanced back again. "He doesn't think it's you." Her voice was sad.
Sam raised an eyebrow in surprise and turned his attention to his brother. "Hey buddy. It's me. You're okay."
Dean chanted a litany of "no,no,no" trying to break free of Sam's embrace and escape his brother's lap.
Sam didn't let him, hugging him close, pulling him to his chest like his father did when they were young. "Shhhh."
"Don't let him do it, Sammy." Dean's hand fisted in his brother's jacket. "Help. Someone help!"
"Dean!" Sam exclaimed. "It's ME. You gotta snap out of it, man. It's me."
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tbc
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