Disclaimer: No, not at all, never ever

AN: Yes, yes, update. You all rightfully deserve this for waiting so long. I've been busying myself with another story….one which no one aside from myself reads. Selfish, eh? And then I finally got to see Atonement, which I had been anticipating for weeks.

Enough of my rambling…

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

I am the son and the heir of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth, how dare you say I go about things the wrong way

I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does

Previously…

"Tell me Granger," he leaned in even farther. His face was only inches from mine and I could feel his breath on my face. My heart beat rapidly. Apprehension twisted about my gut. "If I were to tell you that I were the worst possible being, the most dangerous one here at Hogwart's," he paused, "…to be around right now-" He paused again, this time for a longer moment and I could tell he was studying my expression. "-would you stay away?"

I was terrified that I already knew the answer; the answer to a question I never thought, not in my wildest dreams, would be asked of me.

..Continued….

I stared at him; simply stared, openly gawked. Bile rose in my throat. I was distinctly aware of how hot my face felt. His stare was piercing and much more pronounced than mine was; of that I was sure. I tried to swallow, but it did no good.

"I-" And then I paused, breathed, and began again. "How- y-you shouldn't even be-" I watched a smile pull at his lips and glowered. "How dare you ask me that as if I'm the one that won't stay away?!" My voice was louder than necessary and I was thankful to see with a glance around the room that all but half a dozen people had left. "You are the one that has practically been following me around!"

His stare turned into a scowl. "Granger," he bit out. "Calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Him telling me to calm down! Ha. Like I was in the wrong. No, no. He was the one gallivanting about the school and just happening to run into me around every corner; he was the conniving little ferret that seduced people in libraries!

"At least lower your voice." His voice was low and sharp but I couldn't appreciate the threatening quality of it.

"Malfoy, you are utterly ridiculous!" And in one swift motion, he was hurrying around the table to where I sat and watching something behind me as he did so. I craned my neck and saw a first year Gryffindor boy looking at us with wide eyes. Then I felt a tug at my wrist and turned back around to see Malfoy forcibly pulling me from my seat. "What are you doing?" I asked, hearing the dramatically lower volume.

He tugged at me and before he yanked my hand clean off of the rest of my arm, I got up to stand before him. Malfoy still didn't let go of me though. I wasn't sure if it was to restrain me from causing him physical harm or if he thought I was going to run away. Either way, caught in his grasp, both would have been ineffectual attempts. My feet were moving against my will and I was only vaguely aware of being dragged between the bookshelves.

"Did you see the look on that bloody kid's face? He must think you've gone mad!" He said this as he pulled me along with him, glancing around every bookcase as he did so. His watchful eyes seemed to imply that he was checking for people that may be in close range…or rather, close enough range to hear or see us.

"I probably have!" The noise I made as I said it sounded something like a growl. "Anyone that's seen us sitting at a table together talking must think one of us has lost our minds!" It was true. What did those people think? I wasn't even sure if I would have chosen to know if I could have. As my words reached his ears, he turned around and finally stood motionless. He was silent as he stood there, staring at me. There seemed to be a lot of staring going on between us. I hadn't decided yet if it was because of lack of words or if those words we did have simply should not be spoken aloud.

It was dark in the aisle where we stood. A slanting shadow was at the end, roughly ten feet away I guessed. His usually ghost-like face looked paler than ever.

"We are mere acquaintances," I said as I looked up at him from under my eyelashes, "Stop making such an effort." I knew that acquaintances wasn't the right word- we'd known each other for years, spent countless forced hours together-enough time to despise one another. We were not, under any circumstances, to be considered any type of friend. But we were not strangers. What were we? Acquaintances seemed like the closest thing to defining our relationship…aside from enemies, of course.

"You never answered my question." I swallowed but continued to stare right up at his face. I tilted my chin up defiantly and wobbled unsteadily on my own feet.

"No!" I answered loudly, shocked at the sudden intensity of my own voice. Just as I went to jerk my wrist out of his hold he yelled "Dammit!" and let go, thrusting my arm back at me. I stumbled backwards and caught myself. I watched as he turned himself around in a circle, gripping at his hair tightly.

I was hesitant with anything involving Malfoy but still; I wouldn't stay away if he suddenly stopped initiating everything. It was all too involved now. Was it appalling though that I'd given this so much thought, and that I was so reluctant with every step I took? Some people might think I was brave for taking any steps at all- all of this could be classified as The Unknown. Others might think my uncertainty and deliberation was cowardly; who knew, maybe it was. But were those the crazy, reckless people that didn't think before acting, or rather; were those the valiant characters that stood out from others, but not with the intention of doing so?

I didn't have time to be amused at my own contemplation though. Now he was a few feet away, seeming to keep his distance. He wouldn't look at me though, and I wondered why he couldn't seem to meet my eye.

"For supposedly being the brightest witch of your age, you're being bloody stupid." He sighed nervously in between certain words as if he were extremely uneasy about the entire ordeal.

I couldn't bring myself to be upset about the insult. I could tell it was only half-hearted anyway- he meant something different.

"Do you want me to stay away from you then?" I asked bitterly.

"I want things to be different!" He spun around suddenly facing me now. He was smiling slightly despite the words we exchanged. I felt as though something was about to happen- it was that familiar feeling when you sense that your life is staged and everyone has a script. You can just tell when something of significance is about to happen.

"What are you talking about?" I demanded for the millionth time. I wouldn't get a coherent answer, but I didn't know what else to say.

"Granger, what do you want?" he asked me in a desperate tone. I didn't understand why he would be asking such a question. He was never one to care about what others wanted. Selfish-that's what he was, or at least what he was supposed to be. He bent his knees a bit, as if to plea with me. "What do you want?" he repeated, this time much more angrily. I didn't like the desperation or anxiety in his tone. He seemed like he was mad at me, but I didn't understand why.

"I want you to touch me!" I shouted at him.

This would have been the moment for him to rush forward and kiss me. But no; he was going to torture me with his slow, small steps forward. Instinctively I backed away from him and watched his parted lips until my back hit the bookcase behind me. I gasped and gripped at it with both of my hands. All acts of anticipation. If any part of me at all were frightened of him, it only added to the thrill.

He was just inches away from me now, but still not touching me in any way. Then he reached out a hand and brought it to my face. I closed my eyes and gave in solely to my sense of touch. He caressed from my temple down to my chin.

I knew that this thing, whatever it was to be called, couldn't keep going on like it had. It couldn't stand like a needle on point- it was to go either one way or another. To be demolished, crushed completely…or, so to say, we could dive into it. In or out. Which was I? I was definitely in. If I wasn't aware of my own willingness before, then permitting him to sit down at a table with me and talk was my subconscious speaking for me.

And then I felt his fingers close around my straightened arm, at the elbow and his thumb pressed against the inside. I yelped, twisted my arm out of his grasp just as he instinctively let go; I pulled my arm to my chest protectively. I opened my eyes to see him looking at me with a baffled expression. He'd let me go but hadn't moved from where he stood.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Since when doesn't it matter to you if something is wrong with me?" I knew it was harsh but I didn't care. Anything to redirect his train of thought…

I noticed his jaw tighten but he didn't glare at me with hatred like I expected. "I care when you tell me you want me to touch you and then you don't let me." He put emphasis on certain words and I grimaced visibly at the phrasing.

"It's nothing, really." It sounded weak, even to me. I knew he wouldn't let it go that easily. He stared at me with an intense look in his eyes. My confidence dwindled only further. I sighed before I spoke again. "I-I just don't like people touching me there."

"Why?" he asked simply.

"I don't know," I lied. "Just…it's nothing." I was staring at his chest now, not wanting to meet his gaze. I had to admit it was intimidating.

"Tell me." It wasn't even a demanding or unkind tone. Still, I knew how quickly he could change tones. There was a long pause where I contemplated whether or not to speak. Fleeing was not an option; he wouldn't have let me escape with a shred of dignity if I tried.

"When I was seven," I started, already not liking revealing a secret about myself to him. "I was in a pageant and afterwards my parents had scheduled-"

"What's that?" This time I looked up to see him looking genuinely confused. He was very tall I realized as if for the first time. It's an obvious observation but I'd never really taken it into account, I suppose. I wished we weren't still standing where we were but I didn't dare ask to move or go somewhere else.

"A pageant?" I asked. Seeing him briefly nod, I continued. "It's a muggle thing where girls get dressed up in frilly white dresses and compete."

"For what?"

"A crown," I answered. As if with an epiphany, I realized how idiotic the entire thing really was…or must sound, at least, to him.

"Why?" he asked. My suspicions were confirmed; he thought it was frivolous and couldn't grasp the idea either.

I furrowed my brow and replied with, "I don't really know."

"Continue," he said curtly.

"I had an appointment to get blood drawn right after the pageant, just standard stuff. I wasn't sick or anything. So we drove there immediately after it ended and I was sitting there, clad in a white dress and fancy shoes when the woman dropped the second vile of blood…" I recalled the incident with a frown and then added, "…all over me. Red splattered all over." It really had been awful. The smell of it too.

"So that's why you don't like anyone touching the inside of your elbow?" Malfoy asked me. He still sounded a bit perplexed. It was harder to explain than I thought, I guess.

"Yes," I said. "I just associate that with…that. It was terrible. I almost had a panic attack." The conversation seemed to flow too easily for me to even regret admitting it to him. He'd surely use it against me in the future, embarrass me. It was a weakness of mine, and now he knew it. Trying to focus on something else, I realized how quiet it really was in the library. It must be getting late. That was both a good and bad thing- people were leaving. Less people to happen upon us…but then again, less people as witnesses or to use as an excuse to have to go.

Then I felt something hot against my face and realized that it was Malfoy leaning in close to me, his breath coming slowly. His eyes glimmered in the dark.

"Come here," he said softly and took hold of my hand. I was thoroughly surprised when he pulled me a few feet away from the bookcase I'd had my back up against. We were still in the shadows though, remaining undetected.

I stared at him with a look of confusion as he smiled slightly standing in front of me. He had both of my hands in his as he slowly brought my arms up into the air, the way a person does to act like a bird or an airplane…like they were flying. My arms made two perfect right angles and he still had not let go of my hands. I feared that my own hands would get sweaty but for the time being, they were perfectly dry.

"Close your eyes," he told me. What the hell was he doing anyway?

"Are you insane?" I asked him with a laugh. I stared at him incredulously.

"No," he replied simply. "Now close your eyes."

I wrinkled my nose at him. "Do you think I'm insane?" There was no chance that I would stand like that- not having a clue why- and then close my eyes…with the knowledge that Draco Malfoy stood before me. Yeah, who'd have the upper hand then?

"Granger," he addressed me casually. It was nice to hear him not sound so mysterious. "What do you think I'm going to do? Honestly?"

I gulped. "Hex me," I told him plainly.

"I'm not going to hex you." His words still did not reassure me however.

"Or curse me?" I asked. Under normal circumstances, him telling me anything would not restore any confidence in his intentions. However, these were not normal circumstances. No, not at all.

"Or curse you, dammit!" He sounded more frustrated than angry though. For that, I was grateful.

So maybe there was a chance that I'd do something stupid like that. I closed my eyes out of choice rather than defeat. Panic fought to overcome me. I couldn't see him, couldn't hear him and I had no idea what he was up to. Merlin, he was right. I was stupid.

He let go of my hands. At once I felt my arms as if they were dead weight. And then his hands were on my waist from behind and his lips were on my ear. My breath hitched and I shivered involuntarily. I tried to remember to breathe. His hands left my hips and found my hands again, this time pulling them above my head. I was surprised that his movements were so smooth.

"Do you trust me?" he whispered against my neck.

"Should I?" I asked nervously. I couldn't see how either a yes or no answer would get me anywhere. Yes and he'd get mad and tell me I was stupid again; which was true, but still- who wanted to be called stupid? Plus, he probably wouldn't continue on. No and he wouldn't do whatever he was going to do. Curiosity was still dominant over my fear, proving the very fact that I was being an idiot. And I couldn't even go with the whole 'just answer truthfully' thing because I had no idea what I believed myself.

"Do you?" he asked again.

I blurted out the first word that would form. "No." His breathing seemed to stop, if only for a moment.

"Are you lying?" This boy was just full of questions.

"Maybe," I answered. He chuckled against my hair and began moving my arms back to their previous position.

"I know that I'm contradicting everything I've said before," he spoke slowly, not in a hurry at all. "But would you be willing to trust me just right now?" I could barely hold myself up. Who was I kidding? In my current state, I'd probably walk to Hell and back for him.

"I think I could do that," I told him, my voice as unsteady as my limbs.

"You'll really commit to it?" I didn't know what he was getting at but my thinking process was not working all that well. I might as well have been immobilized for Merlin's sake.

"Yes."

"Don't be scared." I could hardly believe he said that. He'd implied that he was dangerous, which I apparently did need reminding of, and constantly told me to be cautious...well, not in so many words, but still.

Then I realized what he was doing. His fingertips were grazing my skin from my wrists and up, up, up. My breathing was shallow. "Ssshh," he whispered to me as he caressed the flesh that I would never let anyone touch. He distracted me –efficiently so- by kissing my neck. After a minute or so his hands left me; his front remained pushed up against my back.

"You are completely defenseless," his voice drifted softly. "I could kill you right now if I wanted to…"

"Malfoy," I warned and protested at the same time.

"I'm not a sadist, Granger," he told me.

Then his fingers were running up and down my sides, then over my ribs. I felt the strain of my heavy arms and was suddenly dizzy. I was incapable of thinking; at least about anything other than the weight of my own limbs. As if knowing my thoughts, his left hand took mine and pulled it against my middle. I sighed in relief and frowned when he stepped away from me. I could feel it; the absence of another body near me. Where was he? He was going to leave me here, all alone with my eyes closed thinking that he was going to come back when he really wasn't. I was going to be humiliated. Completely embarrassed.

All my thoughts of humiliation and doubts of him still being there left me as I felt him holding my right arm. His lips kissed my skin and I savored the feeling. Soon, too soon for my liking, he'd let my arm go and was behind me again. He stretched my arms out again like I was a bird and held my hands. I fought back a groan; I was trying desperately not to just let my arms fall to my sides.

"It's okay," he said as he moved his hands to rest underneath my forearms. Apparently he knew how much effort I was putting into it. "You don't have to carry all your weight." The way he said it made it sound like he was speaking both literally and metaphorically as well. I didn't have time to dwell on it- his lips were on my neck again.

"So," he began, "being exposed in multiple ways as you are now, and having the illusion of some sort of trust in me…" I didn't correct him; not sure if it would be a false correction and/or would upset him. "What is it you want right now?"

My answer was so soft I wasn't sure if he would be able to hear me. "Touch me." I could barely believe I wasn't bothering to resist anymore. But why go half way with something, right? Bad idea…very bad idea. Stupid idea, honestly.

He had heard me though. I was thankful I didn't have to repeat myself. "I am touching you." He just had to be so technical about it.

"Kiss me," I said, unwilling to go into the specifics of other matters.

"I am kissing you," he reminded me yet again. There was a lump in my throat now. Due to lack of response, I was silent. I had gotten past the initiative shock that of all people, Draco Malfoy would be the one kissing my neck. He continued working on my neck and holding up my arms for me.

"Granger," he said after a moment. I squeezed my eyes shut more tightly.

"I don't think I want to do this anymore," I told him tensely. I was too stubborn. But I was in, right? Wasn't I in this?

Swiftly, he brought my arms down to my sides and turned me around a bit. I felt his hand on my face and then his lips on my own. Forgetting my uncertainty, I kissed him back and eagerly let him part my lips. It wasn't hard and it wasn't soft- it was somewhere in between. Maybe it was defining.

"Library's closing! If anyone's still in here, you better pack up and go!" a voice bellowed. I pulled away from Malfoy and he let me, but wouldn't allow me to get out of his hold.

"We have to go," I whispered quietly to him.

He didn't acknowledge that he had heard me at all. "Meet me tomorrow after dinner."

"Where?" I asked.

"Here," he replied. Though his body was still, I could tell he was nervous about Madam Pince finding us by the way his eyes moved around frantically in their sockets. But he was waiting for some reply from me.

"Okay," I answered softly.

"Okay?" he asked.

"Okay!" I said again. Then we went separate ways and left the library. I could feel this becoming part of a routine.

AN: Do they have pageants? Hm. Anyway, tell me what you think. Oh and did I mention my thanks to all of you lovely people? Well really, thank you.