I'm pretty sure you all hate me for that lovely ending to that last chapter. I am not sorry, and you will soon see why ;)
I literally cannot apologize enough for this painfully long wait. I haven't been on fanfiction for a while because… there has been some stuff going on irl that has delayed me. Sorry
Of course, I own nothing but my OC and ideas.
Merideth stared blankly at the chart she had been given for her newest patient, a soldier come down with pneumonia. There was little she could do at this point, as he had let it go on for too long without saying anything or seeking help.
She felt helpless. Torn. Broken.
She had just found out James had been killed the previous evening. It was a wonder she was upright and walking at all. But this was the army, after all. You didn't get breaks.
Not for a dead soldier.
She heard footsteps and turned to find Jamie walking up to her. He bowed. "Merideth, there's something I need to show you."
Curious, she followed him into the tent. James' tent. Her heart fluttered thinking about all the places that he had been and touched. This had been his home.
Jamie led her to the desk, where a leather-bound journal sat. He picked it up and offered it to her stiffly, trying to hide any emotion. "This is - was – his sketchbook. He, um, he would have wanted you to have it." The Major sounded choked up. She thanked him and asked to be alone.
Merideth sank to the nearest chair –James' chair—and carefully lifted the cover. She gasped. It was full of drawings of Joey. They were stunning. She had never seen any of his artwork before.
She could barely hold herself together while flipping through the little bundle of pages. There were letters as well, notes on Joey's health. They were all addressed to someone named "Albert." As she kept reading, Merideth realized that he must have been Joey's original owner. In one of the letters James mentioned a promise he had made, of one day returning Joey to him. Her breath caught in Merideth's throat. James would never be able to fulfill his promise.
But maybe she could.
At that moment she knew that the right thing would be to get James' notebook to the Albert. She had been having a rough time lately, and could probably get a special leave to go deliver it. She had been getting close to having a few weeks off, anyway. She took a deep breath. Well, let's get to it, then.
Merideth took a moment to enjoy the smell of the English countryside. It reminded her of her own home. She had asked around and was told that she could find Albert at a little farm a few miles from town. Now she was approaching that gate of said farm, and apprehension invaded her thoughts.
What was she going to say to him? What if he asked about James? Could she bear to recount those precious memories to a stranger? What if he got emotional? Yes, she dealt with people in physical pain on a daily basis, but grief and sadness were usually pushed to the side in a warzone. She knew as well as any.
She had to take a steadying, calming breath before crossing into the yard to find her target. She found him and his parents working in one of the lower back fields. As she approached, they all looked up and stared at her questioningly.
Right, they're waiting for me to say something. I am the intruder, after all. The harbinger of bad news.
She turned to the boy. "You're Albert, correct? I have something for you."
He looked so eager that she hated having to dash his hopes. He saw her grave expression and she could see his instant fear. "Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Merideth. I'm a nurse in the army. With Captain Nicholls," she said choppily.
Realization dawned on his face. "Is this about Joey? Is he alright? Did something happen to Captain Nicholls?"
She sighed. Might as well not have to draw this out. "I'm sorry, Albert. They were both killed in an ambushed attack."
Albert visibly tried to hold himself together in the presence of this strange nurse, but seeing it broke Merideth's heart. He took a shaky breath and looked back at her. "Were there any survivors?"
She shook her head. "Only one that I know of, and he was at the back of the formation. Ja—Captain Nicholls would have been at the front. "
"Oh."
"However, Albert, there is another reason why I came here; to give you this." She held out the notebook. "Captain Nicholls would have wanted you to have this."
He took it gently, as if he was afraid it would break. Albert lifted the cover and gasped. "It—it's Joey!" he stammered.
She nodded sadly. "There are letters in there too, addressed to you."
His look of a happy sorrow was almost more than Merideth could handle.
He glanced up. "Thank you," he breathed. He continued flipping though everything. She saw him take out a letter and a drawing and put it behind the notebook in his hand, as if he were making sure he would not forget to look at them later. She didn't see what they were.
She smiled through the tears she was fighting back. "You're very welcome." She turned to walk away.
Albert practically ran after her. "Did- did you know Captain Nicholls? Did you ever see Joey?"
She turned back to the boy. "Yes, I did. I knew the Captain better than most. And your Joey was very strong and handsome. James was proud of him."
"James?"
She remembered her mistake. "Captain Nicholls."
"Ah."
She smiled sadly again. This was harder than she thought it would have been.
"Well, I guess that's good," he said. "I know Joey would have done his best."
She could only nod in response.
"Well, I guess you're going to have to go back sooner or later," he said. He tried to hand the notebook back to Merideth.
"No, Albert. That notebook is yours now. Everything in it is addressed to you."
"But… then what about these? He pulled out the two items he had placed in the back earlier and held them out to her.
She took them hesitantly. The first one was a letter, addressed to her. She couldn't even handle the thought of reading it right now, with Albert watching her so closely. She put it behind the other sheet.
She almost dropped the picture when she saw it. It was her. James had drawn a picture of her, sitting alone and staring off into the distance, a sad -yet peaceful- expression on her face. She had never been aware he had been watching her when he drew this. She flipped it over and saw the note. He left a date and caption, also addressed to her: "Merideth, when you thought no one was looking, I was. I will always be watching over you."
That was all she could take before a sob escaped her throat. Albert rushed to her. "Ma'am? Merideth? Are you okay?"
She nodded, fighting to get herself composed. She couldn't do this, not right now. Right now she was supposed to be the strong one, damn it. "I'll be fine."
"You and Captain Nicholls, you were together, weren't you?"
Well, she guessed she had made that obvious by her reaction. "Yes. You're a bright lad, Albert. Thank you for giving me these."
He shrugged. "I figured they belonged to you," he said. "It seems Captain Nicholls did, anyway," he added with a grin.
She grinned back. "I guess you're right." She glanced at her watch. It was time to go. She said her goodbyes to Albert, who thanked her profusely.
Then she left, wiping away the wet tear tracks from her face.
When Merideth was back on the train, she permitted herself to open the letter. She tried to keep her hands from shaking.
"My dearest Merideth, if you are reading this then I am sure that the attack did not go well, as we had feared. No doubt you believe me to be dead, and Jamie gave you my notebook as I requested.
This is not a goodbye letter, as there is always hope that we will see each other again. This is simply me stating my feelings for you. I love you, and each day I long for the sight of you. When we are together I am able to temporarily forget the sorrows of war. I am able to feel safe. Perhaps there might even be –or have been- a possibility for a life for us, once this hell is over. War is never pretty, but you have taught me to never give up on hope.
With all my love, James"
Merideth sat frozen in her seat, tears now spotting the letter. She had long since abandoned the attempt to stay calm. She finally allowed herself to break down, letting out the sobs which she had held in for so long. It was hard to let her composure slip, something that she had worked for years to build and maintain.
When she could cry no more, she reread the letter. Never give up on hope, he had said. How could she ever have any more hope?
But James had wanted her to. She could do it for him.
When she returned to camp, she expected the same gloomy scene as before. She looked around for someone to give her an update on anything that she had missed. Almost everyone was gone.
"Hello?" she called. She approached the nurses tent, looking for anyone she knew.
One of the nurses rushed out to greet her. She looked hurried, frantic. When she saw Merideth, her expression lit up. "Merideth!" she shouted.
The girl came up and grasped Merideth's forearms, practically jumping with excitement. Merideth didn't understand. Since when was a war camp happy?
"What? What happened?" Merideth asked, puzzled.
"You'll never believe it! They found him! And others!"
"What?!" No, it can't be… it's not possible…
The nurse took a deep breath and stared into her eyes. "Merideth, James is alive."
She pushed past and nurse and ran.
I'm coming, James.
