The Go Within

Chapter 4


.:go-go-go:.

"Tadaima!" Hikaru called out as he took off his shoes and placed them by the wall. He walked into the living room, suddenly feeling hungry as he smelt the appetizing aroma coming from the kitchen.

"Hikaru, you're back," his mother greeted as she poked her head from the kitchen. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes."

"Okay, I'll just be in my room, mom," he replied as he walked up the stairs to his room.

Feeling the tiredness enveloping him, Hikaru closed the door to his room and leaned against it as he dropped his bag on the floor. It had been a month. A month since he had transferred from Kyoten to Tokyo to live with his parents… his real family. A month since he enrolled to a new school and started a new life. More than a month since Sai died.

He sighed and closed his eyes as he reminisced his times again with Sai and Jichan. He should have been over that loneliness caused by Sai's death. But losing his friend and father-image who had taken care of him for a long time was still difficult to accept. His parents tried to reach out to him, but he still couldn't forget the abandonment he felt when they left him to his grandfather. He had forgiven them already but the love he felt for his second parents, namely his Jichan and Sai, was far greater than what he felt to his real parents. Besides, his father was rarely home due to his work, and his mom was often occupied in taking care of his younger brother. He knew they loved him, he was their first born for pete's sake but they weren't giving him full attention unlike Sai and Jichan. But he knew he had to move on, surely Jichan and Sai would have lectured it on his face. That was why he made new friends and tried to enjoy himself in school and in his new surroundings. But now alone in his room made him remember again all those happy memories he had with his grandfather and Sai. He glanced around the room. It was much smaller compared to his room at Sai's place but many of his things were already brought here.

His eyes caught hold of the picture frames by his desk. He walked towards it and smiled as he took one of the frames and examined it. There on the picture were him, Sai, and Jichan. It was his 8th birthday and it was a simple but happy celebration for the three of them. He was hugging Sai at the back while hanging on his wheelchair. The mischievous grin brightened his face as he made a 'V' sign against the camera, while Sai and Jichan had worn party hats and were laughing at his antics. Two other frames showed him each with Sai and Jichan as they smiled contently against the camera. The last frame showed a recent picture of him and his real family – his parents and his younger brother. That last picture brought him back to reality that Sai and Jichan were no longer with him and that he was facing a new life in a different environment and with different people.

He sat on the floor and leaned against his bed while still staring at the picture when suddenly, the door creaked open and a small head popped from it.

"O-onii-chan…"

Hikaru set the picture aside as he turned and smiled at his 6 year old little brother. Despite everything that happened, he was still happy that he came home because he finally got to know his cute little brother. "Come here, Sai," he called. Sasuke happily ran and threw himself at him causing him to fall on his back against the floor.

"Where's my chocolate?" Sasuke asked, pouting, as he sat on Hikaru's stomach.

Hikaru grinned as he reached inside his pocket and retrieved a chocolate bar. "Don't tell mom, okay?" he said as he handed him a chocolate bar. "And eat it only after dinner."

He ruffled the boy's dark blue hair and got up. Sasuke was quietly observing while he unpacked his things and changed his clothes. When he turned, he noticed the little boy was looking at the direction of the go board that he got from Sai. He didn't know why, but a felt a surge of happiness at the thought that his little brother might have interest in go. He remembered that he was almost at the same age when Sai had taught him how to play go. Since he had arrived in Tokyo, he missed the nightly games he played with Sai. But then no one in his family knows how to play go, nor his friends. Well, his classmate Touya Akira knows go, but he was in a far advanced level that he wouldn't give any attention to a lowly amateur like him. Besides, Touya was such as stiff board that sometimes he couldn't help wonder if Touya hated him.

Glancing back to Sasuke, he went towards him and pinched his little nose. "Hey Sai, want to play go? I can teach you," he told the little boy, pointing at the go board.

But little boy pouted at him and pointed at the play station beside the go board.

"Do you have a new game?" he asked.

Hikaru sighed. 'I guess he isn't really interested in go…'

.:go-go-go:.


Since he missed some of the school days due to his matches, Akira would often borrow the class president's notes pertaining to the lessons he had missed. He could borrow his seatmate's notes but Shindo was the worse when it comes to taking down notes. The one time he was forced to borrow his notebook, he had looked aghast at the scribbles and drawings in it instead of notes. He even saw some caricatures of his classmates. He would have been amused by it if he hadn't seen himself in the drawings with an exaggerated girly face. He had glared at the mischievous boy but he just looked at him with an innocent expression. How he loved to strangle his neck at that time.

There was still a few minutes left before homeroom starts and the class was noisy with his classmates chatting and gossiping among each other.

"I felt I could die laughing when Shindo sang that song. Damn, that was hilarious," one of their classmates said while laughing.

"Yeah. But I can't believe that chick thought he was cute!" Taki said in exasperation. "Man, why does he always have the luck?"

"Speaking of the devil, where is he?" Hoshino asked, glancing around the room. "He's going to be late."

"He'll arrive in a minute," Akari said, shrugging her shoulders. "As if you don't know his tendency to arrive just in time for the bell."

As if on cue, the door slammed open, and the bleached haired boy went inside panting. "Great, I'm not late," he gasped for breathe.

"Yo Shindo!" his friends called him and he joined their conversation, laughing at some jokes, and retelling at some events that happened during the past week.

When the teacher arrived, they all went back to their seats, and Akira stiffened as Shindo took his seat at his right. He continued to focus his attention on the notes he was reading, but inside he was wishing that his seatmate would leave him alone for today.

"Hiya Touya, long time, no see," Shindo greeted him, with that usual smirk on his face.

He just nodded in reply but refused to give his attention on him. 'Please, please leave me alone!' Suddenly, he jerked when he felt something land on his lap.

"You should try reading that stuff. It's much better than the one you're holding."

He turned a confused look at Shindo who was grinning widely. Dread filled him as he took a peek at what seemed like a magazine on his lap. His eyes widened as he felt his whole face burning red. He quickly hid the magazine inside his bag, afraid that the teacher might suddenly glance his way and catch him with it. One way or another, he had to return it to its perverted owner who was currently trying to control his laughter.'Damn you Shindo!'

.:go-go-go:.


"Class, you're going to have a project for this semester."

Groans and protests were heard all over the room. It was the last class before club period, and the students were anticipating the near end of the classes. But Hino-sensei ignored them, already expecting that kind of reaction from all of his classes. "Okay class, settle down," he clapped his hands to get their attention. "We're going to have it by pairs. So everyone, please face your seatmate and say hello to your partner."

Akira bit the insides of his cheek as he forced himself to turn towards his partner. Shindo, on the other hand, had a huge smile beaming on his face as he extended his hand towards him.

"Hiya partner," he greeted cheerfully.

The gods must have hated him. For all the skill and talent he was blessed with in go, he got a cursed luck when it comes to making friends with people his own age. Akira accepted the hand but inside he was cursing. 'Damn! Damn! Why does it have to be Shindo?'

Hino-sensei explained the details of the project for their Asian studies class, assigning them a specific country to research on and to submit their work after a time period of one month. After that, they were given time to discuss with their partners on their plans.

"So, we have a month for this project which we can work on weekends," Shindo groaned as he ruffled his bleached bangs. "Stupid sensei. This will cost me my fun time on weekends," he complained.

For the first time, Akira agreed with him. 'Yeah and I wouldn't have to spend my time being insulted and bullied by you,' he growled inside. "Uhm, we can meet here in school on weekends if you want."

"Bo-ring," Shindo drawled, rolling his eyes. "We're always at school. Why not at your house?"

Akira's eyes widened.'No way! Not at my house! What if Ogata-san will be there? Or Ashiwara-san? Or the other pros?' Akira thought wildly. He could just imagine his humiliation with Shindo strutting inside his home, going towards his mother, smiling charmingly while saying'Touya-san, you really look young and pretty for your age. Touya-kun must have gotten his features from you. Too bad, he turned out to be a son, eh?'

No! No! He would never let Shindo inside his house! "Why don't we have it at your home?" he suggested hopefully.

Shindo scratched his head. "Well, that is if you want our project to be trashed. I have a younger brother who follows me everywhere. He always checks out my things," Shindo replied. "I think it would be better if we do it in your house. I've heard you got a huge space there."

Akira shifted uncomfortably. "Not really…" he felt himself sweating. "How about a public library?" he suggested again.

But Shindo just shook his head. "Nah. We have to keep quiet while inside the library. I still think your house is better. Besides, if we use your house, there's a chance I'll get free food. Your mom is a good cook, I assume?" Shindo asked eagerly.

"W-well, I.. uh…"

Shindo narrowed his eyes and leaned forward. "You're not hiding something inside your house, are you Touya-kun?"

"Of course not!" Akira yelled indignantly, catching the attention of his other classmates. He suddenly flushed at being embarrassed again.

"It's settled then," Shindo beamed. "I'll go to your house on Saturday afternoon. Just give me the directions."

.:go-go-go:.


"You really like bullying Touya, don't you?" Amazuki Hoshino commented, amusement in his tone. He was one of the closest friends he had in the classroom aside from Akari. Hoshino had persuaded him to join the soccer club since he learned that Hikaru used to play soccer in his previous school. They had just finished soccer practice and were changing their clothes.

Hikaru turned a confused look at him. "Bully Touya? No, I don't," he plainly defended himself. "Well I sort of like teasing him. He always has this blank look, and it's just fun seeing other expressions on his face."

Hoshino chuckled. "You're crazy, you know? You also did that to Taki-kun."

"At least it had done him good," Hikaru argued. "He's more open now and often comes with us when we go out." A soft smile graced his features as he played with the soccer ball on his hands. Kamura Taki was also a silent type of guy and seemed to be at lost in class. When Hikaru accidentally overheard him practicing his lines to confess to a girl, he started teasing him about it. Hikaru easily bonded with the class with his friendly and teasing nature, and since Taki became quite close to him, his other classmates also began to include him in their conversations. "They're just a lonely bunch. You just need to break down their defenses a little and you'll realize they're not what you assume them to be." He cocked his head towards his friend. "You guys never tried to make friends with Touya-kun, have you?"

Hoshino shrugged and sighed guiltily. "He's so quiet, that it's creepy sometimes. We were classmates in junior high and there was a big fuss about him being a son of a highly regarded go player. Some of our classmates tried to befriend him but it's just difficult talking to him. It seems he doesn't know anything aside from go and what we learn in school. It's like he's in his own world and refuses to let anyone in. I guess it was too late for him to realize that friendships were formed while he busied himself with go. He was left out and must have focused all his attention to go."

"Go players are really eccentric people," Hikaru muttered in amusement as he remembered an old friend who seemed to have the same problem. Based on his stories, Sai seemed to have been alone almost all his life that he had dedicated himself to go like a go playing machine. Only one thing… one person had been his light, his angel who had guided him to balance his life between go and the outside world. He knew that Sai had loved his daughter so much and she was the only one who could get him to stop from playing. But she died. Hikaru didn't know how or what happened but it destroyed Sai. Sai secluded himself from everyone with only a go board to keep him from losing his sanity. He said he never had other friends because all his life he had dedicated himself to playing go, to find the hand of god, whatever that meant. After her death, Sai refused to speak with anyone, refused help from anyone, until people eventually got tired and let him be. No one tried to help him further but let him slide to even worse depression. So he left and settled down away from those who knew him. Sometimes, Hikaru had to wonder how Sai had survived all those years with only a go board to accompany him in his huge house. The housekeeper wasn't even talking to him. The day Sai caught him sneaking into his house, he had been frightened at the sight of the old and crippled man but the sadness in those indigo eyes, similar to his own anguish and sense of loneliness had drew his innocent and curious self towards him. Sai tried to push him away too, but he was never the type to give up easily. He went to his place everyday after school, trying to tell him of how his school had been. Sai just listened while placing stones on a board. It went on for weeks, until the sight of the little boy sitting across the go board, observing him and recounting his school events became a normal sight for Sai. Eventually, Sai's defenses slowly crumpled. Hikaru was enthusiastic when one afternoon while he was retelling some stupid thing his classmate did, Sai paused and looked at him warmly. "Hikaru-kun, would you like to learn how to play go?"

"But you seemed to know how to handle them well, Shindo," Hoshino said to him, waking him from his musings.

Hikaru smirked. "Of course, I'm such a nice guy after all." He took his duffel bag and was about to leave, when Hoshino's arm stopped him.

"Wait a minute Mr. Nice Guy," he said laughing. "I think you need to help out the other freshman in carrying the supplies to the soccer room."

"What?!" Hikaru cried. "Hey, I'm a junior too."

"We might be on the same year, but you're still a newbie. So scoot," Hoshino replied with a laugh. "That was captain's orders."

Hikaru frowned but couldn't do anything but follow. "Geez, just because I'm new here, they're making me their errand boy," Hikaru grumbled as he carried a box of supplies towards the soccer club room.

The freshman beside him laughed. "Senpai, it's part of the initiation for new players."

"I had already undergone this kind of initiation in my previous school," Hikaru continued to grumble.

Club period was already over and after they had placed the boxes inside the room, the younger student left, while he remembered that he left his jacket in the classroom. He opened the door to the room and was surprised to see Tanaka-sensei still inside.

"Tanaka-sensei," he greeted as he went towards his seat and took his jacket.

"Ah, Shindo-kun. Do you have a moment?" Tanaka-sensei called him. "Can you help me deliver some boxes to the Go Club room?"

'Great! Why is everyone asking me to carry something?' he thought in annoyance when something about sensei said clicked in him. "Eh? Go Club?" Hikaru asked curiously, a little excited at the thought. "There's a go club in this school?"

Tanaka chuckled as he motioned him to follow. When they arrived at the teacher's office, Tanaka gave him one of the three boxes to carry. But he insisted on carrying the two.

"This is kind of heavy. What's inside?" Hikaru asked, lifting the 2 of the boxes while Tanaka-sensei carried the last one.

"Go boards," Tanaka replied, while they carried the boxes towards their destination. "The Go club made a request for additional boards and I know a friend where we can get good ones at a discount. So they made the purchase through me. They were just delivered today."

"Wow the school really has huge budgets on clubs, eh?" Hikaru commented, remembering that in his previous school, the students will have to raise funds if they want to buy something related to their clubs,

Tanaka just looked at him with amusement. "Not really. But the Go Club is an exception."

"Huh?" Hikaru looked at him in confusion.

"Don't you know? Kaio has the best Go Club in the whole prefecture and one of the best in the nation," Tanaka explained. "Some of the top pro players had even graduated from this school."

"Really?" Hikaru was amazed. It only means that players in the Go Club were probably a lot better than him. "That's cool," he replied wistfully.

Tanaka looked at him curiously. "Shindo-kun, do you play go?"

A sheepish smile formed on Hikaru's lips. "Well… yeah… a little. But I kinda suck at it. A close friend of mine taught to how to play but I always get beaten," he told him. "I guess I learned to like it, but hell, go just doesn't like me."

Tanaka shook his head in amusement. "You're one funny kid." He stopped by a door and turned to Hikaru. "Okay, here we are."

Hikaru waited, his arms getting numb from carrying the boxes, while Tanaka knocked and the door was opened by a Korean looking guy.

"Ah Yun-sensei. They just had this delivered a while ago."

"Thank you Tanaka-san," the other teacher said while opening the door widely. "Please come in."

Tanaka introduced Hikaru to Yun as one of his students. Yun then helped Hikaru with the other box and placed it on the other side of the room. After that, Hikaru got the chance the survey the room. It was quite big for an ordinary club room. The club period had already ended but there were still a few students left playing.

Tanaka suddenly called him. "Ah Shindo-kun, you may leave if you want. I still need to discuss something with Yun-sensei."

Hikaru turned to him and shrugged. "It's okay sensei, I'll just look around."

Wanting to see how other teenagers like him play, he walked towards a group and saw that a game was still going on. The other observers just looked at him curiously when he moved to stand by their side; then focused again their attention on the game. Hikaru just stood there and watched. It was still in the middle game and if he wasn't mistaken, it was pretty even. The game continued, suddenly white made a huge mistake.

"Damn!" he heard the player curse softly. Well, he couldn't blame him. It was almost even but that single mistake almost killed him. But it wasn't over yet. It might be complicated but he could still revive his stones. He just have to…

"I resign," the white player bowed his head and sighed.

'What?!'

"Arigatou gozaimasu," the opponent thanked him. "Yes!" he then cheered loudly at his win. The other observers congratulated him while teased the white player for losing.

Hikaru on the other hand was stunned. He resigned? Why would he resign? But it wasn't over yet! Without thinking, he stepped forward and intruded their victory.

"Uhm… ano…"

The go club members stopped talking and turned their attention at the new boy with bleached bangs.

"Why did you resign?" Hikaru asked the white player, still disturbed over the game.

The student just gave him an irritated glance. "My stones are dead. There's no way saving it," he said.

But Hikaru was not convinced. He felt uncomfortable being looked like some idiot, but he just felt that resignation at that time was wrong. "Uhm…" Hikaru started. "How about 12-10?" he suggested, pointing at an area on the board.

The go members glanced at the area he pointed; then one of them snorted. "Are you stupid?" one of the boys snorted. "What good would that move do? The territory is already dead."

"Huh?" Hikaru was surprised. Well, it looked dead at first glance but there was a path that he could see that could have revived the stones if the correct moves were made. They didn't see it? It was quite obvious! Sai would have teased him mercilessly if had missed such an opportunity. He was about to reply when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Shindo-kun, I'm leaving. Are you still staying?" Tanaka asked.

"Uhm.. I'm going back too," Hikaru replied, then mumbled an apology at the club members and left.

.:go-go-go:.


"What a weird boy," one of the club members shook his head as they stared at the retreating back of the bleached banged boy.

"That was so stupid," Kojima said as stared at the board. He had lost, nothing would have saved his game.

"Yeah," the others chorused while laughing.

"You guys finally finished the game?"

They turned to see Yun-sensei approaching them. "Ah sensei," they greeted while nodding their heads.

"Who was that kid, sensei?" Kojima asked in a bored voice.

"You mean Shindo-kun?" Yun confirmed. "He was just asked by Tanaka-san to help him carry the go boards we have ordered."

"He's a little green, isn't he? Can you imagine, he told me to place a stone here? That was lame," Kojima laughed.

Yun surveyed the position of the stones. White was losing and the place where his student was pointing seemed like a bad move. But thinking deeply… he realized that it's not really a bad move. It can't be seen at first glance but that move seemed right the more he thought about it. He began to consider the possibilities, until he saw it. Considering white's position, it was the only move that he could do to revive what seemed to be a dead position. That boy just solved a complicated life and death problem!

He just couldn't believe it. It might be beginner's luck but if he had seen that path for the revival of the stones, it meant that he should be at an advanced amateur level at least, or even at insei level.

"Well, I don't think that was a bad move, Kojima-san," Yun said to his student.

"What?" Kojima and the other club members stared at their sensei in disbelief.

Yun just smiled at them. "Why don't you go over that move and analyze the reason behind it. I think you'll learn a lot from it. Try to think it as a tsumego and I'll explain to you tomorrow the solution and the brilliance of that boy's move."

The club members were left dumbfounded as they stared back at the board, wondering how their sensei could call such a move brilliant.

Yun, on the other hand walked off, his mind still on the mysterious boy. 'Shindo was his name, right?' he thought. 'If that move was not a fluke, that boy has a lot of potential. Really, a lot…'

.:to be continued:.


Whew… finally finished this chapter. Sorry for the very late update… and hope you like this chapter. Thanks for all your reviews on the previous chapter. Please read and review.