When the Walls Come Tumbling Down Chapter 4

I don't own SVU or the SVU characters.

Olivia trailed into the precinct behind Elliot. He had left her to her thoughts the majority of the ride in from the hospital. It was nearing midnight and Elliot had noticed her familiar slight limp when she walked. He wasn't surprised as they had been at work for nearly fourteen hours at this point. He never calls her out on it knowing how hard she worked to get back physically after her ordeal with Johnston.

Cragen motioned for them to come into his office and close the door. His tie was off and his sleeves rolled up. He looked like the detectives felt, but he wasn't about to head home, at least not yet.

"I think we are going to treat this case as a direct threat on you, Benson." Cragen was to the point knowing he would most likely run into some resistance from Olivia. "I'd rather you stay here, at least for tonight, until I can get somebody on your door."

Olivia had resigned herself to the fact that the captain would ground her. She only nodded and that was a point of concern for Cragen.

"They've got Johnston in isolation until we get this case closed. He's not talking, but that's no surprise. We know who we're looking for, just have to find them." Cragen then looked toward Elliot who was stifling a yawn as his captain spoke. "Get a few hours in the crib, both of you."

Olivia made her way to the locker room. She had been on an emotional rollercoaster since Cragen had informed them of Maria's attack. She opened her locker, pulling out a NYPD t-shirt. She would have to sleep in her jeans tonight, wouldn't be the first time or the last she was pretty sure. Elliot was soon standing at his locker next to her. He pulled out a change of clothes as well, quietly closing his locker door as to not interrupt his partner's thoughts. She had been unusually quiet much of the ride back from the hospital.

She was sitting on the bench in front of their lockers when Elliot returned. "Come on, Liv. Let's catch a nap."

Olivia rose from the bench and made her way up to the cribs. She lied down on the bunk furthest to the back, hoping to erase this terrible day from her mind, even if just for a few hours. Her body was sore, exhausted. She draped an arm over her eyes, doubting sleep would come any time soon.

"I'm sorry about your date." Elliot's voice had come from the bunk next to her. It surprised her as he never shared the crib with her when they were forced to take a break like this.

"Jeff didn't seem too surprised." Olivia responded without changing her position. Her voice was flat with defeat. "He's probably done with me though, I could hear it in his voice."

Elliot was silent, not quite knowing what to say. "Well, that's his loss then."

Olivia smiled despite herself at her partner's words. She could hear his breathing in the dark, quiet room. She let the sound of him calm her inside. "Elliot, how will Maria go on from this. That poor girl has suffered so much, I…I want…" Olivia stopped in mid sentence causing Elliot to turn his head to face her.

"I don't know. Kids are resilient and all, but God only gives us what he knows we can handle." He didn't have the heart to share with her what the doctor had told him about Maria's condition. She suffered severe head trauma and they were concerned about increased swelling on her brain.

Olivia listened to his words, but refused to accept them. "How does God let this happen to such a sweet little girl." Olivia's words were almost slurred as fatigue won out and she drifted off.

Elliot sighed to himself knowing there was never an answer to that question. He listened to the even breathing of his partner and when he was sure she was asleep, he turned his head to watch her. He hoped Jeff was done with her. He didn't know what was really important to Olivia, not like he did. Elliot watched the steady rise and fall of her chest under the NYPD t-shirt, wishing he could fix this somehow for her. He hoped that Maria would be okay, but his gut told him she probably wouldn't be this time. He worried how Olivia would go on, if Maria didn't. He thought back to when she was officially denied adoption. She had gotten the news at work and left for the day. She seemed to take the news well when she was told, but he knew how much she was hoping for a child to call her own, to love as her own. Elliot remembered going to her apartment and how his heart dropped when she opened the door. She had been crying since she had left the precinct earlier that day and she wasn't done yet. He immediately pulled her into his arms and she no longer tried to hide her feelings from him. He let her cry it out knowing it was what she needed to do. He stayed at her apartment that night on the couch. He remembered hearing her cry softly throughout the night from her room.

Elliot let his eyes skim her body as she slept. He knew he was wrong for this, but he knew he felt a different connection, a different kind of love for Olivia than he had for his wife. He would never disrespect her, but he just wanted to look at her. He took advantage of the small amount of moonlight that entered the room from a small window. He wished he was in a position to touch her. He would never betray her trust by moving from his bunk, but he wanted to just hold her right now. He doubted she even thought of him that way, he had been married their whole partnership. He hadn't even bothered to tell her that he had moved out and that his divorce was final. She always respected his marriage and his wife. He hated that he was such a coward that he couldn't even tell his best friend that his marriage was officially over.

Olivia's arm fell to her side as she adjusted her position slightly. She continued to sleep somewhat peacefully on her back allowing Elliot to continue to take her in. Her arm lied flat by her side and even in the darkened room, Elliot could see the scars from her surgery. He turned his head then, trying desperately not to image how it was broken. Olivia had told him not too long after being released from the hospital. She had told him about the entire two hours with Johnston. She didn't want to, but he had pushed. He hated that she had to endure it all alone while he stood behind the God damned swat van, so he pushed. He had to know. He knew it helped her to a point, but how he wished he left it alone.

Johnston was quickly moving in on Olivia. She knew she didn't stand a chance against him, especially with broken ribs, so she tried to talk to him. Explain that she could help him get out of this mess. He wouldn't hear it. He was pissed that she had gotten Maria taken from him and was intent on making her pay for that. He backed her up into the wall across the room from where the door was that Maria had escaped from. He hit her across the face with the butt of his gun causing her to immediately hit the floor. She had reached out for his knees from the ground causing Hector to fall backwards. His gun skidded across the floor and despite her injuries Olivia was ahead of him in the scramble for it. She had grabbed it, but only a second before Hector was on her. He overpowered her instantly and shook the gun from her grip. He grabbed the first thing he saw on the ground which was a metal box. Olivia was confused and expected she would die at his hands soon. He placed her right arm over the box. He stood on her hand holding her arm in place before using his other foot to stomp on her outstretched arm. Olivia screamed out in pain as she heard the bones snap in her arm. He stomped on her arm two more times before kicking Olivia twice in the ribs. She had never experience such acute pain and knew it was a miracle that she was allowed to lose consciousness.

She had no idea had long she had been out. She looked around but didn't see Hector. She tried to move, but was unable to due to the pain. She heard footsteps and Hector was back, lightly leaning his foot on her arm was now lied useless at her side. Olivia closed her eyes and braced herself for what she was sure to come. When it didn't she slowly opened her eyes to see Hector slowly removing his belt. She panicked and forced her body to move, despite it's limited ability. She was stopped as Hector's full weight was suffocating. He grabbed her face with his hand and made her look him in the eye. He forced his mouth on hers, while he held her head still. Olivia fought with all she had, until he punched her in an attempt to stop her movements. She was dazed and couldn't see straight. Her vision blurred and she couldn't see Hector as he ripped her shirt open. She felt his large, rough hands as he grabbed her breasts. He again forced his mouth on hers and he again punched her when she refused him. She prayed she would succumb to unconsciousness again, but she could feel Hector's hands begin to work the button of her jeans. She knew it was inevitable. He was going to rape her, and he was going to kill her. She grabbed his head with her left hand and pulled her head up to meet it. It took every bit of strength she had in her to move, let alone strike. Her head smashing into Hector's forehead caused him to fall back off her for only a few seconds. She had only managed to piss him off as he quickly recovered with another shot to the face. Olivia couldn't take any more. She closed her eyes and prayed for a quick death.

He had shifted his position on her to allow him access to her pants. Olivia could feel him lowering the zipper to her jeans and tugging at her pants. Her left hand grasped her thigh hoping to prevent Hector from getting her pants down. She knew it was useless, but she tried nonetheless. She could feel his erection on her leg as his mouth was once again assaulting hers. She reached lower grasping her knee. She suddenly realized she would be able to reach her hidden gun when he shifted again grabbing at her chest. He was causing her so much pain throughout her body, but her entire focus was getting that gun into her hand.

He had pinned her shoulders to the floor trying to prevent her from struggling. She couldn't raise her arm to shoot him, to stop him. He increased his weight on her as he forced his tongue into her mouth. Olivia knew she had to fire from underneath her own body if she even had a chance at stopping him. She closed her eyes against Hector's assault and felt the barrel of her personal piece as she jammed it into the back of her thigh. His hand had return to her waist and was quickly reaching inside her pants. She knew if she was going to do this it had to be now. She turned her wrist hoping her traumatized calculations were even somewhat close. She held her breath and squeezed the trigger. The pain caused her world to go black and quiet for a few seconds. Hector was screaming, she heard that. He wasn't moving, but he was screaming. His entire weight was pinning her and she struggled to breathe. She struggled against his weight and the pain. Her arm, her leg, her face. She hurt all over and just wanted it to stop. Hector's weight had her body pinned to the floor with her gun under her. Her hand was throbbing from the metal being pressed into it. She no longer felt her other arm and she was beginning to lose all sense of where she was.

She heard commotion and opened her eyes to see men, guns, Elliot. Her lungs opened up again as Hector was pulled off of her. Elliot's hands were quickly on her and she was now content to die. Hector was stopped, Maria was safe, and Elliot was there. She closed her eyes, she was so tired. Elliot's voice kept pulling her back.

Elliot opened his eyes to see his Captain standing over him. He immediately got to his feet and followed him out of the room. "What's going on?" Elliot looked at his watch before rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. They had been sleeping for just under two hours.

"Maria Johnston just passed." Cragen's voice was a low whisper.

Elliot felt the air escape his lungs as he took in his boss' words. "No." his voice was equally as low as his gaze traveled back into the room. "She's going to want to get out of here. She's going to break, Cap."

"I know." Cragen wiped his face with his hand. "Take her home, stay with her. Do not leave her alone." Cragen knew he didn't have to explain or force his order. He patted Elliot on the shoulder and walked away.

Elliot let his head fall against the door to the cribs wondering how he was going to tell Olivia that her little girl was gone. He slowly made his way in and took a seat back on his bunk. Olivia hadn't moved much since she lied down and he hated to wake her. Especially for this. He pulled his body to a kneeling position at the side of Olivia's bunk. He reached out to touch her but pulled his hand back. He didn't want to startle her. "Liv." he hoped his voice would be the gentlest way to wake her.

Olivia's breathing pattern didn't change at all telling Elliot she hadn't heard him. He tried again with a little more volume, but still no movement. He placed his hand on her shoulder and gently shook. He hated that she woke with fear in her eyes and quick hands, but he expected it. It took a few seconds, but she quickly got her bearings.

"El?" Olivia's voice was thick with sleep as swung her feet to the floor, sitting up slowly. "Get a break?"

Elliot started to tell her, but realized he had no words. He closed his mouth and looked away from her face.

"Elliot?" Olivia's voice made his heart hurt. He looked back at her and her eyes were focused on his. She read him within a few seconds. Her hand came up and covered her mouth. She shook her head as tears formed in her eyes. "No?"

He could hear how she was begging him to tell her she was wrong. Her voice was instantly filled with so much grief that she couldn't speak. He grabbed her wrists, pulling her hands from her face so she would look at him. He felt like he had been stabbed when their eyes met again.

"I'm sorry, Olivia." It was all he had and he pulled her against his chest. She offered no resistance, so he sat down next to her on her bunk and held her. He could feel her body trembling as he witnessed her heart breaking. She rested her head on his chest and cried quietly. Elliot moved his arms up so that he surrounded her head with them wishing he could protect her from the world. He often felt this way about his children, but he knew he couldn't. Didn't stop him from trying, didn't stop him from wanting to.

Olivia pulled away from him giving Elliot an apologetic smile. "When?"

"Cragen just got the call." Elliot stood when she did.

Olivia nodded wrapping her arms around herself. "I need to go home. I can't stay here."

"Okay. I'll drive you." Elliot braced for resistance from her now.

"I'd rather walk, okay." she placed her hand on his forearm before heading for the door.

Elliot grabbed her arm, stopping her. "There is still an immediate threat against you. That hasn't changed."

She shrugged from his hold. "I don't care. I just want to go home and go to bed."

"That's fine, but I will take you." Elliot held the door closed until she agreed.

It took a few minutes but she finally relented. "Don't you need to get home to Kathy and the kids?"

"No." Elliot guided her out of the cribs and headed down to the squad room. Cragen had already left and the usually busy room was eerily quiet.

Elliot walked a numb Olivia up to her apartment. He waited as she unlocked the door and made sure it was securely locked once they were inside. Olivia dropped her jacket on the back of her sofa and headed for the kitchen. She offered Elliot a beer and grabbed the whiskey bottle for herself. She tipped it back before even making it back to the living room.

"Liv, I really don't think that's the answer." Elliot watched her movements carefully.

"Shut up, Elliot. It helps." Olivia shoved his beer at him and collapsed on the couch. She took another long pull on the bottle and Elliot watched as she tolerated the burn as if it were nothing. He flinched for her. He took a long pull of his beer before grabbing the bottle from her. He raised it to his own lips and downed the poison. Olivia smiled at the face he made.

Elliot sat back on the couch, letting his head fall back on the cushion. He motioned for Olivia to join him and was pleased when she immediately did. He encouraged her to lean up against him.

They sat quietly, sharing her bottle of whiskey. Elliot occasionally glancing her way. "I'm sorry about Maria, Liv. I know how much you loved her."

Olivia couldn't prevent the tears from falling again at his words. "I tried, El." she wiped angrily at her eyes. "I gave everything for her and I'd do it again, but now…"

Elliot stopped her when he took her face in his hands. He looked her in the eyes and waited until she looked into his. "She loved you, Liv. And she knew you loved her." He used his thumb to wipe away the few tears that fell onto his hands. Olivia grabbed his hands that were still on either side of her face with her own.

The gesture was too much for Elliot and he moved in placing his mouth on hers. Her eyes widened but she didn't immediately pull away. When she did, the surprise on her face, made Elliot feel like an ass.

"I'm sorry." Elliot stood backing away from her. "I shouldn't have done that."

Olivia got to her feet, not taking her eyes from her partner. She glanced down at the bottle of whiskey that was still in her grasp. She placed it on the coffee table before returning her gaze back to Elliot. "It's okay." Olivia's voice was barely a whisper.

Elliot rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. "I want to help you. I want to take the pain away. I…I want to love you."

Olivia hated that he was struggling. "It's okay, El. We just had too much to drink, the case, Maria…it's just too much."

Elliot moved closer to Olivia and was relieved that she didn't back away from him. He stopped when his feet met hers. "You don't understand. I love you, Olivia."

Olivia hadn't understood at all as his words made her breath hitch. She couldn't hide the surprise as she fought to keep her breathing steady. "No, El. You don't. We've just been partners for so long and that…."

"No! No, Olivia. I love you. I have for quite some time. More than partners." Elliot gently placed his hands on her arms trying to make her face him. When she did, he moved in to kiss her again. She couldn't resist or refuse him and she let everything disappear for the moment. He loved her? Elliot's hands cupped her face and his kiss was demanding, yet gentle.

Olivia grabbed his hands from her face and pulled away. Elliot could tell she loved him as well, there was no hiding it in the way she had kissed him back. "El, this is wrong. Kathy…"

"We're divorced." Elliot watched as Olivia processed his words.

"What? When? Elliot, why didn't you tell me?" Olivia ran her hand through her hair. She grabbed her bottle and sat back down on the couch not quite knowing what to do with his confession.

Elliot sat down next to her. He took her bottle from her, taking a long drink as if that gave him the strength to admit to his partner that he was a failure. "I didn't want you to think I was a failure. I just couldn't do it anymore."

Olivia grabbed her bottle back from him. She suddenly was angry. "So, what is this? Maria is dead, El. Did you forget that? You pick tonight to tell me this? Get out." Olivia's words stung, but he got it. He got her.

"No, no it's not like that at all. I hate seeing you hurting, I just want to help you." Elliot knew he sounded pathetic and Olivia laughing in his face pretty much meant she agreed with him.

Olivia polished off the whiskey in one last pull. Elliot watched knowing the bottle was nearly full when they started. She was in a bad way and he was fairly certain the effects of the liquor would only make things worse. "I want you to go, Elliot. Please. I can't do this right now. I can't deal with this right now."

"Olivia, this isn't a rebound, I promise you that." Elliot took his chances and closed he distance between them again. "Do you trust me?"

Olivia looked up at him with tired, defeated eyes. "Of course I do."

Elliot nodded and took a step back away from her. "I realized how deep my love for you was when I thought I was going to lose you two years ago." Olivia didn't have to ask what two years ago was.

"I will leave you be if you want me to, but I will not leave you alone. Not until Johnston and Frank are found and behind bars." Elliot stood with his arms at his side, his chest heaving.

Olivia pulled her hands up to her face and then ran them through her hair. "You should have told me…'bout Kathy."

"Yes."

"Maria just died. I'm a fucked up mess right now."

"It's okay."

"I don't want to be alone." Olivia's last statement was laced with grief, defeat and tears.

"Okay." Elliot moved to her and took her into his strong embrace. He held her as she rested her head on his chest. After several minutes, Olivia looked up into his eyes. Her hands went to his face and he instinctively lowered his mouth to hers. He let her control things as she kissed him. Softly at first, but then with more hunger, more need.

"I have always loved you, El." her words were breathy and Elliot suspected the whiskey was a contributing factor to their present situation.

"I'll never hurt you, Liv. Tell me what you want me to do." Elliot moved his mouth within an inch of hers waiting for her response.

"I want to feel alive again, El. I want to be able to feel something, anything." Olivia searched his eyes when she finished speaking.

Elliot kissed her again gently before bending to pick her up in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and allowed him to carry her to her bedroom. He carefully placed her down on the bed where he resumed exploring her mouth. He pulled his face away, feeling such pain as she opened her eyes searching for his. "I shouldn't be doing this to you, Liv. I can't help but want you, but…"

"Please, El." Olivia's hands trailed from his face down to his chest.

Elliot could hear the vulnerability in her voice and he could feel the need in her hands. He lowered his mouth to her jaw line and then to her neck. He took her hands in his and placed them on either side of her head. He studied her eyes as he paused to stare at her.

"El." Olivia's breathing was uneven and he was worried she wasn't ready at all for him. Everything happened so quickly. This is not how he wanted to tell her, but he didn't want to stop either.

"I'll stop if you want me to. You just have to say so." Elliot let his gaze roam to her chest as he released one of her hands and used his free hand to pull her t-shirt up exposing her toned abdomen. His hand skimmed the soft flesh causing Olivia's breathing to deepen.

Elliot looked back up to Olivia's face to see she had closed her eyes, but still had a firm grasp on his hand that was above her head. Her fingers on her other hand were lightly tracing his shoulder blade. She was beautiful and he knew she had no idea just how beautiful.

Elliot let his lips skim the skin just above her belly button. He prayed she wouldn't stop him, but he was prepared if she asked. He couldn't help but feel he was taking advantage of her, but he tried to relieve the guilt by giving her ample opportunity to shut him down. He moved back up so he was in Olivia's face. He had to see her eyes when he asked her what could ultimately be the deal breaking question.

"Look at me." Elliot whispered.

He waited until her gaze was focusing on his. "Has there been anybody else? Since….since…" Elliot didn't want to bring Johnston's name into the bed with them, but he needed to know where Olivia's head was right now.

Olivia closed her eyes again before quietly answering him. She hadn't been intimate with anybody since. Tried, but couldn't. "I trust you, El."