"The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in abysses of solitude; to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplation." –Kate Chopin
"BULL SH…."
"Are you sure about that Shep?" Garrus' eyes darted, his black sclera shifting nervously between the commander and the two cards fanned between his three appendages.
Shepard's crew was packed around the dining hall table, attempting to ease pre-battle tension with a game of B.S. The Normandy was progressing towards a disabled collector vessel in the Korlus system- supposedly shut down by a Turian fleet. It was an evident trap, but Shepard embraced the suicidal task with a smug recklessness. After all, her optimism humored the crew and cut tension. Even though fear was fizzing in the back of her head, Shepard had a wry grin plated across her contrived expression
The commander tilted back in the plastic chair. "You're a terrible bluff Garre," she commented darkly.
Grunt cackled. "I like this human game. Battlemaster is ruthless."
"Show them Garrus." Jane raised a brow.
Garrus slumped in defeat over the fat deck. He slid the first two cards over meticulously: a two and a five.
"How did you know?" He whimpered.
"Luck Garrus. Luck is always on my side." She mused.
"You haven't learned that by now Garrus?" Miranda shook her head. "The commander manages to place us in suicidal situations daily, and yet her brash actions always pull us out. If that's not fortune I don't know what is."
Garrus chuckled. "Yes. That's right. How did you turn that mech on Omega hostile again commander?"
Jane coughed. "I pulled a couple wires. Turned out nicely didn't it?"
Jacob's eyes widened, "So you just wing it out there?"
"Not exactly. Some missions just call for a little improvising." She wrapped her fingers around an imaginary neck." You just have to get a little creative." She squeezed and let her tongue fall out of her mouth.
Jacob looked nauseous.
Zaeed snickered.
"Where's Krios? I thought I asked someone to invite him." Shepard eyed Jacob.
"Oh…" Jacob avoided the commander's gaze. "He said he had something to do."
"You didn't invite him did you Jacob?" Shepard's eyes were suddenly aflame.
Jacob managed to flinch. "It may have slipped my mind."
An expression crossed the commander's face that caused a stir of discomfort across the table. Even Grunt lowered his eyes.
"Well then. I believe this crew needs a lesson in hospitality." She turned her back to the dining area. The whole table seemed to sigh in relief as she marched out of sight.
"She won't be back any time soon…" Kasumi hummed.
"No I suppose not." Zaeed let out a rugged laugh. "The commander is glued to that assassin" a grin creased his scarred cheek. "I don't know what it is with woman and Drell. That reminds me of this mission a while back… "
Garrus sighed. "Here we go…"
"Just listen Archangel. You might learn something." He continued. " So this Hanar hired me to take out this Eclipse ring that was black marketing his goods. He sent his Drell assistant with me- nice kid, young, charismatic. When we arrived to the base the kid worked his way to the cargo without a single weapon. You want to know how the lucky son of a bitch did it?" Zaeed crossed his arms. "He introduced himself to the female guard at the door, leaned in real close, and whispered something in her ear that made her let us through. When we took out the base she and two Asari left with him." He snorted.
"Damn." Jack raised her brow.
"What is it about Drell that's so fascinating?" Jacob murmured.
"They're mysterious and sexy." Kelly grinned. "The way they move, those eyes. And their build… it's very similar to human men."
"Have you been with a Drell Kelly?" Kasumi elbowed her.
Kelly looked down at her cards. "Not yet."
"Ah species Kelleh asn't knocked boots with ye? Tha is suprisin." Kenneth snorted before Gaby smacked him upside the head. "Ow!"
"Rarity of Drell stimulating? Mysterious? Similarity of Human and Drell anatomy. Causes interspecies attraction…" Mordin inhaled trough his nose. "Fascinating."
"Slow down their buddy. I don't think the commander would take to liking your experiments on her personal life." Garrus chuckled.
"Ah. Not experiments. Observation. Ask questions first. First step of Scientific method. Experiments later. Too busy with Collector research. Query Drell human relations another time." Mordin nodded to himself.
Kasumi giggled. "I haven't the slightest idea what your saying half the time Moridn. But it's really cute. You know what else is cute? Thane and Jane's names rhyme!" Kasumi leaned into her fist. "Like a poem."
"What the hell did Shepard sign me up for? The mother fucking love boat?" Jack groaned.
Garrus cleared his throat. "Another round then?"
"You deal…" Miranda eyed Garrus' three fingers. "On second thought I'll deal."
Shepard reached Life Support and gave the door a slight tap before marching in.
"Do you need something?" Thane was seated in his usual spot at his desk with his back towards her.
"The crew and I are playing a card game. Are you interested?"
He leaned over his shoulder. "No thank you. We will be at the collector base shortly. I desire to meditate."
Shepard plopped into the opposite chair. "I was growing tired of winning every round anyways. May I join you?" It was more of a statement then a question.
"Very well." He closed his eyes.
Shepard drummed her fingers across the glossy desk. The plastic and metal made a soft clink. She studied Thane, admiring the tranquility of his ashen lids, the firmness of his folded hands. His expression was very human- yet incredibly alien. At first glance she could isolate his alien features- his mossy green skin, the silvery color that reflected from his scales. Indeed these traits were wholly foreign to her. The most notable difference between him and human men however, were the red scales that ran along his neck. The way the scales receded and reddened appeared almost painful, as though a chunk of his skin had been pulled back. Shepard knew this was a human impulse- to associate red skin coloration with an injury or abnormality. Not all species blood ran red. But her paradigms of beauty were shifting. She had begun to admire how his marble eyes would narrow and widen to express his immense emotions, or how his thick lips would part slowly…gently before he spoke. Yes, his lips were of particular interest to her. Jane wondered if they felt smooth…
"Closing your eyes will be helpful." Thane advised, still motionless.
Shepard continued to stare. "How do you know they are open?"
His eyelids pulled back so his black eyes could catch hers. "I had a feeling wild one."
Shepard hoped his eyes wouldn't leave her. His gaze was firm, locking her in place. "Is that my new nickname?" She smirked.
"Until I find one more suitable." He exhaled.
"Well." Shepard pushed her heels against the floor, rocking her chair closer to Thane. "I'm not good with this sort of thing. How do I start?"
"First you must close your eyes. It will help you distinguish the seen from the unseen."
She obeyed. "Hmm… seen from unseen… right."
"Make yourself comfortable."
Jane shifted in her chair.
"Focus on your breath. Feel the room enter your lungs. Feel the floor under your feet, the table in your hands."
Jane concentrated on the chilled air stirring above her skin, finding reassurance in her breath. The sluggish rise and fall of her lungs against her chest reminded her she was still alive.
"Now listen. What do you hear?" his voice was soothing… beckoning.
"Hmm… I hear the drive core pulsing."
"What do you hear in yourself? What thoughts are surfacing?" She could picture him cocking his head at his inquiry.
Jane waited. "I'm thinking about my breath, how I don't want to stop breathing." How long had it been since she was able to close her eyes without seeing the visions of the past? It felt wonderful.
"Enjoy your breath. Enjoy your form. Remind yourself it is connected to your soul."
"Hmmm… soul, form… I'm not quite sure how to do that."
"You must listen Jane. Enjoy the silence, it is a great instructor."
Jane let the silence bathe her. She reviewed her military career; the opportunities and loss all those years of service gave her. The commander tried to imagine letting the memories go, the memories of Ashley, of Kaiden. Kaiden… "
You and I. We… are important right now. And this is what will never happen again… us," those were the words he spoke the first night they spent true those words now seemed. This will never happen again. Did he still blame Ashley's death on their short-lived relationship?
And then there was Akuze… fifty alliance soldiers dead. And the council, Shepard doubted the galaxy would ever forgive her for that sacrifice. And this memory. Flames hissing and coiling…twisting of metal. I'm thrown backwards. My lungs burn, my skin curls under unbearable heat. Shepard felt as though the floor had been pulled from beneath her. He stomach turned. Breathe breathe. Your alive, it's just a memory.
"Jane are you alright?" She was gasping for air.
He hurried to her side. "Breathe Jane."
She crumbled. "I'm fine!" She stood and turned from him, ashamed.
"Jane… " He placed a hand on her shoulder. She stiffened.
"What is wrong?" He gently gripped both of her shoulders, steering her around. She hesitated at first, wrenching from his grasp, but then softened as he turned her to face him.
Her face was drained of color. She was breathing now- ragged, quick breaths. "A memory resurfaced." She admitted. "At least, that's what I believe it is. Yes, a memory I would rather not relive."
Jane gathered the strength to look at Thane again, however frightened she was of being vulnerable to his scrutiny. The look in his eyes was unexpected; it stole the little breath that was left in her lungs. Concern. His brow was furrowed in concern, his grip on her shoulders tightened. "Jane…"
"I can't imagine what it must be like for you. You never forget anything. In a few years, if I'm around that long, the memories will fade. They aren't crippling. I can manage. They are just unsettling." She lowered her head. "Who am I kidding? Yes they are crippling. I have this new body. I'm healthier, stronger, but I…"
He wanted to cup her face in his hands, but decided against it.
"I…I'm so confused." Her fists clenched.
Had his face gotten closer to hers? Shepard could feel her cyberneticly enhanced heartbeat thud wildly in her chest.
"Are you frightened?" He blinked twice.
"No…" She gathered her thoughts. "…Yes."
"So am I." He admitted- his Drell voice pitched as if in song.
"I don't know what I am afraid of." Shepard breathed in Thane's scent. It was musty, like pine.
"Failing perhaps?"
His black eyes were so soft, so gentle. They captured the artificial light like two black pearls.
"Perhaps…Perhaps I'm afraid of dying again before I get a chance to complete this mission." She quickly averted her gaze. "I can't believe I'm telling you this. I'm usually more guarded."
Thane admired the flush spreading over Jane's cheeks. "I enjoy listening Jane."
"I haven't trusted anyone enough to share." She loosened under Thane's grip. "But I." She swallowed, a wave of black hair pooled over her eyes. Thane caught the strand before he could stop himself.
It did feel like silk. Thane accidently brushed his fingertips across her cheek before he meticulously curved the hair behind her ear. The skin of her cheek was unlike anything his hands had ever grazed. The skin was so velvety and warm Thane was frightened his scaled fingers would pierce its fragility.
Jane caught Thane's hand, momentarily stunning him. She sandwiched his hand in her warm palm. "I trust you Thane. Implicitly. More then I should."
Arashu. Am I breathing?
"Thane. There's something I need to tell you."
"I need to tell him." Jane thought. "I must tell him I'm developing feelings before my feelings get out of control. He will tell me it's absurd, that we are too different, that we need to focus on the mission. Then I can put this behind me. I'm too young I'm too wild. It won't work. We're different species for Gods sake! And he…He's dying. It will never work. We can't do this. Thane tell me we can't do this."
He could feel her breath on his cheek. "Yes Jane?" He managed to speak.
"Stop me if I'm making you feel uncomfortable" Her chest was rising and falling rapidly. His eyes only lingered there for a moment. Please. I beg you. Tell me to stop.
"I…" He knew where this was going, and he knew he should tell her to stop. But he couldn't.
Her face was inches from his. "Don't leave my side on this mission, on any mission."
He wanted nothing less. "I promise."
She looked into his eyes daringly. "I want to tell you that I feel…"
"Jane?"
His lungs rattled.
"I feel…"
He inhaled her sweet scent; buttery earth flowers stung his nose. I feel for you as well. I've been possessed with you since Illium.
"Jane…"
"Sorry to interrupt commander. We're approaching the collector vessel." Joker's voice pierced through the intercom.
Shepard grimaced. Dammit Joker not again!
"You should go." Thane uttered weakly. He took a step back. "We will continue this conversation after the mission?"
Jane swallowed the lump in her throat. "Yes."
"I will look forward to it." Thane straightened then dipped his head respectfully as Shepard backed through the door; grateful he had time to compose himself before her confession.
Could he allow himself this happiness? Was it fair that the gods had sent him an angel after all he had done? Thane thought himself dammed, yet Arashu took pity on him?
Arashu, goddess of motherhood and protection, send your messenger Siha to Shepard's aid. Shelter her beneath your wing, direct her every move.
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