I remained knelt next to Miranda. I couldn't look at her, at what I had been forced to do. I was still in shock. Before I had… before I had euthanized Miranda, I made her a promise. I will find the man that had tortured her, had made her suffer, and had forced me to take her life. Kai Leng... that was his name. I vowed to erase him from existence.
On the shuttle trip back to the ship, all was silent, for a while. "Do you want to talk about what had happened?" asked Liara.
"What do you want me to say? That I slaughtered a legion of Cerberus troops, only to be forced to kill the woman I loved?" It had come out more hate filled than I had meant it.
"Don't blame yourself, Shepard. There was nothing you could have done. Kai Leng killed Miranda, not you. She had been dead long before we had arrived."
"Liara, if I don't blame myself, then who will? It's my fault she's dead. I could have been faster. I could have infiltrated the compound while you and Garrus held them off. I should have been faster."
The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Garrus and Liara both had somber looks on their faces.
Back onboard the Normandy, we were met by Ashley. "Welcome back Skipper. How was Miranda? Is the cheerleader and her sister safe?"
I just shot Ashley a foul look and walked away. I heard Liara and Ashley talking, but I couldn't make out the words. I didn't care. I went up to my cabin and took off my combat armor, then tossed on a t-shirt. I sat down at the foot of my bed, my head in my hands. I don't know how long I was there, but eventually Ashley walked in.
"Hey, Skipper…" she had began to ask. "What do you want?" I asked in anger, cutting her off. I never really liked Ashley. She called me a traitor back when we saved Horizon from the Collectors. She had abandoned me after that. She was just another of the millions of people that didn't trust me.
She began again, "Shepard I… I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier, for everything I had said. Liara had told me about what went down at Sanctuary, what had happened to Miranda."
"Why in the hell do you care? You always hated her."
"True, I wasn't all that fond of her, but I never hated her, I just didn't trust her. After hearing about everything she did though... You really loved her, didn't you?"
I suddenly felt a swelling in my chest. It was bittersweet. "Yeah… I really did. She meant everything to me. You might have liked her to, given the chance to know her."
"Tell me… Why were you so fond of her? No offense intended, but she always came off as a… a bitch. Knowing you and how you… well, how you are, I just never thought you and her would be together. I was just curious as to what you saw in her."
I chuckled at the notion, oddly. "Heh… When I first gained consciousness on that operating table last year… she was the first thing I saw. I looked at her face, into her eyes, and I knew from that moment that this was the woman I wanted to spend my life with. Truth be told, while she was incredibly attractive, I did not like her personality or the way she operated at first, a bit too ruthless for my taste. As we went on missions together, I began to understand her thought process, why and how she did what she did. When she first asked me to help rescue her sister, I immediately took the opportunity. I wanted to help her, and I wanted to prove to her that I cared for her. Much to my surprise, she expressed interest in me first. I tried to keep my composition steady. She was always so professional, but she opened up to me pretty quickly. It only reaffirmed my earlier feelings for her. Along with her combat prowess, she also knew how to handle herself in a boardroom."
Ashley's expression changed. She seemed more… sympathetic and understanding now. She had tears forming at the base of her eyes. "Shepard… she sounded like a very skilled woman. Tell me more about her."
"What else can I say? She was perfect. She was beautiful, intelligent, funny, and to-the-point. I remember how she always told me that she didn't have a sense of humor. She was pretty funny, even if the humor was unintentional. She had the most beautiful smile. She was difficult to impress, which I actually found very attractive. I knew I would have to work for her. I remember… the first time she spoke with her sister. It was the first time I had seen her look… happy. The first time I had seen her smile. I knew, at that time, that I had done something right. Not only had I helped her save her sister from her tyrannical father, but I also cracked Miranda's icy shell. I had become one of the few people she had implicitly trusted, and that meant something."
Ashley had tears streaking her face. "You're right Shepard, she does sound like someone I would like to know. I'm sorry, again, for everything I said about her. I truly had no idea she was like that. She sounded like a magnificent woman. You were good to her, Shepard. You two made a good choice in each other. The galaxy is a lesser place for her loss, and you have my condolences. If there's every anything I can do, anything you need, don't hesitate to ask. For curiosity's sake, do you know who tortured her?"
"Yeah… I do. Kai Leng. That slimy Cerberus bastard. I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him. It won't be quick and painless. He will linger. He's going to wish he had never crossed me, and he will learn that people who mess with me or my loved ones don't have a high life expectancy."
"Shepard… I know how you feel, but are you sure you want to do that? What if you turn into the same heartless monster that Leng is now?"
"That's a risk I'm more than willing to take. I made a promise to Miranda that I would find the son of a bitch, and I will end him. If I must sacrifice a bit of my humanity to avenge her, then it will have been worth it. Nothing will stop me. Nobody will stop me."
We both stood up, and Ashley put her arms around me, and hugged me. Even though I wasn't particularly fond of her, it felt nice being in the arms of someone who wasn't trying to blow your head off. She left, and I was alone again. The one time in my life I get close to someone, and it's snatched away from me.
"Everything seems to be going good, doesn't it?" I thought to myself. It was bitter.
