Chapter 4

Waiting to Exhale

"I can't believe your mom's helping you sneak around like that," Kristy remarked, shaking her head in awe. She was spread across Raven's bed, wiggling her feet. Mike had recently started letting her come around again.

"It's not like that," Raven defended. "She just remembers what it was like when she was young. Apparently, my grandpa didn't let her hang out with guys either."

Raven also got the impression that Abby loved being in La Push just as much as she did. She was always excited on the drive out and cheerful and content on the way home. Raven thought that perhaps Abby didn't like to be around Mike all that much herself.

"It seems like I hardly get to see you anymore," Kristy whined. "I finally get to come over and hang out, and you're always gone. Remember, guys will come and go, but your female friendships will last a lifetime."

Raven frowned, feeling guilty because it was true. Abby's regular La Push schedule was Wednesday afternoons and most of the day on Saturdays, which was fine by Raven. Plus that, Jacob started coming by a couple of times a week to take her jogging or just to hang out whenever Mike wasn't going to be home, so there really was little time left for Kristy. "Maybe, you could come with me out to La Push sometime."

Kristy made a face and groaned. "I'd feel like a third wheel, and besides hiking, biking, fishing, watching boring sports on television, and whatever else you two do doesn't sound anywhere near my idea of a good time."

"Then I feel sorry for you." Raven flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned up her nose, faking arrogance. "I guess you're not sophisticated enough to know what a good time is."

"Sheesh, if that's the case, I hope I never am." Kristy smirked.

"Jacob's going to take me to the Rec Center tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous because the only person I've met so far is his dad and one of his friends, Seth."

"Is he hot?" Kristy jerked upright to a sitting position, going from bored to excited in a second flat.

"He's pretty cute, I guess, but he's only like ... fifteen or something."

"Oh." She plopped herself back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling with her hands behind her head. "Let see, you've been hanging out with Jacob now, for what? Nearly a month and he hasn't kissed you?"

"No, he hasn't. Just on my cheek, and sometimes he kisses my hand. I just can't figure him out," Raven said, baffled. "He puts his arm around me all the time, and he holds my hand too, but whenever I think he's going to kiss me, he just doesn't. It's almost as if he purposely stops himself, purposely changes the subject to something else."

"Or someone else," Kristy suggested. "Maybe he's got a girlfriend somewhere. Are you sure you're not just a gal pal, Rave?"

"He better not have a girlfriend!" Raven was horrified at the thought. "It has to be more than the friendship thing though. He's always so happy to see me. I could see it plainly in his eyes, and I talk to him every night, only because he asks me to call him every night. Even on the nights of the days I've already seen him, he wants me to call him."

"Weird!" Kristy exclaimed. "He sounds like one needy and strange puppy to me."

Raven ignored her, but Kristy's words weren't entirely baseless. Raven thought about how odd it was that Jacob always generated so much body heat. She loved resting near him, especially when it was cold out, but nevertheless, she couldn't deny the irregularity of his body temperature.

He rarely had his shirt on–a definite plus–although not at all normal, considering the general climate in the area.

Sometimes, he even went without shoes, and whenever Raven asked him about it, he gave her some lame excuse about getting them wet or needing to give his feet a break. How could they get a break being exposed to the rough forest terrain? He even jogged that way sometimes, never breaking a sweat.

When Jacob thought she wasn't paying attention on occasions, he'd lean over and inhale, almost like he was breathing her in.

That was sort of nice, in a peculiar, kinky kind of a way. She smiled at the sentiment. But aside from him being gorgeous, witty, and smart, it was the way he touched her emotions that had her hooked, line and sinker. He always knew exactly what kind of mood she was in and was considerate of her every need. He made her feel special, and he made her feel safe.

Then there were the physical aspects she underwent in his presence. Every time he gave her his sunny smile, she lost her breath, her heart raced, and her tummy tumbled. She couldn't deny she was deeply in love with him. She thought about how she might possibly die if she ever found out none of it was real, and that he had a girlfriend somewhere, as Kristy suggested.

"Raven, are you okay?" Kristy asked, nudging Raven from her depressing thoughts.

"I was just thinking about what you said. You know? About him having a girlfriend. I'm not stupid, Kristy, there has to be a reason he hasn't kissed me." Her voice cracked. "It's just that … well, there's so much about him that I love, and it's really starting to bother me."

"Ah, Raven. Forget about what I said. You know him better than I do, so if it feels like he has feelings for you, to you, then he must. He probably just doesn't want to rush you into anything. Try not to worry about it anymore. I'm sure it'll happen soon."


Jacob was hoping that Quil or Embry would be at the Rec Center. He didn't check with either of them ahead of time because he never found a way to approach the subject of Raven with them. He was already confident that he'd be badgered out of his mind once they got wind he was hanging out with a new girl. He decided it would be better to spring it on them with her around. That way, they'd be less likely to ask him any questions.

He glimpsed Raven as she exited his car. She had her head tilted into her palm, and she was fiddling with her earring, a sign that usually meant she was nervous or distressed. He came around the car, sensing the rapid increase in the beats of her heart. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

She nodded, giving him a partial smile, with one corner of her lips turning up. It was a smile he never saw on her face before, so he wasn't exactly sure what it meant. "Everything's fine," she claimed.

But he didn't believe her. He reached for the lock of hair that was obstructing her dark eyes, and smoothed it out of the way, then clasped her by the hand. "Good, because there's nothing for you to worry about."

She took a breath and flashed him a more sincere grin. "Okay."

As soon as they walked through the doors, he spotted Quil and Embry on the basketball court, playing a game of one-on-one. Stopping the game, their eyes dropped in unison, to his and Raven's entwined hands.

Embry's eyebrow rose in speculation as he and Quil exchanged curious glances.

Jacob clenched his jaws. If he could have gotten away with it, without her seeing, he would have cuffed both of them upside the head for the faces they were making. Taking a quick look at Raven, he saw that she had lowered her eyes, and he was glad that she didn't see their rude glances.

"Hey guys, what's up?" he said, glowering at them. "This is Raven."

Raven lifted her eyes, planting a smile on her face. "Hi."

One look at her, and Embry staggered back with his hand over his heart. His eyes went ecstatic and wide, and not taking them off Raven, he murmured under his breath, "I th-think gravity just moved!"

In a panic, Jacob froze, fire blazing within him as his entire body began to ripple.

Embry burst with laughter and slapped Jacob on the arm. "Just messing with you, dude. You should have seen your face, priceless."

"Don't do that to me, Em," he said, trying to laugh it off as he breathed in through his nostrils, willing his body back to calm and taking a big sigh.

He knew that Embry imprinting was entirely possible and his joke hit way too close to home, causing Jacob to rethink taking Raven around any of the other guys, because if that should happen, there'd be nothing he could do about it.

He emerged from his thought, seeing Raven's confused expression.

"So, you're the one he's been disappearing with," Quil kidded.

"Yeah, I guess I am," Raven answered with a blush.

Jacob grabbed the basketball from Quil's hands and began taking shots at the hoop. Raven turned toward a bench that was beside the court.

"Where do you think you're going? You're playing, too," he challenged.

Raven eyes brightened. "What are we playing?" she asked, holding her arms out for the ball.

Jacob passed her the ball. "Do you know how to play whale?"

"No, never heard of it."

"Ah, it's just a fancy name for horse," Quil said. "Do you know how to play horse?"

Raven nodded. She appeared to be sizing them up, one by one, then grinned. "Okay, I will, but no one's allowed to dunk it."

Jacob, Quil, and Embry eyed-balled each other, laughing out loud, as if they'd just become aware of their height.

They played a few games of whale and Raven was able to win one of them. She was a pretty good shot for tiny little thing, Jacob thought. She showed them a game called lightning that River taught her how to play, and they played a few rounds of that too.

Jacob was pleased by how well Raven was fitting in with the guys. Both of them seemed to like her, but every once in a while, he caught Quil staring at him and her with a peculiar expression.

Raven and him teamed up and played a couple games of table hockey against Quil and Embry until Quil announced it was time for him to take off. He was supposed to babysit Claire later that afternoon.

Raven checked her phone and realized she missed a call from Abby. "I have to call my mom." She began to walk toward the door. "I'm going outside to get better reception."

As they watched Raven walk away, Embry nodded his head in appreciation, drawing out the word, "nice."

Jacob threw a hard elbow into Embry's chest, making him grunt. It was then that Quil began to grill Jacob about what was going on between him and Raven.

Jacob shook his head, annoyed, thinking that he should have known this coming. He tried to convince Quil that he and Raven were just friends, hanging out, but Quil didn't buy it. "Well it looks like a hell of lot more than that to me."

The conversation was interrupted when Raven came back inside to ask Jacob if she could wait at his house until Abby picked her up. One of Abby's elderly patients had gotten sick, so Abby was at the hospital and wasn't sure how much longer she would be.

Jacob offered to drive Raven home, but Raven reminded him that she had to return with Abby.

"Stay as long as you need to," he told her.

"I'll go call Mom back and tell her its okay. I'll be outside, waiting for you."

When she got out the door again, Quil started in, again. "What about Renesmee?"

Jacob scowled, raising his voice in anger. "What about her?" he demanded. "She's a kid!"

"Ah, leave him alone, Quil," Embry intervened. "If the guy wants to sow his oats while he has time, more power to him."

Quil glared at Embry.

"That's not what I'm doing," Jacob snapped. He paused then said, "I just can't seem to help myself."

"Well, of course he can't. Did you not see her, Ouil?"

This time they both glared at Embry.

"What are you doing then, Jake?" Quil asked.

He didn't know what he was doing, but he wasn't about to let Quil make him feel like he was doing something wrong. "Nothing."

Quil went on. "Have you seen the way she looks at you? She looks like she's in love with you or something."

Jacob did see the way she looked at him. It was one of the main reasons he kept going back. He enjoyed hearing her heart rate increase and seeing her eyes light up whenever he came around.

But Quil was right!

He would never be more than a friend to Raven. His destiny had already been revealed. Shame bubbled up inside him, and he cast his eyes to the floor, explaining, "She's just fun to be with. That's all, guys. I just like being with her."

"Look, I'm not going to pretend to understand what's going on with you and her, and I'm happy for you. I really am. If anyone deserves this, it's you, especially after everything you've been put through," Quil told him. "I just hate to see someone else around here with a broken heart. We all know what that feels like, remember? Accept it, Jake. You're an imprinted man."

They were all outside now and Jacob told Quil not to worry about it and that he'd work everything out, because hurting Raven was the last thing he wanted to do.

While Jacob and Raven drove out to his house in silence, he considered how easy the day went from fantastic to sucking. He felt really depressed, and he couldn't ignore Quil's lecture, or the guilt that followed it.

"What's the matter, Jacob? You're being awfully quiet all of a sudden," Raven asked, her eyes full of concern.

"Everything's good. I was just thinking about something that Quil said earlier, but it's not important. Well, it is important but I'll figure it out later."

Jacob and Raven pulled into his yard, and there was a brand new Jeep parked in the driveway. Jacob wondered who was there, until he spotted Leah and Sue, coming out of the house. "That's Sue and Leah Clearwater. Seth's family," he mumbled.

Great, this is all I need.

Sue and Leah were helping Billy wheel himself out the door. Billy explained that they were going over to Old Quil's place to have another sweat lodge ceremony.

"You must be Abby's daughter," Sue said, smiling at Raven.

"I am. Do you know her?"

"Yes, I do. We met over at Old Quil's house one day. She's very nice, and has a way with the elderly folks around here," Sue complimented. "This is my daughter Leah," she said, gesturing toward Leah.

"Hello." Raven lifted her hand, waving at Leah.

Leah grumbled, rolling her eyes and tossing her head away from Raven.

"I was at Charlie's house the other day when Bella called." Sue was trying to read Jacob's face, and he knew it. "She asked about you. She said she's tried to call you, but you're never home. She left a number."

Jacob turned and walked away, following after Leah to help her with Billy and the wheelchair.

"She said to tell you hi from all of them," Sue called out, irritating Jacob by the way she emphasized the word all.

"Well, tell her I said hi to all of them back," he spouted, not caring to hide his irritation.

He really didn't want to have to hear about it, let alone think about it anymore. He was already in a lousy mood.

"I don't think Leah liked me," Raven stated matter-of-fact while she and Jacob watched them drive away.

"She doesn't like anybody," he admitted. They walked up the steps and into the house. "Something happened, and now she's just pissed off at the entire world."

Jacob turned on the TV, and he and Raven sat down on the tiny love seat. He was tense and trying to lift his spirits back up for Raven's sake. He didn't want her to feel the least bit unwelcome because of his preoccupied behavior. None of it was her fault.

"So ... who's Bella?" Raven asked, carrying a look of worry on her face that stood out to Jacob.

"Oh, she's just Charlie's daughter. She's married now. She moved away a couple of months before I met you … and she's a mom."

When he reached for her hand, she smiled, eased by his answer. Then she asked, "Billy said something about a sweat lodge ceremony, what's that?"

Still bothered by Quil and Sue's conversations with him, he attempted to force them out of his head while he described how the elders had built a sweat lodge and how they used it, fasting and praying until spiritual things were made known to them.

Jacob told Raven that the men who were sweating sometimes had visions or were visited by the spirits of their ancestors, the ones who traveled the paths before them. As Jacob spoke, he realized that Billy had been going over to sweat a lot more than usual over the past few weeks. He only did that when he had serious concerns to attend to.

Jacob watched Raven, staring at him totally absorbed while he continued to describe the ceremony. "That sounds amazing. I'd love to see something like that," she offered, intrigued.

Captured by the look in her eyes, he focused on her every quality in return. Her thick dark hair was tied up loosely behind her head with a few subtle strands hanging in front of her face. Her lips were pink and so were her cheeks. Her eyelashes were long and thick. Jacob could see hints of her Native American features clearly. Her beauty was astonishing.

Becoming overwhelmed with the desire to kiss her, a desire he didn't think twice about fighting, he wrapped his arms around her tight, his eyes sinking into hers as she tilted her head up toward him. Their lips touched, and Jacob felt her body liquefy within his arms.

In an instant, he was aware that all five of his sharp senses were feverishly at work. He was seeing the enticing glow of her beauty, drowning in the fragrance of her skin, and tasting the essence of her lips, simultaneously, along with the sound of her sigh and the touch of her body against his. It was unbelievable!

His heart pounded in his chest and his body temperature soared through the roof, electricity shooting from every nerve ending, causing his body to burst with pleasure from the nape of his neck to the tips of his toes.

Trying to regain control of himself, he attempted to slow the movement of his mouth, loosening his grasp, but she pressed her body further into his with an urgency. Perceiving the sudden quickening of her heart and breaths, she became even more irresistible. He tightened his arms around her and continued letting himself drown in her kiss.

A car horn roared in the deaf quite, pulling them apart, and it was probably good that it did. Jacob thought.

Raven stood up quickly, and she was beaming with blissfulness. "I'm going to the movies in Port Angeles with my friend Kristy tomorrow. Will you come? Maybe bring Quil or Embry? If they're not already seeing someone, I mean."

"What time?" Jacob asked, feeling a little dazed with what had just occurred.

"I'll call you later and let you know."

"I'll try to bring Embry. He thinks he's some kind of a ladies' man, already been out with most of the girls around here."

The horn blared again. Raven gave him a fast kiss and ran to the door. She turned back just as she stepped outside. "Finally, for a while there I thought I was going to have to ask," she teased with a grin.

Jacob smiled back at her, noting the strange irony of her comment and thinking, Jeezus, what the hell am I doing?