A/N Thank you so much for all the support. As usual i'm not Tony Grounds
The Other Side of This Life.
"Molls, please call us back Love. We miss ya. We just want to know you're alright. Love you Mum."
Molly perched against a park bench trawling through the voicemails and texts left on her phone from various members of her family and 2 Section. She knew they were worried after the stunt she pulled at the medal ceremony a week ago. In truth she hadn't meant to cut everyone off. She'd needed some space to get her head together. She hadn't meant to go off at the deep end and disappear but at the time she was too busy listening to her body's need to escape; she hadn't had time to use her head.
Since her melt down the previous week she had taken up running to clear her head. It was Charles who had suggested they go out together. The exercise was good PT for his leg and enabled Molly to have an outlet to focus all her restless energy. Something to ground her. Keep her focused. Not to mention, it provided Charles with the perfect opportunity to ensure her fitness levels didn't drop whilst she was on leave. Although she hadn't had any further panic attacks, something which couldn't be said for the nightmares, Charles could see she still wasn't one hundred percent comfortable being back in civilian life.
Molly enjoyed running, especially round Victoria Park. She loved the freedom and escapism running gave her. She could run around the park, through the botanical gardens, up to the green at the top end where she would often stop and watch the hot air balloons take flight. She'd stay until they were tiny specks in the sky making her feel so small and insignificant. All her worries and troubles just melted away in Bath. London didn't exist here in this moment. All she saw was the cities architecture, the old unusual buildings made of bath stone, the narrow cobbled streets embedded in rich history just waiting to be explored; their secrets ready to be revealed to anyone who was prepared to look.
In truth, she was reluctant to return to London. Having finally found the calmness and stillness she had craved since her return from Afgan. As much as she loved her family they didn't understand. How could they? Molly saw the uncertainty and fear in her mum's eyes when she confessed to killing Badrai. Like she didn't recognise Molly anymore. But Molly knew she would never be that girl again. She couldn't go back. Didn't want to go back. She had talked at length with Charles after she had made the decision to go back to Afgan. They both knew she needed to sort it all out. She had to go back and square away that chapter of her journey. Hopefully, while out there training medics, she would find some form of closure. To feel like she was making a difference again. Helping to save lives. Not take them. She was nearly there. She could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Molly looked out across the park, watching all manner of people milling about, as she dialled her mum's number. When it went straight to voice mail Molly waited for the beep before leaving her message. "Mum it's me. Just to let you know I'm fine. Honest. I didn't mean to not call I just needed to get anyway to sort things out. I'm staying with an army friend. I should be back tomorrow. Anyway I'll call you laters. Love ya. Bye." Molly sighed and looked up at the sky. The dark clouds that were slowly creeping in didn't look very promising. She knew she'd better make a move if she was to get back before the rain.
Walking through the front door Molly muttered and grumbled as she wrestled out of her wet trainers and socks. "For fuck sakes, couldn't wait two bleedin' minutes." She'd made it to the end of the crescent before the heavens opened and she was drenched in a matter of seconds. Slamming the door behind her, she moved through the hall until she reached the kitchen. Charles looked up from the paper a knowing look on his face. "You got caught out again didn't you?" He smirked, eying her wet running gear that moulded to her figure like a second skin thanks to the rain. "Oi, eyes up here perv," Molly laughed leaning over to kiss his cheek. "Bloody rain! That's three times this week I've been caught out. At least I won't have to worry about this in Afgan," She muttered as she settled at the counter reaching for the steaming cup of tea waiting for her. "True," Charles laughed. "The hot waters on ready if you want to take your shower."
"Ah you're a true gent."
"Well I'm not sure you'd say then when you find out what I intend to do to you in the shower Dawes." Charles looked at Molly suggestively. Molly grinned and made to move towards the door. "Lead on then Boss," she said cheekily only to burst into fits of giggles as Charles picked her up and hoisted her over his shoulder. "Oi, Charles careful of yer leg ya muppet."
"The legs fine Dawesy," Charles promised as he made his way up the staircase to the first floor landing. Molly's giggles echoing around the big house as Charles slammed the bathroom door shut.
Charles woke with a start. On instinct he reached for Molly's side of the bed only to find it empty, the sheets cold. Charles sighed and glanced blearily at the alarm clock on his bedside table 3:30 AM it read. It had happened again. The nightmares. Molly had been working on coming to terms with everything that had happened in Afgan as well as the aftermath. Being in Bath seemed to settle her fraught nerves and allow her to relax. But Charles was no fool. He knew the signs of PTSD. He'd picked up on Molly's hyperarousal at the station. How she had frozen when he touched her, instinctively reaching for her rifle as her instincts screamed for her to protect herself. He would watch her eyes glaze over as she disappeared to a different place entirely; reliving the horrors of Afgan again and again behind her eyelids. The nights were the worse. In the daytime, Molly had plenty of distractions to keep her busy. However it is at night, when her guard is down and Molly is at her most vulnerable and open, that the nightmares come. They happen when she least expects it leaving her body, gasping and shaking, wracked with sobs. Charles can do nothing but sit and rock her, mumbling unintelligible things in her ear, until her frantic heartbeat slows to its normal rhythm and sleep returns.
Rubbing his eyes he stumbles to the door and onto the landing. As he moves down the stair way and along the hall he is struck by how silent the big old house is. He stumbles, catching himself on the banister just in time to stop himself pitching head-first down the stairs into the darkness. His injured leg, not quite fully healed, buckles under his sudden movement. He remembers Molly's comment about scary houses with big old staircases that people fall down and chuckles as he moves more cautiously down the stairs. Maybe she had a point. A soft glow emits from a gap under the door leading to the lounge. As he walks in he finds Molly slumped on the sofa sound asleep, her presentation for the Afgan medics open on the laptop screen, post- it notes and medical journals scattered around her.
Charles reaches over and gently removes her laptop and swings her legs up onto the sofa before covering her with a throw. She shifts and opens her eyes blearily. "Did I fall asleep again?"
"Indeed you did Dawes." Molly chuckles quietly before lapsing into silence deep in thought. "Out with it Dawes, what's eating you?" Charles prodded. She shifts to make room for him on the sofa before settling against his bare chest.
"Nothing. I'm just a bit nervous about goin' home I guess. Havin' to explain it to everyone. I know they don't understand it all. All they see is a hero. Me Dad wants me to go an parade around a bloody stadium like some prize pony. Why can't they get it's just me doin' me job? I don't want to be reminded. I just want to get on with it. They won't accept me going back; won't understand that I need to do it to get some closure," Molly finished her sentence in a rush.
"I think you need to give them more credit. Tell them how you really feel. They may not understand it at first but they will support you. They love you and want what's best for you. It's like you said you're looking for something. Maybe you'll find it in Afgan. Maybe you won't. You taught me that we need to fix the small things first before moving on to the big things. Helping those medics will make a huge difference to hundreds of lives Molly. Your fixing a small cog that will help ensure the whole huge Afgan machine can work long after were gone. Maybe you just need to step back and look at the bigger picture. Take some time to fix yourself, before you try fixing everything else." Charles finished slightly worried he had overstepped the mark.
"You saying I'm broken Boss?" Molly asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Not broken. You're just thinking about things too much. You've a lot going on. Just take things one step at a time. I know what it's like to want to try and fix everything. To want that level of control. It makes you feel safer. I know it sounds a complete cliché but you do need to give yourself time."
Molly sighed. "I know that. It's just everything's changing and I'm not sure I'm ready for it."
Charles laughed, "If anyone's ready for it, it's you. Now come on we best be getting you to bed. I can't send you back to London looking like a zombie. I was under strict instructions to send you back in good nick else you're Nan threated to lamp me. Best crack on Dawesy." He finished his sentence and broke into a mischievous grin as he watched the array of emotions play out across Molly's face. He knew he was in trouble and made a break for the door.
"Oi, what you mean about Nan? How do you know that.. 'ear have you been speaking to her? CHARLES!" Molly hurried out of the room after him, intent on gaining some answers if it's the last thing she did.
