Disclaimer: Possession is 9/10ths of the law, especially when it comes to PoT. I don't own it so don't sue me.

A/N: I've recently found that reading cool stories makes me want to write cool stories. If any other writers on this site have found out the same thing drop me a PM and we'll establish a mutual support society or something. : ) Hopefully this will ensure that I don't take any more year long hiatuses.

Oh, and also? This chapter is complete crack from start to finish. The logical should beware. Just thought I'd warn you.

Thanks go out to my beta berrynut whose gentle poking via email is probably responsible for this getting out as soon as it did. Everyone who waited for this should thank her profusely.

I like children. If they're properly cooked.

~W.C Fields

Chapter 4: In which a several phone calls are made, Sakuno realizes that all tennis players are crazy, and Sumire tests the theory that the way to a tennis team's heart is through its stomach to great success.

Ryuuzaki Sumire had experience with children. She'd raised five sons, had close relationships with all seventeen of her grandchildren, and was currently busy babying her six great-grandchildren. She'd been a teacher and coach for going on forty-six years. Children were no mystery. After all these years she tended to know how they would react even before they did, which was exactly why she wasn't looking forward to this next meeting.

With the misfortune that had recently befallen their captain tension was bound to be running high in the Rikkai tennis club. She'd come in contact with this team before and from what she had seen they were both extremely tight knit and very, very loyal to their captain. Add in a new authority figure who they would likely regard as an outsider and she had a simmering pot of resentment and male pride that would be ready blow like a powder keg at any moment.

Oh, she doubted that they would be outright rude. She had worked with their fukubuchou at various invitational camps enough times to know that he was unlikely to tolerate any obvious insubordination. It wasn't like she'd ever had trouble disciplining any of her charges when they stepped out of line, either. She was no pushover.

However, she had been hired as a mental coach and to be able to do her job to her full potential a certain level of trust was needed between the coach and the players. If things started off smoothly it would make her job much easier as time went by. So while she wasn't nervous by any stretch of the imagination she was wary.

At least the office was nice. Situated comfortably on the second floor, it was larger than her old one at Seigaku by half and the wall of windows to her right allowed her to observe what was occurring on the tennis courts below from any point in the room. It was also conveniently close to the classrooms she would be visiting during the day. All in all, she decided, a nice, comfortable setup and she began unpacking with little regret.

She had about an hour before she was due to meet up with the regulars. Despite the fact that it was a holiday and the school was all but empty, apart from the students who had landed themselves in make up classes and the teachers unfortunate enough to be stuck supervising them, the tennis team had been coming in to practice almost every day just as they would have if school had been in session. And with only a few days left before the new school year began Sumire had decided that it was high time that she met the students she would be focusing the majority of her energy on.

Whatever those kids could dish out she could take and give back double.

She smirked evilly at her office supplies and chuckled in a mildly disturbing manner.

Bring. It. On.

Prince of Tennis

It was, Marui Bunta decided, way too freaking early for this. This fact didn't deter Sanada, of course, but then very little ever did. Damn morning people.

He rubbed discreetly at his eyes and made a valiant attempt to focus on what Sanada was lecturing about on the off chance that it was more important than pondering how utterly unjust it was to have to be awake at this hour and not even get any cake in return.

"I want you all to be polite. Ryuuzaki Sumire is a noted expert on mental game. We could all benefit from listening to her." Sanada's voice was flat and he was leveling his Stern Gaze at the gathered players, lingering especially on Niou and Akaya.

Marui fought the urge to snort and mentally subtracted two points from Sanada in his mental tally for being generally obtuse. Like that would convince those two to behave. Niou was never polite except when he was pretending to be Yagyuu and even then you could bet that he was scheming against you and calling you strange names in his head. And Akaya was, well, not at his best at the moment.

None of them were really, what with Yukimura-buchou being hospitalized. But Akaya wasn't exactly well adjusted at the best of times and the extra stress had him acting like rubber band about to snap, adding a new authority figure to the mix when he was already smarting over his idol's absence was just asking for meltdown. Marui just hoped that fallout wouldn't be serious enough to land the little brat in any real trouble. Pain in the ass though the kid could be, he was actually rather fond of the little monster.

He flicked a quick glance at the object of his musings and failed to suppress a wince. Akaya was getting sulkier by the minute and Sanada's continued admonishments weren't helping at all. He watched warily as Akaya's already impressive pout dropped another millimeter and he subtracted another three points from Sanada for the combined crimes of having no survival instincts and for his inability to read the emotional undercurrents of a situation. No one could deny that the guy was a brilliant tennis player but neither could anyone deny that he lacked several highly useful social skills. No was perfect, he supposed.

Except, of course, for Yukimura-buchou. But then everyone not completely brain dead knew that trying to apply humanity's usual limitations to Yukimura Seiichi was just plain silly.

Duh.

But seriously, somebody needed to save their fukubuchou from himself before Akaya went Chernobyl and started like, biting people or something. Normally he'd at least try but his mother was concerned about his sugar intake and she'd thrown away his entire stash over the weekend. He barely had enough motivation to breathe much less perform daring rescues.

God he needed cake.

Thankfully Yanagi had the same idea and managed to intervene right as Akaya opened his mouth to say something that would very likely have gotten him slapped.

"Genichiroh, I'm sure the team understands that any misbehavior will have consequences." Sanada did not look reassured but Yanagi continued before he could protest. "Besides, it's almost time to go meet with Ryuuzaki-sensei. After all this talk of politeness it wouldn't do to be late."

There was no arguing with that so Marui hauled himself up off the bench he was seated on and prepared to make the trek up to the second floor. They reached their destination without fuss. It felt like the calm before a storm.

Sanada knocked firmly on the closed office door and moments later a female voice called out permission to enter. The elderly woman situated behind the desk managed to look imposing despite being dressed in a pink tracksuit. Marui had never met Ryuuzaki Sumire before but he knew that Sanada, Yanagi, and Yukimura had all worked with her at least once and that all three had come away with a favorable impression. In his mind that was all the endorsement anyone needed. He was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. The rest was up to her.

She was speaking to someone on her cell phone and waved them in absentmindedly. He was ready to subtract points for inattention but he stopped once he actually started listening to what she was saying.

"Sakuno stop quibbling and give me a straight answer. Has anything been broken since I left the house this morning?" Her voice was very stern but she looked like she was trying hard not to laugh as she paused to wait for an answer. "Nothing important? Elaborate. Now."

She was beginning to look moderately worried. Obviously she and the person she was conversing with had very different ideas of what was and what was not important. This had the potential to be both amusing and informative. How well a teacher handled chaos and destruction tended to indicate how well said teacher was going to along with the tennis club.

"That lamp? The lamp you've hated since your uncle bought it for me for Mother's Day six years ago?" She paused looking incredulous. "What do you mean you didn't hate it? You've been trying to convince me to get rid of it for years. You thought it was hideous. Yes dear, I know it's not nice to speak ill of the dead but I'm still in the dark about how the lamp met its unfortunate demise in the first place."

Marui, fought the urge to snicker and he could see Niou from the corner of his eye doing the same. This whole conversation reeked of trick in progress.

"Geese! What do you mean geese? There are geese in the house?"

Marui lifted a hand to cover the grin growing on his face. Even Akaya had managed to throw off his mutinous attitude enough to listen.

"They snuck in while you were getting the mail." Ryuuzaki-sensei's voice had gone flat and disbelieving. "Ninja geese? Yes, I'm sure they were very sneaky. I didn't realize that the wildlife in Kanagawa was so much livelier than it was in Tokyo. At least you've caught them all. Have you called animal control yet? Good. I have to go. We'll talk late–"

Before Marui could even feel disappointed that the rather amusing conversation had drawn to a close the old woman suddenly jerked as if startled.

"What was that? Don't you 'nothing' me Ryuuzaki Sakuno I've lived with you long enough to recognize the sound of something breaking from a mile away." She paused once more before launching back into lecture mode, "Let me guess. You didn't catch all of the geese. Of course not, that would be far too easy. I'm going to take another shot in the dark and guess that it broke that vase you kept trying to bribe the movers into 'losing'. I'm right? Shocking."

Okay, even Sanada was smirking now. Whoever was on the other end of that phone call got major points, twenty-five at least, for dispelling the tension that had been suffocating the team all morning.

"Is that the last one? That's good. I really have to go now. Try not to destroy the house before I get home, it's new and I'd like it to remain in one piece for a little while at least. Mmm-hmm. I love you too." Their new coach hung up the phone and huffed a small amused laughed before she shook her head and looked up.

"I apologize for making you wait but as you could probably tell there was a bit of a situation at home." She looked rueful as she beckoned them further into the room.

Marui grinned as he took a seat. "Geese sensei?"

She chuckled again and shook her head. "That girl. Two days ago it was feral cats that snuck in the window she accidentally left open. They managed to completely destroy the collection of porcelain clowns that one of her aunts insists on adding to every holiday."

"Your granddaughter?" Yanagi asked.

Ryuuzaki-sensei smiled softly and nodded before answering, "My youngest. She'll be starting here as a first year in a few days and she seems to be using the move as an excuse to get rid of any elements of décor she finds distasteful. Not that I can actually prove it. She hasn't broken anything. Half the time she isn't even in the house when it occurs. I've been letting her spend far too much time with her cousin the lawyer. Plausible deniability has become her new favorite phrase. At this point I'm just hoping that she doesn't take exception to the placement of any of the walls."

Marui was kind of hoping she was. Getting rid of walls would probably require elephants, or wild boars at the least. Now that would be funny. He thought about wondering where she got the animals but decided to apply the unspoken Never Ask Rule that was one of the staples of staying passably sane while in the tennis club. Sometimes it really was best not to know.

The Rule aside it seemed like interacting with both Ryuuzaki-sensei and her granddaughter would be relatively painless. Any girl who could use live geese as a decorative aid and any teacher who could treat it as an everyday occurrence couldn't be bad in his book.

"Before we start the introductions," the old woman said, "Would anyone like some cake? Sakuno made it last night."

Oh yeah. They were going to get along great.

Prince of Tennis

Yanagi Renji observed his teammates. The atmosphere on the courts was much better than it was yesterday. Akaya was still a bit sulky but for the most part the rest of the team was now open to giving their new mental coach a chance. Personally, Yanagi had been looking forward to working with her since he heard that she'd accepted the position. Genichiroh hadn't been exaggerating when he'd said that Ryuuzaki Sumire was an expert.

While the physical aspect of Seigaku's game had gone down in level in recent years their mental game was still the best in Japan. Players from Seigaku were notorious for being difficult to rattle. Yanagi had lost count of the number of times he'd seen a Seigaku regular make a comeback from a seemingly impossible position. They were known for being good sports as well and their morale seemed to be as difficult to disrupt as their concentration. Losses only served to make them more determined.

All of these were areas in which he knew there was a great deal of room for improvement at Rikkai. Their physical game was the best in the business but several of his teammates fostered highly unhealthy mental attitudes and Yanagi was well aware that he too could learn to handle disruptions in the usual status quo with a bit more grace. Their team's Always Win philosophy didn't leave much room for any of them to learn how to deal with losses.

Thankfully it seemed as if yesterday had convinced most of the others that it would be to their benefit to listen as well. Genichiroh had been on board from the start, just as he had and he'd been certain that Jackal, Yagyuu, and Marui would at least go into the meeting neutral. Akaya and Niou had been his greatest concerns. Neither was entirely convinced, even now, but they were at least on their way.

It had been the cake that had done it. The phone call had been enough to break the tension but it was the cake that had kept it from returning. Ryuuzaki-sensei was obviously well used to dealing with the moods of teenage boys.

When in doubt, bring food.

It was a solid, time-honored, tried and true method and it hadn't failed her.

It had been very good cake. A tangy, citrus confection with light, crisp icing that melted in your mouth. He could practically see Marui adding points to the mental tally that he thought no one knew about after taking his first bite. Yanagi had, had seconds himself and he generally didn't enjoy sweets.

They would all be speaking with the new coach again today but this time instead of visiting in a group they would all go up to speak with her one on one. Genichiroh and Marui had already been and Jackal was having his meeting right now. He was next and he was rather interested in seeing exactly how Ryuuzaki-sensei planned to interact with the team.

Faculty involvement in the sports clubs at Rikkai had always been very hands off. In most cases almost all of the important decisions about management and training were left up to the buchou and the fukubuchou with the advisor simply there to sign the papers. He was well aware that other schools, Seigaku included, were far more hands on when it came to supervision.

However, according to his research, one of the reasons that Ryuuzaki-sensei had accepted the position at Rikkai in the first place was because her age and health no longer allowed her to safely manage such a rigorous schedule. He was 95.4 % certain that they could count on her to leave the physical training in the hands of the students, though there was a 98 % chance that she might add suggestions here and there. All in all he felt that the relationship would be mutually beneficial.

He looked out at the courts once more. Marui's accuracy could stand to be improved and he made a mental note to schedule him for practice with the ball machines in the near future. He would have to dig the targets out of storage.

He caught a flash of movement in his peripheral vision and turned to look just in time to see Jackal exiting the school building. He turned to his right and silently signaled to Genichiroh the he was going, receiving a nod in return. Correctly interpreting this as permission Yanagi quickly made his way into the building and up to the coach's office.

He raised his hand to knock but paused as he heard voices coming from within. He could do the polite thing and knock to alert them of his presence or he could put his preternaturally good hearing to good use and take the opportunity to gather data on his new coach while she was unaware anyone was listening.

He chose the latter.

Data was valuable after all. And data from a subject that didn't realize they were being observed was even more so. People behaved more honestly when they thought that no one was looking.

"You didn't send anyone to the hospital this time did you?" That was Ryuuzaki-sensei. Judging by her tone and inflection he hypothesized that she was speaking to her granddaughter again. He could hear someone moving inside the office and since he would have seen anyone who entered the building he felt that it was safe to assume that she was using her office's speakerphone.

"That only happened once." The girl sounded mildly sulky like Akaya when someone refused to play a match with him or Marui when he hadn't had enough sleep or sugar. "With all those finely honed tennis reflexes he should have been able to dodge an alarm clock. Besides, that was their fault anyway. I thought they were ninjas."

The girl seemed to have a mild fixation on ninjas. This was the second time in as many conversations that he'd heard her mention them.

"You and your ninjas," Ryuuzaki-sensei said, her voice amused. "I don't know where you get these ideas."

"It was five in the morning and they were all wearing ski-masks! It was a reasonable assumption." She sounded rather defensive. "And no, no one ended up in the hospital."

"So what have you all been up to?"

"First we went to the movies but Eiji-san was bouncing around the way he always does and he accidentally knocked over the popcorn machine so we got kicked out." She spoke evenly as if she weren't saying anything particularly interesting.

"Oh dear." The old woman sounded more amused than concerned.

"Then we went to the park but Inui-san was scaring the children and making the parents nervous so we had to leave." Yanagi smirked upon hearing that. Classic Sadaharu. He really had no subtlety. It was good to know that some things never changed.

"Gathering data?" Ryuuzaki-sensei queried, although it was obvious from her voice that she both knew the answer and found it funny.

"Un. Then we went to that new make-your-own pottery studio–"

"I'm sure that didn't end well."

"Of course not, Momo-kun and Kaidoh-san were there. Somehow their usual verbal arguments erupted into an all out clay war." The girl was finally beginning to sound frustrated. He honestly couldn't blame her.

Ryuuzaki sensei heaved a sigh and when she spoke her voice rang with exasperated fondness, "Those two. Which one started it?"

"They both swear that they didn't. Personally I'm inclined to believe them. Shusuke-san was wearing his Particularly Scary Smile." Yanagi's smirk widened. He'd spent enough time at Rikkai to recognize capital letters when he heard them. This girl was going to blend right in.

"I see."

There was a short pause during which he assumed Ryuuzaki-sensei was processing the sheer amount of chaos that could fit into one morning. He did the same. By this point he was 99.7 percent certain that the individuals being referred to were the Seigaku regulars. It didn't sound as if Tezuka was with them, however. He doubted that the stoic captain would have allowed his subordinates to behave in such an undignified manner if he were present.

"We're at the mall now," Ryuuzaki Sakuno continued. "I think that earlier they were attempting to show me how much fun I'd be missing out on by going to Rikkai, but now they've simply resorted to bribing me with material gifts." She was back to speaking calmly, as if having a group of boys take her out on the town and shower her with attention and presents was nothing out of the ordinary. Perhaps for her it wasn't.

"And how is that working out?"

"Inui-san is standing in the corner scribbling in his notebook and rattling off percentages. Shusuke-san is distracting the female shop assistants. Momo-kun and Kaidoh-san are fighting about plushies while Oishi-san is trying to intervene and Eiji-san is egging them on."

"Business as usual then?" Her voice was amused but then she paused as the entirety of the previous statement caught up in her brain. "Wait. Fighting about plushies?"

"Un. Apparently Momo-kun should buy the monkey because he looks like one and Kaidoh-san should buy the unicorn because he's a wuss. It's already degenerated into scuffling. The displays around them are in mortal peril."

"You," Ryuuzaki-sensei said, "Sound suspiciously calm about this whole escapade."

Yanagi agreed. Either Ryuuzaki-san was an abnormally calm girl or she knew something they didn't.

"I was woken up at an unholy hour, dragged out of the house, I smell like I've bathed in popcorn, the clay is never going to come out of these clothes not to mention my hair. But you know what?"

"What?"

"I'm not going to get upset, because today? Today is like giving a group of prisoners a last meal before their execution."

"Plotting homicide Sakuno?" His coach's voice sounded distinctly bemused.

"Not me," she denied sounding terribly pleased. "But when Mitsu-nii finds out that they snitched his key so that they could make this visit a surprise he's going to make them run laps until they die."

Before Ryuuzaki-sensei could summon up a response to that statement the sounds of a sudden crash and a great deal of yelling erupted from the phone.

"And there goes the plushie display." Ryuuzaki-san's tone suggested that she had foreseen this outcome. "Oh wow, does that manager ever look mad! That shade of red cannot be healthy. Obaa-chan, I think I have to go. It looks like we're going to be kicked out again and this time we'll be lucky if it isn't literally. Love you."

"Love you too. I'll see you at home."

The yelling was getting louder and he could barely hear her affirmative response before the phone call cut off just as the screeching reached a decibel he was sure could cause permanent damage.

Yanagi waited outside the door for a few more minutes before knocking. He had no doubt that the new year would prove interesting and he had a feeling, although he had no data to back it up, that Ryuuzaki Sakuno would be a large part of that.

Tomorrow was the last day of break.

Then the fun would begin.

Prince of Tennis

Despite what his personality and general attitude would suggest, Niou Masaharu loved the first day of school.

It was, in fact, one of only two days during the school year that he came in early.

It wasn't because he was looking forward to the classes or something ridiculous like that. Nor was he looking forward to socializing with the sheep that made up the majority of the population. What he was looking forward to could be summed up in one word:

Mayhem.

The first day back to school was always chaotic. Niou saw it as his solemn duty to add to that chaos as much as possible. So in addition to the normal back to school hazards of mixed up schedules, locating new classrooms, meeting new teachers, not being prepared, and having stories of all the stupid things they did over vacation become public knowledge students at Rikkai had other hazards to worry about.

Hazards involving paint and superglue and grease. Hazards with feathers and fangs and scales. Hazards that exploded. Hazards that made rude noises. Hazard that smelled.

The dread of the returning second and third years, who had already experienced at least one Niou Masaharu First Day of School Extravaganza, was wonderful all on its own. But his very favorite part, the thing he truly waited all year for, was the reaction of the incoming first years.

Already confused and bewildered by their unfamiliar environment their nerves always quickly, and amusingly, turned to terror when they began to realize what they were in for. Niou didn't consider his job a success unless every single first year went home from their first day of middle school at least moderately traumatized.

Ah, schadenfreude. His one great joy.

Besides tennis.

Obviously.

Of course it wasn't all fun and games. His hazing served a higher purpose.

By the end of the day it was always obvious which first years were made of sterner stuff than usual and which would crumble under pressure. Those who managed to make it through the ordeal with their composure reasonably in tact were encouraged to join the tennis club. The key word being reasonably because no one had ever even managed to make it to lunch unscathed and unruffled.

Until now, that is.

Niou Masaharu clenched his fists and glared fiercely at the two tiny first year girls standing in front of him. One was appropriately skittish, all pinch-faced and jumpy, if a bit cleaner then he preferred. The reason behind this inexcusable lack of mess became immediately obvious when one saw the second girl.

Her shoes shone as if they'd just been polished. Her uniform was crisp. Every strand of her ridiculously long hair was in perfect order. She looked like she'd just stepped out of the school's brochure. In short, she was freaking spotless.

But the worst part, the very worst thing about her wasn't the shiny shoes, or the clean uniform, or the neat hair.

It was her expression.

She was completely calm.

Utterly blasé save for a slight quirk at the corner of her mouth that signified nothing stronger than vague amusement. Such equanimity in the face of his genius was unforgivable. Had she worn the fierce, vicious glee of a kindred spirit, the smirk of a fellow artist, the visage of a comrade in arms he would have been able to deal with it. If he was being entirely honest with himself, which he almost never was, he would already be considering making her his successor. However, such bland unconcern was, quite simply, Not Okay.

Hell, even Yukimura freaking Seiichi had been caught on their first day. Granted he'd made Niou fear for his life in retribution and it had never happened again but that wasn't the point. The point was that. He. Had. Been Caught.

So Niou did the only thing an (un)reasonable person could do in that situation:

He followed them and listened in on their conversation.

"This place," the jumpy one moaned as her friend pulled her out of the way of a bucket full of scummy pond water, "Is completely insane. I knew, knew that we should have chosen Hyotei!"

"No way," her friend replied firmly. "That place was crazy. Besides I kind of – Don't touch that!" She grabbed the other girl's hand just in time to stop her from touching a doorknob treated with contact glue. Niou clenched his jaw.

"Besides," she continued as if nothing had happened. "I kind of like it here. It's homey." She reached into her schoolbag and pulled out a handkerchief, which she used to turn the handle.

Hah, Niou thought. She was in for it no–

She held her friend back before flinging the door open, neatly managing to avoid the bucket of chartreuse paint that came tumbling down in front of them.

Oh. HELL. No.

The little Fun Killer calmly made her way around the spreading puddle and out the door dragging her complaining friend, who was getting louder by the second, along behind her. Niou followed them outside.

"Homey! You find this madness HOMEY?"

"Yuya-chan," Demon Child said softly. "I've told you about my family before. Don't touch that railing."

Yuya, for he assumed that was the shrieking one's name, snapped her hand back immediately. Niou ground his teeth together. Spreading all that peanut butter under there had been hard damn it.

"I thought you were joking," Yuya wailed.

"Uh-uh. It's better now that most of my cousins are grownup and respectable or, you know, at least pretending to be but when I was little it was like prank warfare. This is kiddie stuff. Duck! Compared to that, at least." The two dodged just in time to avoid a barrage of water balloons filled with dye. The projectiles sailed over their heads caught a group of bedraggled looking second years by surprise. However, that was a small compensation for Niou considering the insult he'd just been faced with.

Kiddie stuff! That little she monster had just referred to his grandest event of the year as freaking KIDDIE STUFF! Niou seethed but continued to listen as they started to make their way down the concrete steps.

"Kiddie stuff?" The Banshee's voice had gone high and faint. She was obviously suffering from shock.

Join the goddamn club.

"Un. You should have seen the time my cousin Shu overnighted my other cousin Kyo to Osaka. Or the time Nana-nee and Kei-nii got our other cousin Yuki drunk then took his clothes, his cell phone, and his wallet and left him in a hotel room in Shanghai. Then they took anything in the room he could use to cover himself, towels, robes, curtains, all of it, plus the room's phone so he couldn't even call room service for help. He had to walk down to the lobby naked. Or – skip this last step."

They hopped over the greased stair. Niou took a small, petty sort of satisfaction in seeing the Irritating Midget stumble slightly and wince when she landed.

"Or," she continued, "The time I went to stay with my cousin An for two weeks and she told me that if I ate nothing but carrots it would improve my balance. I turned orange."

"So that's why you always pick the carrots out of everything!" Yuya said in that tone of voice people use when they finally find out the answer to a question that's been plaguing them for a long time and it turns out to be completely ridiculous. It was a cross between eureka and why-the-hell-did-I-waste-so-much-time-thinking-about-this.

The Formerly Orange Wonder nodded then leveled a concerned gaze at her pole-axed companion. "Ne, Yuya-chan? Don't worry so much, okay? We're moving away from the tennis courts so things shouldn't be as bad now."

Niou and Yuya both stared at her, the former in stunned disbelief and the latter in total incomprehension.

The Root of All Evil explained, "The pranks increase in number and intensity the closer you get to the tennis courts which seem to be like the eye of the storm. Plus, all tennis players are crazy, or all the good ones anyway. It's like a prerequisite."

Niou tried to work up some indignation over that statement but eventually even he had to admit that it was true.

"So the tennis team is behind this disaster?"

"Maybe not the whole team. It's probably just one or two of them setting things up but I'd be wiling to bet that everybody on the team knows who's doing it."

Niou glanced down at his watch. He had to be at the courts in five minutes for a meeting. That meant that he had roughly forty-five seconds to ensure that his new nemesis met her doom before he had to run to ensure that he didn't meet his courtesy of Sanada and his punctuality fetish. Just as he was about to personally intervene in the situation he heard screaming coming from his right that told him that he wouldn't have to.

He'd ordered this baby special, weeks in advance and it was about to pay of big time as two and a half pounds of scary, hairy spider went barreling towards his new least favorite person.

Or at least it would have paid off big time if she hadn't simply picked up a bucket left over from a previously sprung trap and dropped it right over the juggernaut arachnid. Her friend appeared to be frozen in shock. He was pretty close himself.

The Spider Hunter calmly sat down on top of the overturned bucket and tucked her (still ridiculously long) hair behind her ears. Yuya stirred as both the captor and the cage lurched comically under the force of the spider's struggles.

"Yuya-chan I think you should probably go get one of the teachers." Despite her ridiculous position the girl's voice remained soft and firm.

Yuya just nodded faintly and turned around very slowly, though her eyes stayed on her friend.

Nemesis smiled kindly, reached into her bag, and pulled out a book.

Well . . .

That was just . . .

Damn.

Prince of Tennis

Kirihara Akaya was having a Very Bad Day.

Not only was it the first day of school, which was reason enough for any day to qualify as awful, but he had spent most of it in the nurse's office waiting for her to have time to free his hand from the tennis ball it was superglued to. Unfortunately there had been so many other people in similar of worse predicaments that she hadn't gotten around to it until the end of the day. He was grouchy, frustrated, missing the top layer of skin on his right hand, and now he was being treated as an errand boy. Again.

He hated being the youngest person on the team. He was a second year and a regular now. He had more important things to do than play fetch for an old lady.

Akaya scowled fiercely as he trudged up the stairs to the second floor of the Arts Building. The music classrooms and practice areas were on the third floor and supposedly that was where Ryuuzaki Sakuno, the crazy old lady coach's granddaughter, would be.

Why the girl couldn't walk to the courts by herself was beyond him. She was in middle school for crying out loud! It wasn't like Rikkai was . . . dangerous . . . or . . .

Except, you know, today.

Stupid Niou-senpai and his need to terrorize everyone.

Ryuuzaki-sensei had mentioned that her granddaughter was rather accident-prone and that she was also very shy around people she didn't know well. He guessed that he could understand why she wouldn't want someone like that wandering around on their own after a day like this one. Still, he sulked, why did he have to do it? There was an entire team's worth of pre-regulars standing around doing nothing. One of them could have done it. Mediocre tennis players though they were they had all mastered the art of walking and would have been perfectly capable of collecting one small girl. He hoped that this didn't become a habit.

The halls were empty, most people having decided to skip any club meetings in favor of going straight home after today. Wimps. He wondered how the girl had fared. He hoped she wasn't crying. Crying girls were way outside his area of expertise and whenever he saw one he tended to just ignore her and hope that she would stop on her own. Considering that Ryuuzaki-sensei had gone so far as to warn the team that she was shy he supposed that he should mentally prepare himself in case she did decide to cry.

He could hear piano music coming from farther down the hall and he decided to follow it. Even if it wasn't her whoever it was probably had a better idea of where she was than he did.

Akaya wasn't a classical music fan. He had seen a few performances when one of his senpai, usually Sanada-fukubuchou or Yagyuu, was coerced into taking him along courtesy of Buchou in order to expose him to "culture" but that was it. Even so he could tell that whoever was behind this particular performance had skills.

Akaya could respect that. He firmly believed that if you were going to do something you should be the best. It was why he had chosen to go to Rikkai in the first place. Being mediocre was one of the worst fates he could imagine and he was inclined to think badly of anyone who was content with it.

It was a pretty song, slow and kind of sad. He didn't recognize it but that didn't mean much, the only classical song he could put a name to was Fur Elise, but it was . . . nice. He meandered up to the partially open door his earlier feelings of agitation, not disappearing, but at least being brought down to a more manageable level.

He peered quietly into the room. The girl playing the piano was small and cute and, oddly enough, clean. She looked like someone who'd had a perfectly normal day, like she'd hidden in a closet, cocooned away from the madness, which, when he thought about it, really wasn't a bad idea. He decided to let her finish her song before he asking if she was Ryuuzaki.

Akaya leaned against the doorway and watched her perform through half lidded eyes. She was really into to it, totally unaware of her surroundings, focused. Akaya could respect focus. People without it tended to suck.

The song floated lightly to a close, the notes drifting off softly as if the person playing them had fallen asleep. Akaya stifled a yawn and watched as the girl opened her eyes and hummed quietly to herself as if considering something. She paused then hummed the same phrase again. This time Akaya recognized it as part of the song she'd just been playing. She nodded decisively, removed a small pencil from its perch behind her ear, and began making notations on piece of paper already full of handwritten musical symbols.

Akaya's eye's widened in surprise and he stepped forward and spoke without thinking, "Did you write that?"

The girl gasped and turned suddenly, dropping her pencil and nearly tumbling off the piano bench in the process. Akaya winced. He hadn't meant to scare the kid but from the way she was staring at him that's exactly what he'd managed to do. Oh well.

"You Ryuuzaki Sakuno?" he asked, wanting to move past the awkward silence that was threatening. The girl nodded silently. Akaya felt irritation welling up again. What was her problem? It wasn't like he'd yelled at her or something. Whose fault was it that she was so out of it that a harmless question could freak her out like that?

Still, she didn't seem inclined to say anything any time soon so he continued, "I'm Kirihara Akaya. Your grandmother sent me to get you. Get your things together. I'll wait outside."

He waited for her to nod again before heading out the door. The old lady really hadn't been kidding when she said the girl was shy. He could hear her hurrying to gather her things in the other room and prepared himself for what was shaping up to be a painfully awkward ten minute walk.

"I'm ready." Ryuuzaki's voice was soft and she was staring at her shoes, her school bag slung over one fragile shoulder. She looked like she thought he was going to bite her but there was nothing for it so he just sighed and gestured for her to follow him.

The first minute of the journey was spent in silence, the only sound the echo of their shoes on the wooden floor. Just as he thought he was going to go insane from the lack of noise she spoke.

"It's for a project, the song I mean." She sounded nervous but she wasn't stuttering. "You asked if I wrote it." She fiddled agitatedly with the buckle on the front of her bag.

"It was good," he said. "Made me kind of tired though."

That won him a small, shy smile. "It's a lullaby." Her voice was stronger this time, not so frightened. "I planned on testing it on one of my cousins' children but I guess I don't need to now. Considering that it's due in two days that's probably a good thing."

He grinned, good mood restored now that he wasn't being treated like a dangerous beast. "Waited to the last minute then? How irresponsible."

"You can't rush art," she said calmly, but he could hear the spark of humor hidden beneath the reserve and he barked out a laugh.

They left the Arts Building and he slowed his pace to accommodate her shorter legs. He was about to tease her some more, just to see how she'd react when she spoke again, "Ano, Kirihara-senpai?" She sounded nervous. "I'm sorry my grandmother made you go out of your way to come and get me. You probably had more important things to do."

She was staring at her shoes once again. He couldn't take another minute of the silence they had started out with and he knew that that's what would descend if he made a big deal about having to come get her. So even though he was rather miffed about being forced to act as her escort he brushed it off like it was nothing.

"It's not a big deal. But I gotta ask why? I mean you're in middle school already and it's not like the campus is a dangerous place."

"I know that and you know that but just try telling my grandmother that," she said, sounding longsuffering and not a little frustrated.

"Overprotective?"

"You have no idea," she murmured, seeming torn between her natural shyness and a desire to vent. Akaya tried to look trustworthy. It felt odd.

Apparently it was good enough for Ryuuzaki because she continued, "I'm the youngest of her seventeen grandchildren. Which means that not only does she baby me but all of my aunts and uncles and cousins do too. It's like being surrounded by lots of loud, nosy Styrofoam packing peanuts."

Akaya nodded sympathetically. He knew all about being the youngest and all about how aggravating having a bunch of nosy, loud, not-that-much-older-than-him-and-sure-as-hell-not-smarter pests around almost 24/7 could be. She looked a little embarrassed about her complaint however, so he launched into one of his many stories about his senpai-tachi's interference in his life and soon had her giggling quietly into her hand.

By the time they reached the courts the conversation had managed to make its way to tennis, as most things in Akaya's life did. He was in the middle of giving her a blow-by-blow account of a particularly exciting match he'd had recently when they arrived at the courts.

During the time that they'd been speaking Sakuno-chan, as he'd begun to call her, had relaxed a great deal. She wasn't boisterous by any stretch of the imagination and he was doing most of the talking but she was responding readily and she no longer looked actively nervous. He counted this a great success.

Unfortunately it was not to last. Almost the instant they set foot onto the tennis courts and attracted the attention of the other regulars Sakuno-chan clammed up so tightly it looked like he'd need a crowbar to get any words out. She slowed down to a crawl and edged behind him subtly in an attempt to escape the curious looks being directed her way. Just as he was about to tell her that while their senpai were pretty funny looking there was no real reason to be scared of them, a comment that would serve the dual purpose of pissing off the others and reassuring the practically trembling first year girl currently using him a shield, he felt the Glare of a Very Angry Senpai being thrown in their direction.

Akaya was well acquainted with such glares but for the life of him he couldn't think of anything he'd done recently to deserve one. He turned to see who was glaring and received one of the biggest shocks of his young life. Niou Masaharu, the master of getting even rather than mad, was directing the most outright vicious look Akaya had ever seen him wear at Ryuuzaki Sakuno.

Whoa.

"Sakuno-chan? What did you do to Niou-senpai?"

Sakuno looked rather pale. He couldn't blame her.

Her voice was soft and shaky when she answered, "I have no idea."

This was Not Good.

Not Good at all.

A/N: So yeah. Total. Crack. Sorry about that. But at least Sakuno has made it to Rikkai now.

Next chapter: Sakuno temporarily misplaces herself right into the path of the Chitose siblings and a great deal of hair is pulled.

Review or Sakuno will send her ninja geese to take you down. They are best appeased by constructive criticism. : )