Chapter Four: Broken Bodies, Shattered Minds

Chapter Four: Broken Bodies, Shattered Minds

"Hello… Sidney?" Hawkeye called into the phone with nervousness tingeing his voice. "We have a problem up here."

Major Sidney Freedman sat in his office in Tokyo General Hospital very surprised to hear Hawkeye Pierce's voice. He knew that he wouldn't be able to help out for at least a fortnight. "What's the matter Hawkeye?"

"Well we've got a man up here who's in pretty bad shock. He'd barely been in this hellhole for an hour when his jeep ran into some heavy shelling. In one of the explosions a young boy was maimed and killed right in front of him. I know that you can't get yourself down here for a while but I don't know how to treat this guy. He's been sedated for most of the last eighteen hours and I don't know how much more it would be safe to give him. I really need your advice on this one Sidney."

Sidney nodded to himself. These cases were tough. "It might be best if you were able to chopper him out here to Tokyo General for a week or two Hawkeye. Sounds like he could use some help."

"No can do Sidney. He's the only other surgeon in the camp right now. There's no way that HQ would tolerate something like that."

Sidney muttered something that Hawkeye thought he would never hear come out of the mild mannered psychiatrists mouth. "I wish I could tell them that Sidney, but telling them where to shove it won't help Dr. Hunnicutt."

Sidney nodded and considered the dilemma. "Hawkeye, my best advice to you is just talk to the guy. He might not want to talk but you'll have to keep pushing him. It's very unlikely that he'll be able to get through this without some serious support. Also make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid. People do funny things when they're pushed past their breaking point. Until you are positive he's fairly stable don't leave him alone near anything he could use to harm himself or others."

"He's a doctor Sidney. I don't think he would…"

Sidney broke in. "You never know Hawkeye. Trauma does strange things to people. Better safe then sorry."

Hawkeye briefly considered his options. He didn't have very many. He would have to have someone with BJ around the clock and he knew that most of the responsibility would fall to him. But he was due back in OR in barely 40 minutes. Corporal Klinger could sit with BJ for a while and after that, hopefully this session would be over with.

"Okay, thanks Sidney. I'm sure we'll get things under control down here. It would be great if you could stop by in a few weeks though. I'm positive BJ would still benefit from talking to you. You have a shoulder big enough for the entire world to lean on if they had too. There are tons of kids who wouldn't have made it through without you."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Hawkeye, I'll be down there as soon as I can manage. Good luck, and if you need anything don't hesitate to give me a call."

"Bye Sidney."

As Hawkeye hung up the phone he couldn't help but feel rather disappointed about the result of the conversation. He was essentially on his own. It wasn't really a surprise but it was still disheartening. Nevertheless he took a deep breath and walked back toward the Swamp. He had 35 minutes before he was due back in surgery and he figured that he would need to be around BJ during that time.

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As Hawkeye strode over the threshold of the tent the first thing he noticed was that BJ was not on the bed. His eyes went wide and his mind flashed back to what Sidney had said. "You never know Hawkeye. Trauma does strange things to people. Better safe then sorry."

"BJ!" He called out softly, "Where are you?" Through the silence of the tent he heard a quiet keening. It seemed to be coming from… behind the bed?? Stepping over there quickly Hawkeye saw something he had hoped never to see.

BJ had somehow managed to find Frank's gun. He hadn't fired yet but he had it pointed toward his head and he was sobbing heavily.

Hawkeye spoke carefully, not wanting to provoke him. "BJ, put the gun down."

There was no reaction.

Hawkeye took another careful pace forward, "BJ…" he prompted.

This got a reaction. BJ's sobs gradually began to form words. "Died… because of me…don't deserve to live… doctors save lives… don't take them." The muzzle of the gun moved more decisively toward BJ's head.

Hawkeye thought quickly, "That's right BJ. Doctors save lives; they don't take them. You're a doctor. Don't take your own life.'

There was a long moment. BJ's eye swerved indecisively around the room and he appeared to be coming to some sort of decision. Hawkeye's heart nearly stopped as BJ cocked the gun. He showed no sign of taking it away from his head.

"Think of Peg and Erin, BJ. How will they live without you? You were telling me about your adorable baby girl. She deserves a chance to get to know her father. Your wife deserves to have her husband with her to raise Erin. You deserve to spend the rest of your life with them. That solder didn't die because of you. He died because of a horrible war that pits children against children. Everybody is innocent in a war. The only people who aren't are a few arrogant generals." Hawkeye's heart was going a mile a minute by the time he finished his speech. "Put the gun down BJ."

An eternity passed. BJ swallowed. He looked up at Hawkeye, tears streaming down his face and let go of the gun. It clattered to the floor with a metallic clang.

Hawkeye quickly knelt and pulled the weapon out of BJ's reach. Then he made his way to the young man's side. BJ had pulled a picture out of a pocket in his shirt. It was obviously his daughter and his wife. "I couldn't leave them," he murmured, "Even if I don't deserve them."

"You deserve them BJ." Hawkeye said very softly, "Someone very wise once told me that there are two rules in a war. Rule number one is that young men die and rule number two is that doctors cannot change rule number one. You can't hate yourself for something that wasn't your fault."

BJ didn't react to Hawkeye's words. He seemed to be mulling it over though.

"Come on, BJ. Let's get you back in bed." Hawkeye carefully lifted BJ. Despite being about his size the man was not too heavy to lift a short distance. Gently he placed him back on the bed. The very blatant wince that BJ gave as he was lifted didn't escape Hawkeye's notice.

"Hey BJ," Hawkeye said cautiously, "I'm just going to re-wrap your ribs okay? It's no big deal." Looking back Hawkeye realized that this shouldn't have come as such a surprise to him. Shell shock patients are often the most difficult to deal with and always are the most unstable.

BJ nodded uncomfortably and Hawkeye kindly removed his shirt. Once again he found himself dismayed by the array of bruises that adorned BJ's torso. Even if BJ was mentally stable Hawkeye doubted that he would be able to support his own weight for any significant period of time.

However, almost eighteen hours had passed since they had arrived in camp and BJ' shirt was still splattered with blood that belonged to someone else. No doubt this was further damaging BJ's fragile state of mind. Under normal circumstances Hawkeye would have allowed BJ to change in private but he was now painfully aware of the danger that lay in doing so. So Hawkeye forewent wrapping BJ's ribs and instead had a passing corpsman bring him a wheelchair and he rolled BJ over to the showers to get cleaned up.

A/N: I know, weird place to pause, but I couldn't write anymore today and I am really far behind in my other story. Standard disclaimers do apply.