Cancer
Sweet Tea

Two bright teal eyes stared at the traditional water fountain in courtyard of the Kyoraku estate. The place of the head taicho's residence outside of the first division remained small compared to that of the other nobles, but some how managed to maintain a semblance of calmness. Toshiro stared off into space until the head taicho spoke up. "First things first, you should take a bath."

Toshiro flinched at the words and turned to look at the older taicho in disbelief. "Bath?"

"Your uniform doesn't look very comfortable, almost as if..."

"I slept in it? Rangiku said that, and I did. I'd just changed into it so it seemed like a waste, but then it hadn't gotten humid yet until I stepped back out."

Another laugh escaped Kyoraku's mouth. "That is so like you. No, I was referring to the fact it looks like this humid heat is getting the better of you. You've never been good with the heat have you?" The man watched as Toshiro simply remained silent. "You'd join Ukitake in his Ugendo Quarters didn't you."

The young taicho remained silent and finally a sigh escaped the man's lips. "A bath will make you feel better. I'll get you fresh kimono."

"Wait..." Toshiro's head darted up. "I'm not staying the night, and I wouldn't wish to be..."

His mind paused as the words he wanted to say didn't come to him. Kyoraku let out a sigh and finished for him. "You don't wish to be a burden?" The man pointed to the small bath house. "You're not, but you will be if you don't take care of yourself."

A sigh escaped Toshiro's lips and for some reason one of his bone thin hands reached up to rub his eyes as well as let out a yawn. He headed over to the baths and reluctantly got in. When the fresh clothes were brought and his taken away he didn't know, but Kyoraku eventually came in telling him he likely soaked enough, and Toshiro dressed without thinking much of the situation.

He followed the head taicho to the estates tea room and continued to look out at the courtyard garden and listen to the clacking sound of the small wooden fountain. The clearing of the head taicho's throat told him that his cup of tea was prepared. Toshiro lifted it up and the first question came.

"What's your favorite memory of Ukitake?"

Toshiro's bright teal eyes shot up as his mouth twisted into a deep frown. "I don't need to talk to him."

"I understand that. I need you to. It will help this old man here."

The young taicho's bright teal eyes shot down to the cup of tea, and he thought carefully. "What counts as a favorite memory? How does one have a favorite anything?"

"Good question. I honestly don't have an answer for you on that. Well, wait..." The head taicho's response caused Toshiro's head to shoot up. "... there is your soul mate. They count as a favorite. They're something you are very unlikely to replace. You could say that's why Byakuya's not re-married, he's not found her again."

Toshiro's head titled to the side, and a sickening feeling set in as anxiety built up. "Did... did you change the subject?"

"Not on purpose. I honestly didn't. But you're getting to be around that age aren't you, and I'm sure Ukitake would have had this talk with you right about now if..." Kyoraku let out a big sigh. "... if he wasn't gone."

"Talk?" Two teal eyes blinked a couple of times.

"About girls you know." A silence fell between the two as Toshiro stared vacantly at the man. "You really don't know do you." A sigh escaped the head taicho's lips. "See, there comes a time when a young man comes to like a young lady." The man's head tilted to the side. "Or in some cases they come to like another young man. Do you get what I'm saying Toshiro-kun?"

Toshiro stared at the man, and then finally spoke up. "What does like mean?"

Kyoraku stared at Toshiro. "Do you have a favorite..." The man stopped short. "Wait, you asked me what it means to have a favorite. If you were to pick one food, what would it be?"

"Amanatto."

"See. That's your favorite food, right?" Kyoraku sighed. "If you were to pick a young woman or a young man to be with forever, then who would that be? That..."

"Kurosaki Karin."

A silence came between the two again and Kyoraku stared, and yet again Toshiro thought he had a second head.

Realization hit the young taicho like an avalanche of snow. Not only did he feel a huge imaginary weight on his shoulders, but a sudden chill ran down his spine. "I didn't say that."

"Yes, you did." Kyoraku took a sip of his tea. "It's all right."

"She's..." Toshiro felt the frustration boil over. "She's from the world of the living, I'm not. We age differently. She's already..."

"When did you first realize Karin-chan was the one you wanted to spend your life with?"

Two bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "Wait..." The young taicho shook his head only for something to blurt out of his mouth. "Should I be talking to you about this. You do have..."

Another pause came as Toshiro found himself struggling with the words as his thought process simply wouldn't work. "A reputation with women?" Another laugh came from Kyoraku's mouth, and for some reason the laugh made Toshiro feel comfortable. "I do. There is still that one person I want, wanted to live my life with." The change in tone from the older taicho made the younger swallow. "She's the only one. It's where I got the kimono from. So I think it's not a bad idea to talk to me about this."

Toshiro looked away. "We can't be together."

"Maybe that's true, maybe that's not. Star-crossed lovers is a major theme in romantic myths you know. Why not make your own story."

"It doesn't matter." Another thought crossed Toshiro's mind. "Aren't I dying."

"Why not?"

"I think this last battle proves I'm the least likely to survive in a battle." Toshiro watched the look on Kyoraku's face and again felt like he was some kind of monster.

"Toshiro-kun, you do know that in a hundred years you're likely to surpass me, right?"

"Don't want."

"Ah-hah, well there is that. You shouldn't give up on yourself like this." Kyoraku looked at the boy. "Ukitake you know wouldn't want that."

Toshiro felt his mouth twist up as he looked down at the cup of tea which he still hadn't drunk from. "Don't want to talk about that."

"Alright. How about telling me that favorite memory of him then? You never did tell me, and now I've defined what favorite means, right?"

Two bone thin hands twisted the cup so that the tea leaf twisted around on top. "Favorite? I think that's a hard thing to pick. I don't have any bad memories of him really, except..." Toshiro shook his head. "All of them involved him, I don't know how to put it. He seemed to always want to make me feel like, special, happy." The young taicho's eyes narrowed anymore. "I don't feel that way anymore."

"I'm kind of a little worried about that." Kyoraku's comment resulted in a jolt up from the young taicho. "He was really good at that for you, wasn't he? I don't know if we'll ever find something that will take his place."

"Not important. No emotions."

"Yeah... you did say Shinigami shouldn't feel emotions, but that's not true. It's that they shouldn't let their emotions get control of them. A difference you still seem to need to learn."

"What ever."

"So, I heard you're not sleeping well."

"I'm sleeping fine."

"How long did you sleep last night."

Toshiro blinked a couple of times. "Three in the afternoon yesterday, four in the afternoon today... that's..." A thin bony hand reached up to white hair in frustration as Toshiro's lips tightened. "An hour..."

"That's not good..."

"That's not how long I slept though."

"Toshiro-kun..." Kyoraku's tone became serious. "Tell me the reason you don't want Kurosuchi to do tests on you."

The young taicho's head darted up. "He's scary! Absolutely scary! Don't like him one bit! I mean, I get that I'm supposed to be thankful to him, but... he creeps me out."

"Oh, I get that. You won't see the fukutaicho of the forth division either. She was rather worried about you at the meeting today."

"Isane was there."

Kyoraku blinked a couple of times. "Yes, Kotetsu fukutaicho. Someone had to be there for the forth division. You really weren't paying attention."

"My head hurts."

"Really?"

"Matsumoto always does things which make my head hurts."

"Uh-huh. How about the fukutaicho of the forth?"

"She's not Unohana."

"No, she's not. Why don't you get some sleep. You look like you need it."

Toshiro frowned. "Do you promise no experiments?"

A laugh escaped the man's mouth. "On my honor I promise, no experiments at this point in time. I'm not fond of experiments from medical folk either. Don't you think Unohana was always creepy?"

"No. Unohana was a grandmother type." Toshiro watched the confused look on the man's face, but he brushed it off.