A/N: TRIGGER ALERTT. SADDNESS ALERT. JUST ALERT.
My angst is backā¦. Can't help it lol But nevertheless I hope you guys enjoy it!
I don't own GMW, just the plot of this story.
Timeline: Mid-20s.
Summary: After a depressing tragedy, Lucas and Maya have to find strength in each other.
At Five Months
At five months pregnant, Lucas and Maya knew they were having a little boy. The nursery at the end of the hall had a big mural on one of the walls, done by Maya of course. She worked for hours drawing out the little jungle scene. Dawned in her oversized overalls, she worked all day to paint the scene on the wall. Lucas, of course, was nervous as hell about her working all day in the room, breathing in the paint fumes. But Riley had found some type of all-natural, toxin free paint for Maya to use. Lucas built the crib from scratch with Zay that sat on the side of the room. Maya was in love with it. Her over-active pregnancy hormones made her cry the second she saw the finished crib.
At five months pregnant, they already had a name picked out for the baby. Joseph Hunter Friar. Joseph was Pappy Joe's first name. It was Maya's idea to name the baby after him. Lucas couldn't believe she would offer to do something like that. Once she suggested that, Lucas insisted that they name the middle name after Shawn. Their baby would be named after two of the best men they knew, two of the most important people in their lives. It was a strong name to live up to, but they were sure their baby boy could do it. Lucas could swear that Pappy Joe was fighting back tears when they told him over video chat. Not that the tough man would ever admit it, though. Shawn was a different story. He cried like a baby! He didn't care who saw.
At five months, the parents-to-be had already named Riley as the god-mother to little Joseph. Of course, the brunette was taking the job very seriously, even though the baby wasn't born yet. She bought little outfits and toys for him all the time. She went to doctor's appointments with Maya and Lucas; she would cater to Maya's cravings when Lucas was at work and couldn't do it himself.
At five months pregnant, Maya and Lucas couldn't be more excited to be parents. Maya would constantly tell Lucas how lucky their baby would be to have him as their dad. And Lucas could barely even look at Maya without thinking what a great mom she would be. They were living in a dream, waiting for the next four months to go by so they could meet their son.
But at five months pregnant, they found out they wouldn't be having a baby anymore. 'You did everything right, Maya. It's just something that happens sometimes.' The doctor said it to Maya but it went in one ear and out the other. They went in for a routine ultrasound. But the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. After a series of tests, she confirmed that the baby had passed in the womb. Maya couldn't help but burst into tears right there in the doctor's office. Lucas didn't cry. God he wanted to. But Maya needed to be the one to break down right now. If Lucas broke down too, Maya would hold back, thinking one of them had to be strong. So Lucas let her break and sink into his arms. He was almost in shock, like he didn't hear the doctor right away. To Maya, everything in the room went fuzzy, like she was under water. All the voices faded off and she couldn't see straight.
As soon as the couple got home, Lucas closed the door to the nursery. Maya didn't want to see it. She didn't want to look at the room made special for a little boy who would never get to see it. Maya buried herself underneath the pile of blankets on her and Lucas's bed. No words came out of her mouth. Only when Lucas asked her if she wanted anything did she let out a small 'no.'
Two days later and she still hadn't said much. Riley had come over the day before with flowers, but Maya didn't want to see anybody. That worried Lucas more than the not talking; she didn't even want to see Riley. She had gotten out of bed and was sitting on the little bench on the balcony of their apartment. Lucas didn't know what to say. There wasn't much he could say, he knew that. But he just didn't want her to be alone. So he walked out carefully, her eyes not meeting his once, and took a seat next to her on the bench.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked in a quiet voice. He expected her to shake her head or even yell at him just to get her anger out. But she stayed still, as if he hadn't said anything to her.
"Am I being selfish?" she asked back, not looking at her husband. That wasn't a response that Lucas was expecting.
"Why would you ask me that?"
"Because you lost a baby too Lucas. And I've done nothing to try to make you feel better or ask you how you feel or anything," Maya cried. Seeing the tears well up in her eyes was like a hammer, taking swings at his heart over and over again. "And I'm sorry."
Lucas's brows furrowed deep in confusion. "Maya you don't have to be sorry. I don't expect you to cater to me right now," he said, gliding his hand over his wife's arm.
"It's not just that," Maya started. The confusion in Lucas grew as he thought about what Maya could possibly be sorry for right now. He thought, if anything, he should be apologizing to her for not knowing how to help her right now. "I'm sorry I lost our baby."
And just like that, Lucas could feel his heart explode with pain. It was just like Maya to blame herself for this, but he hated that she did.
"Stop." Lucas grabbed hold of Maya's hand, lacing his fingers through hers. "You heard the doctor, you didn't do anything," Lucas said in a forceful tone. The blue eyes in front of him were a fire with sadness and he could that 'dungeon of sadness' he had worked so hard to burn down open up again.
"Well I did something Lucas! These things don't just happen!" Maya exploded. She didn't want to escape the comfort of Lucas's hand in hers though, so she held it tight. That was the only thing holding her together in the guilt she felt for losing something so important to both her and Lucas.
Lucas scooted closer to the tiny blonde, determined to express how wrong she was with where she was putting her blame. "Sometimes it does!" he swore. The doctor tried her best to explain what had most likely happened with the baby. Not like Maya could hear much over her sobbing, but Lucas tried to listen. He wanted to know what happened. His thumb stroked her cheek as he cupped it, soothing her more than he knew. "You didn't do anything. I don't want you blaming yourself. And I sure as hell don't want you thinking that I blame you. Because I don't."
"That was our baby," Maya said in a quiet voice with suddenly softened eyes. "He could've been a really cool little person. And it's not fair!" she cried.
"I know it's not fair. I know it's not," he whispered. Lucas suddenly felt his mind race thinking about how that baby would have been half him and half Maya. He hadn't thought about it since they got the bad news. Forcibly, he didn't let himself; it was too painful. But he couldn't help it now. Little Joseph probably would've been a rebel like his mom. Lucas thought about how he could've had bright blue eyes like Maya, too; even though Maya always said she hoped he would have seafoam green eyes like a certain cowboy she knew. "Come here," Lucas whispered, pulling Maya into his arms. Little rogue tears came out of Lucas's eyes, breaking the well he had built.
"I just really wanted to meet him," Maya spoke from tight inside Lucas's arms.
"Listen. One day we will have a baby. And that kid is going to be the luckiest kid to have you as a mom. And we'll always be Joseph's parents ok? Nobody is going to take that away from us," Lucas vowed. He felt Maya's head lift from his chest and shoot her blue eyes at him. The look between them was one of a silent 'I promise' from Lucas to his wife. When Maya was satisfied, she laid her head back down on the strong chest of the taller blonde.
"I love you Huckleberry," she whispered.
Lucas pressed a kiss to the top of her messy hair, resting his chin on her head. "I love you Shortstack," he whispered back. Not knowing how to truly comfort her in this time, he just rubbed his hand along her back. "When you're ready, we'll try again alright?"
"You're going to be a really good dad," Maya grinned, sniffling back her tears.
Time would help the pain ease. And the blonde couple would try again. They wanted to be parents. They wanted to have a little blonde person running around that was half them and half the person they loved. They would get there. But this would make them stronger; this would bring them closer together.
A/N: Next chapter will be really cute to make up for the angst in this! Lol
Still taking prompts if anybody has any requests or suggestions! Just send to me and I'll be happy to try and write it:)
See you next week guys!
