Alex was taken off guard when she found her parents in one of the labs at Lord Tech. It had taken her a short conversation with them to remind her of the fact that she actually knew they were going to be there (before her father went back to work, her mother staying behind to fuss over her). Everything was just becoming a lot for Alex to keep up with, maybe too much. On top of it all, Lord Technologies only reminded her of Max...which made it all the harder.

"Sweetheart, you look exhausted," her mother said quietly with concern.

And she was.

"Did you sleep?"

"Yeah," she replied, a little unsure. Alex rubbed her forehead. "I've been still having the dreams-"

"Oh, Alex… I wish there was something I could do…"

Alex placed her hand on her mother's arm. "I appreciate everything that you and Dad have already been doing for me." She actually was certain that she'd be having a lot more difficulty attempting to balance family, Lord Tech, DEO, and anything else without them.

"Well, I think we're doing well here," Eliza stated.

That was obvious from the fact that her father was so engaged with the other scientists in the lab. They'd devised a plan to do their best to keep Alex as CEO (even though she didn't know if that was feasible) and it looked like they were on track for it. It was following Max's original vision for the company. Lord Technologies hadn't first been brought about to make money, but to better the world at large. They'd started with the three of them pitching areas they could look into that would fulfill a major need in the world and staff (keeping a list of who contributed so that they could be properly credited later).

Of course, having a whole list of proposed projects was great, but what they were really looking for were products that would be marketable to the common person and make a difference in lives. It wasn't about making thousands of dollars off of a mobility device so someone's lifestyle could be more independent or having to spend several hundreds of dollars on a necessary life saving medication. It was all about having a balance.

"Maybe I could-"

"Call J'onn and tell him you're too exhausted to work today?" her mother said quickly and brightly.

Alex eyed her mother. She knew she meant well, but she freaked her out for a moment sounding far too much like Kara. "I really read company e-mails and then go into the DEO," she said slowly.

"Alex, please, just take the day off-"

"I've already taken off too much time as it is," Alex replied exhausted and yet gently. "The world stopped for a while, I can't just stop… I have to be part of the narrative."

"At least promise me you won't go out into the field so tired."

A small smile spread across her face. "I promise." It was perhaps the easiest promise. J'onn wouldn't be the only one at the DEO who would notice her fatigue. There was no way she'd be allowed in the field or the lab, but she could run things from the control room. It wasn't the best situation, but it was a compromise (and the best one given all of the circumstances).

"I'm e-mail you an update on this project once I check in with your father," Eliza said as she patted Alex's arm. "Try not to drink too much coffee."

"I need to learn to power nap," Alex just replied and then gave her mother a nod. As hard as it sometimes was to have all of her family in National City and fussing over, she knew that she was blessed to have them all. Together. Even with the fussing. A year ago, it wouldn't have been possible. There were so many sad and tragic things in the world and in her life, but her family was something to really be grateful for.


"I hear you're benched."

Alex didn't say anything, just sighed and took the offered travel mug. She took a sip and nearly immediately nearly spit it back out, somehow Alex was able to swallow the offending liquid down hard. "Are you poisoning me now?"

Benanti shrugged. "It's tea."

"What kind of tea?"

"Sleepytime extra strength."

"But I'm supposed-"

Benanti leaned against the console so she was facing Alex. "Let's take some truth tea," Lara said. "You've been pretty much benched from field and lab work...for the most part...since you were told you inherited Lord Tech." Her hands flailed around for a moment. "You know that I'm always the positive-"

"Morale officer?" Vasquez put out there.

Alex and Benanti both looked over at the other agent who had remained silent up until that point. Alex looked back to Benanti. "Sadly, the boss says it's not a real position in the DEO."

"Self proclaimed?"

Alex smiled at that. "Okay, you're definitely the morale officer," she decided firmly. Maybe that wasn't technically in her power, but whether it was a real position or not, Benanti was the DEO's morale officer.

"Anyways, what I'm getting to is that you really need to do two things for life to return to normal," Benanti continued. "Number one: sleep."

Obvious.

"Number two: you're going to have to choose between the company and the DEO." She paused for a moment. "You're a badass DEO field agent, but you're also a kickass scientist. I'm not saying which one you have to or should choose...all I'm saying is that you really need to figure it out." Benanti shrugged. "Until you do and take action, you're going to be absolutely miserable...exhausted...and look like crap."

"She's really onto something," Vasquez agreed with a nod.

Lara reached out, took the ear piece from Alex's ear and pushed the tea closer to Alex's mouth. "Drink the tea and let Harewood drive you home-"

"I-" Alex started to argue, she was still a little shocked by the sudden ambush by her fellow agents.

"There's no shame in knowing your limits," Benanti told her. "Or in your case, not knowing your limits and being as stubborn as all hell."

Alex still just stared at Benanti. Was this really happening? Normally Adler was the one to step up and pull the rank of who had been at the DEO longer, even if Alex was technically next in the change of command (unless J'onn had changed it), but right now Adler was out in the field with J'onn.

"Danvers! Let's go!" Harewood called.


Cold.

No, it was chilly.

There was wind blowing.

There was a salty smell to the air. It was familiar. The feel of her surroundings and the taste of the air was all that Alex could take in in that moment. She couldn't see or hear or reach out or move-

There was a thunderous crash suddenly.

Panic set in.

She listened, studied the sound that had caught her off guard at first. She realized that it was in fact...not frightening, but a familiar comforting sound she'd grown up with.

The ocean.

Midvale.

She could suddenly see-

"Mom! Hurry up!" came a bright and giggling voice.

Her eyes held the water for a long time before she could adjust her gaze to take in the child. She was dancing in the wet sand as the water kept rolling up to crash over her barefeet. The name was unimportant, all she knew was this was the child who always appeared in her dreams now...and she was never alone-

Max.

Lips pressed against her neck as if they'd been summoned by her very thought of him. She closed her eyes for a moment, savouring the feeling of his lips on the delicate skin of her neck. "If you turn into a vampire and-"

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her from behind, before pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder. "You make it sound like some kind of dream-"

"It is," she whispered sadly.

"Alexandra, we're real," he whispered against her shoulder before kissing it again. "Be a part of the narrative…"

Midvale.

As much as she knew it was all a dream-no, a nightmare...every time she was there...it was harder and harder to accept that it was just that. It was the place that had been her home for so long...and it was a place that still gave her peace. The dream it gave her was a fantasy future that she couldn't have...and each time, it made her cling to Max more.

"It's a dream-"

"Feel the wind, Alex… Feel my touch-"

And it was all so easy to get lost in it.

The familiarity.

The ocean.

The beach.

The people.

Home.

"Tell me what you want to do," Max prompted as they walked along the beach, the little girl spinning and dancing alongside them in the wet sand.

"I-"

"Swim? We haven't taken the surf boards out in-"

"Aunt Kara!" the little girl proclaimed. "Let's have dinner with her!"

Alex stopped suddenly, bringing herself to tears as she kept telling herself that all of this wasn't real. She would wake up and this wouldn't be her life. "I want to stop having this dream," she blurted out.

"Alex-" Max said slowly, stopping with her.

"It's too hard."

The little girl stopped, tilted her head for a moment, and just stared at her. It was a little eerie. "But love is sometimes hard," she said in confusion. "You love us, right?"

"I wish this was real," she said looking from the little girl to Max. "I wish you were real. That you were alive and here with me, but you're not-"

"I am," he countered.

"No!"

"Let me prove it to you," he said as he lifted her hand to his lips to press a kiss-

It was always how she was reeled into the Midvale wonderland. It was too good. Too perfect. Too vivid. Too everything… "No!" she shouted, anger filling her. Alex pulled her hand from his grasp and stepped back. "Please! I can't do this anymore!"

"Alex," she heard Max whisper. "Wait for it."

And they were gone.

She was alone.

Fog surrounded her and held her.

Cold, wet, and grey.

It was better than the happy wonderland.

"Wake up," she told herself in a broken whisper. Her eyes squeezed shut and she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to convince her head that she'd had enough of the nightmare. That was all Alex wanted in that moment.

Nothing.

Silence.

It was nothing except the cold, humid cling of the grey fog for a long time…


The sun wasn't even up yet, but Alex had needed to get out of her apartment and do something. So, she'd decided to go running. There was no way that she'd be able to sleep, not with the dreams that wouldn't leave her alone. It was like Max and that 'what if' future was haunting her. Alex was so tired, but that didn't stop her as she ran, headphones in her ears, and music blaring as her feet kept her going.

There were so many things in her life that wasn't going well. There was too much to do, too much that required her attention, too much that she wanted to be apart of. Benanti had been right, though, and Alex hated that. Not that Benanti was right, but what she was right about. Alex was going to have to choose...and she was going to have to choose soon. She either had to give up her life at the DEO or she had to give up the company that Max had left her-

Acting on instinct, she spun around with her arm outstretched, realizing that someone was right there in her space. She hadn't just looked over her shoulder or even taken in the face until she was staring at it, pinned to a tree, with his hand against her throat. She tapped at his hand, just like she'd done when they'd sparred before. In that moment, she'd also realized that he'd been saying her name and she hadn't heard it even though her headphones had been tugged from her ears.

"Alex?" he said, obviously repeating himself.

"Yeah, yeah… I'm here," she replied and took a moment to sort of shake herself all over. Tucking the headphones into the waistband pouch she had her phone in, she rubbed her face with the other hand. "I'm just-"

"Not focused?"

She glared at him for a moment, but he was right. Alex just hadn't wanted to hear it. "I'm tired."

"I know," he said gently and then motioned to a nearby bench. "I'm just glad that I didn't bring coffee with me. It would have gone flying over both of us." He gave her a small smile.

Alex sighed and allowed one to slowly form on her lips. "I haven't slept much," she stated. That was a very public and common thing. She just hated that it was still true. "I know I haven't been at my best-"

"Alex, you know that we all understand," he said as he sat down first.

She settled down beside him. "Max's gone," Alex said. She knew that. That was something that she'd come to terms with. They'd buried him. The thing was, her head wouldn't let it go. "The world keeps spinning...and rebuilding...but I…" She just didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to exactly explain everything. J'onn had to have known that she was having a hard time. She'd told him about the dreams, but that was before...now...well, she was being continually haunted by him.

"I know that Benanti-"

"She's right."

"Do me a favor," he said seriously. "Don't tell her that."

Alex smiled brighter at that. "Okay."

"Are you going to tell me about the dreams?"

"I thought they'd go away-"

"Hamilton-"

"Could what? Give me pills? I've taken them...they only make it more real," Alex said with a heavy sigh. "It just makes it harder to wake up...and it makes it worse." The sleeping pills were great for helping her sleep, but she had such a hard time waking up from it and then the reality just hit her so much harder.

He looked even more concerned than normal. "Maybe-"

"Don't tell me to take time off."

"Maybe you shouldn't work at the DEO-"

Alex blinked. "J'onn-"

"I'm sure that the DEO and Lord Technologies might both remind you of Max, but Alex...he died in The Pipeline. I've seen you down there," J'onn whispered. "I see how hard all of that is for you."

"I haven't been in there that much, they're still working on it-"

J'onn gave a nod. "It's going to take a while too," he admitted. "But you have done everything in your life in order to take care of and protect your sister… Even the DEO. I forced you into that."

"You didn't force me," she corrected him. Alex stared at him. "You saved me. You gave me a purpose and a family that I didn't know I needed-"

"But the DEO still is you protecting Kara-"

"J'onn-"

"I'm not making the decision for you, Alex," he said gently. "That has to be your decision. I'm just saying...if you wanted to take over Lord Technologies...it might be a good new beginning for you. Something that wouldn't remind you so much of death."

She realized as she looked down that she'd been turning the ring on her finger. It hadn't left her since J'onn had given it back to her. "I like working for the DEO. I like working with you...and Kara-"

"I recruited you into the DEO to protect you, because of my promise to Jeremiah, I wanted to make sure that you were strong enough to protect yourself. Kara has super strength...and I knew that a day could come that someone would discover that you were sisters with a Kryptonian and I wanted you to be able to protect yourself if I couldn't be there-"

"You did that, but it's more than that, J'onn-"

"I'm not leaving your life, Alex," he told her with a smile. "I want you to know that. Your father might be alive and around, but that will never mean that I will stop looking out for you and Kara."

He was quiet and Alex just took in what he was saying. As much as she didn't want to choose, she knew that she was going to have to. She just couldn't imagine her life now without the DEO in it. Wrapping her mind around that idea was nearly impossible. Alex just didn't think that she could run a company and be...normal...and know everything she knew about the world (that aliens existed and could be ending the world at any point).

"I don't know if I could do that…"

There was this sweetness about him. It was so rare, something that he mostly saved for his times with her and Kara. Ever since being outed as J'onn J'onzz, he'd been a little more gentle with all of the DEO agents (likely because they hadn't rejected him and most of them just thought it was cool). "When you were little...before Kara came to Earth...you and your parents lived a normal life."

"My parents knew Clark before Kara came here, so I'm fairly sure that normal isn't a Danvers trait."

He smirked in response. "Maybe not."

"How do I live in this world...outside of the DEO...and know everything I know?"

"You wouldn't have to remember it all…" he said gently. There was a sobering of the happiness between them suddenly. It was serious and she knew that the offer was true.

"I can't-"

"I know."

He had to offer, she knew that. She would offer him the same, if their roles were reversed. It wasn't just the knowing, the 'what ifs', but it was also the pain that it all brought with it. Alex didn't want to have holes in her head...in her memories...ever since Kara had joined the DEO...that had really been the best time of her life. In that last year, it had been perhaps that so many people in her life were truly honest with themselves and each other. She wouldn't give or trade that away...not for normal.

"You already know what your life is at the DEO full time," J'onn told her gently. "Why don't you allow yourself the opportunity to give it a go at Lord Technologies full time?"

"J'onn-"

"I'm not firing you," he told her gently. "But you never take vacation, Alex-"

"I-"

"I'll have Adler and Benanti...I have Vasquez...and Harewood and Torres and-"

"It would just be on a trial basis?"

He nodded. "Your next big board meeting is coming up in a little over two weeks. Take that time, Alex," J'onn said. "See what it's like being a civilian."

She crinkled her nose at that word. "But if you need me, like really need me."

He grinned. "I'll know where to find you."

Alex just sat there for a moment, taking in what she'd just agreed to. It was a break of sorts and she needed that, but she wasn't sure that she really wanted it. Maybe she'd be able to sleep, but she doubted that it would keep the dreams away. If anything, she'd have more time on her hands...where she'd be left idle. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"If the dreams don't stop...is there a way for you to stop them?"

"I honestly don't know...all I could do is to try." He paused for a moment. "I know that Max is in them, but are they really that hard?"

"It's not really just because Max is there...it's that it's too perfect, feels too real, and I hate waking up," Alex confessed. "I'll know it's a dream, but somewhere during it all...I pretty much decide I'm okay with that world."

He looked concerned, which was his normal face with her (especially lately). "You're sure that Hamilton-"

"She seemed to think that after everything I've been through…" Her voice had trailed off and she'd moved her gaze to watch the people that were now actively filling up their surroundings (it had to be a time in which most people were heading to work now, Alex realized). "I guess two weeks...we'll just have to wait for it."


TBC…