Chapter Three

I feel a tingle as I pass through the gate, but when I look around, there doesn't seem to be anything there. I give a mental shrug and decide I must have imagined it, continuing on behind Jiji's sweeping white clothes. The gravel is hot under my feet as we make our way into the shadow of the great house. Jiji reaches up to the brass knocker on the front door and gives it two strong pounds. The knocker must be heavier than it looks, for the knocks resound through the mansion in a distant, echoing chorus.

For a long moment, there is silence. I glance at Jiji, but he doesn't seem worried by this, calm as ever. Then, faintly, I hear scurrying feet approaching the door, and a moment later, it swings open with another creak even louder than the gate made. Standing there in the doorway is a tiny little woman.

She has a round, kind, slightly anxious face and dark brown hair drawn back in a messy bun at the back of her head. She looks to be in her late thirties, there are already the beginnings of crow's feet around her eyes, and she has a white apron tied on over her clothes. She squints at us nearsightedly, somehow managing to give a warm smile through all the squinting.

"Hiruzen-sama, you're home early," she comments, standing back to let us through. "And who is this?" She smiles directly at me, and my stomach does an odd sort of flip-flop.

"This is Uzumaki Naruto, Aya," Jiji says, pushing me gently through the doorway. I am so distracted by the idea that I have a surname too that it takes me a moment to realize how grand this place I am staying is.

In contrast to the outside of the building, the entrance hall is mostly inlaid with cool, smooth stone. And it is big enough to fit an entire floor of the orphanage into it! There are a couple of beautiful vases and framed pictures here and there for decoration, most of them depicting what seem to be warriors. Above me, there is a high, vaulted ceiling, and in front of me is a grand, sweeping staircase that leads to the upper floors. There are only two doors leading off the hall, one to my left and one to my right. I am struck speechless by awe all over again, and I wonder if I will ever grow used to this place. I am afraid to touch anything for fear I will break it.

I finally tear my gaze away from a beautiful painting of two armies clashing in front of a brilliant golden palace to look back at Jiji. He seems to be having some sort of silent conversation with the maid, Aya. They are gazing at each other, almost as if talking with their eyes, but when he sees me looking, Jiji breaks away from her gaze to turn and give me a smile. "Naruto-chan," he says kindly, "why don't you let Aya lead you into the kitchen while I let the rest of the family know you're here."

I nod silently, not missing the firm look Jiji sends Aya to get her to walk up to me. She looks hesitant, but not fearful or disgusted. "Come, Uzumaki-san," she says, slightly formally, and walks away toward the door to our right. I glance at Jiji, who nods encouragingly, before following her to the door. I occupy myself by whispering my new, full name over and over again.

Uzumaki Naruto.

In that moment, I think it's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

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Hiruzen

That could have gone better, but it could definitely have gone worse.

Aya seemed alarmed at the mention of Naruto, but at least she's being civil to her. I can't say I'm entirely surprised. The civilians of the village have always held much more fear toward Naruto than the shinobi have, because they don't understand sealing, and therefore don't understand her. It's a sad state of affairs, but there you have it.

As I climb the stairs to Shigeru's study, I wonder what I'm going to tell him. I am honest enough with myself to know I am largely doing this for my own peace of mind, but how to say that?

Shigeru was always the more understanding of my sons. Understanding when I couldn't spend much time with my family for my job. Understanding when I missed important dates because some emergency had come up. I've tried to return the favor, but I cannot just sit by and watch as he wastes away anymore.

Half a year ago, Shigeru's wife, Kohaku, died. It was only a year after their son had been born, and only about a month after his brother Asuma had left to work for the Fire Lord at the capital. Shigeru has always been a strong man, but I suppose everything just became too much. He fell into a state of depression I had never seen in my son before, and it worried me. Still, I thought it would pass. Different people handle grief in different ways, I told myself, as Konohamaru began to spend more and more time with Aya and less and less time with his father.

I had him taken off the active-duty roster for a temporary term of leave when some of his peers began confiding in me that they were worried he was trying to work himself to death. They mentioned things like lack of sleep, exhaustion, and emotional withdrawal. I had hoped spending more time at home might help, but it only seemed to worsen things. Shigeru has drawn into himself, and nothing I am doing is helping.

Naruto, too, hides within herself, though not entirely through any choice of her own. I can see it plain as day. She doesn't know how to trust completely. Perhaps it is naïve of me, but I am hoping the two of them will be able to help each other.

I knock at his study door, and he is in there, just as he always is these days. "Come in," his voice calls out, and I can tell he is surprised to see me so early in the day when I walk in.

"Tou-san?" he says questioningly. His voice is hoarse and there are dark circles under his eyes, but his face shows only a vague sort of confusion. "What are you doing here?"

I decide there isn't any point in beating around the bush. Shigeru would probably see right through it anyway. "I have some business to discuss," I say simply, taking a seat in a chair across from him. Seeing him still staring at me, I add, "About work." Shigeru tenses. "There is no emergency," I assure him, correctly interpreting the movement. "Not yet, anyway."

Shigeru relaxes, eyeing me curiously. He knows better than anyone that I don't often ask for help concerning my job. I pause, gathering my thoughts. Finally, I say, "I remember how much you protested being taken off duty."

I glance down, trying to gauge his reaction. His eyes widen before looking away. His face is that same blank I saw just a few minutes ago on a little, blue-eyed girl. The resemblance is uncanny.

He makes no comment about his outburst that day in my office when I informed him that he would be taking a term of leave, so I continue, "Well, I have a duty for you now."

Shigeru's dark eyes whip back around to me, surprised despite themselves. I ignore this. "Are you aware of the circumstances concerning Uzumaki Naruto?"

He nods cautiously. As a jonin, he is allowed access to those files. "Are you aware that I visited the Konoha Childrens' Home myself today?"

Shigeru blinks. "I… was not aware of that, no."

I nod. "Do you remember what I assumed when I first handed Uzumaki Naruto over to the Konoha Childrens' Home?"

Shigeru's eyebrows draw together. He is clearly wondering where this is going. "That she would be… safe?" he answers hesitantly.

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

Shigeru's lips twitch in something resembling a smile as he recalls all our old lessons, where I would often ask the exact same question of him. I congratulate myself, for the sight has been all too rare of late.

"Telling you, Tou-san," he replies, a slight exasperation layering his quiet voice.

"You would be correct. That assumption was also completely wrong." He frowns, straightening and sobering.

"… Is she dead?" is the first thing he asks, his face tight.

"No, thank God," I answer softly. He relaxes a bit. "But Shigeru…" I look him in the eye. "I could not leave her there. The matron of the Home is being brought in for a psychiatric evaluation, if that gives you any idea of how bad it was." Shigeru winces slightly. I take a deep breath, and take advantage of the moment of sympathy to drop the bombshell. "She is staying here, and I want you to be her guard, staying with her twenty-four seven. Her room will be next to yours, and I want her to spend her time with you."

I wait. I don't have to wait very long.

There is a moment of floored silence before Shigeru shoots to his feet. For a moment, I can see the same strain I saw in my office months ago, the same frustrated, anger-tinged pain. "Tou-san, I…!"

I force myself to be firm. "What would you have me do, Shigeru? Once it gets out that no one knows where she is, what do you think will happen? I cannot guard her while I am smoothing everything over, and few people know where this place is anyway. You need something to do, and Aya would not be enough. Formidable woman or not, she is a civilian!"

Shigeru closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. The strain of the past few months is somehow more apparent with his eyes closed, and I feel a brief flash of guilt. He is the one who breaks the heavy silence. "There are no other viable alternatives?" His face is carefully blank.

"None as safe as this," I answer truthfully, dodging the question a bit. I can't tell if he sees through this or not, but when he opens his eyes, they are a hard shinobi's eyes.

"Then I will do it," he says simply. The 'whether I want to or not' hangs unspoken in the air.

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Naruto

Aya leads me into a long room with a huge, shining table, easily big enough to seat fourteen people. This room is as grand as the entrance hall, but I can only catch a glimpse of it, for Aya leads me through that room and into another, smaller room. I immediately prefer this room, for it is much brighter and warmer, and judging by the delicious smell pervading it and the strange silver instruments hanging on the walls, it is where the food is cooked… the kitchen. There is a much smaller table in the center of the kitchen, only enough to seat five or six, and it is this Aya points at. "Please wait here," she says, still formal.

I walk obediently over to the table, hugging Cat's cloak around me, but I can't push myself up onto the seat, which is just tall enough to be a problem. I continue trying anyway, trying to pull myself up, arms and legs shaking with the strain. The thought comes to me that I am weak, and it makes me frown. Why are all these other people so much stronger than me? Do I have to move around more? Is it just that they have more experience in being strong? Normal people must have to push themselves up onto a seat almost every day, I reason.

This just makes me try harder, which just makes my arms shake more. Finally, a pair of hands come up behind me and grab my sides. I flinch, making the hands freeze momentarily. I look up to see Aya bending over me, her expression a mixture of wariness, bemusement, and something else I can't define. She hesitates a moment longer, than picks me up and puts me in the seat. I blink at the thought that despite her hesitation, she was trying to help me.

"Thank you," I say softly, touched. She looks even more bemused at this, but nods.

If all people are as willing to give me a chance as Aya, perhaps having the Kyuubi in me won't be so bad.

At that thought, my mind turns back to my conversation with Jiji. I learned so much, it's no wonder I feel so overwhelmed. I decide that I should take things one at a time, like bugs taking a piece of bread back to their home, one crumb at a time.

I decide to go in order of the things I learned.

I am never going back to the orphanage. I am never going to see My Room again. The thought leaves me with an odd sense of melancholy. The Room was my whole life. It was my bed, where I ate, where I made up stories and imagined things. It was sometimes the only warmth I had, and the only thing that was familiar and didn't judge me at all. It gave me little holes to peep through to the outside world, and it let sunlight shine through to kiss me with its warmth. Leaving it seems like an abandonment of some kind. Like I betrayed a dear friend.

I hope it will forgive me someday. Maybe, one day, I'll go back and visit it to try and apologize.

I am not a monster. I just carry one. And not a very nice one at that. I imagine a big stone man opening my belly and putting an angry-looking fox inside of it, then slamming the top of my belly shut like it's on a hinge. I wonder if I can talk to it. But if I could, wouldn't it have talked to me before now? Wouldn't it have told me what a horrible little person… girl… I was for locking it up so it couldn't eat people anymore?

But wait! I remember, eyes widening, that my stomach has growled at me before! And then it wouldn't stop growling and hurting until I ate! Was that the Kyuubi demanding food? Is that why I am so thin? Because it's eating my food?!

"Hey!" I say indignantly, glaring down at my belly and poking it. "Stop eating all my food!"

I feel a prickle on my neck and turn to find Aya staring at me.

"It's eating my food!" I exclaim, angered into loudness, pointing at my belly.

Aya just keeps on staring. I wonder why she does not seem more alarmed by this if she is afraid of the Kyuubi. What if it gets strong enough that one day it just bursts out of my stomach?

Just then, Jiji comes into the kitchen, followed by a dark-haired man who looks a bit like him. He has his small size and his deep-set, dark eyes and his grace. But my thoughts do not remain on him for long. "Jiji!" I exclaim, "The Kyuubi's eating my food!"

Jiji stares at me as well, but with a much more guarded expression than Aya. "…What?" he finally says.

Frustrated, I attempt to push my emotions away behind the numbness in order to explain. "Sometimes my stomach growls and hurts, and it won't stop until I get food," I explain. "Maybe I'm so thin because the Kyuubi's in there and it's eating all my food!" I can't help the note of urgency at that last part.

To my surprise, Jiji chokes out a surprised laugh. To my even greater surprise, the other man snorts and Aya's lips twitch. I frown. Do they think I am joking?

Jiji notices my expression. I expect him to reprimand me, but instead he shakes his head. "Everyone's stomach does that when they're hungry, Naruto-chan."

"Are you sure?" I press, knowing I am pushing my luck, but still dubious.

Jiji looks even more amused at this. "Very," he says in that firm tone that says the matter is closed.

"But how…?"

"Later."

"Oh." I try to hide my disappointment, but I don't think it works very well, for Jiji gives me a knowing look. He doesn't say anything, however, just turns to the man behind him.

"This, Naruto-chan, is my son, Shigeru." I blink up at the man in new interest. The son of such a wise and powerful man must be just as wise and powerful, mustn't he?

The man wears dark clothes and a guarded expression, like Jiji's when he is uncertain of something and doesn't wish to show it. I decide Shigeru sees me as Aya does; he just hides it better. Does that make him wise like Jiji? I can't tell.

Either way, I hope he gives me a chance too.

"He and Aya will be the ones taking care of you while I am at work," Jiji says, startling me out of my examination. I feel a sudden moment of panic at the thought of Jiji leaving me, when I am just beginning to trust him, to these two people who don't like me. What if I am locked in another place like The Room again? What if this is all a trick?

I turn wide eyes onto Jiji, who gazes back at me in agonizing silence. For a moment, I feel as if I am back in The Room again, waiting to see how nice the matron feels today. Finally, he says, "But I think I can spare the rest of the day off." My chest floods with relief, which is a lot like happiness, I discover, except you appreciate it more.

"Now, do you want to see your new room?" My chest freezes again.

I gaze up at him, smiling so kindly, and all I can think is that I was right. He was lying about all of it. It was all too good to be true.

They are taking me to another Room.

I feel myself trembling as my eyes flash to all the exits, knowing I won't make it in time. But it's just not fair! Not fair to make me want life and then try to take it away from me!

"Naruto-chan?" Shigeru is suddenly tense, like he's ready to catch me at any moment, and Jiji looks worried. "Are you alright?"

I swallow and force myself to speak, trying so hard to push back the fear when there's just too much of it. "You… you're going to…" I stammer, trailing off. Jiji looks confused. "Like the matron," I whisper.

Jiji's eyes widen. "No!" he says, so loud that I jump. "No, nothing like that. God, no. I was talking about a room to sleep in. I promise you can go wherever you want to during the day, as long as it's within the gate."

I consider this, trying to decide whether or not to believe him. He looks sincere. But if the room is for the night, why not show it to me at night? Why right now? "… Just to see where it is?" I ask cautiously.

"Of course," Jiji says, nodding. "You don't even have to go inside."

I look over at Shigeru, who looks a little more relaxed now, but is still very quiet and closed-off. Then I look toward Aya, who still has that same mixed expression on her face, like she can't decide whether or not I'm going to eat her. "Okay."

I hop off the chair, decide I like hopping, and follow Jiji toward the kitchen door. I am relieved to see that Shigeru doesn't seem to be following us, and Aya stays where she is as well. Before I leave the room, I decide to make a statement. I turn back to the two of them. "By the way," I say matter-of-factly, "I don't eat people."

I turn around and walk out the kitchen door, not quite able to understand why Jiji is laughing to himself.

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Hiruzen

She's never climbed a set of stairs before.

I take her hand and watch with something between amusement and sadness as she struggles up the steps, getting the feel for them, the look of determination on her face so reminiscent of her parents that it takes my breath away. I offer to help, but she wants to figure it out on her own, and doesn't that bring back memories too.

She sounds just like her father when she says it.

The thought that she has inherited his spirit fills me with a hope I can't even begin to describe.

Shigeru's and Aya's reactions to her were fun to watch too. Just after the kitchen door swung shut behind her, I caught Shigeru start and then give a soft, genuine laugh, with a look on his face as surprised as I felt. And I don't think I've ever seen Aya stare that much!

I'm starting to feel that maybe this will be best for more than just Naruto. One can always hope, anyway.

Naruto makes it to the top of the stairs and actually smiles a brief, triumphant smile before looking up at me expectantly.

I lead her down corridors and past rooms. She peers curiously around her as we reach another flight of stairs. Five long, careful minutes later, we are up the stairs, turn down a corridor, head past Shigeru's room, and stop in front of her room. "Here we are, Naruto-chan," I say unnecessarily and, seeing her hesitate, I reach out and push the door open so she can see inside.

It is nothing special as far as rooms go. Moderately sized with four white walls, a window on the far wall, and a large, fluffy bed set against the wall adjacent to it. Next to the bed is a chest of drawers with a small looking glass above it, and opposite the bed is a wardrobe. Other than that, the wood floor is completely bare. The only reason I chose this room is because its walls are thinner than the lower floors', allowing Shigeru to hear if anything happens from his own room.

Naruto gazes into it like she's never seen anything quite so incredible. Then her wide blue eyes tear away from it to gaze up at me, as if to be certain it's hers. I nod silently, and her entire face lights up. She runs into the room, takes a great leap I'm sure she'd not have been able to do consciously onto the bed, and buries her face in the down pillows. I watch in amusement as, after a moment's pause, she lifts her head up and blinks, as if just realizing what she'd done. Then she shrugs, and turns to examine the bed with an almost scrutinizing gaze.

After a moment, she gets to her feet, hesitates, and then gives a cautious little hop. The bed bounces. Apparently encouraged by this reaction, she jumps higher. The bed bounces harder.

Just under a minute later, she's jumping around wildly on the bed like there's no tomorrow, beaming and giggling to herself. The sight makes me smile, and I wait patiently for her to finish, not daring to leave in case she falls off.

Looking back, I realize later that it might have been the first time I thought of Naruto as a granddaughter.

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Author's Notes: Mucho thanks to all my reviewers.

Yes, Shigeru is kind of acting like an asshole, not wanting to guard Naruto. But if I had lost the person I loved more than anyone else in the world, was left with our one-year-old child, had a father who worked all the time, and had a brother who abandoned me to a crisis of youth and self-identity, I'd be kind of inclined to act like an asshole too. I can also see myself being exhausted, cranky, and uncharitable. He is, however, not prejudiced against the Kyuubi like Naruto thinks he is. He just has a lot going on right now. Don't worry, his and Aya's perceptions of Naruto will both change in later chapters.

On another note, this chapter seems a bit… awkward. I struggled an unusual amount with it. Thoughts?