Ass Junior
Summary: If you looked up ass in the dictionary, you would without a doubt see my picture. If you looked up jerk in the phonebook, you'd find my number. If you put in worst father in history on Google, I'm sure you'll have a million links to videos, pictures, and everything else. What can I say? I'm Chuck Bass, not Bill Cosby.
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Four:
July 1997- Elder Bass Residence. Manhattan, New York.
"Where have you been?" she yelled, her voice quaking with emotion
"Next to you, I'm leaving now," he yelled back
"You have not been next to me! You have been out with that slut again," she yelled
"Why do you keep accusing me of cheating?" he asked
"Because that's all you fucking do, Bart!" she said
Chuck Bass, age five, rolled over in his bed once again and looked at the wall. His parents were fighting again. They always fought. It was the eighth time that month they had woken him up like that. He was sick of it. Without giving it another thought, Chuck leapt from his bed and crept down the stairs of the mansion towards the door. He walked outside and ran across the street where he'd find the only person who could possibly help him at a time like that.
"Bear! Bear!"
Chuck knocked on the front door of the Waldorf summer home as loudly as he could. He had to get inside and Blair always slept downstairs with Dorota in front of the TV. He'd been over enough times to know that. The door opened and Blair gazed at him through tired eyes.
"Charles, it's three in the morning, why are you here?" Blair asked staring at the friend who had woken her up
"They were fighting again," Chuck said knowing that Blair would understand. Of course, she opened the door more after that and let the boy through. The two walked quietly through the house and up the stairs to Blair's room. It was a room very different than what you'd expect from a five-year-old girl. You'd think Barbies, pink, and frills, but Blair was more mature than that. Besides, that had been her theme when she was three and she did not repeat things. Her room was a pretty basic room with a television and a wall of stuffed animals directly next to a closet that held enough clothes to bury her alive. She quickly went to her bed and he joined her immediately after.
"What happened this time?" she asked finally breaking the silence
"He came home late and Mommy got mad," he said
"Well, you know, it's definitely-"
"Don't try the 'it's nothing' line. My dad keeps getting in trouble with my mom. They can't agree on nothing no more,"
"They'll get pass it,"
"Just like Nate's grandpa got pass the truck,"
"That's mean, Charlie,"
"Don't call me that!" Chuck said bouncing a bit on the bed in anguish. Blair had to stop herself from giggling. She knew how much names bothered him. He only liked being called Chuck. Charlie, Charles, Chucky, and anything along those lines only frustrated him. That's why she did it though. It distracted him and although she'd never admit it, he looked cute when he tried to be angry. Note the tried; she knew he could never be angry with her. She was Blair Waldorf for Pete's sake.
"Aww, Chuck, you love it," Blair said
"Nu uh! I hate it. Call me Chuck," Chuck said
"But Charlie is handsome," she said trying to convince him
"Well, I don't want to be handsome," he said defiantly
"What do you want to be then?" she asked
"I want to be… Genie!" he said
"You want to watch a movie?" she repeated confused. He nodded and she rolled off her bed to fetch the video. When she returned, she found that Chuck had already settled himself comfortably onto the bed and he seemed to be content enough for her to join him. She crawled onto her bed and pressed play. A few minutes into the movie, Chuck turned to look at her and, for some odd reason, she wiggled under his gaze.
"You cold?" he asked
"Actually-"
She stopped talking when Chuck scooted closer to her allowing them to pull the blanket over adequately. Without really thinking about it, they kept moving in throughout the first half of the movie allowing themselves to yawn and laugh and do whatever with their best friend. At the time, Serena wasn't Blair's best friend because truly, Blair was jealous of her and she was annoyed by her. Nate was also not Chuck's best friend because Chuck just could careless about Nathaniel Archibald.
Before Jafar could even get the lamp, Chuck fell asleep. He started peaceful but then he seemed to grow wild. He seemed to be having a nightmare and the pooped brunette couldn't help but worry. She tried singing to him - quietly so not to wake him or her parents, tried cooling him down - but after growing cold herself she put the blanket back on, but in the end, all she could do was wait until he woke up. He did eventually. And when he did, she just hugged the frightened boy and rocked back and forth until he was sleeping once more. Just as sleep was overcoming her, she said something, something she'd never really forget.
"I love you, Charlie Bass, and I promise, no one is ever gonna hurt you again,"
Little did she know, she'd break her own promise just a few years later.
February 2008- Manhattan, New York
It had been a bit over a month since the fall of Blair Waldorf from power. She was still eating alone during lunch but it was mostly by her own choosing. A few weeks after she fell, she was approached by Chuck. He, in his own ass backwards way, apologized for what he had said and proposed that he help her get her thrown back. In return, he wanted her to give him a chance. To say the least, she had turned him down saying she could do it herself and that she was interested in Nate and only Nate and that he could never measure up. Chuck was insulted and hurt but she was too blind to notice. Weeks later, she regretted her decision, not because of Chuck but because she had another fight with Serena. It hadn't gone well and she was stuck by herself once again. She had but one choice and it was to go to Chuck and beg for forgiveness. She wasn't sure what he'd say but she was going to talk to him. He would never talk to her in public so she had to go to the one place where he'd talk to anyone.
"Chuck,"
She beckoned him towards her as he walked into the Palace bar. Despite, what she guessed was, his better judgment, he stopped.
"Bitch,"
She didn't wince at hearing what he wished to call her. She understood why he said it. She had turned him down when he was weak and vulnerable. But she was Blair Waldorf! What had he expected? Her to run into his arms and beg him to take her back. Last time she'd done that, he'd compared her to his father's horses and that was just plain wrong.
"I… um… how are you, Chuck?" she asked trying to buy some time. He rolled his eyes.
"Look, we both know this is not about how I am but about you. Now what the hell do you want?"
He was not in the mood for games, noted Blair sadly. She liked games. But then again she wasn't after fun; she was after popularity.
"Look, you came to me last month and told me that you had an idea to get my crown back. I'm sick of being a loner. A loner can't be a total bitch. It's not very fun,"
She was being completely honest. She was already damned, so, why not tell the truth?
"You know what's not fun, Waldorf. Trudging up the many floors of the Palace hotel leaving a trail of blood behind,"
"Blood?"
"Yes, where my heart used to be, sadly, it was-wait, I don't have a heart! So, why don't you stop trying to compel to the human inside of me and offer something worth while like the little slut that you are,"
"Okay, cut the crap, Bass. We both know what we want out of this, so, why don't you tell me what it is that'll get you to help me. Besides, sex. I've already made that mistake a few more times than I would have liked,"
"Mistake? That's not what you were saying a few months ago,"
"A few months ago, I was young and naive,"
"Ahh, you've come such a long way, Bear,"
"Well,Charlie, let's see just how far I've come. I'm willing to… dance. Not for you but at your club,"
"My club? You're going to dance at my club! For how long?"
"Anywhere between twelve minutes and twelve weeks,"
"Really?"
"Yes, Ass, I'll be one of your stupid dancers for up to twelve weeks,"
"Do I have to use all my time at once?"
"No, you don't. In fact, you could use the time seven years from now for all I care,"
"Let's spice this up, shall we? I get you your seat on the steps and you become one of my employees for up to twelve weeks but I choose the amount of time, the dates, and when it's over."
"Deal,"
"Wait, I have to get a contract drawn, I need to have this in writing,"
"Can we sign the contract later? I want to know what you can do for my reputation,"
"That's simple. I date you,"
"Date me!?" she shrieked attracting many a wandering eye. "I mean," she cleared her throat, "date me?" she whispered angrily
"Yes, Oh Loud One. I am the biggest womanizer in Manhattan. If you were to somehow tie me down in any kind of relationship that goes beyond just sexually. You'd be a God. You would have done the impossible! Therefore, you could not be ignored. When all eyes are on you, you exert revenge tactfully and claim your spot on the disgusting piece of cement you females enjoy sitting on every morning,"
There was silence as Blair thought it over. She'd have to date Chuck, but she'd be able to be on top again. She'd have to work in some filthy club, but she'd get to tear down the bitches who had scorned her. She wouldn't necessarily win but she wouldn't lose either. Nate would probably hate her forever. Although, he did come back to her last time she was with Chuck. But that was only because she looked happy. Why was she happy? Could it be because… no! She cut that thought off quickly. It'd taken her a while but she had managed to establish that Chuck was nothing but a pile of shit that she happened to cross paths with everyday. And, in accordance, any slutty wench who found him attractive, or found certain parts of his anatomy very cozy, was an idiotic fly that was attracted to the aroma of said shit. She did, every time she thought back on it and those were an awful lot of times, never mind the fact that she herself had been a fly at one point. She was Blair Waldorf. It wasn't an excuse; it was a fact. She was better than the rest. She had to be. It was exactly why she was agreeing with Chuck then. She had to be better than the rest. Because if she wasn't… what was she?
"I'm in," spoke Blair with an odd determination in her voice. Evidently, she wasn't ready to find out
April 2017- The New York Tipton Hotel. New York!!!!
Nine years later, Blair still wasn't ready to find out what would happen if she wasn't better than the rest of the world. She'd grown up in a scandalous web of lies and wealth. She'd been taught not to go for the right kind of wrong but the right kind of cash. Early on, Upper East Siders were taught a few basic rules that insured they'd have a very prosperous future. In their adolescent stage, most tried to disregard the rules and go their own way. By college, very few wanted freedom. Most wanted structure and oodles and oodles of inheritance money early. Blair Waldorf was not one for anything but structure. She spent her college years focused on the books and not her social welfare. The only people she communicated with outside of her classes were Serena, her boyfriend for the first two years (Jonah) and Nate. The rest of the world just didn't seem important. As long as she had Nate, she'd be fine.
"You are the second biggest, most inconsiderate bastard in the entire universe!"
Correction, as long as she had Nate then, she'd be fine. But on the morning after, the morning after Chuck's birthday, she'd be fine without him. He was becoming this jealous monster. Who knew that one little note could cause so much trouble?
"Oh, let me guess who's first. Is it your true love, Chuck?"
Nate wasn't too happy then either. He had woken up on April 22nd to find his wife cozily reading over a piece of paper. She had the most content smile on her face and she looked absolutely enthralled. He wasn't quite sure what made her so happy, so, he grabbed the letter and he read it. To say the least, it had pissed him off. His best friend was at it again. He wasn't even sure if Chuck was trying but if he was it was not a fair fight. Nate was nowhere near spontaneous enough to compete with Chuck Bass in a battle for someone like Blair. In a battle of wits, sure, he'd mop the floor with the scarf-wearing yahoo. But in ways of being accidentally romantic and in a unique way perfect was not something he could do. He was like a robot. You put in the equation and he gave you the solution. Whereas with Chuck, he gave you the solution and you made the equation to fit and probably a new solution as well because his was so fucking twisted you had to rewrite it.
"He is not my true love! You are, Nate,"
"Well, by the way you were drooling over this letter, I'd think not,"
"I was not drooling over the letter, Nathaniel. I was looking over it and examining it for grammatical errors,"
"That is the lamest excuse in the world. Wait, second lamest next to 'I'm Blair Waldorf damnit! I do what I want to do'!"
"Never mind, you are first, you make Chuck look sweet,"
"Oh, there he comes in again! You and that-"
"You may want to take on a new personality, Mr. Archibald. Green is not your color,"
"I'm not jealous of him,"
"Of course you aren't. Aaron is also Dan's nephew and Lily is really over Humpty Senior,"
"Look,Mrs. Archibald, you are my wife and you do what I want you to do,"
"If I would have known you would have kept bringing this wife thing over me all the time, I would have just stayed with Jonah,"
"Great, another old guy you dated. What was it about Jonah huh?"
"He was someone sweet, unlike you. And he was someone classy, unlike…. Why are we even talking about this? Jonah, much like his name, is so last decade,"
"I just… I can't even look at you right now. How long have you been dreaming about Chuck? Thinking about Chuck? Fucking Chuck?"
"I have not slept with Chuck in years. And it's going to stay that way. He's a horrible person, a horrible boyfriend, a horrible father, and he's a-never mind, can't say that,"
"Can't say what? Can't say what, Blair? Go ahead, say whatever you want to because I don't care,"
"Fine! I was going to say he's a horrible lover but whoops, that'd be you!"
"…"
"Yeah, Nate, really, you suck in bed. I could ignore it at first but really, after a while all your faults started just piling up. You wear the worst smelling cologne. You can go weeks without brushing your teeth and expect to kiss me. You're always in the mood. You don't care about my career. You have a horrible sense in fashion. You floss and leave the used dental strings lying around. And really, what the hell were you thinking when you bought a waterbed? That is not soothing, it's nauseating!"
She paused to breathe and looked at his awestruck face. She could understand perfectly. She hadn't meant to say everything on her mind but he told her to say whatever. She wasn't at fault, truly, she wasn't. She could feel her anger growing as she watched him. He just stood there with that stupid look on his face. He didn't fight back. He didn't even look at her. She shook her head and went to her carry on luggage. She needed to get away.
After throwing some essentials in a bag, she glanced at him once again only to see that he had now sat down to stare at nothing. She left the suite, got in the elevator, and left the hotel. There was no way she could stay there with him one second longer
Same day- Bass Residence
The door opened and Chuck's face was priceless. He had just recovered from the last time she had been near him. It took all night to get Aaron to calm down after the cake and the swimming and not to mention, the fact that Blair had forced him to sit through kids shows with Aaron while she got manicures with Serena. He was curious if she was working of vacationing. His curiosity only went so far, then his anger came in.
"Do you know how many free hotel rooms there are around this time of year?" she asked walking into the house and towards the stairs
"No, but I'm sure we can find you one. What are you doing here?" he asked
"In short, Nate was bugging me, so, I left,"
"Left or left?"
"Left, Chuck. It's not that serious,"
"What started it anyway?" he asked wondering what could possibly have opened Blair's eyes. She mumbled something and he asked again.
"The letter, okay!" Another priceless face. "I had taken it out when I woke up to see if you explained your gift in it, which by the way completely matches half my wardrobe for this trip, and he like snatched it, read it, and got pissed,"
"One, of course he got pissed you were reading a letter from me and you know he has that little tick of paranoia when it comes to us. I swear if we're having a conversation and I even mention a woman who's name starts with a B, he loses it. Two, it's the same one you had back in junior year,"
"No, it isn't. Cat shredded the one I had back in junior year when I stayed with Daddy and Roman that summer. Besides, it had a totally different color scheme and matched more of my winter wardrobe while this one matches the spring/early summer wardrobe."
Chuck couldn't even begin to explain how he felt right then. He was a bit angry that she was there but he was also happy, and confused, and shocked that she even remembered what the scarf was. She'd only had to wear it for a few weeks out of the month they spent reviving her status. He would have said something to her but Aaron came in after that screaming and hollering.
"What now!?" Chuck asked looking at Aaron
"Serena-"
"'Nough said," Chuck said cutting the boy off and walking away to deal with his sister. She was really going to make him go deaf.
"Hey Aaron," Blair said ruffling the boy's hair softly.
"Hello Miss Blair," Aaron said
"Oh, call me Blair, no miss involved. We're friends, no need to be formal," Blair said
"Okay… Blair," Aaron said blushing lightly as he said her name. She chuckled. Aaron must not have gotten his social skills from his father.
"Hey, buddy, I'm going to go put my bag down in one of the rooms but when I return, you and me can hang out, okay?"
Aaron nodded so quickly she was sure he must have damaged his neck. In fact, he even took her bag from her and dragged it to a room. He must have missed her. While walking, they passed the room where Chuck and Serena were chatting.
"You told her she could stay!" Chuck yelled
"She couldn't stay there with him, Chuck. He was being rude," Serena said
"So you invite her to stay here! Do you have any idea what happened last time she stayed at my house?" Chuck asked and Serena got a sly smile before nodding
"You know you had fun," Serena said
"Yes, it was oodles of fun up until two hours later when your mother came home. Do you know how hard it was to explain why Blair was there, yet you weren't, and why both of us were wet when only one shower in the house actually worked and the pool was being cleaned?" Chuck asked. Serena didn't want to say anything because she sensed it was rhetorical but she had to say something to defend herself.
"Last time she was at this house you two had some fun," Serena said
"It was not fun. We were making up for nine years worth of tradition," Chuck said
"Oh, you know, you love the tradition, Chuck," Serena said
"Yes, and your mother is sleeping with Dan's father right now," Chuck said
"Wouldn't be surprised, your dad's a sleaze and I'm so over Dan. He's not as great as he was in high school," Serena said
"You're only saying that because he had to go to Europe to accept some award for some writing crap and he didn't take you,"
"It's customary to take your fiancé to Europe,"
"Yes, but when your fiancé is cheating on you with the guy who irons her capris, I'd see the error in that,"
"It was one time, Chuck and all we did was kiss,"
"And hug, and grope, and touch, and-"
"Gosh! You see, this is why Blair always chose Nate over you," Serena said. The room grew tensely silent after that. She knew what she did wrong. He knew what she did wrong. But neither of them really wanted to address it. Eventually one of them did and Chuck was the one.
"Wow, Serena, good to see Pre-boarding school you still exists somewhere,"
He turned from her and exited without saying another word. He did think another word though. In fact, he thought two. 'Fuck Serena.'
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©forbiddenfiction. While everything above was written by myself, the characters (minus Aaron) and the world they live in was not. I don't own Gossip Girl, The Upper East Side, Aladdin, or anything else.
