A/N: I say again. Thank you for all the favorites, follows, and reviews. I love knowing that people are enjoying my writing. You are all wonderful. Keep it up. 3
Chapter 4: A Light in the Dark
It had been a week since Killian lost all his memories and everything was still as confusing as before. Most of the time he was on his ship, attempting to remember anything from his past. He found that he didn't care to wander into town often since the residents of Storybrooke always glared at him, even though he had taken to wearing what Emma called 'normal' clothes. However, he wasn't as easily talked into getting rid of his hook. Though he didn't remember anything about being Captain Hook, he did find that subconsciously he knew how to use the hook as a second hand. It made life only slightly easier and though he didn't really admit it to Emma, he had tried to get on without the hook when she was gone. He found he preferred the hook to no hand at all.
Many times when he was rifling through his trunks or hanging out on the deck of the ship Emma would stop by to check on him. She seemed to be worried about him being alone trying to remember and he appreciated the company when she was there. Honestly, it felt weird to him when she wasn't. There was still something about her that was familiar. It made him feel safe. When he told her that he trusted her she seemed surprised. He couldn't really blame her for that. He didn't know why he trusted her and he would imagine it would be strange that someone who remembers nothing could just trust her without her even doing anything. More than anything he wished he could remember how he met her and the conversations they had. Emma told him bits and pieces, but he had a feeling that she was holding something back, but he didn't want to press her about it.
Killian made his way to the deck to sit in the sun like he found himself doing every day when he got bored of sitting in his cabin trying to find his memories. The sea breeze always felt good against his skin and he found that he could spend hours on the deck without even noticing the time go by. When he made it above deck, Emma was just coming up the gangplank with a bag in her hand.
"What's that, love?" He asked. She jumped, clearly not expecting him to be there.
"It's food," she replied, smiling. "I get the sense that you don't really eat much when I'm not here."
"I guess there would be no point in denying that," Killian stated with a smirk. "You always seem to know when I'm lying."
"It's a gift," Emma replies with a grin. She handed him a Styrofoam container and he took it and gave Emma a little bow. Emma shook her head, but didn't say a word. Killian opened the container to see a sandwich with multiple meats and cheese.
"Thank you, milady," said Killian, going to sit on the stairs that led to the helm. "I must admit I haven't eaten anything all day."
"I didn't think you did," said Emma joining him with her own sandwich in hand. "I know I've said this already, but I'm still convinced that your memories are just locked away in there somewhere. You may not remember who you are, but you still act like yourself sometimes."
Killian gave her a smirk before biting into the sandwich she brought him. She seemed to have taken to making sure he wasn't alone for too long and always brought him something to eat. Every time he tried to ask her why she cared so much she always gave him the same answer. He hardly believed that the sheriff would do this for anyone, but he wasn't about to call her out on that. He enjoyed her company far too much and didn't want to run her off.
They sat in silence for a few minutes while they both finished their sandwiches looking out to the sea. He did like the sea, but he wasn't sure if that was him remembering he liked the sea because he was a pirate or just getting used to always being there lately. When he finished his sandwich he put the box down on the deck and looked over to Emma who appeared to be staring at him. He raised an eyebrow and noticed her blush and look away.
"Are you staring at me, Miss Swan?" Killian was amused and he could tell that Emma was embarrassed that she got caught.
"I. . I'm sorry," she stuttered. "I just wonder what you're thinking sometimes."
"Well," he started. "Most of the time I'm thinking about trying to remember things I can't remember, but that usually gets frustrating. Just now I was thinking about why you always come down here to keep me company. Not that I mind, but I seriously doubt that you're doing this because it's your duty."
Emma bit down on her bottom lip like she always did when she was trying to think of a reasonable answer. Killian had found it kind of adorable, not that he was going to tell Emma that.
"I worry about you, I guess," she looked back up at him. "Everyone else has something they remember, even if it is from the curse. And most of those people have friends or family who care about them. You don't really have anyone here. Honestly I think I kinda count as your closest friend in the loosest form of the word. Though before you lost your memory most of our conversations ended in a fight."
"I see," Killian said simply.
"Does it bother you when I keep coming around?" Emma asked seriously getting ready to stand. "I could always leave and give you some time to think."
"No," said Killian grabbing her forearm so she wouldn't move. "I like it when you're here. When I'm alone I feel like I'm surrounded by darkness, but when you're here it's like you give me hope that I might find my way out."
Emma appeared to be stunned by his admission. He didn't exactly know how to tell her how he felt. That she was the only person he even felt close to remembering. There was always a flicker of hope when she was around and he didn't like the idea of losing that. He was desperate to not let that piece of hope go.
"Okay," she finally stated.
"What do you know about Milah?" Killian asked. The question seemed to take Emma by surprise. He turned his arm over so Emma could see the tattoo. Though he didn't remember anything about this Milah, he assumed that she must have been important to him at one time.
"Um, well," Emma began, biting her bottom lip again. "She was Rumplestiltskins wife, but she didn't love him. You met her in a tavern one day and she begged you to take her with you. You were in love with her so you agreed. He came for his wife, but refused to fight you for her so he left. Years later you met Rumplestiltkin again, but he had magic this time and he fought you. Before he could kill you Milah interrupted and agreed to give Rumplestiltkin what he wanted, a magic bean, as long as he didn't harm either of you. He agreed to the terms at first, but got angry about Milah leaving her son behind so he ripped out her heart and crushed it. You watched her die. That's when Rumplestiltkin cut off your left hand because he thought it held the bean. You attempted to kill him with a fallen hook, but he can't be killed that easily and he disappeared."
Killian was silent for a few minutes letting her words sink it. He had loved this woman and Rumplstiltkin killed her. It did explain why he would have wanted to hurt the man in this town.
"So that's why I went after Belle and why I have this," he said rubbing the curve of his hook with is right hand.
"Yeah," she replied. "You told me the story once after what happened with Belle. You said you wanted me to know the whole story and not just assume you would go after her for the hell of it. It had taken you 300 years to get your revenge and you said you had finally got it."
Killian's eyes went wide at that comment. "300 years? How is that possible?"
Emma smiled and tilted her head to look at him. "You lived a long time in Neverland. You are Captain Hook, you know."
Killian Jones, but most people have taken to calling me by my more colorful moniker, Hook.
There was the voice in his head again. His voice. It didn't happen when Emma wasn't there, but he swore when he heard these random phrases in his head they were things he had said before. When Emma was around he noticed that he didn't feel so alone and he almost felt like everything was normal. There was a light that he didn't think he would ever see. Killian was caught up in his thoughts and didn't even notice that Emma was calling his name.
"Hook? Is something wrong?" she asked, finally getting his attention.
Killian looked up at her noting the worried look on her face. "Sorry, I, . . Sometimes I feel like I can hear someone speaking in my head. It's my voice, but not exactly like I'm thinking and I realize this sounds completely insane and probably doesn't make any sense to you at all." He rubbed his head wondering if anything he said made sense.
"It's okay," said Emma with a reassuring smile. "What exactly did you hear?"
"It was strange because it was my voice," Killian explained not sure if she would understand or not. "I said my name, 'Killian Jones, but most people have taken to calling me by my more colorful moniker, Hook.'" Killian looked at Emma to gauge her reaction. There was clear shock written all over her face. "What is it?" he asked.
"Those are the exact words you said to me when I finally got you to tell me who you really were when we were back in the Enchanted Forest," said Emma a smile starting to show on her face. "You remember that?"
Killian couldn't help the smile that was starting to spread across his face. "I guess I do."
